Do you think a man who does not have a job should be responsible for paying child support?

Brandi - posted on 02/03/2011 ( 39 moms have responded )

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I am a mother of 2 boys. They are 6 and 4. My ex-husband and I separated in 2007. We didn't get divorced until 2010 for the fact that I could not afford to pay for it, and he wouldn't pay for it, or any of it for that matter. He worked the entire time that we were together, yet he quit his job shortly after we were separated. The last known time that he worked was 2008.

First, should he have been paying child support when we separated? And, since the divorce he has not paid anything, he says he can't find a job. I think it is unfair, and that he can find a job even if it is at Mc Donald's to help support our children. I work 45 hours a week to provide for my boys, while he sits living at his mother's house with his girlfriend and her 2 children. In my opinion, he is lazy and doesn't give a shit whether or not his kids have anything.

So what is your opinion on this?

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Rosie - posted on 02/03/2011

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um hells yes he should pay support. end of story. get a fucking job at mcdonalds or something is right.
me ex hadn't paid child support ever since my son was born except maybe 3 months worth. i took away his parental rights after 10 years (he never saw him anyway) and now finally i'm getting back support! interesting how he's not legally responsible for his kid anymore and yet he still has to pay almost 18,000 for all the years he's missed. fucktard.

[deleted account]

The kids WILL 'act' like you are the bad guy, but as they grow they WILL know the truth. I'm sorry. Unfortunately in cases like this no matter WHAT you do someone loses.... and it tends to be the kids the most.

Bonnie - posted on 02/04/2011

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A father is a father. He should take responsibility for his children no matter what.

Stifler's - posted on 02/03/2011

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I agree with Mary Renee... why does society seem to think that it's all the mother's responsibility and it's perfectly fine for the father to not be involved if he doesn't want to be?

Meghan - posted on 02/03/2011

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whether he works or not, sees his kids or not, he legally HAS to pay child support-here anyway.

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Brandi - posted on 02/07/2011

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I agree with you ladies. I have went a couple of weeks without taking the kids out to see him, hoping he would break down and "do whatever it takes" to come and get them, but that didn't happen. My kids started acting like I was the bad guy because I wouldn't take them out there, so I gave in and have been doing it ever since.

I'm just frustrated. I have put 7,000 miles on my car in 2 months. It is taking away from my time and it is taking a toll on my pockets and on my car. :( I almost even went so far as to buy him a cheap car so that he would have no reason not to come and pick them up, haven't totally decided on that yet though.

[deleted account]

As hard as it would be on the kids.... I agree w/ the previous two posters.

My ex 'threw a fit' in court when the judge denied his request for me to provide half the airfare since he 'couldn't' afford it. The visit was in about 2 weeks from that date and guess what? He DID come up w/ the money and we're talking about a $200+ ticket per person.... and since he had to accompany them both ways.... that was over $1000. Amazing that an 'unemployed' person could come up w/ that kind of money, but since he wanted his kids over there.... he did it.

If your ex wants to see his kids.... he'll find a way. If he doesn't, it is HIM hurting those kids, not you. As long as you continue to bend over backwards for him... he will let you.

The choice is, of course, entirely up to you.

Jenn - posted on 02/07/2011

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I agree with Erin! I have NEVER told my ex that he can't see our son, but HE can find a way to get here to pick him up and HE can bring him back home. If you're not going to pay your child support, you better believe I'm not paying out of my pocket for gas so that you can visit. He always finds a way to get him and I'm sure your ex could too - don't let him have all the power. You're not hurting the kids - HE is! It would be different if he asked to see them and you denied him, but you're not. There's no reason he can't find a way.

[deleted account]

I completely agree that fathers have a right to see their children, child support aside... but here, he is getting the best of both worlds, and I know you are doing it for your kids...but something has to give! He gets the luxury of you making that 3 hr trek 2x/wk, spends time w/his kids, and doesn't pay for squat! I know on some level it would be like punishing your children if you don't take them to see him, but the receiving parent should be the one picking them up. Meaning he should pick them up Fri (or whatever day) and you should pick them up Sun. If he can't borrow his mom's car, bum a ride from a friend, or take the damn bus then he loses...I ♥ my husband and he's a good father, but if he wasn't putting out 50% in this kinda of situation, he can eat sh!t!

Danielle - posted on 02/07/2011

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My brother's girlfriend is in a similar situation. Her daughter is two and her and the child's father split when the baby was two weeks old and she started dating my brother. The father won't hold down a job and has moved in with his g-friend so she can support him. I'm gonna tell you like I told her. You didn't make those kids by yourself. If he's helping so be it but if not you need to march up to DHR and make him help. JOB OR NO JOB. "fathers" and I use that term loosely. Have it so easy when it comes to splitting up. Don't let him sit back and knowingly let HIS kids suffer b/c he's got the lazy syndrome. I hope things work out for you.

Jenn - posted on 02/04/2011

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@Amanda - the government does not have a right to the land, but my son would - they would just be acting on HIS behalf. It's not that they'd take his house and give it to me - they'd sell it and give my son the money he's owed. Trust me, I have investigated this to the nth degree - he's one of those guys who always finds a loophole in life and gets away with everything - well not this time! He has flat out told me that he has NO intention of ever working (or at least not on the books) ever again. He's a fucking piece of shit - and if I could just get him to walk away I'd be as happy as a pig in shit - but he won't. Sorry - he gets me worked up - and not in a good way. ;)

Brandi - posted on 02/04/2011

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In Georgia they do it by income. If there is no income, they do it as if you make minimum wage. So, he is supposed to be giving me at least $500 per month.

Shauna - posted on 02/04/2011

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In ne, you still have to pay 50 dollars a month per kid if your unemployed. But if your on assitance yourself *him* then he doesnt have to pay anything.

Tracey - posted on 02/04/2011

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Unemployed men in UK have to pay an amount towards their children's maintenance, even if it is only #2 - 3 a week.

Brandi - posted on 02/04/2011

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Thank you, guys. @Deanna... he sees them every other weekend. I live an hour and a half away from him, but I take them to his house, and I pick them up from his house 3 hour drive for me on Friday and 3 hour drive for me on Sunday (he doesn't give me gas money). He says he can't come pick them up because he doesn't have a way to get there. He is supposed to pick them up, but I take them ONLY because my kids want to spend time with him. I haven't held out on his visitation privileges because he doesn't pay. I think visitation and child support are 2 different matters. But, really he is in violation of both.

Amanda - posted on 02/04/2011

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The mother whos waiting on a status card, how can FRO take land the government has no right too? You best look into that. As well what good is a home you cant live in? There is a woman here without a status card, fighting the reserve for the right for her young children to live in her dead husbands home (kids have status), so her young children can live in the home, but she can not because she is not status. The house basiclly has to stay unlived in until a child is old enough to sell the home, or live in it. And btw she was living there with her children when their father died, the res kicked her out. You have to speak to your husbands band, because each res has different rules and regulations.

[deleted account]

Well, my stepdaughter lives with us full time and her mother doesn't work (or at least not a a job that records her paychecks...) and she uses that as an excuse for not paying her measly $100 per month court ordered support. We actually filed paperwork at the family court today and the $65 filing fee was more than all the cs we've recieved from the mother in the last 5 years (since she left my hubby and their daughter for another guy halfway across the country). The lady at family court thought that was sad and I had to agree...

What I do is I keep reporting her to the cs department and I also keep an ear to the ground so if I hear she has a new job, I call the cs department right away and tell them :) I know it's mean and petty, and we've only gotten 3 $20 checks that they've taken from her wages, but I feel it's her responsibility and she should own up to it - even though she hasn't bothered with visits in over a year now...

Lacye - posted on 02/03/2011

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Yeah. Your ex is a lazy dick. He wouldn't have to pay while you are separated but he should have given you something anyways. I think the court should force him to pay child support. The fact that he quit his job right after you two separated shows right there that he didn't want to pay a dime and you know what, he may not owe you anything but he sure as hell owes those two kids the he helped create.

[deleted account]

If he gets to see the boys and spend time with them then yes he should be helping with their care. However, if he doesn't then I side with him of why should he? I know coming from another mom it seems backhanded but that is how I feel.

Brandi - posted on 02/03/2011

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When I applied for help, I noticed on the website they have something called a "fatherhood program" supposedly for men who want to pay, but don't have the means to. They put them in this program which takes about 3 to 6 months to complete, but while in it they must work at least 20 hrs a week and still pay support, but this program helps them get a full time job that can support themselves and their children. So.... hopefully this will actually work out for both of us. And, I hope this website does what it says it will do.

Mary Renee - posted on 02/03/2011

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I definitely think men who don't have jobs should still be responsible for child support! It's always struck me as horribly unfair how the responsibility of "parenting" ALWAYS falls on the mother. We carry the children for nine months inside of us while our bodies are thrown totally out of whack, we feed them with our breast, take them to the doctors, bathe them, we tend to them constantly - and they can't even provide a little financial support? I hate that.



That said, when I was in highschool a girl got pregnant and the dad (also in highschool) was ordered to pay just 11 dollars a month!!!!!! Um, not even enough for a months worth of wipes! But even then, at least it's something - and he was unemployed and depended on his parents for everything.

Sherri - posted on 02/03/2011

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Where I live they are still required to pay child support, job or no job. They had children and are required to support those children.

Becky - posted on 02/03/2011

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They're still his kids, so still his responsibility, whether he's still working or not. If you were still married and he was unemployed, he'd still have some type of responsibility for them - maybe being the SAHM dad and looking after them to save childcare costs. He needs to man up and find some way to support his kids!

Brandi - posted on 02/03/2011

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yes, they both are. We were married, and he is court ordered to pay. He won't meet me halfway because he doesn't have a car or gas money, so I just take them, only because my kids want to see him. He didn't even get my oldest a birthday gift, my son told me that. It is hard, and very upsetting because my kids are starting to realize what is going on.

Jenn - posted on 02/03/2011

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I'm dealing with a similar situation. First of all, yes, he should have been paying support from the moment you separated. Have you been to court regarding this? It can be backtracked to that date. Now, if someone loses a job temporarily, I can understand having some leniency regarding that, but for men like this who simply CHOOSE to not work - it is highly unfair - but how do you MAKE them get a job? My ex is now on disability - yet amazingly he is able to get on stage and perform in a band, put on wrestling shows, and travel to Mexico 2 years in a row. Nice, eh? Luckily for me, he's a fucking moron and won't do what I've told him to a million times - and that's to go to court to have his payments lowered to reflect his new "income", so his arrears keep piling up. As soon as I receive my son's Native status card (not sure why I've waited so long to apply, but whatever), then FRO can take action and seize his property on my son's behalf. They can't do it right now because I'm not Native and he lives on the reserve. Also, because he's on disability, they can't take money from his bank account, send him back to court/jail, or suspend his driver's licence. That would be unfair. *rolls eyes*

[deleted account]

You should be able to get the court to require he meet you halfway. That is one thing I am grateful for.... since my ex moved so far away... he has to be responsible for ALL the costs associated w/ visits (about $200/ticket). Of course, that would be one of his 'excuses' for why he can't pay child support, but if you can shell out $1,000 to SEE your kids.... surely you could come up w/ SOMETHING to pay for child support. Especially since he has flown here at least once or twice w/out even attempting to SEE his kids......

[deleted account]

Do we have the same ex? lol

Yes, he should be paying. The kids don't stop needing to be supported just because their father is 'unemployed'. Really? Then why is he always WORKING if he's unemployed?!

Oops.... sorry, didn't mean to turn your post into my own vent. ;)

Brandi - posted on 02/03/2011

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He still sees them every other weekend. My kids LOVE their dad, but the catch is I have to drive an hour and a half and take them to him, then turn around at the end of the weekend and pick them up. No gas money from him. His car is broke down. Blah blah blah...

Lady Heather - posted on 02/03/2011

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You can't take money that doesn't exist, but like the other girls said - he's in big trouble when he does start working again. It has to happen someday. Back when I worked payroll I had soooo many guys that tried to get out of child support. Then I had the pleasure of calling them to say that the law had caught up with them and they were now going to be garnished hundreds of dollars a cheque. Those were some of my favourite work days. :)

Laura - posted on 02/03/2011

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You won't get money from the state but when he does start having income he will have to pay you back child support. Unfortunatly it doesn't help you now and like some one said your child may be in their 20's before you see anything. Sorry, it pisses me off too and it sucks, hope it gets better.

Brandi - posted on 02/03/2011

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Fortunately, I am engaged to a man I have been seeing since November 2009. He helps and does the things that their "dad" should be doing, but he also pays child support for his son. So together we provide enough money to take care of all 3 of them, but I was doing it alone up until I met him. It is not his responsibility to pick of the slack, but he does. Honestly, I think there should be more help for parents like me. A way to get the money that we need. I didn't make the babies by myself, and I shouldn't have to pay mommy and daddy's parts. :/

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/03/2011

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NAIL HIS ASS TO THE WALL!!! Sorry, this topic really gets under my skin.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/03/2011

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Keep reporting him...make sure it is through the system..he will have to pay retro child support when the lazy bum gets a job.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/03/2011

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Yes...his lazy ass needs a job even if it involves picking poop off of side walks, or scraping gum off the bottom of school desks. If he has unemployment checks, they should go to support his children. This is bullshit, and it makes my blood boil for you even THINKING about this!

[deleted account]

The state won't send you money but they will nail him as soon as he has an income. He can't live like that forever. A friend of mine said her mom is finally getting child support and her youngest is 27. They will catch up with him eventually.

Brandi - posted on 02/03/2011

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He doesn't file taxes because he doesn't work. Also @Jennifer, he lives off of his mother. His girlfriend receives child support for her 2 children, she doesn't work either, so basically they live off of that and foodstamps. I finally reported him to Child Support services, but I am wondering if the state will send me money, and he will have to pay them back or what will happen with this?

[deleted account]

He should be paying child support and you should have had him paying it when you separated. File the paper work so when he does start working they garnish his wages, if he files taxes they will take that too until he is caught up.

Jenni - posted on 02/03/2011

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is he receiving employment insurance or some other form of assistance?
How is he "surviving"?
My uncle received welfare and still had to pay child support out of his welfare check even though he only received $500 a month.

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