Do you think she should be forced to wear it?

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 09/02/2011 ( 27 moms have responded )




"My dd's dad bought our her a purity ring for her 12th birthday. My dd has never felt comfortable about wearing it but now that she is 15 she absolutely refuses to wear it. She feels that it screams out " I am a goody, goody." Her dad is very upset with her and feels that she should be proud to let others know she plans to wait for marriage. She has a number of boys tell her that they look at girls like her to be a challenge.
At 15 she is yet to have a boyfriend and she seems to have a good moral compass I don't think she needs a ring to tell others she plans to wait. I can understand if it was a cute ring that doesn't scream "purity ring" like some of her other friends from church wear but this one says "pure love waits.." There is no mistaking what it is"
Do you think she should be forced to wear it?

(I would not foce my daughter and would put my foot down if my SO would try to force her. What would be the point in forcing?
with the ring off or on im sure at the end of the day she would do what she wanted behind my back good or bad)


Minnie - posted on 09/02/2011




I can't stand purity rings. There's a whole patriarchal control message behind them.

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I think it's in very poor taste to publically show one's sexuality and sexual habits regardless of what they are.

Lissa - posted on 09/02/2011




If she wished to wear it that would be fine but she doesn't so no I wouldn't make her.
I for instance do not wear a wedding ring, it's in my purse, it's been there for years. I do not need a ring on my finger to remind me I am married and shouldn't sleep with people other than my husband!

Johnny - posted on 09/02/2011




Perhaps the father has mistaken it for a chastity belt. You can still buy those if he really feels so strongly about it.

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I don't think she should be 'ashamed' at all by waiting and I think purity rings are a good statement for people who WANT to make that statement, but forcing her to wear the ring is stupid. A ring doesn't have any effect on whether or not a person has sex.... the personal choice does that.

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Michelle1544 - posted on 11/03/2012




Not only should she not be forced to wear it , I hope she chucks in the garbage with other completely useless things. Actually its worse then useless since it could be damaging.

Jenny - posted on 11/02/2012




I think her father would have no idea what it would be like for her to wear it. If she feels like it would be too uncomfortable to wear, she knows what she's talking about. Its her body, its her who would have to deal with being treated weirdly for wearing it, so I don't think she should wear it unless she wanted to.

So no, she shouldn't be forced to wear it.

This is too much of a private issue for her parents to have more of a say over whether she wears it or not than she does herself.

Michelle - posted on 09/07/2011




I wouldnt force your daughter to wear it. I would also think it could be dangerous it could yell out to guys..hey look at me im a virgin..and we know how guys like to deflower! I also think as a parent it says you dont trust her to remember what you taught her and make the right decisions. Good luck with it Monique

Cyndel - posted on 09/05/2011




Oh and I wanted my purity ring...even when it made me a target, it also bought me respect, people watched me to see if I would stick with it, while others tried to pry it off my finger (not literally). I chose not to take it off, I could have and it wouldn't have changed my decision or anything, but it was something that was important to me so I kept it...but I can totally understand choosing not to wear it...especially if you go to school...I was home schooled so most of my problems came after graduation when I started working and going to collage.

Cyndel - posted on 09/05/2011




I would tell her not to wear it...I had one and it made me a target...had I not had a few good friends who protected me I would have been very hurt. Just teach her to stick with her choices no matter the opposition. If she has chosen to wait for marriage, encourage her, help her to stand firm and realize that any guy that is unwilling to wait for her doesn't love her, he only wants to take advantage and use her for his own pleasure. A guy who truly loves a woman will willingly wait to have sex until marriage if that is what she wants, what is best for her, that is love and respect.

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I meant to say i dont expect my kids to accept the principle- personal choice as far as i'm concerned. But I'd like to think my kids would respect others' choices about when is the right time for them.

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No I would not force my child to wear it. I would be both proud of her for standing up for beliefs and also proud that she is wise enough to see that some small-minded people cant respect the principle behind it.

Kellie - posted on 09/05/2011




I didn't even know they existed! But no, forcing her to wear it is wrong and counter productive.

Vicki - posted on 09/05/2011




Ugh, purity rings make me want to vomit. I've also read about those 'purity balls', sounds so creepy. It all looks as if the sexuality of young women belongs to their fathers, which of course it doesn't. If you want to wait until you're in a committed relationship, then great, if you don't, just play it safe!

So yeah, of course I think she shouldn't be forced.

Amie - posted on 09/05/2011




No she shouldn't be forced to wear it if she doesn't want too. If she wants to remain a virgin until she marries, good for her. However, there's no reason to blast that all over the place. The same as there's no reason to blast all over that you're sexually active and have had __ of partners. =/ I don't understand either mindset.

I wouldn't make my daughters wear one but then, I wouldn't buy one for them either.

Jennifer - posted on 09/04/2011




I personally find purity rings and promises to be a load of crap. Kids give in and sign up because it's what the group at the time is doing but when it comes down to it, a kid is going to do what they want to do regardless of some stupid ring or promise. Education does FAR more in helping our youth make good decisions than any ring or promise they make as a teen.

She should NOT be forced to wear it and she should not have been forced into the decision. It actually makes sex more appealing because it is taboo. My daughter is 17 and never had a SO or even a legitimate date because SHE has chosen to wait. We never forced her and we have given her all the information she needs to make a decision for herself. I have even told her that it is her choice to decide when she is ready and she has so far, decided she is not ready.

Anna - posted on 09/04/2011




The real purpose of a purity ring is to "remind" the wearer of the promise they made not only to themselves, but to their parents.

Do I think she should be forced to wear it no, but it also doesn't have all these "extra meanings" people are posting on this forum either.

It's a Christian Church thing. My daughter is almost 16, she has a great head on her shoulders (much better than I did at that age), she knows what the majority of boys want (that's half the battle right there), my husband has told her many times, how boys think and feel at her age and I have told her many times what she will feel when boys kiss/touch, ect...her so nothing is a surprise when she chooses those things for herself.

As a parent your entire job is to prepare your children for life in the real world, without you harping after them about everything and I look at the teen years as a "testing the waters" time where they can make their own decisions, but also know they are safe and comfortable coming to their parents for advice and counsel.

Trust your daughter Monique, you know her much better than anyone. Allow her to make her own decisions, but make sure she knows you're always there to answer questions and give advice when they want it (and sometimes when they don't).

As for how to address her dad, you have to sometimes talk to them as if they were children. Men see their daughters as a 3 or 4 yo little girl and they always will. Tell him to back off, it's time you BOTH give her a chance to make decisions on her own and trust her to make the right ones. If you've raised her with morals and ethics, knowing what is acceptable and what is not in your household, you will be fine! Good luck and God Bless!!

Sal - posted on 09/03/2011




no she should't have to, i personally don't get the whole deal with them but i am not a regular church goer and my girls are 3 &4,give me a decade and they might be in w chasity belt -lol
in the interests of keeping dad happy maybe she can go shopping with her dad and buy something she is happy to wear or she could wear it on a chain so it is close to her heart but not on display

~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/03/2011




The father is treating this ring like a chastity belt. It is weird that he would get his 12 year old daughter something like that. Kinda creeps me out.

No I do not think she should be forced to wear anything she does not want to. She will end up having sex just to show she is not a good too shoes.

Stifler's - posted on 09/03/2011




How silly. What's wrong with these people. Forcing her to wear a ring won't stop her from having sex and it probably won't deter teenage boys at all. I don't wear my wedding ring either I don't need it on to remind me to not have sex with people other than my husband.

Lady - posted on 09/03/2011




By forcing her to wear it she may actually end up rebeling and do something she wouldn't do just to prove a point - teenagers are funny creatures!

JuLeah - posted on 09/02/2011




Jen, I never thought about it from that point of view ... I like that ... hummm, though, I do have a rainbow flag on my bumper

JuLeah - posted on 09/02/2011




Yah, you are correct. Why force her? She is going to do what she is going to do and no ring will stop her.

Rings don't stop people who are married from sleeping with others :)

I don't get the whole concept myself

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