Does it really matter????

Tah - posted on 12/14/2010 ( 145 moms have responded )

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So for the last 2 weeks i have been at work listening to a co-worker...who is white..complain and cry because her husband cheated.....and i quote.."it's not so much that he cheated ya'll, but with a, no offense ya'll, but it was with a black chick"...so well you know me...i asked her(of course i did) would it matter if he had cheated with a white girl, or hispanic, or asian..what's the big deal?...her response.."it just makes me question what the, i don't wanna offend anybody, but what the black girl has that i don't"..i said "melanin..but i don't know if she is that different, it may have just been her personality.or maybe it was the way she fried her chilcken who knows?"..So she starts asking if it would be alright if our husband's etc, cheated with someone of a different race??...some people said it would matter....i said i have the same disclaimer for anyone who looks at my husband too long...be it white, black, red, yellow, lilac or rainbow.."beware of wife"....my questions..(btw..this is another reason i love work..always something to talk about between Iv's, foley's and enemas and meds..lol)

Would it matter to you what she was?

why or why not?

if she was another race, would it make you question yourself?

what questions would you ask?

Would it make it harder to forgive if she was another race?(this is why she is having such a hard time forgiving him)

Why or why not?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Sharon - posted on 12/15/2010

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I actually don't believe most of you.

I think, in the end, the other womans' race would matter at least a little.

If for no other reason "why her?" If you're asian and the other woman is black, how would you compete with that if race was a factor in your husbands' choice?

Competing with "the other woman" SHOULDN'T be a factor - but its how most of us would feel.

Jaime - posted on 12/15/2010

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I agree with Sharon...I think most (if not all) of us would question the race of 'the other woman' because we would likely try to understand the cheating from all aspects. Why did he cheat? Why did he cheat with a younger woman? Why did he cheat with an Asian/Mexican/Indian/African woman? There are some women that likely won't be too hung up on any subsequent factors past 'why did he cheat'...but I'm inclined to think race, age, weight and all other characterstics of the "competition" would play a roll in how each of us navigate the situation.

I am probably the wrong person to ask about whether it is 'right or wrong' because I don't believe that monogamy is for everyone. Regardless and pertaining to the OP...I think that this girl is just doing what we all would do....sizing up the competition and trying to figure out why in the hell her husband/boyfriend is cheating in the first place. I very much doubt it has anything to do with racism.

Krista - posted on 12/15/2010

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Let's play a little devil's advocate here.... if the couple were black and the woman had said something about "why the white woman"? would it have raised so many flags with you?

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Shauna said : "OK cheating is cheating ... however being white and knowing my husband is only into women of the same color, i would pro be like "what" if he cheated with a colored gal, but it wouldnt make a differance that he cheated. Honestly it may make more sense to me ... i guess in my mind i would be like "well shes different than me obviously thats why he did it" But if it was a women the same color as me i would pro be like WTF why???? what does she have that i dont type a thing and would start worrying about details ... I guess i understand the womens concern to an extent"

Here's how I read Shauna's post (I really didn't see anything racist about it) : She knows that her husband prefers women of his same color (a personal preference, not a racist statement). If he cheated on her with anyone of color (she's white, so anyone of a different race is colored....the term "colored" isn't meant always as a negative thing), she would understand that he cheated because he was getting something "different". But if the woman he cheated on was the same race as she is, then she would be like WTF because it's like why would he need to cheat when he's got the same thing at home. Either way, it wouldn't make a difference to her because he cheated and that's it. I can understand that line of thinking and I don't think Shauna is racist at all. I think maybe her wording was a little off maybe, plus some typos (sorry lol) but from the first time I read her post, I never once saw anything racist about it.

I have spent the majority of my 39 years living in a very diversified, multi-cultural society...Florida. Central and South Florida to be exact. I was raised to see the person, not the color. In the 70's when I was in elementary, there was only one black kid on my block and he was just part of the "us" that was all of "us kids" on the block. No one treated him differently and his mom would tell on me if I was doing something wrong just as fast as my mom would tell on him. As I grew older, I would hear the term "colored" in my family but it was never meant the way it is sometimes implied. It was never a racist thing. Ever. To my knowledge, there are only 2 people in my family who are racist, and surprisingly, they are my age....the older ones (60's plus) couldn't care less about the color of anyone's skin. I don't know, I guess I just kinda don't think that the word "colored" means what it meant generations and generations ago. And as for the term "gal"? Really? Gal means girl. It doesn't mean slave or subservient. It means girl. For me to say to my husband, "Did you see that gal park her car crooked?" is no different than me saying, "Y'all". It's dialect that is used in different regions of the USA. And it's not racist. At least not where I come from. Sorry for rambling and I know a mod warning is in effect but I just had to address this because it's been bugging me.

Oh, and I agree with Marina's last comment about the "seasoning" lol

Tah - posted on 12/15/2010

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and i know for sure that the race would not bother me nearly as much as it would bother other people....i was with my ex-fiancee..he worked in philly and came home on the weekends, all of a sudden he didn't want to come home on the weekends anymore...RED FLAG...so one day i log onto the computer and we only had the setting to logon under his name, so when i logged on, it must have put a light on to his chat buddy because i get a message saying "hey baby, i missed you".....errrr...excuse me dude..the picture in the little box...a white girl...so i played along for awhile and found out they went to school together and had recently hooked back up on the internet and had been talking on the phone and met up a couple times and that's why he all of a sudden went from "baby i can't wait to see you guys friday"..to "why do i have to come every weekend"....he will attest of all the words that came out my mouth...none of it was.."so your cheating with a white girl"...and out of everthing i threw at him while packing his bags....it didn't come up..now when i told my friends, a couple of them said the "i can;t believe he messing with a white girl..but that wasn't the problem for me...and to be honest, i probably should have let the relationship end there because the things i did to get even...WOOHOOO...well..thats another thread isn't it..and the fact that some of them were done with a hispanic was not something i ever thought twice about, he was a older man and that's what made me think twice..it wasn;t because he was different in race, it was because he was different in how he treated me then my fiancee at the time. people are different yes..but they are still just people...

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145 Comments

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Kayle - posted on 12/17/2010

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It wouldn't matter to me.

Because his ass is grass any way.

Nope. I'm pretty great. He's the one that would be now missing out.

I would ask him would you like to pack your bags or should I just throw your crap out on the lawn.

It would not matter what race because either way it's gonna be pretty hard for me to forgive him. =)

I just hate cheaters period.

Tah - posted on 12/17/2010

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@Laura..that the girl they cheat with is usually fit for puppy chow..lol...You can keep yourself up and still be cheated on, i have a friend who cooked, cleaned, worked, supported(not saying she was perfect) but you couldn't tell by her exotic looks(puerto rican and at least 5'7) and how perfect her make-up is everyday that she wasn't and her husband was just a prick..they were driving home one day and his phone rings...its a hospital number, how do we know, she's also a nurse because we worked at a office together and had to routinely page our Dr. to get him when on his rounds at this hospital,(i was a temp and we found out she lived across the street and was also a navy wife..lol, i had just moved in) so she answers, it's her husband's mistress calling from L&D..it's time...your daughter is coming(mind you my friend has his 3 sons) and i need you here....



Could you imagine?..o he would have been the next one calling from the hopsital..the ER

Nikkole - posted on 12/17/2010

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I think this is the link you can scroll down to Infidelity part and read it ITs DEF not an excuses for men or women to cheat but its REALLY interesting well i think so anyway lol You cant read the WHOLE section i think they want you to buy the book but you can read a good amount! This book deals with Gender,Beauty,Infidelity,friends,family,romance,drugs,risks,and greed!



http://books.google.com/books?id=sXAKTF-...

Nikkole - posted on 12/17/2010

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I think i would take my husband back if he cheated but if he were to do it again i wouldnt want anyone to feel sorry for me it was MY choice i hope i NEVER have to go through that! But i just remembered my husband read a book in college about the way we act and why we act that way and one part was about cheating! Its a good book heres a link http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0142000...

Isobel - posted on 12/17/2010

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I'm just sayin' keeping yourself prettied up is not necessarily gonna protect you.

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Amber not everyone who cheats is like you, some people actually regret it and learn never to do it again...I'll say again unless you have been cheated on you cannot know how you will react, it is THAT simple!

Amber - posted on 12/17/2010

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i don't think that any of that crap changes the fact that your husband had sex with someone else? like i said, that's supposed to be one of the most intimate things you can do with a person, and if your husband can do that with someone else besides the woman he promised to love & cherish til death do you part, then i'm sorry but it's not worth fighting for. not even if you've been married 15, 20, 40 years. that's a huge breach of trust, and without trust what do you have? not only that, but how could anyone believe that he still loves you after he fucked someone else, excuse my french? if he honestly went out, met a girl, had sex with her, made love to her the way he makes love to you, kissed her, held her, and didn't think about you ONCE, what the hell kind of man does that?and if he was thinking about you while he did it, that's even worse! it's not about the relationship, it's about the fact that if your husband can forget about you & your love for him long enough to go out & get his dick wet somewhere else, he clearly doesn't care about you as much as you thought he did, or as much as he used to. sorry, but there's no way around it. i've never been cheated on, no, but i've cheated [never on my husband] in the past, and i can tell you the guy took me back and i did it again, and again. yeah, i was a whore, whatever. the point is, i didn't care about the persons feelings who i was cheating on, i wasn't thinking about them at all, just myself. why should that kind of selfishness and lack of feeling be allowed inside a marriage? i guess i'm just lucky that i will never have to go through that, like Laura said. i feel for people who have, but i never pity anyone who takes her husband back only for him to do it again. that's not love. you learn from your mistakes, and he probably just learned how NOT to get caught next time.

Stifler's - posted on 12/16/2010

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Amber, people don't always cheat based on appearance alone. Many men cheat on beautiful women with ugly women because the gorgeous women make them feel inadequate or they are a bitch or they try too hard or just because they are an arsehole and want to cheat for a thrill.

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I've been cheated on and I've also been the one who cheated (first). When my bf cheated on me (not my husband....way, way before him), I took him back because I was young and stupid and had zero self esteem and he was the good looking guy all the girls wanted and I thought I had him. My ex-husband...I cheated on him and eventually, he cheated on me too. We found a way to forgive each other because our cheating was a sign of a much bigger problem. After the cheating, we stayed in our marriage, trying desperately to work it out, for another 2 years and then we both realized that we had to get out before we lost every last ounce of love or respect we ever had for each other. We're still friends. I agree, unless you've ever been cheated on, you really can't say what you would do. I mean, it's one thing to be in a relatively new relationship and say "Oh if he cheated, I'd be out of here". But if you've invested lots of years into your relationship, some women (and men) may decide that the marriage is worth trying to fix. Some women (and men) decide that it's not worth fighting for. Nothing wrong with either because every person feels and reacts differently and can accept and move on in different ways.

Isobel - posted on 12/16/2010

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Amber, I sincerely hope that you never have to find out how wrong you are. I could show you a pic of me and a pic of the woman my husband cheated on and you'd be stunned! She honestly fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

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Amber if you have never been cheated on you cannot know how you would react to it, you cannot know if you would question yourself or him or the other lady. You cannot judge other people who have been strong enough to overcome obstacles like cheating in their relationship, that does not say it's ok to cheat, it says what we have is worth at least trying to get past this complete break in trust, some people can do it successfully, some can't. I don't know if I could because like you I have never been cheated on, I would like to think I could at least try to move past it though, without just throwing the towel in and giving up!

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No it shouldn't matter with who your man cheated with at all.To me personally i wouldn't care who SHE was, i would care more that for one he cheated and lost my trust and i wouldn't care at all about the other woman..she would mean nothing to me.Race is irrelevant.

Amber - posted on 12/16/2010

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oh, i see that she didn't take him back. sorry to hear that she lost her marriage, but maybe this time she'll find someone better who actually gives a shit about her. PS - i have never been cheated on. not even once. keep your husbands happy, don't turn into a slob who doesn't pay attention to how she presents herself, and your husband won't have to go elsewhere. just saying, again. i realize some men are just pigs, and that it doesnt matter sometimes if you put out five times a day he is still going to cheat. you just picked a bad apple. sorry. i know some people are going to get pissed at me, but the truth hurts.

Amber - posted on 12/16/2010

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i wouldn't forgive my husband for cheating. period. and i don't believe anyone should. it give the impression to all men that they can, and probably will, get away with it. when they clearly shouldn't. if you husband cheated with a MAN would you firgive him? what does it matter who else he had sex with, made love to, besides his WIFE? i mean come on ladies, love-making is supposed to be the most intimate thing you can do with a person, and if he can go and have sex with someone else while still claiming to love you only, it isn't yourself you should be questioning. why are you being made to feel inadequate when the truth is your husband is just a bastard who doesn't care about you enough to only put his dick inside you? sorry to be crude, but that is the truth, why do women always sugar-coat is? sex is sex, marriage is betwee two people, not three or four of fifteen women and your husband. when you get married, you know you're only going to be having sex with that person, forever. if you can't handle that, don't get married, i say. clearly if your husband cheats and you take him back you are making the statement to him that you're okay with the fact that the sanctity of your marriage does not matter to him, and letting him make love to you afterwards like it's still something special is even worse. if this woman can't stop bitching about her cheating smileball of a husband, maybe she shouldn't have take him back, and started over trying to find someone who can keep it in his pants. juuuuust saying!

Tah - posted on 12/15/2010

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@Toni Mander..the black girl has her husband...too funny....i don't get mad for the most part, i know there are some people who don't know what to say out their mouths and if i had to address all the people who don't matter and their ignorance i wouldn't have time for anything else..so i just try to rise above the negativity, it's a promise i made to myself..."try not to cuss", "ignore people who don't know any better and who don't matter to what you do and where you are going in life", "walk away even when you know you can win"..well sinsai taught me that one to be honest..lol....etc... I don't always do it, but with this i did, i made little comments to her, the other girls really got her....i think they made her feel worse than she already did, but i know what it's like to get cheated on so i don't wanna be the one that says.."o girl, she is pretty and that beyonce booty, she had to have gotten that from her mama"..lol...i understand her questioning the difference, i didn't understand why it was harder to forgive than if he had strayed with a white woman...i do know she is very curious about black people....

Tah - posted on 12/15/2010

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umm jaime..i don't know why you always have to pick me out the crowd but it's getting exhausting...i was just saying that i had been through getting cheated on with someone of another race and the race didn't bother me,all i was saying is i had the experience, i didn't say if she was smaller than me or had a rounder booty it wouldn't bother me, i only saw the girls face and he wasn't exactly forthcoming with pics of her in her undies,of course i asked the obvious questions,,that everyone else would ask, but im not going to say i asked "why a white girl?" when i didn't just so that you can feel that i'm not the exception. please show me where i said i am not a woman who would be questioning those things....ALL i said is that i had been there and the RACE wasn't an issue, BUT..of course you are always right and need to make a point out of reading either TOO MUCH into what I say, or NOT ENOUGH, so even though i know you will have some snarky comment as to why i suck and you and your views are so great, i will not be arguing with you tonight..check back tommorrow ....



BTW..if you wanted to know if her having bigger tits or a rounder booty would bother me, all you had to do was ask...and the UGH..if i disgust you so much, feel free to not address me, if you haven't noticed, i don't address you...if i do agree or not....get over it....



and btw..okay Jamie, sorry jaime, you are right and i am i'm wrong jamie, i suck and you rule jamie...so i think we should be done now...

Nikkole - posted on 12/15/2010

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im with Christina Prato on this one lol if my husband cheated on me with someone way smaller than e with bigger boobs i would be more pissed because if he says im perfect the way i am and turns around and sleeps with someone like that then does he like his women like that and is lying to me? Race dosent and shouldn't matter in my opinion

Jaime - posted on 12/15/2010

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Ugh...can't you ever just say "You know what, you have a point there and I never considered it that way" ???

You can be the exception Tah, but MOST women would factor in EVERYTHING when trying to figure out why their spouse/significant other was cheating. It's human nature is what we're trying to say.

Tah - posted on 12/15/2010

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@Krista Harquail..i don't know if you are talking about me, but i said that the black girls were saying the same thing and it did raise some flags and i also gave the reasons they would have a problem with it....

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Your making perfect sense it is my cack handed way of agreeing with you, that yes something about the other womans appearance may make me question myself, and make me feel inadequate because I could not be that. I was just pointing out that if the lady was black for instance and I was bothered by the fact he cheated with a black woman I would be really pissed off with myself because of my families history and what they have been through. But I do still feel that I would be bothered by the fact he cheated at all rather than the woman he cheated with - but as I said before I cannot say for certain I have never been cheated on and don't know how I would react.

Rosie - posted on 12/15/2010

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i gues i don't know how to explain it more. it wasn't because of her race, it's that because she is of a different race means she is completely different than me physically. it would mean a rejection of me for something completely different. you get something completely different looking with a different race. so it's not the race that bugs me, it's the fact that because she's a different race makes her so different from me. am i making any sense? lol?!

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I think I'd be more upset if she was blonde then black because he always goes for tanned/ dark skin and brunette hair which is the category I fall into, but I dunno, I suppose we would only know if we were in the situation, so although I can honestly think that I wouldn't be affected by race, I may in fact be.



But I would be really pissed off with myself if was bothered even slightly, I may not have black skin but I have enough black in me to know that colour is only skin deep.



Edit to make clear I mean black heritage not black IN me - after I re-read my post it sounded dirty, erm :-)

Rosie - posted on 12/15/2010

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you know toni i would've thought the same thing until the asian stripper thing happened to me. for some reason it made me question myself hardcore. it didn't matter what her race was, it was the fact that she was different than me, more exotic, whatever.

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Sharon, I honestly don't think race would be an issue for me, after all he is kind of getting a bit of everything with me anyway - my issue would be less with her and more with him - why did he feel the need to cheat on me and break not only our wedding vows but our promise to each other that if we ever wanted to see someone else we would respect each other enough to end our relationship. TBH I would be more likely to question what I did wrong not what she has that I don't, and I know that is a silly thing to do but I have a habit of over analysing my own actions and I would find something wrong - some reason I had pushed him to cheat, but that's just me.

Amie - posted on 12/15/2010

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Sharon and Jamie,

I kind of agree. My thought process is more like this, If race is the leading factor, WTF is he doing with me? Fantasy or not, race should not be the reason behind anything.

Make more sense? Race shouldn't matter but it does for people still.

Shauna - posted on 12/15/2010

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im glad a few of you are seeing what i saw from the start, and that its not a racist thing however a reason for thought.

C. - posted on 12/15/2010

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Sharon, I never even thought of it like that.. But you're right. It probably would be a factor when someone has come to a conclusion to every other question..



So after I read Sharon's post, I have to say.. Maybe it would be a factor for me, too?

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...Dood, if my husband was EVER stupid enough to cheat on me AT ALL he'd lose his balls and never see his daughter. But that's just me, I'm an extremely jealous and somewhat violent person. I wouldn't care who she was unless we knew each other. And then I'd kick her ass too. They'd probably both die from the injuries.

The same would probably go for my husband, if I were ever stupid enough to cheat on him. He would be pissed, end up killing the other guy, and would never want to see me again, and I really wouldn't blame him. To cheat on your significant other, never even MIND your spouse, is a horrible thing and unforgivable. How do you know your SO isn't going to do it again if they've done it once?

Desiree - posted on 12/15/2010

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I was once asked by someone from my Husbands company what would I do if I ever caught him cheating. Well this was my answer.

I would staple her shut with a standard office stapler that she would never cheat with a married man again, and he wouldn't do it a second time for fear of what I might do to him the next time round. and that goes to anyone of any colour, creed or nationality. Leave my man to me.

ACTION FIRST QUESTIONS LATER is my policy on the matter.



Well it must have worked because from then on all the ladies were very warry of me. I like it like that! and 14 years later, still married and not in jail for assault.

Heidi - posted on 12/15/2010

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It wouldn't matter to me the colour or race if my husband cheated. Cheating is cheating and once a cheater always a cheater in my eyes. Ive been burned with a cheater in the past and I will never subject myselft to that again. No second chances at all. It took me a long time to trust again after my ex cheated on me, but now I have the most amazing wonderful man in the world.

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It would not matter to me if the woman or man was any race if my husband cheated on me HE cheated on me and that is the only thing that concerns me - the colour of her skin is not even a consideration for me!

I truely don't know if I could forgive my husband for cheating on me, I have never been cheated on so don't know how I would feel (although to be fair my longest pre-hubby relationship was 3 weeks - and then I got bored and dumped them). But I would like to think that we could try and move past it - after all I have been with the hubby for 8 years and married for 4 so it is worth the effort to at least try. The woman isn't relevant on if I could forgive him or not.

Tah - how on earth did you keep your cool, I would have been spitting feathers that is soooooooo rude! I'm afraid my response to the 'what the black girl has that I don't?' comment would have been "your husband..." - I don't have polite for people with that much stupidity - she knew what she was saying was offensive because she kept wanting to not offend!

Doreen - posted on 12/15/2010

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O boy - I always feel so sorry for the broken hearted.... been there and it sucks in a big way and a person must always remember that 1st. Ok the point is it doesn't matter if she is black or white, skinny or fat, lovely or a bitch - the question your mind is seeking is really "why did this happen"? I think it is worse, because it was probably a threat that she didn't consider. Also, you feel even more betrayed and alienated from this person who you thought you knew so very well. Your mind searches frantically to find sense to pascify your heart. A woman normally re-estiblishes her place in the world and who the hell is this guy who she thought she loved and what there relationship represented.

Different race making it harder? NO you still loose your man and that part of your heart. It might take longer to except cause you can't find sense that easy. Forgive HIM???? You know I think I wouldn't be able to forgive him - I'd have to learn to not to love that person and move on with my life. It is really crossing borders that haven't been explored - which makes him far more experimental and give a sense that he is searching for something that is not on the menu on your table... :) I wouldn't want to torture myself like that - it would break my heart more. So in a nut shell yes it is worse that it is outside your own race because you battle more to find the sense. NO it isn't worse to forgive - it stays a difficult and hard pill to swollow.

1 of 2 things Therapy or kick his butt out!! Cheaters hardly ever change unless they are REALLY sorry and make all the effort to prove it to you.

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i couldn't care if she was black white yellow catholic christian jew muslim atheist martian or other wordly creature the fact of the matter he broke my trust and cheated...and i would kick him to the curb

C. - posted on 12/15/2010

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Hmm.. For me, personally, it wouldn't really matter what race she was. Size? That's another story. If hubby cheated on me w/ someone a lot skinnier than me, I would definitely hold a grudge to both of them.

ANYWAY, with that being said.. I guess I can kind of see why your colleague brought up the race of the woman. Maybe she feels like b/c the woman was of a different ethnicity that she wasn't 'exotic enough' for her husband? I can see how that could make someone feel insecure. Just like the weight thing for me.

Vegemite - posted on 12/14/2010

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i don't see why her race would matter. Erin H I'm from Australia too and for us we do describe someone's skin colour just like describing their hair colour as blond, black, brunette or red but we don't have the same history as America and slangs for different cultures. In the US it would be like calling someone a coon, boong or kanaka-not cool.

Bonnie - posted on 12/14/2010

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Honestly, if I would happen to know this other woman is one thing, but if I don't know her from a whole in the ground, I don't think I could be upset with her. She may not know a thing about me and she may not even know he is in a relationship or married. Actually come to think of it, that would cause more problems for my husband lol.

Amanda - posted on 12/14/2010

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It wouldn't matter if she was any other color or race...she's a homewrecker! I sure as hell wouldn't be questioning myself! I know I ain't nothing but BETTER than that skank! Would it be hard to forgive him because of race? Hell no! And what would I ask her? Ha my fist would hit her face and her face would hit the floor before any questions were asked!!! Sorry for the swearing! Had a LONG day lol

Amanda - posted on 12/14/2010

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First off it wouldn't matter her color...why...a cheater is a cheater no matter the color of the damn bitch! Would I question myself if she was another race? No why the hell would I!! I would be questioning his ass for sleeping around and cheating on me!! I wouldn't ask that stupid homewrecker nothing! My fist would hit her face and make her face hit the floor. No questions asked...and it wouldn't matter the race I still wouldn't forgive him. Once a cheater always a cheater...end of story! :) Sorry for the swear words...I had a LONG day lol

Krista - posted on 12/14/2010

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it's not so much that he cheated ya'll, but with a, no offense ya'll, but it was with a black chick"

Yeah, I would have had a bit of a WTF moment hearing that one, actually. Like, would she have been more okay with the cheating if the girl had been white? It's kind of bizarre.

And if my husband cheated on me, the woman's race would not be a factor in how upset I was. If she was the polar opposite of me, however, then I would be really hurt, because I think I would view it as more of a personal rejection, rather than as him just being a fucktard.

[deleted account]

Tah, I wasn't trying to start anything or re-visit an uncomfortable sub-topic in this conversation, I promise! I just wanted to make it clear that in some parts of the country, "old words" have lost their meaning and their power that they once held and I wanted you to understand that not every person who would use the phrase "colored gal" is racist in any way, shape or form. I'm positive that some people still use those terms in a negative way but that is just ignorance that is fading, but unfortunately, will always be there. And words only posess the power that we give them.

Ok, done and stepping off of my soap box lol

Jodi - posted on 12/14/2010

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Cheating is cheating, there would be a divorce, end of story. The only thing I think that would bother me would be if he cheated with someone who had qualities I wish I had, such as, someone who was skinnier (any color/race), someone who had a great complexion (any color/race), someone who wasn't tongue tied (again, ethnicity would not be the issue.) Those things might make it harder to forgive, but not race. But then again, my family is pro-adoption and I have cousins who are black, mexican, my half-sister is native american and 2 beautiful little korean girls, so race was never a big deal growing up and still isn't to me today. Although, I would have to stop and think about what I'd be willing to do to get my sister's complexion and beautiful summer tan! ;)

Shauna - posted on 12/14/2010

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Well Joy, you nailed it. Im glad someone on here can pick apart my fast typing spelling errors, and pick through the dialect. But You are right on by what i meant from what i said, everything i said is perfectly fine where i come from and nothing was said to disrespect anyone. Where i live to say "gal" is a respect term when you dont know the person instead of calling them girl "like they are a child" And if anyone noticed at the end i added "to an extent" meaning i somewhat get where the "girl Tah is talking about is comming from but only to an extent! " .... thanks for someone seeing what i was trying to say.... Now hopefully everyone can stop accusing me of being racist, *like i really care what online folks are saying about me* but move on with the post!

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