Drama in blended families?

Ev - posted on 10/13/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My ex and I were divorced over 11 years ago. Since then there were two more marriages and two sets of step children on his part. He is still married to his current wife. There has always been friction in the situation but I have worked at it as much as I can with them and done what can be done to get along.

On here I have read a lot of posts where there is similar situations or situations with a lot of different circumstances going on. It seems that both parents and step parents have high expectations of the family blending perfectly or that it should already be working out very well. Then there are also the issues where the step parents are trying to cross the lines where their step kids are concerned in major life decisions (I do know that not all step parents do this). Parents also cross the lines trying to control what goes on in each others homes.

So my question is why all this drama? Why do people not stop to think about what is going on and how it affects the kids? Why do they not sit down and set up what is going to happen, who gets to be in on the decisions, and how to make sure things are done for the kids?

2 Comments

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DoubleA - posted on 11/07/2013

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some people werent raised the right way. they were never raised on how to think for themselves or how to think of others and their feelings. some people are just selfish and have deeper issues. us as humans are very complex. everything in our past comes out as adults and how we handle things. i dont understand it either. some people are just control freaks and its all about making someone look bad or proving whos right and wrong. they get so mixed up in that and forget about the child. I have two kids to two seperate guys. me and the oldest's dad actually got along pretty good until he got this new gf a couple years back. Maybe its a jealousy thing. i dont know. but ever since then she has overstepped her boundaries and try to run the show. sadly for the child and her father.. the child has started to resent her father. it got to the point where he wouldnt communicate with me or answer me at all. it was his gf picking the child up on his time, watching the child on his time and telling me what im going to do with my chlid.. my second childs father has been like this since day one.. sadly i should have seen it and didnt.. but when he split from us; and was cheating. His girlfriend a week after our split was getting involved and causing drama and trying to play mom. if you ever figure it out let me know! maybe then we can try and fix it.

Jodi - posted on 10/14/2013

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I think that often, when it is early in the split relationship, adjustment is very difficult. Adjustment to the fact that what you "wanted" to be ideal (and we all have an ideal in our mind when we go into the relationship and decision to have a child initially) is not ever going to happen. I suspect that there is usually one person has a lot of anger. Expectations aren't met.

I totally agree with you Evelyn, that people need to stop and think of the kids, sit down and deal with it like adults. However, that takes both parties to do that. Not all parties are necessarily co-operative. Just as a case in point, my ex decided to file objections to all sort of things (little things that ultimately affected my son's education negatively, but it was a control thing) and then not bother showing up in court!!!

I guess what I am saying is that unless both parties can be rational about it, then drama will always be there. When it is new, the drama seems more important. When you have been doing this for a long time (I am like you in that respect, with both an ex and a blended family for over 10 years) you realise that it isn't worth it. I have always been as accommodating as possible all round, but when other parties involved are less accommodating and go out of their way to make it difficult, it really does get hard to manage.

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