Dressing Children in Black for Funerals?

Mrs. - posted on 06/20/2011 ( 20 moms have responded )




As some of you know, my fiance's grandmother took her own life. I'm driving myself nuts trying to figure out what the etiquette is for children, toddlers in particular and dressing for a funeral. Do they have to wear all black? I don't really have an all-black outfit for my daughter, is navy okay?

I'm having to also rush out tomorrow and buy some black stuff for myself....we are a bit short on black, funeral appropriate for some reason.



Karen - posted on 06/20/2011




You know we have (had) a huge family. Everyone has passed on my Dad's side of the family. My brother is the only one left to carry on the family name. I've been to so many funerals (Most of them passing away at 70,80 +yrs. old). You wouldn't believe some of the crazy outfits I saw people walking in wearing. lol. My Dad's family was on the richer side, but I saw bright pink jogging suits, crazy floral patterns, you name it. The better dressed ones though wore anything from grey, navy, black, deep purple, ect. Pretty much anything of a dull color. I would just stay away from anything like red, or other bright colors like pink. Pastels might be ok since they are light/faded. I think people are swaying more and more away from the all black attire and leaning towared mild/dull colors. Especially in summer when it's so hot. Black attracts the heat too much.


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Elizabeth - posted on 06/22/2011




Have you asked your fiancee about what is generally worn at funerals for his family? As you have heard from people already, black is not tradition for every family. On both sides of my mom's family and my dad's family for example, we dress up and wear warm or bright colors. Black or neutral would be out of place.

I can not foresee many if any people having a problem with a toddler not wearing some muted color even if the adults generally wear black. As long as the immediate family is okay with it.

Faye - posted on 06/21/2011




When my mom died 6 years ago this week, she had requested her red "dancing" dress to be buried in. We all wore red and black as both of those colors were on her dress. The pallbearers (grandsons and her cousins) wore red shirts and dark pants. While the granddaughters wore red dresses. Mine dress was black skirt and very colorful stripes top. My dad wore his red shirt that matched mom's and dark pants and suit coat.

Stifler's - posted on 06/21/2011




I've never worn black to a funeral to be honest. I think you can wear whatever as long as it's not LOUD coloured.

Nikki - posted on 06/21/2011




My grandmother died in May. I dressed my 2yo daughter in black pants and a black and white top. My 1yo son I dressed in brown corduroys and a red and white button up shirt. Everyone elso who had babies had them dressed in everyday clothing, pastels and such, nost were in outfts that Nana had bought the children as a sign of respect for her, but I don't think it is necessary to dress babies and young children in all black, just something respectful and not too loud and colorful. I am sorry for your loss.

Tara - posted on 06/21/2011




I say stick with neutral colours too. Tan, Khaki, Navy, Black pants would be okay I think.
I don't remember anyone really dressed in black at the last funeral I went to.
It was all muted, toned down neutral and dark colours. I don't know if people still wear just black to funerals.
Sorry again about your family's loss Rebecca, I hope the funeral goes as smoothly as it can and I hope your dh's family can just get past the need to blame or condemn and move on with their lives.

[deleted account]

I think anything dark and somber is OK. For yourself too.

When the president of our company died, my husband and I rushed out to buy appropriate clothes. (We didn't want to make a bad impression on people from work.) A black tie and white shirt for him (all of his shirts were of some pale color, which I assumed was totally inappropriate). It was a hot summer day, and I agonized over whether I should wear hose -- and whether my black skirt (just barely above the knee) was too short. I wasn't raised with church; I had read on the Web that bare legs and anything not touching the knee were inappropriate for funerals.

Well, we shouldn't have bothered. We were dressed more formally than 99% of the people there (huge funeral too), including the dead man's family. There were people wearing jeans, and girls wearing short summer dresses.

My husband was wearing a dark suit with white shirt, black necktie, and black shoes, and he was the MOST formally dressed man there, period. The dead man's sons-in-law weren't wearing ties at all or suits for that matter. We felt really awkward.

Desiree - posted on 06/21/2011




where I come from no child is ever dressed in black and definatly not for a funeral. Blues and nutral colours yes but never black. and if you must wear black break it with another colour. Oh and Red is a no no too. In some cultures is means you are happy that person has passed. Stick with blue. safe bet.

Becky - posted on 06/20/2011




We've only taken Cole to one funeral and I can't remember what he wore, but I'm sure it wasn't black. Well, maybe black pants, but not all black. I didn't wear all black either. I don't think I've ever worn all black to a funeral, nor would I dress my children in black.

Firebird - posted on 06/20/2011




I would dress my daughter in pink, or something flowery. I've never worn black to a funeral... I wear it every other day though. To my own grandmother's funeral, I wore a red shirt and cream coloured pants. Many people wore bright colours because my grandmother was so fond of them.

Mrs. - posted on 06/20/2011




Thanks everyone. I feel a bit better walking her in there in what I already have for her. That's a load off.

Rosie - posted on 06/20/2011




i've never seen children dressed in black at a funeral. i usually don't see very many people dressed in black at funerals at all really. i mean there's always some darker element to the dress, but i've not once seen a person dressed head to toe in black.
as long as they look nice they'll be fine. :)

Amber - posted on 06/20/2011




I dressed my son in a pair of khaki dress slacks and a blue button up shirt for a funeral.
I've never seen a young child dressed in black. I've only been to a handful of funerals, but I don't stick to the all black rule. I dress conservatively in darker colors.
As long as nobody is wearing something bright and cheerful, people won't focus on the clothes.

[deleted account]

First of all, and I know this is a lame thing to say, but I'm sorry for your loss. ((()))

I've been to a few wakes and funerals with my oldest. I typically dress her in one of her nicer church dresses. Everyone else I've seen at funerals with small children do the same.

Krista - posted on 06/20/2011




Navy is just fine. Nobody really expects a toddler to wear black to a funeral. Besides, black clothes for a toddler are not easy to find...especially in June! I would say as long as she is wearing something fairly subdued and conservative (no bright colours, no cartoon characters), then you will be fine.

Suzie - posted on 06/20/2011




a little color is fine A friend lost her little boy two years ago and his sisters wore grey and black and her little boy whore blue. there were a lot of kids there and they whore dark colors children but they were fine they gave a postive feel to the service as a reminder of life

Kellie - posted on 06/20/2011




IMO Navy would be fine and appropriate. Personally I think colour is ok at a funeral but that's me.

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