Embarassing news ...

Sharon - posted on 10/02/2009 ( 16 moms have responded )

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...this is funny as hell and #2 ... who knew you could go doubles on those????



http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/10/02/emb...



(Health.com) -- AWOL tampons, gas, losing your breakfast on the doc? To prove that you are so not alone when it comes to mortifying health mishaps, Health readers shared some of their stories with us. And our own medical editor, Roshini Rajapaksa, MD, weighs in on when you really do need to talk to your doctor about an embarrassing episode or symptom.





For the lactose intolerant: Don't get a Brazilian wax after indulging in dairy.



A sticky situation



I sweat a lot. Let me rephrase that: My armpits spurt bodily moisture like a high-pressure fireman's hose. I've tried everything to fix the problem -- clinical-strength deodorant, extra layers of clothing -- with little to no results. Last summer, I was a bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding, which was outdoors during the thick of the July heat.



Knowing full well I was going to sweat profusely, I decided to stick panty liners in the armpits of my cap-sleeved gown. It worked through the ceremony and photos -- no pit stains in the wedding album! By the time the reception rolled around and I'd had a few drinks, though, I'd forgotten about them. As I was dancing with a groomsman, one pad had come out and stuck to his shoulder. Health.com: Celebrity sleep secrets



"What's that?" he asked. I snatched it up and said, "Oh, just my shoulder pad." I don't know if he believed me, but I was impressed with my quick-thinking save. --Sadie, Dallas, Texas



What's that smell?



A week after my period ended, I noticed an abnormal discharge and a strong odor emanating from down below. I couldn't figure out what was causing it and why, so I scheduled an appointment with my gynecologist. During the examination, he pulled out an icky black lump, which he identified as a tampon. That's when I remembered that I had put in two tampons on a heavy-flow day and must had forgotten to remove one. Health.com: 25 diet-busting foods you should never eat



He threw it out, and then asked the nurse to remove the trash. It was obvious why -- the thing stunk to high heaven! Even though the doc told me not to worry because it happens often, I was beet-red with embarrassment and definitely learned my lesson about doubling up on tampons. Now I back up heavy-flow days only with pads. --Tina, Atlanta, Georgia



I gotta go!



When I was pregnant, I was sent for an ultrasound to make sure everything was OK. Because I wasn't very far along, I was told to drink a ton of water. I downed four big glasses before leaving home and took a bottle along for the ride to the clinic. By the time I got there, I was ready to explode -- and, of course, they were running late. I waited patiently at first, but as the urge got worse I started getting up every few minutes to ask how much longer.



Eventually, I just laid down across a couple of chairs and moaned. Finally, I begged the nurse to tell me where the bathroom was and that I would reschedule the appointment -- if I could please, please, please go pee NOW! I was rushed in to see the technician, who then made me go to bathroom because my bladder was too full for her to see anything. Go figure. --Patricia, Albuquerque, New Mexico



A windy waxing



I'm lactose intolerant, but I just can't kick my cheese and chocolate milk cravings. The unfortunate result of my dairy bingeing is usually gas, but I consider myself something of a flatulence ninja because I'm a pro at concealing it. That wasn't the case, though, when I recently went in for a bikini wax after a night of lactose gluttony. I wanted the full monty, so when the aesthetician was done with my front, she made me flip over on all fours. Health.com: 8 tips for telling your partner a health secret



As she smeared wax in the most nether regions of my behind, I just couldn't hold it in any longer and accidentally let one rip right in the poor woman's face. If that wasn't enough, I fell down laughing, which made my butt cheeks stick together from the wax, so the aesthetician had to separate them and re-apply. Let's just say she got a very big -- and (well-deserved) tip. --Sasha, Sheboygan, Wisconsin



A gross gag



I came down with a nasty sore throat and convinced myself it was strep. I canceled all my plans, whined to my friends, and went to an urgent-care clinic so I could get on antibiotics and back on my feet pronto. The doctor took one look at my throat and told me I had a tonsilith, also known as a tonsil stone, which is essentially just gunk (food particles, dead cells) that binds together and forms hard white balls that stick in your tonsils.



I could have waited for them to fall out or had the doc pluck them out himself. I opted for the latter. The doctor went in for the kill with a swab, but I'd forgotten to tell him about my very sensitive gag reflex. With one little nick of my throat, I threw up right on his arm. At least we were in a sterile environment and I had eaten a light breakfast. --Kate, New Brunswick, New Jersey



What's cooking?



When I was 21 years old, I got my first yeast infection while on vacation in Greece. A doctor recommended that I pick up some over-the-counter medication and gave me a list of helpful hints for treatment and prevention. I pored over the list and focused on the benefits of yogurt, so I picked up a carton of the traditional, thick Greek cultures and slathered the stuff all over my crotch -- right before boarding a 12-hour boat ride to one of the islands.



As the temperature got hotter, I became more and more uncomfortable, not to mention smelly. My cousins on the trip noticed, too. That's when I told them about my self-treatment, and they informed me that the yogurt was supposed to be eaten, not slathered on below! --Maria, Alexandria, Virginia





A "hairy" tale



Thanks to menopause and stress, I have drastically thinning hair, which I'm really self-conscious about. So late one night after a few glasses of wine, I ordered a "hair replenishing" product that was being sold on TV. When I received it, I realized it was basically just a spray designed to camouflage thinning spots on your head. I thought, What the hell. I ordered it, so I might as well use it.



And, although it did make my hair look less thin, I found out the hard way that it wasn't exactly waterproof. One day, I got stuck in a downpour during my lunch break -- and I returned to the office in my white shirt that sported a newly-dyed brown collar ... the same shade as my hair. --Denise, Keene, New Hampshire



R-rated undies



My husband and I were celebrating our five-year anniversary the same day I had to go to the doctor for a general checkup. Since I was going immediately to our date after my appointment, I dressed accordingly, meaning sexy dress and even-sexier panties. Health.com: 15 surprising ways to improve memory



I didn't realize that the doctor was going to do a full-body mole check and ask me to strip down to my bra and underwear (with a robe), and I immediately regretted wearing the G-string I had personalized to say "Happy anniversary, Tom. Your present is underneath."



I hoped the doctor wouldn't see it, but halfway through the screening, he said, "I take it Tom is a friend of yours?" I wanted to die. --Jocelyn, Boston, Massachusetts

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16 Comments

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Sharon - posted on 10/03/2009

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OMG that one is killing me too!



Anyone remember the HOUSE episode with "the jelly"? BAWAHAHAHAHAHA

Kate CP - posted on 10/03/2009

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I'm still laughing at the moron who put yogurt on her kooch. How stupid do you have to be?

Sharon - posted on 10/03/2009

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hahahaha that happened to me too!! I wasn't diagnosed with extra fluid, but some came shooting out like a blast from one of those water bazookas. I guess doctors are used to it but my poor mom who hates gory stuff and NEVER wanted to see her grandchild being born (she wanted to be there, just not SEE it) was put behind the doctor by some kind hearted but mistaken nurse, lmao... the doctor ducked and my mom did too but omg for a japanese woman she was PALE YELLOW!!



hahahaha she'd kick my ass if she knew I said that.

Dawn - posted on 10/03/2009

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When I was prego with my last child. I was diag with having excessive fluid. I had a great delivery. When the doctor went to gently pull out the sack, my body had a contraction and shoot bloody fluid all over the doctor and the wall behind him. I swear it looked like old faithful. He ended up having to go home and change. The poor guy, at lease he had a great laugh over it.

Mel - posted on 10/03/2009

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lol i love the brazillian one to, but yes i remember the ultra sound thing i could barely hold, and then they asked me to go pee but only for a few seconds

[deleted account]

Sharon- I can always count on you to make me laugh!

Loved the but wax! ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Sharon - posted on 10/02/2009

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I already told my story about the gas bubbles and emergency room and the US tech....

Jodi - posted on 10/02/2009

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That's so funny!!!



I related a bit to that ultrasound one, but in my case, when they were running over time, they told me to go and "let just a little bit out". Have you ever been able to let out just a little bit when you are absolutely busting???? Needless to say, it didn't work....

Amanda - posted on 10/02/2009

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lol that is all hilarious! the brazillian wax story was great, i can't even imagine how embarassing that would be!!!!

Lindsay - posted on 10/02/2009

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Quoting Sharon:

and the last one.... i had to go my undies drawer to have a look, I think she's lying, where the hell is room for that much writing?



Agreed! It must have been in very small print!!!

Lindsay - posted on 10/02/2009

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LMAO!!!!!!!!!!! I'll have to vote best goes to the brazilian and the panties!!

Sharon - posted on 10/02/2009

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and the last one.... i had to go my undies drawer to have a look, I think she's lying, where the hell is room for that much writing?

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