Emotional abuse!?!

Sharon - posted on 01/20/2011 ( 20 moms have responded )

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Please help, how do you deal with someone you love very much who is constantly abusing you emotionally with what they constantly say and they break you every time you try to raise and better yourself!

You even confront them about how they talk to you and they say sorry but it continues for a short period than it starts again. It is a nasty cycle to be in and how to get out is very hard!

Please help with encouraging advice, want to help a friend!

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♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 01/20/2011

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Also speaking from personal experience….I left and it was the most scariest, nerve racking, BEST damned decision I ever made….it changed my life for the better!!!

All you can do is be there for your friend…let her call you and vent whenever she needs to…make that loud and clear to her…

Truthfully there are no encouraging words…but “Leave him” unless he is willing to get help, Odds are the man will not stop…ever, unless he gets help…NEVER will he just stop…once someone knows they can talk to you a certain way with no repercussions…they will continue to do so…simply because they can.

Mrs. - posted on 01/20/2011

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Or you could just be there for them no matter what and tell them you trust they will choose what is right for them...

Doesn't mean you have to hang out at their home everyday. Just means you can be a safe place to fall no matter what decision your friend makes with her life.

Nicole - posted on 01/20/2011

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I read a really good book recently on this topic. It explained what was going on in the minds of abusive men, and gave a lot of good insight and advice.



It was called Why Does He Do That: Inside the minds of angry and controlling men.

by Lundy Bancroft

It was worth reading.

I think every woman should read it, especially women who have been in abusive relationships.

Mrs. - posted on 01/20/2011

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If it is really for a friend, all you can do is be there for them. A very good friend of mine had a similar problem but I knew from experience (in my own life) that if I were to say bad things about him and push her to leave-she would have just pulled away and not come to me for help. All I could do is say that I loved her and I would be there to listen no matter what she chooses to do.

Now in my case, she got back together with him after he went through some intense therapy. If I had bashed the guy and been pushy about her leaving-I'm not sure I'd still be in her life.

That's my best advice for dealing with friends who have abusive partners.

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20 Comments

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Dusty - posted on 12/30/2011

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This will only get worse for your friend. The guy will end up physically abusing her, & possibly to the point of taking her life. Please tell her to get out NOW. She is worth much more than this guy is giving to her, & she deserves much better!! I will be praying for her!!

Sharon - posted on 01/24/2011

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Thanks for all your advice, he has asked her to quit her job, that she loves and stay at home, bear in mind that his job is less pay and hers is more? She asked me what she should do especially the fact there are two girls in the picture and she is struggling with that decision? What do i say to her?

[deleted account]

I personally had this problem with DH for a while. I finally just walked up to him one day when he did it off handedly and told him if he ever did it again I was going to take the kids and walk. I have friends and I have family. I don't "need" him. (there were other conditions to and other things going on but you get the idea) He has since stopped most of his bad behaviors and is really trying to better himself in every way so that he doesn't loose his family.

Meghan - posted on 01/20/2011

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been there, and the best thing I did for me and my son was leave. It is a struggle every single day, but I am HAPPY and that is what is important-things are getting easier

Lacye - posted on 01/20/2011

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Separate yourself from that person. You don't need the heartache and the pain that goes with that. Just stay away from that person. They will figure out that they missed out on an awesome woman.

Bonnie - posted on 01/20/2011

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The best way to go is counselling or leave. It's tough when love is in the way, many people seem to be blinded by the love, they don't see anything else. They don't need to suffer though.

Melissa - posted on 01/20/2011

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some people cant seem to help it, its just in their personalities. Very hard to stop but also very hard for the victim of it. Id say go counselling

Sarah - posted on 01/20/2011

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I know this is a slightly different situation, but my husband was emotionally abused for YEARS by his parents. Their relationship is definitely scarred because of it. I think therapy would have helped tremendously, but no one was willing to give it a try. I would suggest she give therapy a try. I think it could really make a difference. If the abuser is not willing to try for the health of this relationship or if the behavior continues, your friend needs to get as far away from them as possible.

[deleted account]

Cut them out of your life.



I know it's a lot easier said than done though.



Editting cuz... don't cut your friend out of your life, but that's what THEY should do to the abuser. Counseling is also another excellent idea.

Amber - posted on 01/20/2011

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i wish i could help. i have a friend who fits every sign & symptom of a victim psychological abuse, and everyone around her sees it except her. she's a zombie, not herself anymore, i hate the man that did it to her :[ but i can't say anything because i'm afraid i'd just lose her. i hope you can find a way.

Julie - posted on 01/20/2011

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I learned as a sociology student in college that you teach others how to treat you; (not that their poor choices are your fault) but something as simple as walking out, stop doing all the chores, picking yourself up...boosting your own self esteem and just saying nope I know better..no matter what you say or do etc....I don't know what else you can do but a stand of some sort has to be made. You need to be away to the influence to boost yourself....I don't know if you attend church but I can personally tell you God can be so much; such a help to someone that needs to feel valued/loved good luck!!

Tara - posted on 01/20/2011

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tell them you love them too much not to say something. Print off an information page about "signs of emotional abuse" and talk to her about how she fits the victim role.
Tell her you will help anyway that you are able.
She needs to see that he is abusive and she needs to feel that she deserves better.
Good Luck

Katherine - posted on 01/20/2011

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If you don't leave it will only get worse. It will be hard, but it sounds like this person is very controlling and manipulative. Being emotionally abused is almost worse than being physically abused IMO.
Sorry really doesn't cut it if they aren't going to make an effort to change.
I would have to say LEAVE!

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