Ex photo shopped my son into a family photo... With siblings he's never even met..

Sal - posted on 06/17/2013 ( 13 moms have responded )

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Over the weekend For the Father's Day (in the uk, not in aus where I am) my ex put a family photo up on his face book page... No big deal except he photo shopped my son into it from a pic I'd posted a few weeks ago, he hasn't had any meaningful contact for 17 years he left the country after our split when my son was 6months old and made no contact until about 3years ago, then only over Facebook and random at best..
On one hand I understand him wanting a family photo with his step kids and my son but feel a bit violated he took urge pic.. And his comments about how great it is to see them altogether and othérs comments on how unfair it is he doesn't see him really shots me... And my son felt it was creepy to say the least.. Hes never met these people not like he missed a photo op so they put him in later...
What should I say to him if anything? Or should I just let it go in the spirit of fàthers day!!

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Mary - posted on 06/23/2013

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I think I would contact him privately, and tell him how much it creeped your son out. I know that the urge to publicly chastise him and refute the accusations against you are probably overwhelming, but it's probably not the smartest move on your part. He might be a gigantic ass, but there is no changing the fact that he is still your boy's father, and that you can't really cut off even the limited contact he has with him. I would tread carefully with this, since you are better off knowing what type of crap he is posting or sharing related to your kid.

I would gently point out to him that your son found the pic a bit unsettling, and that your son is also a it sensitive to nasty things said about you (the only parent he has a meaningful relationship with) by either your ex or his friends. Tell your ex that he is free to say and think whatever he likes about you...as long as your son doesn't have to see or hear it. Explain to him that this type of negativity will only make his son withdraw and resent him. I would approach it from the perspective that even though there is no love lost between you and your ex, you are only concerned that your son be able to develop the most positive relationship possible with his father, and that this kind of weirdness is not conducive to that.

Sal - posted on 06/19/2013

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My thoughts too little miss... Just what to say is my problem, I want to be constructive and mature about it when I feel like screaming your a creep looser!!!! I might get my sister to say something she isn't burdened by trying to be nice... Lol
And I keep him on FB as a friend as I like to know what he is saying to / about my son a Luther bit of self censoring comes into it when he knows I'm there

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/19/2013

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That is really fucking creepy. I would say something, but that is just me.

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Sal - posted on 06/25/2013

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And he's changed the photo from his profile pic so I don't have to keep seeing it..

Sal - posted on 06/25/2013

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No I've let it lie.. If I can't say what I really want to...( Because I don't want to publicly fall off my high horse.. and i kind a like it up here) I'd rather say nothing.. I've had private message him before about similar stuff and he takes it as a cue to keep chatting, even his wife was getting sick of him trying to be friends as she got jealous.. , I ended up telling him he's not my friend... Facebook just doesn't have loser Ex as a relationship description... And I feel sorry for him.. I got my son he got a step family...

Emma - posted on 06/25/2013

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Sal, is it possible you have the one only ever existing dead beat Dad with a conscience??!!!!!!!!

Kudos Girly, enjoy it,

x

Emma - posted on 06/23/2013

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Let it go. It's only as creepy as you let it be. You should have laughed it off with your son, and moved on, now it's an issue, and something that has become a subject of overthinking.

I think it's great that you get to see some evidence, even if it's just a fraction that the man has some sort of fatherly conscience and has thought about his son on fathers day, and I believe this is the best way to approach it, in a positive way. Life is rather disappointing, the bar is always set so high that when tiny little fragments of positivity arrive , we shrug them off, even take offense at them, instead of putting it in our bag. .

Tell your son that its a positive thing, make your son feel nice about what his Father did, after all, it is about your son ultimately, not you, not his Father, and not the stepkids.

Sal - posted on 06/19/2013

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He did say he had to photo shop to get them all together ... Which lead to the comments on mean custodial mums... He didn't comment on that either way...

Sara - posted on 06/19/2013

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Totally inappropriate. I would post the original picture on his page when you know he'd be away from the computer. Then say he did a creative job photoshopping it.

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