Family size

Merry - posted on 06/20/2011 ( 78 moms have responded )

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This isn't quite a debate, because there's no right or wrong answer, but what is YOUR personal perfect family size?
One kid?
Two, one boy one girl?
Two, no matter their sex?
Or Try for a third if you get two same sex?
Three?
Four?
More?

Does money limit your family growth?
What do you think is perfect for you?
And do you really 'kmow' when your family is complete?

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[deleted account]

I have a girl and two boys all just under 2 years difference. IF i were still married i would be considering 1 last baby but as that has ended i doubt i will have any more children EVER! 3 is quite enough to raise alone and i could never be guaranteed of the father staying.

Merry - posted on 06/20/2011

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Ooohhhh a new baby Sherri! That's so exciting, I hope you are pregnant!

Kacie - posted on 06/20/2011

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My husband and i are very content with one! we're very up and going and are always having spur of the moment outings. more than one would make it harder for us.

with all that said, we also do not want a girl!! ;)

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Sara - posted on 06/25/2011

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I have 3 biological kids. And 3 foster kids. So 6 is my perfect number. How do I know? I'm always on the brink of insanity but never actually fall over!! :D I also know it's complete because when a foster kiddo leaves, even just one a spot feels empty. So we call our placement worker almost daily asking for when we'll have our next family member!

[deleted account]

Becky SPD is Symphis Pubis Dysfunction - it is pelvic pain caused by pregnancy hormones (relaxin) - if you get it this time round go to your doctor/ midwife and tell them because it can be treated and although the treatment doesn't make the pain go away fully it really helps (at least for a couple of days) oh and don't let them fob you off because a lot of people are told things like the pain is normal or it's sciatica when it's not.

Becky - posted on 06/24/2011

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What is SPD? I'm thinking it has something to do with the pelvis? I had pretty bad pelvic pain with my second, but nothing diagnosed. I hope it's not worse this time around, aaack!

[deleted account]

Marina it does yes, first time it just made me uncomfortable but this time I had to have crutches to walk any further than a few steps, I couldn't look after my son properly because I was in so much pain all the time. I would rather avoid t getting worse by having another - like you I got my ideal and had a boy and a girl :-)

Melanie - posted on 06/23/2011

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my husband & i decided whilst pregnant the 1st time that if we had a boy & girl we would stop at 2....well we got our boy & girl & HE was done. so after much discussion (where i said 'i want 1 more" & he said "i dont" & i told him to do something about it because i refuised to go on the pill) he booked in to get the snip...fast forward 2mths to the wk before his big op & i had to tell him I WAS PREGNANT!! OOPS we now have 1 boy(aged 11) & 2 girls (aged 6 & 1) :D (yes he still got the snip) & we are very happy with all 3 of our beautiful kids. i could have survived with 2 kids (& honestly that was all we planned on having) but i really didnt feel complete until i helb my 3rd baby (mind you i could quite happily have more but i really like my 5yr age gap between each bub & aside from hubby not wanting more i dont think it would be fair on my son who would be 15 if i was to have another)

Vegemite - posted on 06/23/2011

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My goodness Karen how do you handle and manage all those kids? The kids get too crazy and hard to handle for me and I only have 2 which is why I don't think we should have anymore. You must just be gifted at being a Mum.

Amanda - posted on 06/23/2011

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I have 3 and hubby has one more month to get his number 4. Then I am done no matter what! Not because money, just because of my age, going on 34 is getting to old to pop out any more children, at least for me. My kids are 13-3, so I really dont feel like being 60 and trying to get a young adult out of my house, so I can retire already LOL.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/23/2011

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Also, with SPD, with each pregnancy it is suppose to get worse. I can not imagine it worse than what I had. Ouch.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/23/2011

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Toni, I had SPD also, it was terrible! I only had it with my second child, and 3 months after I had her, I had my tubes tied. I am happy with my 5 year old boy, and my 14month old girl. I got lucky IMO with one of each. I would not want anymore. My perfect family size is the 4 of us. Hell, I never wanted kids to begin with, but when I met my husband, I slowly changed on that.

Bondlets - posted on 06/23/2011

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My ideal family size at one time was 2: me and dh. Then along came #1 (big surprise!) then #2 (an even bigger surprise!). I never in my life envisioned having 9 kids with twins on the way but honestly, I can't imagine life any different now. Money doesn't limit us but then we are super frugal so are able to do the things we want to do no matter how many kiddos are in our family. As for knowing when our family is "complete"...I have no idea. I take each one (or two) as they come and live my life as though that baby is the last (I've had many m/c).

So far my kids have expressed that they love having a large family so hopefully that continues. :) Although I had to set them straight when they said they wished I'd have 3-4 babies at one time (are they trying to kill me???).

Vegemite - posted on 06/23/2011

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I have two boys 21 months apart. I think that combination is great and I'm happy with that. I would really love to have two more and am now feeling a bit clucky to get started on number three and would like to fall pregnant with number 4 around the time third turns 1. In reality I don't think it would be such a great idea so I'm currently trying to find a Dr who'll tie my tubes but everyone says I'm too young at 32.

Karla - posted on 06/23/2011

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We have one 3 yo son. Initially, we wanted 3 kids, but it took us over a year to get pregnant with him. Took us almost a year to get pregnant again, but miscarried. Trying again:-) So now, I would say our ideal would be two kids. $ doesn't limit our size, but time seems to be:-)

Sarah - posted on 06/23/2011

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At this point in my life, I'm thinking 2 kids would be perfect. My husband & I already have a 21-month old son, but we aren't in any rush to have a 2nd. Finances are a pretty big issue for us right now & I'd like to be a little more financially stable before adding to our family.

We'll probably start trying for another in a year or so once I get done with my online Medical Transcription program & start working from home. I wouldn't mind having another boy, but I think my husband is hoping for a girl this go around. He mentioned possibly wanting a 3rd child, but we'll see how things go in the next few years. :)

Christina - posted on 06/22/2011

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After I had my first, he was such a good, although needy baby, that I wanted six kids. Then I had my daughter who was born with autism, and I wanted one, not two, lol. I got my tubes tied after I had four kids, two of each luckily. I got divorced and just remarried and now have a wonderful stepson. We are happy with our group of five, but sometimes consider having another one.

Amanda - posted on 06/22/2011

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My husband and I would like to birth two children of our own, and then, if finances and circumstances are right, we have considered adoption. At this point, I really don't know what the "perfect" family size is.

Elizabeth - posted on 06/22/2011

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when it comes to babies names I tell the father that it is his job to come up with a name that i am fine with because i have to carry the baby and he need to do something lol but i have final say cause i fill out the papers

[deleted account]

My hubby and I wanted 2 or 3 kids, for me it depended on how bad labour was. However after 2 awful pregnancies (I had pre-e and SPD in both) we are done having children - unless we have an 'oops baby' because it isn't fair on our children and families to have to look after them while I am in hospital.

I too had one child named from when I was a child - my son was going to be Jack but then Jack got super popular so I completely changed my mind when pregnant and decided on Ethan :-)

Ooo and Congrats Sherri

Anna - posted on 06/22/2011

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My husband and I agreed to not set a number. When asked we say that we decide these things one child at a time. The last 2 in my husband's family are twins, so my MIL is quick to remind me that one at a time doesn't always happen, but we continue to make that our approach. We've also agreed to never say "we're done," just "we're done for now" since situations can always change. We shall see if we keep to that rule :-)

I'm one of 4 and he's one of 6 so we see ourselves with about that number. I'm pregnant with #3 in four years, so I will be ready for a break after this but unless things change I imagine we'll have more later. I'm glad that we are at least set on what's important for providing for our family. If we have a special needs child who requires a lot of one on one attention, or if our finances change and I need to go back to work, these are all things, among others, that will factor into our decision.

Merry - posted on 06/22/2011

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Lol no problem! I doubt I'll get to use Judah anyways since matt doesn't like it. But we also don't like how popular Kathryn is, and all the different spellings that it has....so I think its going to to stick in the middle name category :)

Sarah - posted on 06/22/2011

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Kathryn is really nice Laura :) I'm sure she'd get the nick name Kate or Katie over Kathy! I hate Kathy too lmao
I'm not as fond of Judah i must say.. sorry! Eric is a much cuter name! :D lol

Ez - posted on 06/22/2011

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I have one daughter and don't feel like I'm done. In a perfect world (which didn't include me being a single mother) I would have one or two more. I'm almost 30, and can't see myself having babies after 35, so I've got a few years before I shut up shop.



I honestly would not care if any future babies were boys or girls. In some ways, I'd like my daughter to have a sister. But then, I am very close to my younger brother, so I know that relationship can be wonderful too. And part of me would love the chance to raise a boy, as I imagine it to be extremely different to the little miss (who is 2 going on 12).

Merry - posted on 06/22/2011

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My hypothetical daughter from when I was 10 was named Kathryn, but we decided not to use it cuz we don't like the nick name Kathy. But I still want to use it as a middle name.....my son was always named Judah, but matt vetoed that when we first started dating. :(

Dorota - posted on 06/22/2011

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I'm one of five and absolutely love that I'm from a big family so I want to have a big family. So far I have 2 boys, and yes I do want a little girl but if I get more boys I will cherish and love them just as much, and since I don't have a specific number picked I can always just try again ;) Hubby is just willing to go with the flow and doesn't have a set number of kids he wants either so we'll live and see what happens.

Erin - posted on 06/22/2011

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I'm one of 6, which felt more like a herd, not a family. I split the difference and had 3, which was perfect. Enough time and energy for all 3 to be individuals and to persue their own interests and for dh and I to manage to still have a relationship. Whatever you can handle well, physically, emotionally and financially is "right."

Vicki - posted on 06/22/2011

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I only want two kids. I'm studying and plan to draw out the study for a few years then take a career step when they are school age.... don't really want to drag it out to my late 40s.

Our house is perfect for two kids, frankly I don't think I'm organised enough for more than two. More power to those who are!

Sarah - posted on 06/22/2011

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LOL! That's awesome :) What was the name?
Oh my daughter's name was also a hypothetical name since i was 10 lmao! I am so glad got to give my daughter that name :)
Her name is Ceili- pronounced the same as kaylee. It's the irish word for like a party with irish music and irish dancing lol :)
I thought i came up the with the idea of making it a name but apparently not because i have since met another Ceili and apparently it's not that uncommon in Ireland :)

April - posted on 06/21/2011

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i named my hypothetical daughter when i was 12. add me to the imaginary baby naming club, haha! (laura, that's why i am sticking with the name even if hubby doesn't like it. it means that much to me! )

Merry - posted on 06/21/2011

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I love kieran! And I'm quite partial to Reilly since that was my maiden name :) Ella is a long time favorite of mine :)

Sarah - posted on 06/21/2011

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lol Laura i like those names :)
(i like fierna the best though lol)
My hypothetical names haven't all been approved either :(
I like Sienna Niamh and Kieran James/Jaime for my twins,
Then Reilly Kye and Ella Sinead :D
So far he's only agreed on Kieran and Reilly :(
Sinead he likes as a first name lol
We also like Aisling and asher but can't have them because his last name is Ashfield hahaha!
I'm so glad i'm not the only one naming imaginary babies :P

Stifler's - posted on 06/21/2011

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2 kids. I don't want anymore. Money does limit family growth, I'm not willing to make sacrifices so I can have 20 kids and a gelatinous blob for a body and no time for myself. I have a boy and a girl but I would have been happy with 2 girls or 2 boys. No you never know but for now, 2 kids is afriggin nuff.

Elizabeth - posted on 06/21/2011

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When i was growing up i thought my perfect family would be me, a boy and a girl in any order and a dad (same one). Now that i am tring to make two families into one I feel that i am not complete yet because we have 4 girls and no boys (I lost my son) so i feel that to complete it we need at least one more and hopefully it is a boy because i feel as of now i will be done after that baby That will have been having 5 kids, but you never know, i dont think i will ever get permantatly fixed cause you never know what the future might bring.

Becky - posted on 06/21/2011

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We've had our hypothetical girl named since we got pregnant with our first! :)
Kelly, there were 4 kids in my family and we travelled a lot! My parents were missionaries, so it was kind of part of the job! We weren't rich either, we actually were under the poverty line. I know the 20 hour plane trips to Africa with 4 kids in tow were real fun for my parents, lol! As for hotels, we just shared beds, got a cot, or brought sleeping bags and some slept on the floor. No biggie. I'm not trying to criticise your decision to have only one, just saying that if you like a certain lifestyle, it is possible to make it work with a bigger family. Takes more work and compromise probably, but it is possible!

Momof1 - posted on 06/21/2011

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I always wanted 3 kids, 2 years apart. And I wanted them to be girl, boy, girl. Since I wasn't able to graduate from college (because of becoming pregnant with our only child so far) my husband and I are only trying for 2 kids. I would love a girl next. It would be a complete family for us, then. If things got better financially, then maybe I would think about 3 kids again, but my husband really only wants two kids, so I'm sure we will stick with 2. Our son is 19 months and we are going to wait until he is 3 or 3.5 to start trying again. Since, at the moment, I am a SAHM, I figure that are son will be old enough to be in preschool by the time baby 2 comes around, so I can have one on one time with the new baby, like I did with my son.

Bridget - posted on 06/21/2011

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We have three a five year old little girl, four year old little girl, and two year old little boy. I would have wanted at least one more but i started to have seizures last year and with the medication i am on its not a good idea to have another one. So we are perfectly happy with the family that we have :)

Merry - posted on 06/21/2011

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Oliver he says sounds too old, but it's slowly growing on him :) Elizabeth I just haven't mentioned, and Matilda he says sounds too old as well but I like it as a girl version of his name...

Merry - posted on 06/21/2011

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SArah, I too have my future babies named :)
I though I was one of a kind weird but it's nice to see there's others like me!
Lol my perfect family changes alot, it's never set in stone which is good cuz I can't choose the sexes! Bt to be really specific I'd like a boy next, then a girl, then another boy and another girl....maybe one last girl :)
Yes they are all named, but only the next two are hubby approved names

Sarah - posted on 06/21/2011

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Oh yes good point April! (i think it's April, your name isn't showing up now)
I'm not done until i get my natural birth!
Emergency Cesarean kinda ruined my plans last time, so i will not stop procreating until i have my minimal intervention birthing experience! :D

April - posted on 06/21/2011

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My perfect family would have 3 kids! We already have one absolutely perfect little boy, so we are 1/3 of the way there! I am wishing/hoping/praying for a little girl to add to our family. My husband and I have a deal that if our second is a girl, then we will stop at 2 kids. If our second is a boy, I have one chance to try again for a girl. I definitely don't feel like my family is complete and I feel like I have to get my homebirth too!!

Sarah - posted on 06/21/2011

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To be really specific... :)

My perfect family would be, a girl, followed by b/g twins, then a while later another boy, then another girl. :D

Maybe a couple more if i get bored in my 30s? :D

So far so good i have one 14 month old baby girl! :)

All these hypothetical children already have names by the way hahahaha!

Realistically i know how insane that is lol

For me, right now, in my situation, i am perfectly happy looking after my 1 baby hahaha

Merry - posted on 06/21/2011

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That's so rude how women think they have a say in how many kids everyone else has. Obviously from just this thread so far, everyone has very different ideas of the erfect family size, and lots of people who agree on a specific number have totally different reasons why they chose that number!

[deleted account]

No, Laura, I didn't mean you at all! I totally got what you were saying and actually thought it was kind of cool that you knew that about yourself and factored it into your decision :)

I was at a play group Sunday and my son's lack of siblings became the focus of all conversation : / I was a little offended by some of the comments, and I guess I'm still steaming a little more than I thought. Lol, I actually thought I'd deleted that last part before I posted :P

Merry - posted on 06/21/2011

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I hope you don't think I ment one kid always gets spoiled, I specifically mean if I had only one I know I'd spoil it :)
It's qu item possible to have an only who is not spoiled, just I'm not confident I could do it.

[deleted account]

One kid is perfect, we have a son and are done. It's just enough to experience the whole parenthood thing, because I wanted to see what that was like, without letting it take over my life.

We are not "still" people--we travel a lot, and we get restless and grumpy when we don't. Two would be difficult and expensive, especially two at different ages. Spur of the moment trips are easier too. I'm not sure I would even know how to manage taking more--how do you do hotels? Most that we stay in only have 2 beds, unless you are near some theme park or beach, or spring for a suite, which is just really pricey imo given the amount of time we spend in them.

Yes, $ plays a part for us--financially, one is a breeze. When I think about the cost of having another, usually the first things that come to mind are all the things we couldn't afford to do, like early retirement (for dh, I'm already "retired"), we'd have to seriously par down travel....really, that's about it, but those are important to me. We'd also need a bigger house, which is more for me to clean, and I don't like cleaning.

I'm not sure when we decided we were "done". When J was born, we said we would wait until we both felt like having another and have it then, but we never "got the baby itch" and eventually, we realized we weren't going to.



There were also all those rude comments about how having an only child is selfish, and how the kid would end up spoiled and messed up as an adult, so part of me wanted to raise him as an only just to prove them wrong :P

Sara - posted on 06/21/2011

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I have two hands, so two seems like a pretty good number for me to stop at. We're having our second girl in September.

Desiree - posted on 06/21/2011

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I have a boy and a girl and very happy. I would have had 2 more because I always felt 4 were the perfect number. But that is not ment to be husband only wants 2 and To be very honest at the age of 37 I have begun to enjoy me time and become a little selfish. I like that my kids are big enough to look after themselves and I don't have to run all the time any more. Besides being a mom of a teen and a tween the age gap would be enormous I would be having grandchildren while the youngest is still in Primary school um but no thanks. So my pair are jus right for me. and yes money plays a part i like being able to give my kids things they like when I can afford it. With price of Schooling in SA nope another child is out of the question.

Sarah - posted on 06/21/2011

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I've got 2 girls and that's perfect for me!

I went through a little phase a while ago of wanting another, but that soon passed and now I KNOW that I do not want any more under any circumstances!

I never wanted boys, so to have 2 girls was perfect.

We're stopping at 2 for loads of reasons, money being one of them, but also because I just couldn't handle having 3 kids, I struggle having 2 sometimes lol! I also agree with Jennie further up who said the world is over populated as it is....I would add any more.

Becky - posted on 06/20/2011

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Well, the "perfect" family for me would have been 4 - 2 boys, 2 girls, with a boy being the oldest. It's what I grew up with (except we had 3 girls and 1 boy, and I'm the oldest) and I thought it was great. But Jeff only wanted 2, so we compromised at 3. So this will be our last. I will admit, I'm sort of half hoping for twins, so I still get my 4. :) Although, that would be, for a few days anyways, 4 children under 4 and I would probably go insane! lol

If Zach had been a girl, I would've had a very hard time convincing Jeff to have another. As it was, he wasn't sold on the idea, but I was insistant. We are both hoping for a girl this time, but we will be happy, and done, if we have another boy. I wasn't sure I'd be good with just 3, but, pregnancy really isn't easy on me, and as the nausea is starting to hit full force, I'm beginning to think, yeah, I really don't want to do this again after this time. Especially considering that I am turning 35 next month and our kids are all close in age - this one is due just a few days before Cole's 4th birthday. I love the newborn stage, and I just love kids in general. If I was younger, we had unlimited resources, and I didn't get so bloody sick when I was pregnant, I'd just keep having kids until I couldn't anymore. I seem to get pregnant really easily, so it's probably a good thing those are all factors, or we'd be like the Duggars! haha!



Editted to add, I would like to adopt one day, but I'm not sure Jeff will agree, now that we'll have 3 already. But we might foster in a few years when the kids are school-aged. We'd foster babies and toddlers, so I could still get my baby fix. :)

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