Father teaches 3 year old to fight.

Jenni - posted on 02/08/2011 ( 12 moms have responded )

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We were invited over to my husband's parents' neighbours for xmas. My husband grew up with their 3 sons so they are like family to him. One of their sons was visiting from out west with his new gf. Their cousin, his new gf, and his 3 year old son were over as well.

I knew their cousin was a fucktard already from previously meeting him.



When they arrived my son (2 years old) kept trying to talk to their son and asking him to play. The boy seemed to be playing shy and clinging to his dad and refusing to aknowledge my son. I took it as he was just shy and would take some time to warm up and become comfortable with his surrounding.



His father is trying to encourage him to play with my son and the boy is starting to become a bit cheeky with his dad. Then out of nowhere he punches his dad! Of course I expect some kind of punshiment to follow but instead his dad says: "Tyler, what are you doing? Dad told you you have to punch with your thumb in, not out!" I couldn't believe it... well i could... because like i said the guy is a fucktard.



My son kept trying to get the boy to play with him and the boy still wouldn't talk or play. At one point the boy hits my husband's friends gf out of nowhere. She was really quiet and shy and just said "wow! why'd you do that? that was mean." The cousins gf tells him he just hit her so now the father gives his boy a TO. If you could call it that.



The father is bragging the whole time how his son is the biggest bully in his daycare. Yeah awesome, your proud your teaching your son to be a social outcast. The only way the poor boy knew how to interact with other kids is by hitting them. At other points blaming his behaviour on his mother and saying he must have learned it from his cousins. Obviously clear to everyone who the real problem was.



When the boy finally did start "playing" with my son they were chasing each other around the house then completely unprovoked the kid winds up and full-out punches my son in the face. That kid had an arm on him too, even though he was a year older and half the size of my son. The punch clipped my son in the eyebrow but if it had landed he would have done some serious damage. My son wasn't physically hurt but his feelings were and my heart swelled up for him when I seen the tears welling up in his eyes. I was pissed! My son does have a problem with hitting as well but I don't ENCOURAGE it! He receives a TO immediately and is taught to use his words. My husband who was standing beside them when it happened comforted my son. The boy's father gave him another half-assed time out. I'm thinking I should have said something then but his father is a bit intimidating as in he looks like he spends alot of time in jail.



A little while later the boys are jumping around on the couch. My son was sticking close to me because although he still wanted to play with the boy he was afraid of him. While I'm siting right there the boy attempts to hit my son again. So this time I tell him firmly: "Don't you dare put your hands on him again." The boy starts growling at me. But I stare at him and give him no reaction. Just to say I'm not impressed by you nor am I intimidated by you.



So I told my husband I was leaving and taking Ben back to his parent's house. My husband convinced me to let Ben stay and that he would keep a close eye on them. I left with my daughter and didn't stay for dinner. I think I would have been driven to the point of flipping out on the father if I had and I was sorta an outsider at their Xmas so it was a situation I'd rather avoid. My husband told me later that the boy didn't hit my son after that.



So how would you have reacted? Have you ever had a similar situation happen and how do you handle it?

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Sorry to tell you but I wouldn't have put up with it the 1st time much less the second. I don't tolerate it and if it is forced upon us I can gladly say our girls WILL hurt that child back or go down trying. Is it the best thing to do? No. However, we were confronted with something like that with my now 7 yr old when she was little. Her cousin and her were being watched by a mutual aunt. Whenever the boy cousin would hit or hurt my daughter he was told "You really shouldn't do that." and that was all. When my daughter did it back she went to the corner. After a couple of weeks of this, talking to the aunt and so on didn't help I taught my daughter how to fight. At the age of barely 3. I warned her what would happen if she did. i.e. time out and such so to think before acting. Sure enough the next day she came right to me and told me what happened. Talked right over her aunt. :) She admitted she had pushed him back. She admitted she had been shoved off the bed when they were watching cartoons and that she had gotten back on the bed. When she had done that he had started trying to push her off again. She proudly admitted that she had punched him in the nose and shoved him really hard off the bed. :) I was so proud! Her aunt informed me I might want to talk to my daughter about hitting and pushing. I informed her I had and for doing such a wonderful job of protecting herself she was going out for ice cream on the way home. Her aunt's jaw dropped and she tried to tell me what had happened. I shook my head and told her flat out that if her cousin was going to be allowed to be violent with my daughter then my daughter was going to fight back no matter the consequences and that every day she got a time out she was going out for ice cream when I picked her up. Her aunt had no clue how to react. Every day after that my daughter always had "good days". I always asked my daughter what happened each day and if there was a fight she got a treat after dinner. Thankfully I was able to be a SAHM full time about a month later.
Now, every time any of my children are confronted with a bully they are nice and try to avoid them. However, if they can't I encourage them to "deal with it" either together or on their own. I have no problem sending my older girls in after a child that is hitting other kids when playing in the tunnels. (even if the child being hit isn't mine.)

Danielle - posted on 02/08/2011

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The rule in my house is never start a fight, but if someone lays their hand on you it's a free game then. My kids DO NOT get in trouble for defending themselves. Even from each other. My parents strongly disagree with me but as a pre teen I got my ass wooped cuz a girl called my friend a racist slur and when I stood up to her she hit me. I was so afraid of getting in trouble that I didn't do anything to her and she beat my ass. If that had been me (and yes I have done it before) after he got hit a second time I would have told my son right there in front of the dad to knock the hell outta him. I would have had a "nice" little conversation with the dad also. I'm sorry but a TO will not do the trick. Sometimes you have to learn the hard way.

Brandi - posted on 02/08/2011

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I am not for teaching your kids to fight, per say, but, if it is being taught as a defense mechanism, then yes, you should. In this case, the son should have been punished. Never teach a child it is ok to fight, or hit someone "just because". No, I do not believe in bullying, and I think your cousin is retarded for bragging about his son being the biggest bully at the daycare, how stupid!

I do, however, teach my children to fight. Not to fight like this boy was doing, but that it is ok to defend themselves if someone puts their hands on them first. That is the only way that I think it is acceptable. If someone is bullying my child, I think that gives them the right to dish it back out and beat the snot out of someone. (Probably will have some remarks about that, oh well.) :p

Bonnie - posted on 02/08/2011

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Honestly, i'm not really sure what I would have done other than get really mad at the kid and I probably would have said to the guy, "Did you see what your son just did to my son?" Probably would have turned into a war, but I wouldn't really care. It's parents that teach their children wrong that this is why they grow up to be the way they are.

Jenni - posted on 02/08/2011

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I think it's just the cousin the rest of the family isn't like that. He's their black sheep i'm guessing. Just to clear things up he didn't punch his dad or gf in the face. He punched his dad's arm and hit my bf's friend's gf in the leg as she walked past. Not that it really makes a difference.

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Brandi - posted on 02/08/2011

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I agree with Danielle. Only thing is my son fought back at school and got suspended. The problem with the school system is they are teaching kids that they will be punished if they fight back. I went down to the school so fast when my son told me what happened. Oh, my son is in Kindergarten, and this boy was older. So you tell me, would you rather your child be bullied or to stand up for themselves? My kid stood up for himself, he did not get in trouble at home, but he did at school. I got the suspension dropped by the way. ;)

Tara - posted on 02/08/2011

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I do not believe in teaching children to fight. Self-defense classes to protect abductions and how to escape a bad situation are one thing, but teaching children to fight others is a bad choice imo. Teaching them about self awareness and empathy and positive problem solving strategies will go a lot further.

I think some of the kids who hit out of frustration simply do so because they have never been taught another way to deal with it.
For example the 3 year old who whacks mom on the leg when she wants attention and isn't getting it right away could grow up to be the 7 year old who punches siblings and other kids and adults when they are frustrated or irritated, it all depends on how it is handled early on, whether it is ignored, encouraged or changed is all up to the parents and care givers.

Tara - posted on 02/08/2011

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I honestly would have said something to the dad first and if it didn't work I would have turned to the kid and said

"I'm not sure where you learned to hit people, but where we are from people don't hit each other, they talk and play. It's so much more fun when people are nice to each other, let's try it shall we?" and if that didn't get a response I would have told the little shit to either stop punching and playing rough or your son would not be playing with him. Only nice playing allowed period.
Dickwad father didn't help at all!!

Jodie - posted on 02/08/2011

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Wow! That is not right at all! I would have done the same thing as you did but probably would not have left my son there even if his father was there. I'd be too scared something would happen. I've never been one to teach my children to hit other kids but I have taught them self-defense in case. They are both in kung fu for this and have been taught that words speak louder than actions. I'm glad they both know how to defend themselves but I would discipline them severly if they were to ever hit another person unprovoked. Someone should maybe report this guy. In my eyes its like physical abuse. I'm wondering what happens behind closed doors at that house.

[deleted account]

Oh ok haha sorry im all jumping to conclusions. Thanks for clearing that up but yea your right still doesnt make a difference

[deleted account]

I have not had a similar situation but i wouldve probably done the exact same thing as you. And if the little boy wouldve hit me after i had told him that i would have hit him back ( haha no not a punch or anything but a spanking ) i know sounds crazy right?! But then again i dont kno since your saying that your not really close to the family or anything maybe i wouldnt have but if we were all close and family best believe i wouldnt hesitate. My fiance is adamant about teaching our baby girl to fight and let me tell you thats not on my list of priorities of things to teach her! do i want her to defend herself yes i do, if that happened to me and my kid/son i would expect him to have hit that boy back not saying i condone fighting but i would want him to know that he would never get in trouble for defending himself.and that family sounds crazy!!! punching the dad and gf in the face?! that would not fly over here i think you need to teach discipline and respect before you teach "fighting".

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