First Loves.

Jocelyn - posted on 12/14/2009 ( 22 moms have responded )

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I was reminiscing tonight (lying in bed having insomnia) and started thinking... Do you ever really get over your first love?

For me, my first love was Matt, when I was 17. We had a horrible relationship, we were star crossed lovers. He was a bi-polar, compulsive liar, I was drug addicted, and we were constantly cheating on each other. But my god, he was gorgeous, a musician, great in bed, and we were madly in love. I don't think I will ever fully get over him. Every so often I will hear a song that reminds me of him, and I'll get all teary-eyed, or I'll start the whole "what if" train of thought. He's not over me and I know it would only take one word and I could have him running back to me (and I'm not being all high-up on myself either; when his ex-fiance's sister tells you that the reason he broke off the engagement is because he said that she "wasn't Jocelyn" you just know...and the only reason he got engaged in the first place was because I got engaged to Jordan...) He actually told me (when I found out I was pregnant the first time) that it wasn't right, that the baby should have been his. I think knowing that he's not over me is preventing me from being completely over him. Have you gotten over you first love? If not, do you think you will? Or are first loves not meant to be "gotten over"?

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Krista - posted on 12/15/2009

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I think we tend to idealize our first love/crush. My first real love was my ex-fiance, but I really don't think of him anymore. We weren't meant to be, and things ended calmly. We were sad about it, but we knew that we weren't going to be able to make it work.

I think that the reason a lot of us think about our first love is because 99% of the time, we don't have closure on the relationship. There are still unresolved issues and unanswered questions, which bugs the hell out of us. And usually, first loves tend to happen when we're teenagers, when everything is so much more intense, and you don't have to deal with day-to-day stuff like remembering to pick up milk and eggs, kids' head colds, and mortgages. Teenage love is all-consuming, which is why we look back at it fondly -- we miss that intensity, that feeling of overwhelming, mind-spinning romance.

So, combine the lack of closure with the fond memories of knicker-twisting intensity, and it's really no wonder that so many of us DO obsess a little about our first romance.

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Rosie - posted on 01/13/2010

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my first love was kevin. i started dating him when i was 14 and we stopped when i was 19. i'm 31 now. i loved him deeply and still do love him, i'm just not in love with him. he tried to get back with me when my son was 1, about 9 years ago, and i just couldn't do it (although i did sleep with him again, silly me). we broke up cause he was the only thing i had ever experienced, i had only kissed one other guy, and he was the first person i slept with. i felt like i needed to explore other options in my life and if those didn't work out then i would know that i was meant to be with kevin. after we broke up, i immediately knew it was the right thing to do. i still care deeply about him, and his family. i havn't seen him, or talked to him in years, but his parents occasionally come into my workplace and it makes me sad that i missed out on having them as inlaws (mine aren't horrible, i've just never bonded with them the way i did with kevins parents), but i just know that we were not meant to be. i love him, always will, but what i have with my husband is what i want in my life.

this is making me sad........:(

Heather - posted on 12/23/2009

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I dont think I was ever in love, and I was married for 6 years. I was in love with the idea of being in love, so I married a man that I knew wasent right for me, he ended up being a very abusive alcoholic with homosexual tendencies, He left me, and I started dating Jason, and within a 2 months I was pregnant! I can honestly say that he is my first REAL love, he is so amazing to me and our son...I never thought I could be this happy :) My ex, on the otherhand, I just found out he is dying of stage 4 colon cancer at 35, and I honestly feel its karma..although I am sad for him.

La - posted on 12/22/2009

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I just recently talked to my first love on facebook for the first time since we broke up in 2003. It was nice to reminisce and bring back old memories, but I feel no remorse about having dissolved our relationship. We are definitely way too different of people and seeing how each of us are doing all these years later it was apparent that we would not have agreed with the paths that the other had taken. I'm glad to see that he is doing well, I'm just glad that things ended when they did. No regrets.

Keenan - posted on 12/22/2009

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I think you do. To this very day my first love and I are still close friends. Nothing more. It ended for a reason. Ya know? As time passes you just move on. It was like that for me. It took forever to get over him though. lol. I was completly heartbroken for a while. Very depressed. I met a couple of jerks in between. Nothing serious though. Thank goodness! lol. If I ever have a problem or need someone to talk to though, I know he is always there.

Charlie - posted on 12/18/2009

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You know i often think about an ex but not because i loved him only because he is the only guy EVER to dump me , that still intrigues me to this day .

Jocelyn - posted on 12/17/2009

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Quoting dana:

I"m married to my first love. I had two serious (I guess) relationships prior to my husband but I had never been in actual love with them.

I think love takes time. I also think when you are younger you are in love with the "idea" of love. I'll use Jocelyn's old love as an example (hope you don't mind, Jocelyn). She says that the guy she was in love with was bi-polar, a liar, and a cheater (I know she said she was a cheater too) but they were madly in love. It's great to reminisce about the good times of a relationship and the woulda, coulda, shoulda's but, in reality, could you imagine being married to someone like that. Having kids with someone like that. The turmoil and lack of trust would make me get over that one real quick.
On a side note, I really hope I didn't offend you Jocelyn, it just happened that you gave an example and it got me to thinking. :)


No offence taken :)



I think you said it perfectly!

Krista - posted on 12/16/2009

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I think sometimes too, things just run their natural course. My first real love was my ex-fiance. He was a great guy. We were just too young and too different from each other, and had not a sweet clue how to make a relationship work, so we just started drifting apart. I'm completely and utterly over him -- I don't even have a tiny bit of curiosity as to what he's doing now. But, whatever he's doing, I wish him well. I figure that any relationship that teaches you something is a successful relationship, in a way. And from that one, I learned that love is not a self-sustaining state of being -- it has to be nurtured.

Debbie - posted on 12/16/2009

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I don't think I would get over the memory of my first love. I see him every now and then and I'm like ewww what was I thinking.......But then something happens, like a song, and I go right back there........he was hot then and fun and mmmmm

Dana - posted on 12/16/2009

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I"m married to my first love. I had two serious (I guess) relationships prior to my husband but I had never been in actual love with them.

I think love takes time. I also think when you are younger you are in love with the "idea" of love. I'll use Jocelyn's old love as an example (hope you don't mind, Jocelyn). She says that the guy she was in love with was bi-polar, a liar, and a cheater (I know she said she was a cheater too) but they were madly in love. It's great to reminisce about the good times of a relationship and the woulda, coulda, shoulda's but, in reality, could you imagine being married to someone like that. Having kids with someone like that. The turmoil and lack of trust would make me get over that one real quick.
On a side note, I really hope I didn't offend you Jocelyn, it just happened that you gave an example and it got me to thinking. :)

[deleted account]

I'm still friends with my first love. Every now and then we'll send each other a message - a "hey, how ya doin'" kind of thing. But I married my ture love.

[deleted account]

I'll never get over my first love-but I would never want to be with him again, either. We were awful to one another-but somehow, we also both genuinely loved each other. We were engaged, but I'm incredibly glad that I didn't marry him. Aside from all the fighting we did, there's the fact that he's still doing the same thing he was doing when we broke up-getting smashed and sleeping over at girls' houses or driving home drunk. There's a lot of emotion tied to him, though-he was a lot of firsts for me, not just my first love. And he can be a lot of fun and extremely thoughtful-but the bad parts of the relationship far outweigh the good.



Aside from that-I think love is an intense emotion that always leaves traces. It's hard to transition to a neutral feeling from either love or hate.



As long as the feeling isn't inhibiting a person from giving themselves fully to the person who they are in a relationship with, I don't see why we can't have our little crushes and lost loves. For me, they keep life interesting-and remembering my first love necessitates remembering how the relationship progressed, which means acknowledging that he and I were no good together and I have a much better partner now.



That seems circular-hope it makes sense!

Louise - posted on 12/15/2009

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My first love is my husband, the rest are mere infatuations. If my husband didn't work out, I'm pretty sure I'll still love him. The reason why I know it's love and not an obsessive infatuation is because we both make each other into better persons.

Crystal - posted on 12/15/2009

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I think that if you can "get over" your first love..then you were never really "in love" in the first place..there is a HUGE difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. and at a young age people tend to confuse the two..I will always love my my first..but I stopped being in love with him long ago.

Michelle - posted on 12/15/2009

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I still think about my first love every day. I wouldnt say im still in love with him but he is a nice warm memory on any cold miserable day. We still stay in touch via e-mail and txt msgs but i never see him cos im not sure if i would be able to resist the temptation of a sly kiss. He moved in with his girlfriend recently and i could feel the tug at my heart, im very happy in my relationship and would never go back but there will always be a place in my heart for him. I dont think you ever truly get over the first man you loved but i also no that the grass wouldnt be greener on the other side.

Betsy - posted on 12/15/2009

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I'll definitely never get over my first love. I fell for him at only 13, and now 37 and the mother of his 5 children. He's definitely sexier at 40 than he ever was at 16.

Sara - posted on 12/15/2009

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I don't think I'll ever get over my first love. I was CRAZY about him...convinced we would be together for the rest of our lives. It didn't turn out that way...he went into the Navy, I went to college and we just drifted apart from there. We're still friends, and honestly I think even though we're both married to other people whom we love very much, there's still an underlying emotion to all our interactions...something I think only he and I pick up on. I think it's the love we had for eachother, because we have history, we helped eachother through difficult times in our lives and he knows me in a way that no one else will ever quite know me like he did, from a different time and place. He's a beautiful person, and it still stings a little when I see him and his wife (who is reallly great, btw), but I'm sure it stings him to see me with another man's baby too...I'm not sorry that we had those times together, I'll always love him and i don't regret it for one moment.

Sarah - posted on 12/15/2009

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I still love my first love, i'm not IN love with him, but i love him.
He was such a sweetie and we had a fab time together, lost our virginity to each other, it was just a really sweet relationship all round.
Unfortunately, we were really young and i got to find his sweet ways annoying in the end. He would never argue or make decisions because he didn't want to upset me or whatever.......me, being an idiot, thought he was 'too nice' so dumped him and went out with a string of complete assholes! (Karma you might say!)

I met my husband when i was nearly 18 (so about exactly 10 yrs ago now!) and i had a total 'love at first sight' moment.......it took him a while (and a few bouts of cheating and being generally mean!) until he felt the same!!

I still see my first love (Daniel) every now and then, every time i see him i wonder 'what if....' but it's never more than that. Although Daniel was most definitely my first love, Pete (my husband) is my soul mate. :)

Kelsey - posted on 12/15/2009

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I am over my first love, thats for sure. When they turn out to be evil people and treat you like complete shit, it tends to wreck what was once a good memory.

Charlie - posted on 12/14/2009

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You know once in high school i thought i loved this guy , we were seeing each other for a while , i was absolutely smitten he turned out to be a jerk we stopped seeing each other but remained friends until one night he decided he still "owned me " and raped me , i can say i was a broken girl for a long time who had real trust issues i never let myself fall in love again until i met Jamie and it wasnt even about letting myself fall in love it was a natural progression.



I can say i have more than gotten over that fucking waste of breathing space , in fact he makes me physically ill to look at him.

After all that happeed i dont know if i can say i loved him , maybe i did but my disgust and rage has covered any good emotions i may have felt for him .



I think i can honestly say Jamie is my first TRUE love , it is something i have never felt before that i am certain , we are best friends , we are soul mates he is the most kind and genuine man i have ever met , it takes a man with a whole lotta heart to heal me and he has more than i ever knew possible .

?? - posted on 12/14/2009

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To be completely 100% honest... Devon is my first love. I thought I loved before but hindsight it wasn't love. Shawn, my first boyfriend I was with him for 4 years and 3 of those years were abusive... I thought I was in love with him - I thought THAT was love... I was wrong and I've learned from that. Mark I thought I loved him but I didn't - I was in love with getting away from BC, I was in love with being in Montreal, I was in love with partying and I was in love with the lifestyle we lived. Jake I thought I loved him but I didn't - I was in love with going to Australia and actually getting to do something I had wanted to do since I was 12. Dustin I thought I loved him but I didn't - I was in love with the fact that this person adored me and it was very short lived we grew distant soon after we started dating and I started working and I knew I didn't love him shortly after we started dating.........



Devon I refused to let myself love him at first. And then I found out I was pregnant... and I really didn't want to love him because he was young and this baby made things ... complicated ... and I wasn't sure if he was going to stick around or if I was going to be alone but....... well.... this is love. We have our ups and we have our downs, we have our love and we have our son and we are starting a family together and knowing how much I love both of my guys I *know* those feelings before were not love...... but this.. this feeling with Devon is definitely love.

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