
Dana - posted on 07/20/2011 ( 46 moms have responded )
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We've debated this before but, I'm always dumbfounded by parents who think it's okay to let their kids be "free". I'm by far a "helicopter mom", I find myself between the two extremes of "free range mom" and "helicopter mom". For those who are free range moms, how do you stand by your decision when we see stories like this one? -
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/14/nyregi...
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Sal - posted on 07/21/2011
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and as almost any study on such things will show a child (or anyone else for that matter) is far more likely to be raped molested or murdered by a family member or someone known to the family, so you can keep them away from all the strangers you like but it is much closer to home that we all should be far more concerned about (like the little girl killed in melbourn when her dad threw her off a bridge)
Mary - posted on 07/20/2011
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I think there are multiple factors that play into this scenario: the neighborhood in question, the maturity/common sense of the child, and a proven ability to get from point A to B independently.
My niece is almost 9, and there is no way in hell that my sister would let her walk 8 blocks home from a friend's house by herself. While she is an exceptionally bright child, she is a bit immature, and tend to be easily distracted as well as a bit of daydreamer. Chances are, she'd see a butterfly, go off to chase it, and end up a mile from home.
My friend's daughter, who is roughly the same age, is of average intelligence, but is exceedingly grounded and practical. If she were my kid, I would be more inclined to let her and a friend walk 8 blocks (in my neighborhood) to another's house.
In fact, her father has let her do this. However, the first time, he covertly followed her just to make sure that she did know exactly where she was going, and to make sure that she did just go directly from point A to point B.
I'm not sure that this particular story is a good line in the sand for the free-range vs helicopter style of parenting. The kid lived in freaking Brooklyn, and he was alone. And while I know that there are sick assholes in every neighborhood in the world, I'm not sure that the boroughs of New York are a good place for any 8-9 y/o to be wandering alone.
Lady Heather - posted on 07/20/2011
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I wouldn't have let my kid walk home totally alone, but my 8 year old can walk home from school with a friend or sibling, given I feel they are responsible enough. I was doing that by the time I was 5.
This is kind of just one of those unfortunate freak incidents that is highly unlikely to happen but sadly seems to happen to somebody every once in a while. Technically this could happen if you let your 8 year old play in the backyard unattended (if you have a gate back there like I do). It could happen if you went to the park and turned your head for a second to talk to your younger kid while the older one played. It doesn't take long for shit like this to go down, but it's also really rare. I guess that's the comfort for the rest of us. These poor parents though...I can't even imagine.
Sal - posted on 07/20/2011
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and the thing that i think people forget it is the scum who killed the child who is guilty not the parents, there is so much hate towards the parents in these situations lets not lose focus, it is the murderer that is to blame not the parents
[deleted account]
I'm on the free range side of things. I just debated this very question on a friend's facebook...me against 4 people...including my friend's mom and mother in law. My friend's status was something along the lines of her husband thought it was okay to let their 3 year old play outside for 3-5 minutes alone and she did not. I gave my opinion and stated that I allowed MY three year old to play alone (but made it clear if she was not comfortable that was fine) and was jumped on for it. "What if he's attacked by coyotes or eats wild berries? You cannot expect a three year old to know how to handle the outdoors." Of course kids won't know how to handle themselves if you don't TEACH them.
Allowing kids freedom is not about opening the door to the wide world and saying, "Good luck, kid." It's about creating freedom within reasonable boundaries based on your personal circumstances. We live in a safe neighborhood full of our relatives and close friends. Our child displays remarkable common sense for her age and tends to be overly cautious. She freaks out when a stranger tries to talk to her. We've discussed road danger at length. There are physical boundaries in the front yard that she knows not to cross. Based on MY child and MY circumstances I'm comfortable with her playing for short spurts of time in the front yard, and longer lengths of time in the backyard.
I was proud of this so I thought I'd share. My daughter recently spent the night with my parents. She was playing under the carport with the cats and my mom ran in to use the bathroom. My dad was watching my daughter through the kitchen window. The cat suddenly took off across the street and my daughter initially chased after him. BUT she stopped halfway down the driveway, because she knew not to go into the road. She was given (and continues to get) freedom in baby steps and one of the steps was learning road danger. I was proud of my baby that day! =)