Funeral Arrangements

Jodi - posted on 03/29/2012 ( 49 moms have responded )

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We just had a very sudden and tragic death in our family (hence my absence as of recently) and after going to a christian wake and funeral, my husband and I got to thinking and talking about our own arrangements after death and waht we want. He is Agnostic but wants Catholic services because it's what his family believes in. I personally don't understand this, but I would respect his wishes upon death. I am Pagan, I want non-denominational services by a non-denominational priest. I do not want a wake, just visiting time before my funeral, a short funeral and to be cremated. He told me he's not comfortable with that. Does it matter what he's comfortable with? I mean...it's MY funeral, it's my passage into whatever afterlife there is (I believe in reincarnation). Shouldn't MY beliefs and wishes be respected, even if it goes against everything every other person who attends personally believes?



So, I'm wondering, what do all of you want in regards to services upon your death and do you worry about wether or not your wishes will be respected? (Also, would a will or something make him legally bound to respect my wishes?)

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Isobel - posted on 03/29/2012

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I ONLY want a wake. Get drunk tell hilarious old stories about me and then cry both happy and sad tears...I think that's the way it's supposed to be. You can quote me on that.

Sally - posted on 03/30/2012

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Im going to organise my own funeral. In the uk you can go to a funeral directors and order it and make payments monthly. I think this will help my family because there will be norhing for them to do but turn up and say goodbye. I also want them to have a party afterwards.

I often wonder why if we can do birth plans , why don't we do death plans. That way your family has something to work from.

Krista - posted on 03/29/2012

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Elfrieda, I can see your point, but there have to be limits as well. Yes, the family is for the living, but I think it would be incredibly disrespectful towards that person's memory for them to completely and utterly disregard their loved one's wishes and just hold the kind of service that THEY want to hold. If my kids become Christians, for example, I would hope that they would have enough respect for me and for who I was, to respect the fact that I was an atheist and that I do not want a religious funeral.



Personally, I think Jodi's requests are quite reasonable. Jodi, has he told you why he's not comfortable with that?

Isobel - posted on 03/31/2012

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well...here in Ontario I had to choose on my driver's license (I only got a learner's permit and never used it and now it's expired) whether I donated my organs to science, only lifesaving OR not at all.



Please Meme, start saying Alberta or wherever you are because it's starting to get irritating having to disagree with everything you say about life in "Canada"

Johnny - posted on 03/30/2012

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lol Sherri. People don't usually have food and drinks in a funeral home hear either. None of the open casket services I have been to had food until after the burial. But since my hubby and I don't want a service, just a party/wake, there would be no place to have the viewing other than at the party. We don't do the Catholic thing with a viewing the first day and then the service, burial and reception the second day. At least that's the way most Catholic funerals I have attended were. In those cases, it's easy to separate the food from the body.

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Isobel - posted on 04/02/2012

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Let me add no sense of humour to that list. anyhoo, this whole problem would be solved Meme, if you would simply stop saying that things work a certain way IN CANADA...as you clearly have no idea how 85% of the country operates.



And if you don't see the comparison between Alberta and Texas? well...change that percentage.



I for one, say "where I am, in Toronto, or in Ontario...perhaps you could try that as well.



(substituting wherever you are for where I am of course)

[deleted account]

I want my church to have a party (w/OUT a viewing...ick!) w/ good music and chocolate cake and I want to be cremated.



Yes, your wishes should be respected and I 'think' a will can help uphold that. Bottom line though.... you won't know either way. ;)



Sorry for your recent loss!!

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 04/02/2012

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Johnny---

Meme, I must agree with Laura. Things are very different in Canada by region. To speak based on experience in two provinces for the entire country is silly. Especially given just how different Quebec is from all other provinces on a legal standpoint.



I agree with all of this. I did say (I believe) within my comment. So, I guess I believed incorrectly. ;) Sometimes, I forget to add NS and/or AB. I did not realize it was such a huge issue for some folk. Sorry for that.



And I hear Alberta being referred to as the Texas of Canada all the time. Both due to the oil sands and the ridiculous level of conservatism there.



I agree with this too, I have heard this. I have not heard that we have differing values than the rest of the Country, however.



Laura---

Albertans do not espouse (in general) the same values as most Canadians...being a big oil producer, they are much more similar to Texas than Ontario



Laura, is not speaking of the province as a whole. She is speaking of actual citizens of the Province. Which I must say is incorrect. We (Albertans) do not have the same values as Texan's, in so many ways. They have some pretty fucked up laws there (in Texas).



BTW - My entire family still lives in AB. Bad joke - if that is what it was intended to be.

Johnny - posted on 04/02/2012

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Actually, here in British Columbia you do not state that you want to be an organ donor on your driver's license and in certain cases your family can over-ride your wishes. There have been cases to this effect, they cause delays enough to make the point moot because the body is no longer usable.



Meme, I must agree with Laura. Things are very different in Canada by region. To speak based on experience in two provinces for the entire country is silly. Especially given just how different Quebec is from all other provinces on a legal standpoint.



And I hear Alberta being referred to as the Texas of Canada all the time. Both due to the oil sands and the ridiculous level of conservatism there. Alberta is by far the most conservative province in Canada politically. I work with Albertans in the oil industry on a daily basis as part of my job, they even joke about it. Which is what I think Laura's comment was too, a joke.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 04/02/2012

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MeMe---



well...here in Ontario I had to choose on my driver's license (I only got a learner's permit and never used it and now it's expired) whether I donated my organs to science, only lifesaving OR not at all.



Please Meme, start saying Alberta or wherever you are because it's starting to get irritating having to disagree with everything you say about life in "Canada"




Laura, I said "I think"... get over it. Gracious. Yeah, you know, I had to do it on my driver's license too. Meh.



All I was saying was that, I believe in Canada, as long as you check it, on whatever, piece of paper, it is granted. That family cannot go against it. I wasn't saying that everyone in Canada has to list it on their friggen health card!



I guess it is time that I scrutinize posts, as well.



I must also say that after living in two provinces I have never ever heard Albertan's referred to as Americans...



Albertans do not espouse (in general) the same values as most Canadians...being a big oil producer, they are much more similar to Texas than Ontario



Sorry but I don't think so. Not everyone lives under a generalized umbrella. ;) Not everyone works for the oil companies either. However, my mother did, She worked for Syncrude for 20 years, she has good values, no different than yours I am sure (she is a bitch though but, that has nothing to do with her values).



ETA:

I am in Nova Scotia. Funny how you can depict some things but don't notice everything. **rolls eyes**



But lived in Ab for 23 years...

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/02/2012

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Ah, I get it! LOL ;-) I may be easily confused, but usually easily unconfused too...LOL

Isobel - posted on 04/02/2012

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Albertans do not espouse (in general) the same values as most Canadians...being a big oil producer, they are much more similar to Texas than Ontario...it was a joke. ;)



I can give you massive generalizations for all the provinces if you like, all of them have a grain of truth but generally are misleading and judgemental.



Most of us have a love hate relationship with the other regions of Canada because we are so diverse...



for instance...I live in Toronto and therefore -I- should be the only one who gets to talk for all of Canada as Toronto is clearly the center of the universe ;P

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/02/2012

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Well, I guess I don't understand, either...why would you call someone from Alberta, Canada and American, when they are quite obviously a Canadian first, and North America is the continent on which they are located?



So, I guess, technically, we're ALL Americans who live on this continent, whether it be North, Mid, or South....I just thought that your "Especially because if you ARE in Alberta, where I am we call you guys Americans" comment seemed strange...



I'm sorry, but I'm confused! (ok, so that's not hard to accomplish ;-) )

Isobel - posted on 04/02/2012

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Then how shall we refer to people from the US from now on...yes, our country is IN North America, but our default identification is Canadian. What shall we call you guys if not Americans? United Statesians? That seems kinda awkward...hmmm I'll have to think on that for a while.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/02/2012

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Technically, Laura, and MeMe, you're both considered North Americans... ;-) A little devil's advocate role going on there.



To the original topic, Jodi, would your hubby be more comfortable if you called your "services" a celebration of life? No religious connotation there, just family and friends gathering (casket or no) in a common place to share stories and memories.



One half of my family is dedicated religious. The other half is not. I hadn't thought about the difference until my uncle passed away suddenly some years back. All of a sudden, I wondered "what are they going to do for a service?" All of my experience with death to that point was religious services, with (most of the time) caskets in evidence. I had never experienced a non-religious ceremony. I went to my uncle's celebration of life. It was wonderful. So many funny stories, things that I had heard about as the "family joke", but never knew the beginnings of, and was even able to share a couple of my own, which had my dad and grandparents just rolling in the aisles, as they had either forgotten the times I talked about, or had never known about them...



Not that my uncle was Pagan, but he most definitely was not a member of any other religion either...



Personally, my hubby and I have decided on cremation and a party. I'm the one that will be skidding into the crematorium with a glass of wine in one hand, and a bar of chocolate in the other hollering "wow, what a ride!" LOL...Ok, so that's a bit of sketchy plagarism, but you get my point...

Isobel - posted on 03/31/2012

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and I picked life saving...not scientific research which even -I- find hypocritical

Isobel - posted on 03/31/2012

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Especially because if you ARE in Alberta, where I am we call you guys Americans

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 03/31/2012

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Here in Canada, it doesn't matter (at least I believe this to be true). If you sign that health card and make specific selections for which organs, your wish is granted. They can everything of mine, except my skin...again, dunno why, I just want my skin. ;)

Cheryl - posted on 03/31/2012

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Jodi - Depending on which state you die in (I'm guessing you are in the U.S.), if even one of your family members objects to organ donation, it can't be done, despite you being a registered donor. It stinks, because a person's last wish should always be honored. I would suggest that you talk with all your family members as to your wishes on donation and take the opportunity NOW, while you are all of a calm frame of mind, to discuss why this is important to you. I hope you will get your final wish.

[deleted account]

I do think memorials are good which is why i wouldn't object to one. When my beloved grandmother died on may 19, 2007, we did not hold a wake or a funeral per her request. She asked to simply be buried, unembalmed and in a pine box in the grave with her late husband. We respected that wish. My mother held a memorial service at the church I grew up in about a month later. I was grieving very very badly and this service helped me release some of it. Not all and I actually quit my job and spent the next four months in deep deep mourning. I often wonder if we had a service after she died if it would have been easier.



It is true that funerals are for the living but I do think taking the deceased's wishes into consideration is simply respectful. Not that I believe the dead know or care because I beleive when we die, that's it.



I still miss my Grandma, I always will.



My thing with cemetaries is also this. That spot in the ground doesn't hold the person I love. It holds the decaying body. The person I loved is in my heart. My grandmother is in the ratty old seal fur coat that I treasure. Before she died, she asked me what I would like so she could give it to me then. I asked her for the fur because when I was small she would cover me with it when I was sick or sad. I remember holding her hand and rubbing the soft fur against my cheek. The other was a gaudy blue rhinestone necklace that no one in their right mind would wear but it meant a lot to me as she let me play dressup with it. The last was one of her teacups from her collection of cups/saucers.



There's more of my grandmother in those items than any plot of dirt. I talk to her picture all the time even though I know darn well that she's gone. It helps.

Jodi - posted on 03/31/2012

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The wakes here, I have only ever seen open casket, and there is food. A little unsettling to me personally. Here, also, the immediate family (be it wife, children, parents whatever) have to stand next to the casket the entire length of the wake (usually 4-6 hours) while every person that comes to wake is supposed to stop at the casket, kneel and say a prayer, then get up and hug the family. It seems cruel that the family has to stand there, the entire time and know that people are only hugging and offering words up because "you have to". After my funeral (I have absolutely no need for a wake) I want people to just mingle, eat, laugh, cry and I don't want my husband to have to stand around hugging people he barely knows. I'd rather he be allowed to be in the company of his friends and family and the people that matter and really care can come up to him and offer him condolences. I am so turned off by the "protocol" of a wake that I just want to skip it entirely!

[deleted account]

Myself, I want all available and usable body parts to be donated to someone else so they can live. that way I live on. I am then to be cremated (no embalming of the remaining bits) and they can do whatever they like with my ashes EXCEPT put them in a cemetary. I find (this is ONLY MY OPINION and i would NEVER ask anyone else to agree with me) cemetaries to be wasteful use of land. They can keep my ashes in the closet, scatter them at wal-mart, anything. I'll be dead, it won't matter to me.



I do not want a religous service of any kind. I would like a memorial if it makes people comforted. Something with music, food, laughter, sharing of stories.

Mary - posted on 03/31/2012

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It is funny how vastly funeral practices vary geographically. Like Sherri, I come from an area where open caskets are the norm. The only time there isn't an open casket is when the upper body was damaged beyond repair (like a car accident, or burn victim), or if the deceased was an organ donor, and just about everything was "reusable". Perhaps because I grew up with it, open caskets don't phase me in the least - they are just "normal" to me. Even my 3.5 y/o has seen more than a few of them already - at present, she just thinks the person is "sleeping".



As to what kind of funeral is held for me - it's just not something I think about too much. Like some others on her, I was raised with the belief that the funeral services, while a tribute and memorial to the deceased, are really for the grieving loved ones left behind. It's why I always do my damnedest to attend the services when someone I know has experienced a loss, even if I had never met the person that died. I'm there to offer whatever support, comfort, or sympathy that I can for the bereaved.



My husband and I have talked nominally about our wishes. He knows that I want whatever can be donated harvested (for whatever purposes). He knows that I would like the most environmentally-friendly funeral possible, and under no circumstances do I want him to spend exorbitant amounts of money on something stupid (to me) like a casket. I'd want any money people wanted to spend on flowers donated to my local animal shelter (and if I died tomorrow, I think those who knew me even a little would already know to do that!). I think his only big request is that there not be any type of car procession which mucks up traffic (it makes him batty!). However, since I won't be around for my funeral, I could really give two craps about what my survivors do - whatever helps or comforts them most is fine by me.

Stifler's - posted on 03/30/2012

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I want a funeral where people cry and say all these nice things about me that may or may not have been true. Just like every other funeral I've been to. I've never been to an open casket all the funerals I've been to the family had a private viewing then the coffin is in the church/funeral home nailed shut and the service is done, eulogy etc. and then everyone has coffee/cake/quiche afterwards in the hall.

Sherri - posted on 03/30/2012

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Here you don't drink or eat in a funeral home. That to me is odd...and yes I want an open casket as well. It is quite the normal thing at wakes here.

Isobel - posted on 03/30/2012

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I have mixed feelings about an open casket. When my Grandfather died, I hadn't seen him in years and remembered him as the biggest, strongest man in the whole wide world. I seemed to have difficulty believing it was even remotely possible that he had died. I think seeing him might've helped me accept it.



That said, I think I want my ashes spread on Ogunquit beach at sunset. It is my favourite place in the whole stinking world and, like Krista, I like the idea of my kids having to go there to "visit" me.

Krista - posted on 03/30/2012

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Yeah, I've never understood that either, Johnny. Milling around, chatting, and drinking tea, and oh yes, there's a corpse. My grandmother had open casket at her wake -- it was her wish -- but it was still just weird. I didn't spend much time looking at the body. To me, that wasn't even Nanny at all -- not how I remembered her or wanted to remember her.



Pop me in the roaster-toaster, and then just put up a really snazzy 18"x20" photo of me from when I was young and pretty.

Johnny - posted on 03/30/2012

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The open casket thing is a bone of contention between my hubby and I. He wants his wake/party to be open casket. How gross is that! Open caskets are all he's ever known, until my aunt's funeral he had never been to a service where there was no casket. But I've told him there is NO WAY I will have his dead body sitting there while we all eat canapes. By the time we're old, it won't be as if most people around us will be expecting it, they would probably be grossed out too.



He wants my casket open too. I will haunt him for that. I've told him that he can have a private "viewing" if he really feels it necessary but I do not want other people looking at my dead body *shudders*.



Oh, and absolutely NO religion or praying at my service. But I would like a physicist to speak ;-)

America3437 - posted on 03/30/2012

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I didn't think you could specify what organs you donated. Interesting!

America3437 - posted on 03/30/2012

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I don't want a funeral! I want a party! People spend too much time mourning. I say celebrate the person's life not mourn their death! My husband refuses to talk about this matter. So party on people party on!!!!

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 03/30/2012

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My husband has been informed that I want to be cremated. I have already signed the paper to have my organs donated, minus my skin. Don't know why but I just cannot let go of that organ. ;)



I want to be scattered over the Atlantic Ocean. Whatever happens after that is up to those partaking. I do hope that there is good drinks and delicious food. Lot's of laughter and very few tears.



I am not dedicating any money towards a funeral. So, if they decide they want that, they will have to foot that bill. ;) Whether it come from my estate, I don't care.



My husband, just wants me to take care of it, if he is to pass before me (god forbid). I would console with his parents and do as they wished mostly. I would have my few tweaks, like cremation. However, if they wanted a head stone and such, sure, they can foot that bill. ;)



I do think that a persons wish should be respected and become a large part in the entire process. Although, I think the ones that are still alive and having to go through the process should be able to add their individual requests as well, keeping the wishes of the "person" in mind.





My husband and I will be drawing up our will very soon, within the next year or so. So, everything will be on paper and legally signed.

Krista - posted on 03/30/2012

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@Sherri: That's a shame. If there were performing elephants, I would have TOTALLY made the trip down from Canada for that.

Krista - posted on 03/30/2012

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As far as myself, I want to be cremated. I find open caskets to be macabre. That's not how I want people to remember me -- all dead and cold and wearing way too much makeup.



I want an informal memorial service, where people can get up and talk about how awesome I was, and share stories, and laugh, and cry, and eat too much food, and look at old photos of me. And if anybody tries to insert any religion into the service, I WILL come back and haunt them.



After that, you can stick half of my ashes in the ground in a tiny plot with a little stone, in case my family feels the need to come talk to a piece of rock as a proxy for talking to me. Then take the remaining half of my ashes and split THEM in half -- I want one-quarter of my ashes to be scattered at the beach at sunset, and the other quarter scattered off of the Pont Alexandre in Paris.



And yes, I'm serious. I want my kids to see Paris someday, whether it's with me or not. So that'd be a good excuse to get them there.

Sherri - posted on 03/30/2012

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Nah not like that LOL. But I want the two days of viewing all my friends and family. A priest to do a small thing service at the funeral home. Then the day of the burial the funeral procession to the grave site.

Krista - posted on 03/30/2012

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Sorry, Sherri -- you made me giggle at the thought of an "elaborate" wake. I'm visualizing ice sculptures, performing elephants, and your coffin being carried into the room on a gold chariot being pulled by white horses.

Valerie - posted on 03/30/2012

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Cremate me and throw me in the ocean too! It was my grandparents wish and we did it for them.. they had it all pre-planned and pre-paid for.. all we had to do was call a number on a card in my dad's wallet.. it was so much easier with everything pre-planned, pre-paid, and we knew exactly what to expect and what was going to happen.. I hope to be able to afford to pre-pay and pre-plan like they did in the near future... I just lost a friend unexpectedly and he was young, age 30, and his parents are having to deal with a tragic sudden unexpected loss, and everything else.. there are fundraisers going on all over town to help out with the expenses... how hard that must be in their time of unbelievable grief! Get it written down in a legal living will and notorized and filed and maybe have your parents, siblings, or friend(s) also have a copy or know how to get one should they need it before it's their time.. then your final wishes should be carried out.. pre-pay if you can.. then it's even easier on everyone..

Sherri - posted on 03/30/2012

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Yes you can put it in your will and he will legally be bound to honor your wishes.



I want an elaborate wake, funeral mass, and burial. I then want a large meal with all my friends and family afterwards. I refuse to be cremated fire terrifies me in life and I certainly do not want to be cooked even in death. I don't care sell me the real estate I will be using it. I also wish to be embalmed and want a steel coffin. I don't want any critters eating at my dead body.

[deleted account]

I get that funerals and grave sites are for the living, to give them comfort.



That being said, my husband and I both agree that we don't want to take up what is surely to become valuable real estate on this planet once we're gone. We're both donating any and all organs (including skin) and then having the rest cremated. We both want a giant party, similar to a wake, I guess. I want people to remember me, tell funny and embarrassing stories about me, eat and drink and be merry. I want to be sprinkled in the ocean and he wants to be sprinkled on a ball field he used to play on when he was a kid. If my son and loved ones want somewhere to GO to "visit" me, then I'm willing to say they can take half my ashes, put them in the ground and plant a tree on them. At least then I'd be giving back. I want to be in the ocean though, because it seems like such a romantic idea. The way the tides flow, no matter where in the world my loved ones would go, I'd be "there". Silly, I know. But since I was a teenager, it's been what I want.



Also, yes, a will would make him legally bound to respect your wishes. However, a lot of times, a will isn't read until days, weeks, or even months after a person has died so it's important that someone you know who will follow your instructions is in charge of the will and will bring it to light before you are buried.

Krista - posted on 03/30/2012

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He's not real comfortable with Paganism in general. He's worried people would ask questions or be upset or something.



My guess is that when you die, he'll be too busy focusing on THAT, to really be worried about what people think. And all he'd have to say were, "These were Jodi's beliefs and her wishes, and I'm honoring that."

Jodi - posted on 03/30/2012

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He's not real comfortable with Paganism in general. He's worried people would ask questions or be upset or something. He's also not sure he would be able to cremate me or donate my organs. (I'm a registered donor, so he doesn't get a say in that.) He's not great with the whole death in general.

Johnny - posted on 03/29/2012

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Like Laura, I just want a wake, a good party and the food better be delicious. No service, although if people want to speak, I suppose I won't be there to fall asleep listening to it, so whatever floats their boat. As long as they don't play New Age music, I won't haunt anyone.



My husband says he doesn't really care what I do, but he doesn't want me to do a traditional funeral from his culture for him. If much of his family was still around, I would probably let them do it and then hold a wake too, because those people LOVE their death rituals. They do it up somethin' serious! When I got my burial plot in the community cemetery when we got married, half his family called me to congratulate me, lol.



So we will both be buried in his community cemetery. It is natural burials, no embalming, no concrete hole, no steel coffins. Just biodegradable materials and you get put in the ground in the order you die, no personal plots.

[deleted account]

my husband and i both want to be cremated. it's cheaper and more environmental, lol. we don't care or want visitation, and i don't personally care about any services. when my uncle and my great grandpa died, there were no official services, they were cremated and we had people visit us at our home. my great grandpa's urn was placed under the blueberry bush he harvested from every year, which is in a valley below our house. unfortunately, our Catholic cousins refused to give up my uncle's ashes against my mother's wishes and it's really made our already dysfunctional family even worse. it's really pissing us off.



so i guess all we need to do is figure out what we want people to do with our ashes, but other than not liking the idea that my shit will be stuck at my childhood home if my parents get a hold of it (granted i die before they do) i don't really care where my stuff is put. haven't talked about it to my hubby, but i don't think he cares either. we are both of the mindset that once you die you don't really care about your body anymore, haha.



and yes, a will would make him legally bound to your wishes so make sure you get one and have it notarized by a lawyer so that he has to abide by it.

Mrs. - posted on 03/29/2012

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Whatever you decide to do, I'm glad you are thinking about it beforehand. My aunt didn't make arrangements and she is unable to speak/communicate now. I wish she had. Now my mother is thinking about just letting the church who stole her money have the funeral and not going. That means no funeral for any of her actual family and that it will be held overseas. It is sad to not be able to say goodbye properly. I know if my aunt had made arrangement when she was still herself, she would have never wanted that.



I'm sorry for your loss and I applaud you for caring enough about your family to make it easier for them when your own time comes.

Happy - posted on 03/29/2012

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I don't know about legal issues but my personal opinion (non religious view completely) is that the funeral and wake (or viewing or visitation or cremation or whatever) is for the survivors not the departed. Whatever my husband and /or children want is fine by me. I'm not grieving, the are, but that's just my opinion. Is your husband open to talking about it or is he firm?

Elfrieda - posted on 03/29/2012

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Well, yes, I think he should respect your wishes, and I'll bet he would. (it's pretty bad form to deny someone's dying wish)



I'm just saying that maybe you haven't considered that it won't matter to you because you'll be gone anyway, so why put that extra stress on your husband when he's already lost the most important person in his world? (I also don't really know the difference between a wake and a visiting time, so I'm a bit ignorant when it comes to those customs)



On the other hand, it might be a blessing for him if you had planned it all and he didn't have to plan anything. I was surprised at how much decision-making my cousin had to do when her brother passed. Her sister's disabled, her parents were busy grieving, and of course her sister-in-law couldn't be expected to do the planning. She didn't even have time to grieve, she was too busy planning the funeral. If it had been planned already, it would have been easier for her.

Katherine - posted on 03/29/2012

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I agree with Krista. If you want to go a certain way it should be respected. Just like people who don't want to be resuscitated. Or people who don't want to be on a vent. It is and should be their choice.

Elfrieda - posted on 03/29/2012

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We've just had two sudden deaths in the family, too, and my husband and I were talking about what we'd want when we go. He's very much, "Well, I'll be gone, so do whatever you want." Because of environmental reasons, he'd prefer to be cremated, but he's not overly set on it if it would upset people. I don't mind, and also feel it's foolish to spend a lot of resources on a casket and enormous stone. Also it would be nice to bury him in the backyard.



But...



a funeral is for the living. It's not for you, you won't care, because you'll be dead! I think it's best to make it easy on those who are grieving, and do whatever it takes to help them. If his family needed a graveside to visit, I'd do that instead, and I hope that if I go first, my husband will be considerate of my family, too.

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