Genetics or Choice!

Lacye - posted on 06/02/2011 ( 58 moms have responded )

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I'm stealing this off of the "why can't you take religion out of it" thread.

Do you believe if a person is gay, did they choose to be gay or were they born gay?

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Krista - posted on 06/02/2011

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I think that people are born with their sexuality, and that their environment can enhance or suppress it to a certain degree, but not entirely.

For example, you might have two girls, both born 50/50 bisexual, to separate families.

In one family, gender roles are strictly enforced, the girl is brought up with religion, she sees absolutely no positive examples of lesbian relationships, and repeatedly overhears parents, peers and others speaking disparagingly of gays.

In the other family, gender roles are ignored, the girl has several examples of positive, functional lesbian relationships, her peers, parents and others are all fully supportive and accepting of homosexuality.

Both girls are bi. But, the odds are fairly good that Girl A will never actually ACT on that side of herself. She may fantasize (and feel enormously guilty about it afterwards), and while she will enjoy sex with her husband, there will always be a part of her that longs to experience sex with a woman. But, by all external appearances, she is straight.

Girl B, on the other hand, may not have those qualms and will unashamedly date both males and females throughout her life, and may wind up marrying a woman. By all external appearances, she is now considered gay.

BUT...they're both bi. They were born that way. And that's not going to change. The only thing that they CAN control is whether to be true to themselves or not. And in many cases, particularly in the past, gays chose the latter option, which served only to make them utterly miserable in these sham marriages.

Jenny - posted on 06/03/2011

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I think it's pretty organic for all of us. We love who we love and nothing we can do will ever change that.

Jane - posted on 06/05/2011

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Haven't been around for a while and I'm trying to catch up on some things but this one I HAD to answer.

Gay people are genetically born that way. They do not choose to be ridiculed by haters. 'Nough said!!!!!

[deleted account]

I love GAGA'S song..i thought of it straight away.I really did break into song.lol..my 2&half year old loves this song.Now i don't allow the video but we love the song.



Gay or straight etc .....Own who you are.Be proud.Live life to the full.You only get one chance.When your life flashes before your eyes one day.Make sure its worth watching.

:-)

Bernie - posted on 06/03/2011

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I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way

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Lacye - posted on 06/04/2011

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Kate I had thought about it but didn't go through with it! Love Glee by the way!

Kate CP - posted on 06/03/2011

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Okay, never seen that video before and like all of Gaga's stuff it's just weird.

This is better. :P

April - posted on 06/03/2011

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@ Rebecca I didn't know that gay community could be horrible to the bisexual community. I hadn't realized there would be negative feelings on BOTH sides. I can kind of relate to being in a limbo like that. I am deaf and I do sign, but only with other deaf people, since my family and friends are pretty much helpless when it comes to ASL. I have tried all my life to teach my family and friends but they get frustrated and ask me to speak. Well, one night I went out to dinner with a group of deaf friends. They all ordered their food by pointed to the menu, but I verbally gave my order. Everyone at the table gave me a dirty look and was offended that I used my voice!! I used it because I wanted a special order. How else would the the waitress know I wanted a turkey club without the lettuce and tomato?? Anyway, the point is hearing people want me to speak and deaf people want me to sign or point to things. No matter what I do, I can't win!

April - posted on 06/03/2011

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I definitely believe a person is born gay. I can't put the words right without it sounding offensive, but I just think it is a hard life to choose. It's often an uphill battle to gain acceptance and to gain the same rights as heterosexuals. I think it is easier today than it was 25 years ago to find more acceptance, but I think there could still be more tolerance in the world. I am not gay, but I know what it's like to be a target because you're different. I am deaf and kids did unspeakable things to me when I was young. Being made fun of...that was pretty tame compared to some things that happened. I can't help feeling that if I hadn't been deaf, I would have been treated much differently. I think being gay is sort of like that and that's why people stay in the closet for years.

[deleted account]

Born gay. And I'm happily surprised every single person here so far has said the same. Waiting for the other shoe to drop lol

Jodi - posted on 06/03/2011

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I haven't actually read this study, but apparently many more YOUNGER siblings are born gay than older ones too. I'd love to have the time to check into it. I think mum actually has a book about it at home, so maybe I should ask if I can borrow it next time I see her.

Merry - posted on 06/03/2011

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I watched a documentary about dogs reproduction and it said that in the mom dogs womb the puppies are usually lined up sort of, and if a female puppy is placed between two males she will end up more aggressive and dominant because she soaked up more of the males testosterone.... Same with a male surrounded by females. Idk if this means much for humans unless we had sextuplets or something and only one was the opposite gender, but it is interesting.

Jodi - posted on 06/03/2011

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I do think it is probably misconception to say that it is "genetic", because I don't believe there is anything to say that it is genetically linked. Laura, what you mention about hormones is something my mother has read. Having a gay son, she did do quite some reading to help her understand, and there is a fairly common theory that it may have been a lack of testosterone at a certain point during the pregnancy, and that they weren't sure what CAUSED this, but that it seemed to be linked to a boy being gay.

Merry - posted on 06/03/2011

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Without reading any comments I'll answer simply. I think the reason some are gay etc is from lack of hormones, or too much hormones. So essentially it's born into you, but it's caused by chemicals in your body not just some predisposition.

I've heard this told as fact, but I have no proof, but it makes sense to me as there seems to be a big variety of sexualities, all the way from gay to straight and in between so it makes sense it's all about hormones......

Stifler's - posted on 06/03/2011

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I think they were born gay. No one would knowingly choose to be gay when there is still so much persecution and intolerance of homosexuals in the world. I also agree with Jenny, we just love who we love.

Melissa - posted on 06/03/2011

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I've known a few homosexuals in my time, and not one of them says "I want to be gay". Even with equal rights and gay rights and everyone becoming more accepting, it's still a VERY difficult world for the homosexual community. There's still a lot of biggotry, ignorance, putting down, back lash, and I've heard the phrase "I wouldn't wish this on anyone" far too many times. I know what the bible says, and to be honest, the people who believe that are far too niave for my liking. If you look at the history of the bible, it's been changed several times. Back during the Roman Empire homosexuality ran rampant, and the Catholic church was concerned, especially for Kings and Emperors and what not, that heirarchies would die out due to lack of reproduction, so they put in the Bible that homosexuality was a sin. Religion was VERY important back then, much more so than it is today, and much more wide-spread. Homosexuality was given an evil light simply to keep bloodlines reproducing, basically. In a world full of war, hate, ignorance, biggotry, lack of innocense, lack of love!! I think if two people can come together and find love in one another, and form a real bond and connection, and remain true to one another, I don't care what gender they are, what color they are, or anything! Let love live!! It's so rare to find, it should be cherished, not put down.

Lady Heather - posted on 06/03/2011

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Definitely born that way. I don't think there's anything anyone could do to me to make me a lesbian, so it simply makes sense that the same would be true of everyone else.

Lacye - posted on 06/03/2011

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My niece is a couple years younger than me and she is a lesbian. In a lot of ways, we kinda knew when she was a kid that she was gay. But either way, we love her to death and she is like the greatest person in this world!

Jenn - posted on 06/03/2011

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I don't think it is that black and white of an answer. I know women who spent half their life with men, then decide they want to be with women instead. I know women, one is m mother in law, who just wants love. She had relationships with men, women, men again (my husband was created this time) and finally a woman who died 6 months later of cancer. Now, she is alone. Her family fills her love void, I guess. It makes me sad for her. I know if the right man or woman who loved her unconditionally came along, she would be happy. Yes, some people are truly born gay but bisexuality has existed forever. Look in Roman times. Bisexual relationships were the norm and socially acceptable. Sometimes love is love, sex is sex...gender takes a backseat.

Rosie - posted on 06/03/2011

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if anybody chose to be persecuted, killed, made fun of, not have the same rights, and disowned by their family i'd question their sanity. of course it's not a choice. anybody who thinks it's a choice thinks that way because they need to find a reason to try to excuse their bigotry.

Krista - posted on 06/03/2011

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Exactly, DMak. If someone is 100% hetero, even if they get their heart broken a million times, that still will not be enough for them to be able to develop a physical attraction to the same sex.

[deleted account]

"I don't think you choose. It just happens. unless you go through a lot and lose all faith and trust in the opposite sex"

But, see......even if a woman has "lost faith in the opposite sex" and turns to another woman, that desire was always there. You can't just create a desire or flip a switch and be attracted to women. Perhaps you've never acted on it but if you're choosing to be with a women then you've, on some level, always been attracted to women.

Shannintipton - posted on 06/03/2011

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No I am tri - sexual, I will try anything. Just kidding. No my sister is. She was with a man for the majority of her life. He died and now she is with a woman. A very nice woman. She lives in Joplin, Missouri (yes they were hit hard.) and she is afraid to say anything to anybody because it is a small town in her opinion. I think it hurts her partner's feelings though.

ME - posted on 06/03/2011

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Born that way...I don't really think it's up for debate anymore, honestly...

[deleted account]

My opinion is based on what I have been told by friends who are bi or gay (not that I asked but that it has come up in conversation)- definitely genetics. One friend whom I'm not sure whether she considers herself bi or straight (Like all my friends, I love her to death so I dont ask her inane questions and I figure if it's important to her, she'll tell me)- once told an ignorant person who asked her why if she'd always been with men before and had conceived a child with a man, is she now with her wife "Well, I guess you cant help who you love" Good answer I think. Not that it's anyone's business but hers and her wife's though.

Sara - posted on 06/03/2011

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My 23f year old niece is gay, and I can say with certainty that she has ALWAYS been gay, it wasn't just something that they decided one day. In fact, every gay person I know has told me that they always felt that way. So, I'm with Lady Gaga...born that way.

Michelle - posted on 06/03/2011

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I don't think you choose. It just happens. unless you go through a lot and lose all faith and trust in the opposite sex

Mrs. - posted on 06/02/2011

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As I said before, I can't speak for all bi people out there, but there is not a choice there for me. It would be easy for me to not even say I was bi and just date men...however, that is not my truth. Sure, I end up with men mainly, but to say it was a choice...nope.

[deleted account]

Are you bi-sexual? Only you can answer that question, if you are Shannin.

I believe bi-sexuals are no different than gays or lesbians. I believe they were born being attracted to either/both genders, OR gender is just non-existent to them.

Joanna - posted on 06/02/2011

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Born that way.

If it were a choice, I would be gay. I honestly would, and I tried dating women. I've always been attracted to women, but sex and relationships with them just weren't enjoyable for me. I get sick of men sometimes, but damnit I was born to love them. :P

Dana - posted on 06/02/2011

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Evil, evil, thread.....

I don't think it's a choice anymore so than me choosing to have brown hair and brown eyes.

Mrs. - posted on 06/02/2011

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Hey, my brother was ALWAYS gay.

I was ALWAYS into girls and guys. There were times I wish to god that wasn't the case. Especially, because both the straight and gay communities can be horrible to the bi-community (I think mostly because, in a lot of cases, we can choose to be with one sex or the other...though we don't choose who we fall in love with and then a lot of bi-people in seemingly "straight" relationships can leave the LGBT community behind...BUT that's a whole other thread)

Seriously, take the word of the people who are actually not straight to tell you, they were born that way. I mean, they would know better than the straight ones right? Unless, of course, you are actually someone who can choose like me.....

[deleted account]

Genetics-I cannot even imagine someone intentionally chosing a lifestyle riddled with hatred, persecution, made to feel like a 2nd class citizen, bullying, harrassment....the list goes on. Yeah, right someone choses that?!

Amber - posted on 06/02/2011

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Genetics.

I believe exactly what Krista described. You are born however you are going to be, but nurturing can dictate whether you suppress it or accept it.



*Edited to change a wrong word*

Jane - posted on 06/02/2011

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Born!

It may be genetics or it may be the effect of subtle differences in the environment of the womb, but it is not a choice.

You can, in certain circumstances, ignore your sexuality. You can deny it and do the best you can to be "normal." You can also choose not to exercise it by remaining celibate. But folks are born hard-wired to be attracted to certain types of people.

[deleted account]

It is 100% genetics that determine sexuality. It has already been proven that the brain of a homosexual individual functions much differently than that of a heterosexual.

Jodi - posted on 06/02/2011

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Born that way. We have no choice about the gender we are attracted to. If you REALLY think about it, why would someone CHOOSE to be gay?



The choice is in acting upon that attraction. A gay man can't, however, suddenly just decide he doesn't WANT to be gay and be attracted to a girl. That's just not the way it happens (yes, I can verify that with the testament of my gay brother - he tried to force himself to be attracted to girls, but it just never happened for him).



Anyone who says being attracted to the same sex is choice, then please, explain to me why someone would choose it?

Karen - posted on 06/02/2011

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Or maybe you are right in that they are born that way.That's why I called it a chicken or the egg type of thing. Maybe what I was thinking was wrong and that as we play we discover our personalities. who we are and what we like (boys or girls). Most gays/bisexuals i know feel they were born that way. Everyone has a good point. Maybe scientists will someday find an answer.

Sarah - posted on 06/02/2011

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Born that way. Our brains, our DNA, and our hormones all function in such complex ways that even scientists & researchers don't understand everything yet. I think it has everything to do with how we are wired. And I also agree with Krista. Very well said.

Jenn - posted on 06/02/2011

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But do you choose things because that's how you're wired? I look at my twin daughters. They are raised at the same time in the exact same environment, yet they are so very different, and were from day 1. Aren't we just born to be a certain way? Certain personalities, certain sexuality, etc. Sure, your environment plays a role in how you turn out, but there is still a "base" if you will, of who "you" are.

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