getting to know why...

Tah - posted on 11/03/2010 ( 59 moms have responded )

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So everyone on here has different views, i am of the belief that your past shapes your present. There are reasons i feel, act and have the views i have. So i want to do mini-tell alls.
It may give someone who thinks someone else is just a little bit crazy..some insight. Who wants to go first..brief or long..whatever your flavor..

ME ME ME(jumping up and down)

So once upon a time in the far awway land of Philadelphia, a princess was born, Her name was Asetah. She had 5 sisters, a brother, and 3 cousins living in her 3 bedroom 1 bathroom castle in the city. Her father was a preacher and IT and her mother was everything...lol..hairdresser, homemaker, secretary for the school system and most of all mom. lol...She had to learn to be aware of her surroundings and not to trust everybody because that could cost you your life. She would go to sleep to gunshots and wake to news of people she knew being killed alot of those times.

Inside the house was all together different, her parents ran a tight ship and were supportive of their children and never gave them any clue that they could not be whatever they wanted. There was nnot a lot of hugging and outward affection in their home, but there was lots of love and it was unmistakeable. She attended catholic school until 10 th grade and finished her last 2 years at the city public school where people would people couldn't get through of mice and men in 12th grade, she felt out of place to say the least. People would fight in the cafeteria and would fight teachers. You weren't allowed to take your textbooks home, and that is if that subject even had books, she knew then that her son, yes she had a son soon after the start of 11th grade, would not be attending public school in philadelphia even if she had to dance at the purple orchid for tuition money(she didn't..lol)...

She finished high school and moved out at 18, she worked, sometimes up to 3 jobs at a time to make ends meet to support her child and herself. She did things she is not proud of, fighting to say the least, drinking.. and some other things. She attended Medical assisting school to allow her to make more money on the way to becoming a nurse, then she attended EMT school. She then had her daughter at 21 and moved to VA with her then fiancee and the father of her daughter to keep her promise to her son that he would be in better schools and a better enviroment. She then worked, attended school...again..lol...ended her 7 year relationship and was married to her now husband, finished school, and had her third child within a year. she is now back in school(you would think she actually like school...) because her children deserve the best she can offer...

now some things that were left out that also helped to shape her

she lost one of her best friends at 16 in a car accident.

lost friends and family to drug addition and violence

was abused by a former boyfriend who forced her to have sex with him and then broke her nose, tried to break her arm but she fought her way out of that hold and then held her in his apartment without any contact for days until she promised she wouldn't leave him...needless to say that didn't last...she had to stop school for a month so that he would think she had dropped out while he stalked her...

Now of course that is a overview...what are some things that shape you and how you look at life in general

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April - posted on 11/03/2010

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I lost my hearing when I was 3. No one really knows why. It's a mystery.
Was in a deaf class from kindergarten to 4th grade. It was the worst decision ever made.
I was given work that was too easy for me. I was desperate for a challenge but with 12 kids in 4 different grades, my teacher could only do so much, you see.
I couldn't wait to leave the program, to finally go to the same school as my sis. Little did I know, changing schools would NOT be bliss.

Middle school was HORRENDOUS....the kids were really mean to me. You're deaf and dumb, they said. One boy even called me a cunt and tried touching me down there...we were 12. Another boy pretended he had the same voice as me. My sister had a friend over and her friend said, "can you tell your sister to go away? she's a freak...tell her she can't play!"

It wasn't just little kids that didn't know better...their parents treated me badly too. They would call my mom up and say make sure you only send Emily. We don't want April over here"

My parents decided to sell our beautiful house....it was a lovely home but the town was not lovely. They wanted something better for BOTH of their daughters.

Finally in 8th grade...I got to start over. New School, new town. Kids weren't mean, but they didn't go out of their way to be friends. I did have some girls I ate lunch with, but nothing beyond that.

High school...i was the quiet girl that was almost invisible. Again, I had some friends I sat with at lunch but never really hung out with outside of school. I went to prom, went to football games, ran track...but really I was just going through the motions.
The captain of the baseball team (he played basketball too) asked me out but I thought it was a joke. I thought he was making fun of me. I'm still not sure.
I really didn't start enjoying life until college! I had my first kiss at 18. I had friends...real ones that became almost like sisters to me. I met my husband. We got married and had a baby boy who amazes us EVERYDAY! I love him so much and I am so very glad that he can hear.

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ME - posted on 11/06/2010

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I'll give it a shot...I am the second oldest child and oldest daughter of 5 children from a midwest Irish Catholic Family; I grew up with all the guilt that entails. All of my reletives were teachers and/or farmers. Most of my family was very supportive and loving. My older brother, however, was intensely abusive. Physically, emotionally, and whatever else you've got...but my parents didn't see it, and he was their favorite. In fact, he was everyone's favorite. I didn't realize it when I was young, but this had a pretty bad effect on me. I was shy, and depressed and ashamed...I was bullied at school, and this stressed my parents out! They had both been very popular, and they didn't understand what was wrong with me. I tried to make friends in school clubs, in religious clubs, in athletic clubs...but it never really worked very well...I always had a couple of friends, but my best friend has always been my sister who is two years younger than me...
I found an escape in dance, and in reading, and in school work. I loved all three! I've read thousands of books: academic, novels, short stories, history...doesn't matter...i love it all. I danced for 13 years, performing with my dance troup across Europe at the age of 17 before giving it up to go to college. College was where I finally started to gain confidence and to make friends. I was still struggling a lot tho, and became severely anorexic during my frosh year. By the time I graduated I weighed 97 pounds (I'm 5'9"). I had been in a very abusive relationship with a compulsive liar during my senior year, and sort of swore off men...after this, i was raped by an old friend...which did nothing for my feelings about relationships...8 months of counseling later...
I moved to Boulder, CO where I started working on my MA in philosophy in the Fall of 1999. I graduated in 2003, but decided pretty quickly to go back to school. I met my husband in the summer of 2004, and by Nov. we were engaged :) In 2005 I had some medical probs, and learned that I would "have a very difficult time ever having children on my own"....We married in Oct. of 2006, and I graduated with my second Masters (in counseling) the following Spring. 3 months later I was pregnant with Miles...which was very much a surprise. When he was 9 months old, we decided to move back to IL to be close to my family. My brother has removed himself from our lives (thankfully), making it possible for me to raise my children around their extended family.
Over the years I have worked a lot with children (as a camp counselor, a high school teacher, a counselor for teens in trouble, a counselor for young women who were victims of rape and physical abuse...all of this work has gotten me very involved in issues of education, women's rights issues, etc.
Currently, I teach Philosophy at a small college in IL, which I absolutely LOVE most days, and I gave birth to our daughter last Feb (she's 8 1/2 months old now)...
I could be very angry, I suppose, but that's never gotten me very far. When I was about 26 years old, I consciously chose to change my outlook...I am as positive as I can be, and my mantra is "let it go"...I find that if I obssess about things, I get physically ill and pychologically stressed out...This positive attitude has totally changed my life...At 33, I am easily the happiest I've ever been...even tho our lives aren't really that easy...I LOVE being a MOM, and I'm so happy that the doc in 2005 didn't know what he was talking about!

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Carol, I loved reading yours - you had me smiling and in tears. Thanks.

I'm with Loureen on this one. I'm not comfortable sharing the "things" you'd need to know about my past that made me who I am. Some of you already probably know more than I should have indulged so we'll leave it at that. Sorry ladies. I appreciate everyone sharing.

Tah - posted on 11/06/2010

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Well shell of a story or not, i think it ws good for me to say a couple things out loud, if you will, that i hadn't shared with very many people, it gives an idea of who i am and why i repsond the way i do to some things....noone knows me by this name where i am from so it doesn't matter to me one way or another, thats why i don't have request from exe's...they know me by another name..lol

Ez - posted on 11/06/2010

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I will admit mine was only the basic shell of my life story. I understand not wanting to put every little detail out there. I definitely haven't.

In fact, mine is such an abridged version that I think I forgot to even mention my job lol. I'm a medical secretary, which I love, and have absolutely no desire to pursue a career using my Communications degree. I'm going to train as a doula when circumstances allow and would love to do that full-time at some point in the future.

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Fiona, I am kind of pleased I'm not the only one. I married a man who was the complete opposite to my dad, my hubby is calm, cool-tempered and very none aggresive, whereas my dad is always doing something, short-tempered and can be quite aggresive. I was beginning to think I was the only one :-)



Edit to add: I love my dad and he loves us too, I wouldn't want any other dad but I certainly wouldn't want to marry someone like him, we would end up killing each other (I guess I'm a little like my dad)

Tah - posted on 11/06/2010

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hey, if you don't feel comfortable, we get that to, only post what is comfortable for you if anything...

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Ah, Loureen... glad to know I'm not the only one. I have loved reading the stories of the women here willing to share and found many similarities in my own history but when I started writing my own I too baulked at putting it up and deleted it. I have had one internet stalker type encounter and that has made me wary of how much I share in any one go. There is just too much that made me who I am today to try to compress and compile it and I am also not comfortable having it all in one place. I do agree that my past has shaped who I am (how could it not?) and I appreciate the stories here that describe experiences that have made all these women who they are as well.

I will say this... I did not marry a man like my father, my partner is actually much more like me in personality and values and he bears absolutely no physical resemblance to any of my family. Not because I do not love or like my father as a person, just because the man I fell in love with happened to be completely different.

Charlie - posted on 11/05/2010

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Well i could do that but then my story would be left with big gaps that are pretty important lead ups to other events in my life , i will just be content with people patching together the pieces i will share in context to a particular thread but i just cant give the whole story without giving the whole story if you know what i mean and im just not comfortable having it all there in one spot .

Johnny - posted on 11/05/2010

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And why I only posted things I've shared before... and why I now keep my last name from here....

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Loureen thats exactly why i only posted stuff i was comfortable with.
Carol your mother and mine sound like very similar people.

Charlie - posted on 11/05/2010

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You know Ive loved reading these and i started writing my own but i had to delete it , im just not comfortable sharing all the shitty things that have happened in my life and family on the internet , sorry ladies there are some things that just cannot be shared with strangers , i do appreciate everyone else ability to share though but you know what they say one on the internet ALWAYS on the internet .

Leah - posted on 11/05/2010

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Jocelyn I met my husband in January 2006 and we started off at f**k buddies too! Weird....
Well, I just have to say its been sooo interesting reading everyones stories! As for me, compared to some of you, my story is fairly boring but here goes.

Born in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada with one older sister to two people that had no idea how bad they were for each other. My parents are both amazing people but were both trying to be something for the other person and didn't realize how miserable it made them until much later. My mom is a free spirit, an artist and hippie trying to be a SAHM and mold with the other moms in the community (w/o much success). My dad was an intellect that worked in a steel mill trying to make enough money to support us instead of going back to university and finishing his Geology degree. Moved out of Hamilton at the age of 8 to a small town in the Niagara region where my parents build a house and barn and we raised sheep, chickens, llamas and a cow. Went to school at a very conservative, Christian school and didn't fit in at all. My parents didn't have alot of money and the other kids did. They bought name brand where as we shopped at the Salvation Army for our clothes. My parents were very stand offish affection wise and I didn't get along with my dad very well b/c he had a short temper and was not around very much (now I know he was sleep depreived trying to run a farm and work 60+ hours a week at the steel mill, the things we don't realize as kids). High school was good for me, found my 'group' in grade 10, another bunch of kids like me from lower-middle class that didn't want to be cheerleaders or basketball stars. Met my ex boyfriend in grade 12, graduated from high school, went to college and got certified as a dental assistant and ended up moving in with said ex boyfriend who ended up cheating on me and we broke up a month before our 3 year anniversary. Met my husband 3 months after the ex and I split (but didn't really split b/c we were still living together as friends and living out the lease on the apt that neither of us could afford on our own but thats another story all together...much like the Break Up with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn :D). Sooo, met my husband Jan 06 at a party that I was invited to by one of my high school friends. He introduced us b/c he knew we would be able to satify each other's 'needs' lmao. And we did for a while and it came to big surprise to everyone when we decided to go exclusivly and ended up getting engaged! Had our daughter Feb 07, got married July 07 and had our second Nov 09.

My relationship with my parents is very very strange right now. They got divorced when I was 19 and ended up selling our farm. My mom is now a wild flower, a little too wild for my tastes, kinda fluttering through life with no plan and that irritates me. She is now with a very controlling man and she knows how I feel about him and now we don't speak very much anymore (not by my choice). I for sure get along with my dad alot more now, we are for sure cut from the same cloth. (And my husband is very similar to my dad, even though he will deny it until the day he dies, sometimes he will do something that will just shock me as to how similar they are, but I don't say anything, I let my husband believe they are different ;D)

My kids are my world and would do anything and everything for them. As for my marriage, that can be a little rocky now and again, still trying to decide if we are the best people to be married, we are more like best friends more than married people, not too sure if that is a good or bad thing. Time will tell...

Tah - posted on 11/05/2010

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geez people..this is deep..i have a overwhelming urge to start singing because of you by Kelly clarkson and survivor....You ladies have been through so much..yet here you are....putting the pieces back together..who could ask for anything more than that

Isobel - posted on 11/05/2010

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well...I do notice plenty of shitty things...and I DO complain sometimes...but it's usually in a humorous way ;P

Isobel - posted on 11/05/2010

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My parents divorced when I was two, my brother chose to live with my dad until I was 7, then he moved home, essentially turning an only child into a younger sib over night.

I was raised in poverty by a single mom...her second husband was a jerk but I still consider his daughter my sister even though they were only married for 5 years. In fact, my brother is the only full-blood sibling out of the 5 that I consider family.

I dated my husband(ish type person) when we were 18, 20, 21, and pretty much whenever we were in the same town until I married the kids' Dad.

He was a loser drug addict gamer who slept with everything that moved...when I left him I realized that the only thing that was making me miserable was me.

I have since done my best not to complain, to look at the world from a positive viewpoint instead of a negative, and to send only good energy out to the Universe...and in return life has been awesome ever since.

You can either say it's the law of attraction, or just that my mindset is now focused on what's great so I don't notice the shitty stuff anymore...either way I'm a lucky woman :)

Jessica - posted on 11/05/2010

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hahaha nope! Just decided to get a refund and wait until I can go and experiance it with my family! I would totally suck as a drug smuggler, if I even thought someone was looking at me like I might be guilty, I would likly burst into tears saying " I'm sorrrry, I didn't meaaan to!" lol and then I would become a Discovery Channel story! haha. Glad you like my story :)

Jackie - posted on 11/05/2010

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Jessica, that is truly a great story and I enjoyed reading it.

When you got to the part about Thailand, I thought you were gonna say something like you got in trouble trying to smuggle drugs out of the country to pay for your return trip! Haha, I'm glad you didn't. I watch too much Discovery Channel

Jessica - posted on 11/05/2010

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hmm lets see.....
I was born on Nov,6th '85 to a wonderful hippy lady Mom and a Police Officer Dad in Calgary AB who loved each other the way only soul mates can, as well as a sister from another mister that was 10 years older then me,
I had a happy childhood and can't really complain. I have a little brother as well, he is 2 years younger then me and we were glued together as kids. I didn't become really close with my sister til after I graduated highschool at 17 and chose to move in with her and her kids to feel independent, she has been my best friend since.When I was going into junior high we moved to Okotoks AB, I was a wallflower in junior high but when I went to highschool that changed dramatically for me. I went to the Alberta Highschool of Fine Arts (same school as Jocelyn, just a few years ahead) and got big into theatre. Had the same b/f for most of highschool, my first love, with a few bfs in between break ups, lol. After highschool, he asked me to marry him, I said no, we are still friends.
Continued doing theatre in the city after highschool for a few years and then went through a crazy, drunk alot party stage, it was fun but glad I got it out of my system. Leading up to party stage I dated a guy, a mormon. Who stole my self confidence and made me feel like shit just for being me. With low self confidence I felt like I couldn't do better then him and stayed....eventually he started pushing his religion on me, and I was baptised Mormon at 19. Stupidest thing I have ever done. Best thing ever, was when I remembered that I am an awsome individual and that being told I had to take my peircings out, no more tattoos, had to dress a certain way....was not who I was and I dumped his sorry ass and got back to me. (Which is a free spirit Pagan, with lots of tattoos, very artsy and all around happy.) The following night of the break up I went and got a tattoo that says "It will always be my life" and it has been since. I fought with the church for 2 years to get my name removed from any and all documents...i tried very hard to get myself ex-communicated..pretending to be a lesbian..lol nothing worked so I finally I started writing letters....I finally got my wish and to this day I am the only person I know with an official letter from a church telling them they are going to hell. I framed it.
Then I partied and worked for a few years and then when I was 22 I decieded I was going to go to Thailand for 40 days and then I would decide if I wanted to come back, paid for the trip was set to leave in October that year, but ended up not going. I started dating my husband in May, he asked me to marry him in July, oddly enough I said yes (I had huge commitment and trust issues after mormon boy, but something just felt right) and we were married a year and half later on Sept.4th 2009 and found out a week following our wedding that I was pregnant with my daughter Peyton.
I never wanted kids or marriage, I was gunna be nomadic and travel the world but I don't regret a thing, I now just have a family I adore to see the world with.
Now I'm working on starting a company doing my artwork, childrens customized canvas work and as always designing tattoos for my friends. Oh and as others have mentioned, I married a man just like my Daddy, and I am thankful for that because he is a truely kind and amazing man. (just dont tell him I said that, lol). My husband is just like him, aside from looks. I am very lucky to have a universe and more worth of love in my life, and even though we may not have alot of money and the coolest new gadgets, I find myself richer then many people I know.. :) I'm sure i've rambled on and barely made sense, but enjoy :)

Desiree - posted on 11/05/2010

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The "wonderful" relationship my parents had taught me the best lesson ever n relationships and all of them what not do. Today I am very glad they divorced when they did to be honest they where to much a like Controlling and demanding. Today I am happily married for 13 years been together for 18 years. with 2 wonderful kids, my marriage is based on being a partnership totally and utterly. Unlike my parents my kids have never seen us argue or fight ever. It waits until after they have gone to bed for a discussion to be held in the privacy of our bedroom and the matter sorted before the kids awake. That's everything from how to handle a naughty kid and homework not done to major descions in our lives like a move only once it has been discussed do we then move on and tell the kids if it is a major. My husband has never called me a name, raised a hand to me or sworn at me. And neither have I to him.

We respect each other and have based our marriage on three things Communication, Understanding and Trust. We feel that if even one of the three are missing not even love can survive.

My children don't know what it is to see parents fight because they have never seen it and nor will I put them through what I went through as a child.

So yes I agree that the past can shape your future very easily.

Chrystal - posted on 11/05/2010

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I think that how you grew up in the past does shape your future. I grew up in an abusive household. My dad was emotionally, verbally, and mentally abusive to me. Since I grew up that way, I swore I would never ever treat my kids or my husband that way. I have never done that to my kid or husband. I also have forgiven my dad for what he did to me. I think that also has a lot to do with how I act to. If you can't forgive, then you can't fully move on. So in a way he taught me some things, and that is how you should treat your family and friends. They should be treated how you would want to be treated, and that is with the upmost respect and kindness and greatest of all LOVE!

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I was born 12th June 1990 and I had an older sister who's 4 years older. My parents were married and owned their own home. We had a very comfortable childhood with a yearly holiday abroad and another holiday in the UK. My dad worked away during the week and was home on weekend and my mam was a stay at home mum until I was in year 2 and 7 years old. Our parents we thought were strict at times, but looking back I'm glad they brought us up that way, with boundaries as I look at my sister in laws who are 11 and 12 and wonder if they know the meaning of respect. I was bullied in year 4 for a few months but then became friends with my bully...wierd lol!

In secondary school I met some great friends which were vital to my support system as when I was 13 my dad left and my parents divroced because he had chosen to go and live with the woman he'd had an affair with. I was very depressed and from the ages of 13-17 battled with depression on and off. I tried to commit suicide twice - once at age 14 and again at age 17. I self-harmed and saw my psychiatrist weekly which was a great help. I met my now husband in januray 2007. I had gone to sixth form the September before in 2006 as I had gained very high GCSE grades and basically wanted to achieve even more. However, my depression returned and luckily Steven was their for me through it all - he was the one who took me to the hospital when I'd taken an overdose. He's my rock and always will be.

In November 2007 he proposed to me, things moved quite quickly and we got a place together in March 2008 and married June 2008 2 days after my 18th birthday.

We had started trying to concieve in November 2007 because I have PCOS and we'd been told I would propbably need fertility treatment. After a year wtill nothing so we were referred to the clinic. I had a HSG to check by tubes weren't blocked and thankfully they weren't. My problem was I hadn't had a period since the pill was stopped but I had been on it since age 13 for the PCOS. For the test I had to take a drug to induce a period and it's after that period I concieved in February 2009, 15 months after we had started.

Logan was born 6lb 12oz on 27th Nov 2009 andwe're so thankful to have him. We had scares at my 20 week scan as echogenic bowel was found and I had an amnio to rule out genetic diseases. He turns one soon and I just dunno where the time has gone.

I'm starting the open uni in January, working towards a BSC BTEC degree in criminology and psychological studies so glad I'm able to get a degree despite not doing my AS or A levels as I had to leave sixth form because of my depression.

I've been through a lot and it makes me the person I am today. I try not to take things for granted and see how childhoods can be so different yet still happy. My husbands was very different from mine but he's turned out fine lol so money definately isn't everything!

Jackie - posted on 11/05/2010

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I really do find I piece of me in all of these stories. I somehow feel close though I don't even know what most of you look like :)

I didn't mentions that I and born in raised in the Hampton Roads area of VA. I would love to get the hell outta here but secretly would miss this place so bad that I would just end up coming back.

Krista - posted on 11/05/2010

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Oh Joy...((((HUGS))). You've been through enough hard times for several lifetimes, my darling. It's made you a strong, wonderful person, but I wish you hadn't had to go through all of that. I'm sending you wishes that the rest of your life is happy and healthy and fulfilling in every way.

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Wow this really is a great thread.

I was born Oct 1984 to a mom and dad who love each other to this day, mom was a young mom and was only 19 when I was born but had been married to my dad since she was 17, my little brother followed in Feb 1986. Growing up we didn't have much money and struggled, our birthday and xmas prezzies were often recycled things dad had found and done up but we loved them. Our home had lots of love but also lots of discipline - we did what dad said when he said it or else.

I had very few friends, looking back I was an awful child and it's no wonder people didn't want to be my friend, I was the know it all, do it my way or don't do it child. I was bullied throughout Junior school and in the first year of Secondary school. The bullying stopped when I finally snapped and beat the shit out of one of my bullies. I was bullied because I was clever and very very tall and thin, I hated being thin I used to wish I was fat (and by fat I mean as round as I was tall fat).

I met one of my best friends in secondary school, she was there for me when no-one else would talk to me and she is fantastic. Although I spent a lot of time worrying about her because she has a auto-immune disfunction and nearly died several times throughtout our time at school.

Fast forward a few years to university, I met the rest of my best friends here, oddly I met most of them on the first day, due to a bit of overconfidence and talking to random people just because I could. I had a blast at uni although I regret working full-time while doing a full time uni course, that was hard work and unnecessary. I am pleased to say that I finished uni with a 2:1 hons degree in psychology and loads of skills which I transferred to my work.

Just before I started uni I started dating my hubby whom I had known for years. My hubby and I met when I was 14 years old when he showed me around my new paper round, a yer later he was placed in my tutor group at school. Fast forward a few years to the upper sixth leaving do (I was in lower sixth) and my hubby had gone with his best mate (although he wasn't in the sixth form), he tried to dance with me and asked me out I was horrified he was my mate. Then he came into the store I worked in every weekend to buy magazines and sweets for his neices and nephews and talked to me, I fell for him. My best mate rang his best mate for his number, we rang him asked him out he agreed and the rest is history. I was luckily he believed we was sober and I am lucky he answered his phone, some hings are just meant to be. We have been married for 4 years and have been together 7 years.

After uni I got a job straight away, I had a mortgage to pay, and quite enjoyed my job. I was a Sales Development Executive and worked damn hard. My company fast tracked me onto our management training scheme which I managed to complete just before I ended up in hospital with my son.

We began trying for a baby when we got back from our honeymoon and after a year of trying we found we both had fertility issues. We was told that there was procedures we could do but altimately adoption was going to be our option. So after looking into adoption and having an operation we decided to give it a few more years and then go the adoption route. I had my op in Nov and by Feb I was pregnant with our son, Ethan. I suffered Pre-Eclampsia and spent 17 days in hospital before being induced at 37 weeks due to me being incredibly poorly. He was born 12th Oct 2009 and is brilliant. We are currently expecting baby number 2.

There is so much more that has defined me but these are the main points I think.

Sunny - posted on 11/05/2010

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Oh Joy! You made me tear up! *HUGS*
It's truly amazing just how much we are able to overcome and how so many of us are laced with a past that is cold and cruel and yet we manage to go on and still find love and joy in our lives and see a future. :)

[deleted account]

When I first saw this thread yesterday, I wasn't going to post because I thought, "Nobody needs to know that much about me." But out of curiosity I came back tonight to read and several times I've been brought to tears. One of the first posts I read, don't remember whose it was, said basically that we can find bits and pieces of each other in each other's stories and that is what I've done. In one way or another, I've identified with just about every story on here and it makes me sad / happy. So, deep breath, this may be long, but here goes. I'll try and keep it brief, but you may want to get comfortable because sometimes my mind goes on and on and my fingers can keep up.



My mother was the dreaded "other woman" when she got pregnant with me. My father refused to leave his wife and wanted her to have an abortion. It was legal in most states back then (1970), but restricted to cases of rape, incest, danger to a woman's health or defect with the baby. But in a small handful of states (3, I think) it was legal without restriction and he was willing to take her to one of those states. Obviously, she refused. My mother was a month shy of 40 years old when I was born on July 10, 1971 in Orlando, Florida. I have two older brothers (from my Mom's first marriage). They were 11 and 13 when I was born. I was molested when I was 3 by one of my mom's boyfriends. I was molested by a neighbor when I was 6. I met my father when I was 7. He had divorced his wife and he and my mom were married in 1979, just before my 8th birthday. From age 7 until 10 my father molested me. My mother turned into a raging alcoholic who would beat me with anything she could get her hands on. My fear of guns stems from her holding me hostage all night with a gun to my forehead, drunk off her ass, blaming me for my father wanting me over her. By now, my brothers were gone. Mark, the youngest, was in college on a full scholarship. Robert, the oldest had left home and joined the Army when he was 17, had been to Korea and back. He got out of the Army and came home when I was 7. He and my mom had a huge fight when he got back because he had been sending all of his pay home for her to save for him and she had blown it. He left the house and I didn't see him again until I was 12. My brother Mark though, was attending college locally but living in the dorms. He would come home on the weekends to take care of me and he did his best to protect me. My whole life, I went to church every Sunday with Mark. Some Sundays I was allowed to go to "adult church" so that I could watch him sing in the chior. It was my escape and I really liked church when I was a child. I was in and out of foster care due to my mother going to jail for various reasons. The last time was on my 10th birthday (1981). She got mad at my father, packed all his clothes into his car and set it on fire. Mark came home from college and took care of me as best he could while she was in jail that time but he couldn't handle me, work and school so I went into foster care again. In April of 1982 my mom failed to appear at a court hearing, and the judge was about to sign papers allowing my foster parents to adopt me but like something from a movie, in runs this pretty blonde lady hollering,"WAIT!" She turned out to be my mom's sister, whom I had never met. My mom had told her about the adoption and Aunt Dottie wanted me to stay in the family so she took me home with her to Miami. I got along ok with my Aunt Dottie & Uncle Jack but they were older, had already raised their kids, had grand-children and I was a willful, mouthy child. I was a good kid, just very opinionated and had this craving to be heard. I was a good student but started getting into trouble. I had sex voluntarily for the first time when I was 13 and contracted an STD. I skipped school a few times. I ran away a few times. I was into Billy Idol big time, wore black clothing and funky jewelry and spiked my hair. My best friend had a different color hair every week. My aunt & uncle were convinced I was on drugs but at this point I hadn't ever even smoked a cigarette. My aunt didn't like hearing bad things about my mother (her sister) so pretty much from day one after they got custody of me I was in therapy, which is a good thing. But eventually it all came to a head and we all agreed that we couldn't live together anymore. My therapist helped me pick a good group home in South Miami and we all agreed that's where I would go. I moved into the group home on my 15th birthday. The group home was nice, the house mothers were friendly and it was a decent experience. We all went to church every Sunday and I got involved in the youth group. For awhile, I was a religious fanatic. So much so that at one point the youth pastor told us we all needed to banish sinful worldly things from our lives and I took him literally. I went home that day and smashed my ginormous collection of Billy Idol records into bits. I then took the bits and shards and made earrings out of them with glitter markers and sequins lol That right there is one of the great WTF moments of my life lol When I was 16 my youth pastor was sent to prison for molesting one of the boys in our youth group, who also happened to be a boy I was dating. I was crushed and lost all faith in God and in humanity in general. I haven't been back to church since and until recently, I struggled with my faith constantly. Now, I just don't believe at all. I was 16 by this time and fed up with the world so I petitioned the judge to be emancipated. This judge loved me. He had been my judge for every hearing (which was every 6 months) since I was 10 so he had grown to care about me. He promised he would see me emancipated. Well, I was young and impatient and didn't want to wait for the red tape to clear so I stole a bunch of money from my work (cashier at KMart) and ran away to Scotland. Yes, Scotland. Why Scotland? Because one of my second cousins was stationed there in the Navy. He was 2 years older than me and we had been close, the black sheep, through our teens. It took some planning on my part to pull it off, get the passport,etc, but I pulled it off. I stayed in Scotland partying my ass off with a bunch of Navy guys for almost a month when my cousin told me I had to go home. He had gone into the Navy to avoid going to jail for a stupid pot violation and he was risking his freedom by harboring me so I came home, was arrested and sent to juvenile hall. I spent a week there, was beaten by one of the guards and had my shoes stolen by another guard. After the shoes were stolen I sat in my cell and refused to do anything until I spoke with my lawyer. The judge himself personally came to my cell with my emancipation papers and all I had to do was agree to make restitution and the charges were dropped. From 17 until 24 I was a wild woman. Flunked out my senior year in high school, slept with too many guys, moved to Ohio to stay with my oldest brother Robert, did a lot of drinking and drugs. Got hooked on crack and dropped down to 98 pounds. Trust me, there is nothing pretty about being 5'9" and 98 pounds. I was with a guy during my drug phase who used to beat the crap out of me and I actually stayed with him because I thought I deserved it. I used to do things to piss him off just so that he would hit me. He went to prison and I left him. Got off drugs. Stayed at the YWCA for 6 months while I saved up tips and moved back to Florida to my Aunt Dottie & Uncle Jack's house. The day after I moved back to Florida, I ran into an old boyfriend and we started dating, eventually got married in 1995 when I was 24. I made peace with my mother. I accepted that she would never apologize and would never give me the answers I sought. I learned to meet her where she was and we developed a strange sort of friendship. She passed away in 1997 of a brain anneurysm. She died alone, having not seen either of my brothers in well over 10 years. She was dead in her apartment for the better part of 3 days before anyone noticed. I had to identify her body because I was her closest living relative. It took a long time for me to not see her dead on a metal table every time I thought of her. But I was glad that we had made our peace because now I see how my brothers suffer. They won't acknowledge that they hurt or miss her, but I know they do. My first husband and I had started having problems almost immediately after we were married. We were the best of friends but not meant to be married. Ultimately, I wasn't attracted to him at all and had only married him because I was convinced no one would ever love me like he did. And he did love me. He was everything you hear women talking about that they want in a man. Gentle, kind, romantic, the whole thing. But I just didn't feel that way about him. We went to therapy (alone and together) for years. I miscarried twice while I was married to him and eventually, I began cheating on him. I cheated on him a lot more than he thought I did. He eventually cheated on me too. We finally called it quits in 2003. We decided to seperate before we ended up hating each other. We had always made great friends and neither of us wanted to lose that part of our relationship so we split on very good terms and are still good friends to this day. I met my husband Steve shortly before I left my ex. In fact, Steve was the last guy I had cheated on my ex-husband with. Anyhow, the day I moved out of my ex's house is the same day I moved in with Steve. We've been together ever since. We miscarried in September 2003 and on my birthday last year. It's a theme for bad shit to happen to me on my birthday and I'm always relieved when that day is over. Jacob was born in October 2007 and he's our world. I don't know what I ever had to smile about before him. I've been a SAHM since he was born and most days I love it. Some days I feel paralyzed by the fear of screwing up my son the way my mother screwed up with me. Those are the days I hibernate, breathe, smoke too many cigarettes and force myself to be happy because I know in my heart that I am a good mother, and that I can be happy if I'll just get out of my own way. In February of this year we left Florida and moved to Penn Yan, NY, where Steve grew up and where his family and childhood friends still are. I talk with Aunt Dottie on the phone at least once a week for about an hour. She turns 82 this month. Uncle Jack is 84 and his health is failing. They are the only real parents I have ever known. Even though we couldn't live together when I was a teenager, they have always been there for me and done the things parents do for their children. I love them very much and don't know what I'll do when they pass. That's me, in a nutty nutshell. I've left a lot out because there is just too much and it would take a book to show the whole picture, but basically, that's me, what shaped me and how I became who I am today.

[deleted account]

Just gotta clean up dinner dishes and bath Roxanne and I'll be back to post - I just spent the last half hour reading.

Ez - posted on 11/04/2010

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Great thread!!



I was born (and still live) in Newcastle, Aus. I have one younger brother, and our parents divorced when I was 10. It came as a surprise. I have no memories of them fighting or our family life being horrible. I suppose that just means they did a good job of keeping their problems away from us. That is, until they actually split. I am still resentful of the way both of them handled the separation in the first few years. It got better once they both re-partnered (and eventually remarried) a couple of years later, but things were not pleasant for a while. They did manage to move past it and effectively co-parent my brother and I though. My relationship with my mother suffered - it didn’t help that this all coincided with me going through puberty and just generally being a cheeky little bitch. Terrible timing. Our relationship improved greatly when I moved out at 19, and is wonderful now.



School was great for me. I was popular and good at sport. I had a childhood love affair with a boy named Ryan. He was my first kiss - we were 11. He then moved 3hrs away when we were 12 and we lost touch for many years. I found learning easy. I didn’t have to try very hard, and eventually went to a G & T high school. High school was pretty standard for me. Lots of friends. Lots of sport. Lots of parties… drinking but no drugs. A few boys. I started working at Target after school and on weekends at 15. I was also playing State League netball in Sydney every Saturday so life was very busy. Too busy for me to get into too much trouble lol. I went on to do a Communication Degree but have never used it.



After uni I ran into an old friend at a pub. There was a local covers band playing, and she knew them (she was actually shagging the lead guitarist lol). I then found myself immersed in the local music scene for several years. I spent up to 5 nights a week at gigs. The stereotypical sex, drugs and rock’n’roll. It was an amazing time in my life, but I always knew it couldn’t last forever. I packed up and moved to the Gold Coast when I was 23. I got a job in a jewellery store and lived with a friend. It was intended as an open-ended working holiday, and I got homesick 6mths later and moved back. I briefly started hanging out with the my muso friends again, but quickly realised I had moved on.



Which is when my most dysfunctional relationship happened. He was the neighbour of a friend of mine, and we were madly in love, but a total disaster together. We would fight and break up, and then make up, every few months - this went on for nearly 3 years. He cheated several times, but I wanted desperately to believe him when he said things would be different blah blah blah. Eventually I called it off for good, and we were able to remain friends until he moved interstate for work.



In January 08 I got a Friend Request on FB. It was from my first kiss. We started talking on FB, then texting, then phone calls. Soon we met up and started a long-distance ‘thing’. Fast forward to the end of May, and I found out I was pregnant. He flipped, pressured me to terminate and accused me of being after his money. I politely told him to go fuck himself. And so I embarked on my journey to single motherhood. Milla was born when I was 27. She is now 21mths and reassures me every day that I did the right thing in standing up to her father.

[deleted account]

I have returned. I have loved reading this thread.

My Brother was born in 1983, My mum was 17. I came in '86 just after my mums 20th.
My parents are still together. My mother has sever Depression. My father and i didn't get along very well all throughout my highschool years. Now i have so much respect for him and what he deals with on a day to day basis with my mother.
Primary school was fine i got okay grades and had good friends.
My parents moved the family 3 hours away and to the country when i was 11.
Starting High school at new place was fine i always made friends easily.
In yr 8, as stupid girl teenagers, my "friends" and i did a thing where we all wrote down one thing that annoyed us or we didn't like about the others. EVERY one of those pricks wrote down that i was fat and should loose weight. I continued to be friends with them after this because i was teased by everyone else anyway and wanted to accepted.
In yr 9 one day during a break i went to where our group sat and they were not there they had moved and wanted nothing to do with me.From that day on i was loner at school with no friends and got called some very nasty horrible names. One that was chanted to me on a regular basis was "chunder box".
In yr 10 i became friends with 1 girl in my yr and to this day she is one of the most influential people in my life.
When i was 16 my mother attempted suicide. I whitnessed it all. It was horrible. I refuse to ever do that to my children or family. I still resent her for that.
My now hubby and i met when i was 17 and started dating and moved in together when i was 18.
I have stayed away from drugs and rearly drink.
When i fell pregnant with my daughter i had some nasty person at my work place tell me that i would be a horrible mother and probably shouldnt be ahving children.
My brother had a child to a 15 yr old girl, we were pregnant at the same time and our children are 4 days apart. He tod us he had broken up with her because she wouldnt have an abortion. But was still with her but lieing to us. They broke up just before my beautiful nephew was born after she had decided to tell people they were still together.
She moved on and found a good man. My brother was bitter and started sleeping with His ex's neighbour just so he could spy on his ex. This new Fuck buddy of his got into his ear and he no longer talks to any of his family because she thought we didn't like her and he went on the whole tangent of if you don't like her then i respect her more than any of you! :( ( She was at my 21st party. My parents invited her to my 21st lunch at a very nice restraunt that she didn't have to pay for a damn thing. They also brought her tickets so she could go to a concert with all of us so we could get to know her better. I'm not sure whys he thought we didn't like her.) Besides police getting involved and some very nasty letters and a FB rant that happened a few weeks ago we hav not spoken to them since one afternoon when i didn't want to go to their place for afternoon tes. My hubby took our children but i was 9 months pregnant and exhausted and didn't want to go. She took it personally and so did my brother.
They have called the police on us, abused the living fuck out of me while i was walking with my then 2 yr old daughter, tried to run my father and husband over while they have been crossing the road, and threatened me numerous times.

I'm sorry i can't be as open and tell more but there are some things that not even my hubby knows and i don't think the net is the place for it to be said.
But other than that thats what has defined me andi can probably tell you how each of those things has changed me but then we'd be reading a novel.

Rebecca - posted on 11/04/2010

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Tah, this is a great thread! It's nice to get to know all the women here in this way.

Rosie - posted on 11/04/2010

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ready for a novel??lol?

i was born to a mother who was raised mennonite, and a father whose favortie pasttime was drinking. i'm from a small college town in iowa. first came my sister in 1975. my parents divorced, when i'm not sure, i know it was before i was conceived though. he beat my mother, and my sister. he raped my mother and i was conceived. conviced he had "changed" and determined to make things work for her new baby my mother married him again. of course things didn't change, and he beat me and my sister and my mom daily. my mom left when i was 2, she grabbed us, went to some strangers house, and begged the women to take us in. she did, and my mother hid there for a while until she could put my dad in jail. he didn't stay very long.

in the meantime, she met a man named art. a bad boy who treated her like gold. he was a truckdriver, she was a nurse. they got married when i was 6, and my brother came along when i was 7. we lived a GREAT life until my sister became a teenager. all the trauma that she had suffered at teh hands of our father did it's toll on her, and she began to drink. she begged for attention from men, and soon enough she was getting it. she got pregnant at 16 and my parents kicked her out.

i attended church every sunday, and went to bible camp every summer for a week until i was 14 (where i got my first kiss, lol) .my preteen years were filled with anguish, as i was often a target for bullies. i have horrible acne, and people made sure to let me know how ugly they thought i was. there was a "slam book" passed around and i was voted the person most likely to bang herself with a tampon. needless to say, i became VERY depressed. i started cutting myself. i wanted to die, but i was too afraid to actually do it, so i just made myself feel pain. i would also take hot metal and burn myself with it. i thought no boy would ever want to be with me.



i detasseled corn as soon as i got back from bible camp when i was 14, where i met my first love kevin. kevin and i dated for 5 years, and we got engaged. my relationship with kevin was great most of the time until our junior year then it started going down hill. he became very possessive, and jealous. i tried to break up with him a couple of times, but each time he threatened suicide. he spend 2 trips to the psych ward. we moved in together right after graduation. we lived together for 11 months when i decided i wanted to go to a party. so i went. he was pissed. at this party i drank for the first time, and smoked (not for the first time, but it's where i picked up the habit). i got trashed, and slept with someone else. it was my way i think, of getting out of my relationship with kevin. there was no turning back then. i told him about going to a party and drinking, and he threw me across the room. needless to say with a background of abuse like mine, that's all it took and i told him to fuck off. it wasn't until a couple days later that i told him about sleeping with the other guy.



i partied a bit after that. sleeping with men. for me sleeping with someone equalled they loved me. kevin did, he was my only experience. i think i also have daddy issues so i was obviously trying to make up for that by reaching out to whoever i could. i ended up pregnant at 20. 5 weeks into it, i miscarried and that man left. i of course slept around a little more, and then started dating someone at my work named leo. about a week into it, i slept with him, and got pregnant AGAIN. 9 weeks into that pregnancy i misscarried as well, and had to have a d&c. at my doctors appointment i was put on birth control pills (duh, kati) and leo and i used condoms for the first 2-3 weeks, but i ended up pregnant AGAIN before my period had even started again. this time i gave birth to a beautiful boy named grant. leo left when i was 10 weeks pregnant, and has never looked back. i terminated his rights last october 19th, and my husband adopted him.



when grant was about 18 months old, i started dating another coworker named chad. he took care of me, and treated me well, and didn't want sex right away. he treated my son great, and he was just different. we started dating in july, i didn't sleep with him till oct (that took strength for me, lol) and we moved into his house in feb. and we've been together ever since, we just passed 9 years a couple months ago.



my husband was in a car accident 4 years ago that broke his right ankle and left hip. he was hospitalized for 5 days, and a week after his release i found i was pregnant with our youngest lucas. i took care of my hubby and 2 children and i must say it was the most stressful, mentally exhausting time of my life. i gave birth to our son right around the time my husband was finally able to go back to work full time. my husbands ankle is completely fucked up to this day, which limits his daily activities.



i am close to my mother and father (i call my step dad my father). my sister and i havn't spoken in 4 years, and my brother is a bit socially weird, so we aren't that close, but i do love him to bits.

[deleted account]

Ok, let's try this again.



My sister and I were born to happy, blue-collar, middle class parents, married and in their mid 20's. I am now 30, my sis is 29, we love each other, but are not close. We are Tsalagi and white.



When I was 5, the textiles closed and left many families, including ours, homeless. There was welfare, but you had to have an address or live in gov. housing project which did not welcome white people. The few who moved into it were killed or beaten, so my parents built a makeshift shack from parts of an old tent camper and scrapped car. We lived there for 9 years. It was not safe and I was constantly afraid of the people we didn't know who would crawl into our "hut" on cold nights. Many stole what little we had.



During that time, Dad fell into a deep crystal meth addiction. Mom worked endless hours, but dad spent the $$ on drugs so we were stuck.

My mom lied about our address so we could go to the "good school." I had no friends b/c I had to hide my living conditions. I was jealous of the kids who lived in houses or in the gov. projects, which had floors, electricity, and doors that locked.

My grandmother started teaching me Tsalagi.

I developed anorexia when I was 6, hospitalized for it when I was 7. I still struggle & have been in therapy since I was a teen. We could not afford therapy when I was a child.



When I was 14, the casinos opened (on our reservation in NC), which meant my mom got a stipend, and my dad crawled out of his addiction long enough to buy a little house. He then fell back, but mom managed to keep the house with her casino cut.



High-school was normal, aside from anorexia and my dad's meth addiction. I did not do drugs b/c I knew I wanted out of the life I was in, and I knew what they did to people. I finally got to make friends, and I excelled in Arts. I earned several scholarships, but I got sick and after 4 yrs of treatment, my scholarships were expired & I was buried in medical bills.

I got a job working 3rd shift, where I met my husband. He was my boss, 11 yrs older than me, and had served in Desert Storm. He is now an systems engineer with a small firm who caters to large industry needs.



I never finished college. I opened a business that markets to photographers. It grew and I opened a spin off business. I also do some photography myself, but not much, I am not that great at it.



We bought a house shortly after our wedding and had our only child, a son, in 2004. I worked on and off, then hired managers to run the businesses so that I could stay home. Last year, due to the new healthcare law, I was forced to sell them or return to work full time, so I decided to sell. I feel very guilty about the people who lost their jobs, but I wanted to stay home with my boy.



And that is where I am now.

Jenn - posted on 11/04/2010

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Oh yeah, I was an honour student and went to enrichment classes up until grade 10 - that's when the sex and drugs started and I lost interest in my education. I did go to and graduate from college but it was a waste of time and I slept through a lot of classes. I'm the poster child for why you shouldn't do drugs - it ruined my ambition.

[deleted account]

oh and I moved around a lot. Until I was 24, I never spent more than 2 years in the same place. I've lived on two continents, in three countries, 16 cities, and I've gone to 7 elementary schools and 4 secondary schools.

Jackie - posted on 11/04/2010

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First I want to say that I've really enjoyed reading everybody's stories! GREAT thread...



Dec 24th, 1976 my parent were married (please keep Dec 24th, Christmas Eve, as a mental note.)



My brother, Ryan, was born in August of that year.

Fast forward to Dec 24th 1982, I was born on my parent anniversary 2 1/2 months early. Nearly died twice and then hospitalized at 2 months old (before I was even supposed to be born) with pneumonia. Nearly died again. I'm a fighter.



Elementary school was easy. I went to a magnet school and was super smart. Had lots of friends. However, home life wasn't all peas and carrots. Dad was cheating, mom was going crazy, brother was unmotivated at school and made for a very rough childhood.



Middle school, parent were still together but mom slept on the couch. Dad was ALWAYS are very hard worker. He ran a tree company for many years and eventually bought his own business and was fairly successful. I was spoiled and felt like everything should just be handed to me. I hated school, smoked cigarettes, smoked pot, was very interested in boys.

8th grade I ended up with mono and was out of school for an entire 2 months. Almost failed but ended going to an alternative school that agreed to put me in 9th grade if I kept up. Mission accomplished!



High school was not great either. i still smoked, smoke pot and really didn't care too much for school. I wasn't very popular. I had low self esteem, although, looking back, I don't know why... I dropped out. Shame on me.



Fast forward... Dec 24th,2000. (Christmas Eve, my birthday, parents anniversary) People over, everybody hanging out, Dad tells me to go to his truck and get the card he had gotten for mom in his front seat. No card in the front seat so I start digging. Found a card, brought it in to mom, gave it to her. I had just brought my mom a card from another woman to my dad!

Parents divorced but are better friends now than ever and frankly, they should have done it years earlier. I have no real perception of what a so called 'healthy' relationship is supposed to be.



At nobody's fault but my own I dabbled in harder drugs. The only drug that ever grew to be a problem was Ecstasy. I did that a lot for a good period of time. I lived alone for about 6 years and didn't have to answer to anyone but myself for the most part. My dad always tried to keep me on the straight and arrow. Mom was more of a friend than a parent. I slept around. Shame on me.



I went to club with an old friend when I was 22 and ran into some more old friends from high school. Ted and Jon (brothers). Well, Jon wasn't my friend back then but I knew him. When I laid eyes on him for the first time that night I knew I would have him. 6 years later, I still do. I quit doing drugs a few months after we started dating. We have a beautiful daughter, Allison (20months old), we have a beautiful home. I would like to also add that even though I'm a high school drop out, I have ALWAYS been a very hard worker and have a strong work ethic. (thanks Dad! you're my hero). I'm an office manager.

[deleted account]

An overview:
-parents married young and divorced when I was 4
-one sister, one brother, one half brother
-both parents remarried, my dad remarried twice
-abusive stepfather that ruined my self-image and self-esteem (still working on that although I'm almost back to normal!)
-mom went back to college to become a nurse as a single mom with three kids, I ran the household (showed me that everything's possible even if you didn't do everything "In the right order" ie. education, marriage, kids)
-dad lived far away in another country so we didn't get to see him very often
-nasty custody battle lasting until I was 10
-dad went back to school when I was graduating secondary school to become a lawyer (showed me that everything's possible at any age)
-had a pretty normal life otherwise and was always happy and knew a lot of different people (no cliques for me), got good grades, honour student, piano lessons, rugby team
-fell in love with someone I met on the internet when I was 16 (drama movie in between) and fell in love with him again when I was 24, he asked me to marry him, I moved to Europe and now I'm a mother to his two-children

And now you have me :)

[deleted account]

Ugh. typed this all out, then stupid com lost it :( These have been a lot of fun to read though. Will have to type it out later.

Sarah - posted on 11/04/2010

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Hmmmm, well I was born in the seaside town of Weston-super-Mare and have lived here all my life (secretly, I quite like it!) I have an older sister, she's 6 and a half years older than me, we get on well now, but never used to.
My parents divorced when I was 3, got married again when I was 5 and then divorced again when I was 10.
My father has a bit of a drink problem, but I'm extremely close to him. In fact, I'm a LOT like him (though I don't have a drink problem)
My mother remarried, we used to be very, very close, but not so much now.

I've done my fair share (and probably other people's share too!) of partying and drug taking......I don't regret a minute of it to be honest, I had a blast!

I never knew what I wanted to do with my life, so I never had a career. I'm now training to be a Teaching Assistant though, and really enjoying it.

I met my husband when I was just turned 18, and have been with him ever since (on and off). We've had a VERY up and down relationship, with cheating from both sides. We've been quite nasty to each other over the years, but since we married 3 years ago, it's been much better. I'd say we're happier now than we have ever been.

I had my eldest daughter, Cadence at 21. Struggled a LOT with pregnancy and the first 6 months or so.
I had my youngest daughter, Shia, 4 yrs later, and found it SO much easier!!

That's all I can think of at the moment! :)

[deleted account]

Wow I'll be back to this one to post later but right now i have some kiddies who need my attention!

Rebecca - posted on 11/04/2010

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Well...
I was born March 20th, 1991. I have an older brother, and we never really got along until I moved out. My father has bipolar disorder and my mother is a diagnosed alcoholic and they haven't kissed each other in almost 13 years i'm guessing. I was diagnosed Bipolar when i was 14 and have been struggling with it well before then. I started hanging out with the wrong crowd around age 12, and was hooked on heroin from then until I was 17. I went to rehab at age 16, but relapsed. I stopped completely when I moved out of my parents house at 17 and met my wonderful boyfriend practically the same day and have lived together ever since. I graduated High School in '09 and continued working instead of returning to school. My boyfriend and I got pregnant with our beautiful daughter in November-ish of '09, and our daughter Saydi was born August 22nd, 2010. Here I am today, I proud mother and girlfriend, continuing to develop passions for things I would have never guessed.

Sunny - posted on 11/03/2010

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Interesting.

OK well here is a quick snippet;



I was born in WA Australia, moved to Victoria at age 2.

Mum and Dad divorced when i was 7 and both had children with other partners (i have 7 sisters, 4 brothers and one on the way due in 7 weeks)

Mum was unwell growing up and i spent a lot of time at home helping with the kids when i should have been at school.

At age 9 i was diagnosed with melanoma skin cancer and under went surgery shortly before my 10th birthday.

At 11 a house and car on our property was blown up on purpose and our family home was under police protection for, i can't remember how long. And i suffered badly from anorexia. I also lost a friend from an asthma attack that year.

At 12 my step dad left my mum and i had my first failed suicide attempt. My brother was also fostered into a friends family that year after robbing a store, chopping down a shed with an axe and burning down a state forest. (He was 9) My oldest sister became addicted to heroin around this time too. (She would have been 15-16)

At 13 both my parents were put into mental institutions and i was sent to a foster home after i ran away from school. I was sexually abused there twice.

At 14 i moved back to mum's and became an alcoholic. I started seeing guys much older than me and using drugs. Even though i went to therapy 3 times a week i was still very depressed. I went up north for a solo holiday for 3 months where i was drugged and raped. I had two more failed suicide attempts, one that has left me with permanent stomach scarring.

At 15 i lost 3 friends in the time frame of a month. one to cancer, one was hit my a car and one to suicide. I also started dating Jesse and moved in with him and his mother.

At 16 i started using a lot more drugs but was doing really well at school and was working most days to pay my way at jesse's mum's. But i ended up homeless for a few months (long story) and went back to therapy everyday. I ended up back at jesse's

At 17 i found out i was pregnant and even though jesse's mum begged me everyday for months to have an abortion, i couldn't do it and decided to keep the baby.

At 18 jesse and i got our own place and became the parents of a beautiful little boy Noah. 5 months later he was almost kidnapped from us by a drug addict and we were forced to move away to the city :(

I was very depressed for the first year we were there, always looking over my shoulder, worried they would come after Noah again.

This year i have had some health issues (skin cancer again ect.)

But all in all things are looking up. I just turned 22, Jesse and i are very strong at the moment and Noah is the most wonderful 3 year old and im very lucky that i still get to be a SAHM. I worry manly now over my siblings, 3 have very bad drug addictions and the rest are still very bitter about our upbringing and the ones they are going through now (some are still very young still 1, 6, 12 ect)

Sometimes i feel the depression creeping back but i know now to tell someone and for some reason the night i get every week to myself where i get to have a bath, a glass or two of wine and curl up in bed with my old mate harry potter, seems to keep me from going mad lol

:)

Cat - posted on 11/03/2010

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Well lets see... I was born in Northwest Territories Canada, the oldest of 3 kids... I'm conflicted about my parents, b/c I really did hate them growing up, for numerous reasons... They never showed affection for each other... Like ever... Rarely if ever told us they loved us, and as I got older, things just seemed to get worse for me, they expected me to be perfect, and there were serious consequences for not living up to expectations. I was backhanded several times by my dad, who had a wicked explosive temper. The minute I realized I actually had a choice of what to do with my life (which sadly wasnt till I was 20) I moved across Canada (they lived in Ontario by that point) I am now in BC... Unfortunately, as I'm now married, I realize I've developed quite a few alarming traits, including being unaffectionate, and quick to anger under stress. My parents on the other hand, are completely different now that I have kids. They're everything to my kids that I wish they'd been to me growing up. I hope I can learn to be a different person while my kids are still young enough to know the difference... That's pretty much it...

Jocelyn - posted on 11/03/2010

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I come from a broken home :(
Lol, ok so my parents are in the process of getting divorced, so that doesn't count does it :P
Anywho, I was born to a mom (SAHM) and a dad (he's had a few jobs, all in the same field--currently a gas distributor for western North America)
I have a sister who is 3 years younger (hated each other growing up, best friends now!)
My mom is a recovered alcoholic, although I don't remember her being drunk very often.
We didn't have a lot of money growing up, but there was enough for the basics necessities.
Childhood was fine; moved around a couple times, good schools, good friends, no problems.
Junior high I started to get "weird" lol
First real french kiss at 14, although he wasn't my boyfriend.
High school was...interesting. I got involved in Musical Theatre and the arts. I was also the schools best computer drafter (ACad programs and such). I was on the honour role, school was easy. Had lots of friends.
As the same time I developed depression. Started smoking, smoking pot, doing mush. I also started cutting. I was a weird blend of hippy-goth-punk.
Continued like that for a while. Stopped cutting and immersed myself more into the arts to help my self expression.
Continued in a good way until grade 12. Slept with lots of people during high school.
Entered a relationship with a guy named Mat (who ended up being a pathological lair/ schizophrenic) who I was madly in love with. Worked two jobs (to save for college tuition). I became addicted to cocaine, and spent all my said tuition money.
Spent a lot of time in a coked out haze. Finally got clean in November of 2005 (a couple months after I graduated high school).
Met my hubby in Jan 2006, started out as fuck buddies.
Lost a good friend in a car crash in March, and found out I was pregnant a few weeks later.
Got engaged in July, had Conner, got married, got preg again and had Brooklynn October 2009.
And here we are.

Kate CP - posted on 11/03/2010

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I did marry my father and sometimes it's a little weird. If they looked alike I'd be creeped out. :P

[deleted account]

I wish more fathers realized what an impact they have on their daughters. They really do set the standard for the type of man their daughter's will go after, whether good or bad. I'm blessed my husband realizes that. It gives me a good feeling about my daughter's future. =)

Tah - posted on 11/03/2010

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@Sara..isn't it funny how we marry our father's..lol..my husband is a christian, An IT in the navy, treats me like a queen, is quiet but carries a big stick..if his name was William i would be in trouble...My dad also runs the prison ministry at church and sunday school and christian education..lol...

[deleted account]

Great idea, Tah. It's enlightening to read where everyone has come from.



Me...Sara...I was born to two people who loved each other, and still love each other very much. I have one sister. We fought like cats and dogs growing up but we are best friends now. We live in the South, pretty much directly on the Mississippi River. I feel so blessed to have grown up in the home I did, and want the same for my kids. They'll get it. =)



My dad probably influenced me the most. He was a hippie and kind of earthy, but also a Christian. He treats my mom like a queen and set the standard for the type of man I wanted to marry. He never said anything that didn't have a valid action behind it. He taught us to take care of God's earth by attaching a bucket to his bike and we would go bike riding around our trashy neighborhood and pick up litter. We went to church, but the biggest lessons of living like Christ came from watching how he (and my mom!) treated others...regularly bringing groceries to a local needy family, giving an old, lonely, poor, crippled man rides to where ever he needed to go (we ran into Mr. Johnson a lot around town), regularly going through our toys to give to other children, etc. My dad the type that doesn't really care what others think and will rock the boat if he feels it necessary. But people love him. They respect him. He's done ministry inside a prison (the one my husband currently works at) since I was about 9. One of his best friends, his "brother", was released about a month ago after being in prison for 30 years. While in prison he picked up skill of wood carving and we all have some of his artwork in our homes. Another of his best friends is a multi-millionaire that invites us to one of his four estates every Easter. I'm telling you this so you know how diverse he is. I think people like him so much because he's "real" and won't put up a front to impress anybody. His profession? He recently retired from his job running a museum and Civil War battlefield. He's happy to have time to garden, research our genealogy, camp and canoe. We spent a lot of time camping and canoeing growing up. My husband loves to camp and canoe and garden. Hmmm....



So this is not really a biography of me, but you asked what shaped me and I feel like my dad is the one that did most of the shaping.



A brief biography:

Born to loving parents. Sister born 3 years later. Not much money growing up, but lots of good memories and family time. Went to good public schools and took dance lessons and piano lessons. Never really popular in school, but never really cared. I had two best friends that are still my best friends today. Made great grades and was on the high school dance team and very involved with church youth group. First boyfriend and kiss in 12th grade. I consider his wife one of my good friends to this day. Went to college and went on 3 mission trips to the same small town in Mexico and those people will always hold a special place in my heart. Dated one very conservative churchy guy, not for me. Dated one very liberal hippie guy from Venezuela, much better than the other, but still not for me. Got married to the most wonderful man that is nine years older and moved to the boondox, but finished school and grad school with no Internet access in my home. I consider than an accomplishment! Got my dream teaching job, found out in September of my first year teaching that I was pregnant. Husband got nursing job. Had baby girl that May and quit my job. Husband lost nursing job (the economy) and had a few difficult months in which I began in direct sales. He found an even better nursing job! Currently pregnant with number 2!

Jenn - posted on 11/03/2010

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Well, let's see..........my Mum was 19 when I was born and my sister was 2 1/2. My parents fought sometimes. My Dad liked to ogle other women and probably cheated on my Mum and he liked to make rude comments about her weight. In high school I turned to drugs and sex. That stuck with me for a long time. I "married" the first man who proposed to me because I was so ashamed of who I was and thought that no decent guy would want me. Turned out he was still married and was a total douchebag who would take advantage of me after getting me smashed out of my mind, and forced me to have sex while I was pregnant with our son. Getting pregnant is what saved my life because I knew I had to become a new person and I did. I left the loser and never looked back. There's more, but that's more than enough info. ;)

Jodi - posted on 11/03/2010

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My mom met my dad shortly after he had divorced his first wife and lost custody of his daughter. In that same week (a few weeks before meeting my mom) his mother died, his house burnt down and he lost his job. He made it his priority to become an alcoholic. He met mom and swore he'd change, they had my oldest full-blooded sister before marriage and before there was a second floor on the house they were building. In a rage my dad beat my mom and she left. A few months later, she was back, by the time my sister was 2 they were pregnant with my second full blooded sister, by this time the house was finished! 4 years later at her appointment to get her tubes tied my mom peed in a cup and found out about me! By this time they were married and shortly after, my dad's first wife died and his then 13 year old daughter came to live with us out in the country. My father was still an alcholic until I was 11. He is still manic depressive and can be mean as shit, often telling us that we were worthless, he didnt' love us, we should have been aborted etc etc...

I grew up shoveling chicken shit, rabbit shit, pig shit, goat shit, ranking wood for our wood stove, hoeing, planting, tilling, weeding and harvesting our vegetable garden. Every fall we would butcher enough animals to freeze the meat for winter. I remember getting our first color TV (I'm only 25 now btw) and our first phone that WASN'T rotary!!!!
I attended catholic school from kindergarten to 8th grade. In 8th grade I attempted suicide and was, thrughout the next year diagnosed and medicated for OCD, ADD, manic depression and general emotional dysfunction. In public school I turned to drugs, cutting and boys who beat me up.

I met my now husband my senior year,had a blow out with my mom and life changed for me. I quit drugs, had found someone who loved me for me and didn't need to control or hurt me. I entered college, worked 60+ hours a week ont op of schooling and burnt out my sophmore year. Jeremy (the boyfriend) moved home from getting his piloting license and proposed, we got a nice apartment, got married and were pregnant a year later.

Now, I am medication free, a stay at home mom, he's gone back to school (and graduated) for an awesome job in networking management, we have a nice house, a wonderful toddler daughter and 2 more on the way.

Growing up was hard, and we all have our sob stories...but what's important to me is that I learned from it and now I am happy...happier than I could ever have imagined!

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