Good for the gander? Good for the goose?

Tara - posted on 12/07/2010 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Or more to the point, double standards between you and your other half?

What are they and why do you think they exist?

Which ones bother you and which do you see as normal?

I don't really have any with my current partner but there were many with my ex.

The one that bothered me the most was sleeping in on weekends. He worked mon-fri, I also worked mon-fri, both of us working opposite schedules so we could both homeschool our kids, on weekends he thought he should get to sleep in both days because he got up all week at 7 to go to work and I got to "sleep in" until 8 when the kids got up, mind you, I worked the night before until midnight, then drove 30 minutes home to a quiet house. He went to bed each night at 10, leaving me the dishes from dinner to do the next day. Asswipe. lol
So there's another reason he is an ex. lol

But I know with some friends there are a lot of double standards in their relationship, usually in favour of the man. What are yours?

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April - posted on 12/07/2010

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Petra...I have that problem too! I also have a terrible time getting hubby to change diapers...he says "you're better at it". I hate that!

[deleted account]

There are no double standards in our house because neither of us (particularly me) will allow it. I'm a SAHM and if I'm so sick I can't care for our son (it's only happened once in 3 years) he will take a sick day to care for him so I can rest. If he's sick (also rare) he takes a sick day to rest himself. We have a system that works for us when it comes to chores around the house. He works, I do most of the cooking and cleaning BUT if I ask him for help (only when I need it and it's rare) he obliges. I honestly can't think of one thing that he can do (or not do) around here, that I'm not held to the same standard.....or vice versa.

Stifler's - posted on 12/07/2010

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Mainly the dishes. Even on the weekends he refuses to stack the dishwasher and turn it on! I sleep in one day of the weekend but he hardly ever gives Logan breakfast or rinses the dishes. Until I yell at him he does the minimum work possible. He's getting better, maybe he just doesn't realise how much it takes to keep the place tidy.

[deleted account]

well, I don't know if it'd be considered a double standard, seeing as how my hubby doesn't quite agree with me anyway, but with food I tend to avoid all the things he might like and it kind of gets to me. This is not his fault by any means: until I moved out for college, I lived with five other people who were always complaining about everyone else eating their food. So unless the food was bought specifically for me or offered to me, I didn't touch it. I think that helped me lose weight in high school...

But that's negative transfer, and my hubby isn't like that. I think that's really the only sort of "double standard" I've had to deal with much with him. As for me, I've caught myself getting pissed about things he does even though I do them too, so I have to step back and analyze things before I get mad at him for them xD

With an ex of mine, though, he stayed in my apartment and didn't have a job until I pushed him to get one (he was still in college, I was working full time) and even then he may have only paid enough for one month's rent when he stayed with me for at least four or five. That's not including the other bills. He also didn't pay for food unless it was for himself. I was the one who bought all the food. So yeah...

Petra - posted on 12/07/2010

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Ughh... and he always says, "Well I don't know what to do when you're sick," and I'm all, dude, just leave me alone and let me sleep. But no, 5 minutes into a snooze and I hear him wail Mama! from downstairs. Sigh.

Veronica - posted on 12/07/2010

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I have that same problem Petra! My sisterinlaw and I were just talking about this a few weeks ago -- 'if we have broken limbs, on crutches, in a wheel chair, cant function at all - we stillllll have to clean, cook, run after kids, etc.etc.etc.!!" Injustice!

Petra - posted on 12/07/2010

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The biggest one - when one of us is sick. If I am sick, I am still expected to take care of the baby, do dishes and take the dog out. If he is sick, he expects to be able to go to bed and not help out with the baby, house or dog at all. It makes my head explode.

Veronica - posted on 12/07/2010

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My husband will ask me what I need. We talk about money and issues we have - but when I spend the money - then he pisses and moans that i spent money - he contradicts himself. Now, im not saying he is controlling or anything there -- he just doesnt get that things cost money! and sometimes lots of it! haha HOWEVER there are never any qualms when it comes to him spending money -- go figure ;)

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