Have YOU ever been bullied?

Merry - posted on 08/04/2011 ( 66 moms have responded )

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Have you ever been a victim of bullying?
Have you ever been the bully?
How do you keep your kids from becoming bullies?
And how do you help a kid who is being bullied?
Do bullied kids become bullies? Does it pass from bully parent to bully child?

I never have been bullied, I am always very sensitive to others opinions of me so I'm sure it would have been a tragic experience if I had been teased or bullied. I'm very glad I haven't been bullied before.

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♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/10/2011

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I believe bullying should be equated with abuse. If society as a whole decided that bullying was abuse then no one could claim it's 'a right of passage' or 'just kids being kids'. That's just empty bullshit designed to allow the abuser (Sorry but I went through so much crap all through school that I'm not going to give it a cutesy school yard name. It was abuse) get off with what they're doing and will continue to do.

So instead of just making some no tolerance for bullying statement schools should state that they will not tolerate any form of abuse on their campuses. Because bullies- although you may not be in a relationship with that person- are abusive people.

I'm not using the word abuse to downgrade what happens with other children and adults. I was verbally and mentally abused by my ex husband during my marriage and into our divorce proceedings. I'm just saying that maybe if bullying was given a more serious sounding name the victims would be taken more seriously. It sure would've helped me in school.

Deidre I know what you mean. It makes me glad that I'm not in high school now trying to deal with that crap. It's horrid. Kids are terrible. I hated it when my principal tried to say oh it's just kids being kids and blamed me for their actions. But we made it through and the best we can do now is to be advocates for our children since we know the signs of it.

Sorry I don't know what else to say. I mean I could say it made you a stronger person. But sometimes I wonder how strong I really am after everything and I'm sure you do too. But the important thing is we didn't let those assholes get us down :)

Nicole - posted on 08/17/2011

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you know bullies don't go away, they just get older. ppl are not born a buly...that is a learned behavior. just as not being a bully is a learned behavior. as a college psych major i can tell you with much factual proof it is learned either from parent environmet and other kids. leaders usually learn bullying from home and early on and followers are the weak scared kids that trail the leader as to not get in thw war path.

thats not to saythat in a situatin where daddy is a bully and mommy is not and teaches the kid... i was bullied by my dad and from my mom i learned to not be as it will get me no where good in life. there were times i have stuck up for myself where i slapped an older grade scooler accross the face for hurting me cause she flung me to the ground for going down the slide as it was intended use. apparently i was in her way slaped her made her nose blleed and told her touch me again ill do it again. needless to say i got in trouble with my mom evevn though she agreed the girl deserved it. you dont hit. ppl will pick on you for stupid stuff and it is a learned behavior its from some where...my sister is a bully to some degree she picked up more of my dads habits then my mothers so now a days i just keep my distance as our family is highly torn in half.

Angela - posted on 08/08/2011

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My Samantha was bullied by two teachers she had learning disabilities and health problems. My Sammie was born at 28 weeks. She had to take meds for a while that made her sleepy and they school knew this, I even asked can you accommodate this or should she have someone come to our home(they can do this for kids if needed) They promised me they could on her IEP meeting.

So I picked up my little 6 year old daughter one day from school and I said how was school?

She tells me Fine.... but my legs are tired....

I said why are your legs tired....

Her reply the teacher made me stand all day so I would not fall asleep in class!

Another teacher made her take off one shoe all day so she would not forget her pencil in the third grade. By the way my Samantha has a short term memory deficit! She could not help her forgetfulness. I went to school the next day interrupted that Bitches class and brought in 500 pencils and spilled them on her desk and told you here, this should solve the forgetting pencil issue for my daughter and don't you ever humiliate my daughter again.

Other students made fun of her too because she was well slower in thought and said things in a different way. She had friends but they were younger than her...she could relate to them. She liked to play with Barbies at age 14 so you can see how kids would treat her badly. The worst were the boys they harassed her about her breast constantly she was big for her age...

I complained all the time to deaf ears...

When my daughter wanted to quit school at age 15, I could not blame her so I let her take a GED for Special Ed diploma students. She was much happier. Now she is a model and working in a hair studio. However she still struggles with low self esteem and also has an eating disorder, I blame them all the way

Angela - posted on 08/08/2011

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I was bullied and out casted.

I once bullied a girl and lost her as a friend and I never did it again. I was only in 4th grade. I did it because the other ( in crowd kids) were doing it and I was desperate to try to fit in. I still feel bad about it.

I think I was bullied because I was always the new kid, I did not have a normal home life, IE I was taken care of by relatives or Foster home. I did not looked taken after IE new clothes, shoes, clean, etc. I had to figure it out on my own how to do it and it was tough. I think they picked up on my weak spot.

Why was I bullied well l asked that to myself as a kid all the time. It is definitely a group thing. Their is a leader and the rest follow scared they will get the same treatment if they don't follow.

Socially I think kids are insecure much more than adults so they can easily follow a bad leader. However humans are just vulnerable to this at all ages. Why did so many people follow Hitler and allow the atrocities of his regime, countries in control by Germany such as The Netherlands turned on each other and outed Jews, Knew of concentration camps and the killing but choose to ignore it... Why? I think fear of being a victim so self preservation.

The big question I think is how does one become the leader and what makes the leader do so, they are the ones we need to help. If you look at these people they usually have some sort of abuse whether it be neglect, physical or sexual. So yes I think a bully parent can create a bully child. I also think society can create a bully child, look at the poor children of India, any one see Slum Dog Millionaire perfect example of society creating bullies.

How do we fix it? We take care as a parent and society of our children.

I do think some people but very very few are born sociopaths and at this moment we don't know how to fix them. But most killers even have been shown to have a troubled past and abuse in childhood.

I always tell my children if it does not feel right in your gut don't do it not to matter what anyone says...and empathy teach them how to walk in someone else's shoes. It worked for my kids because they did not bully.

Rebecca - posted on 08/15/2011

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Spanking/smacking within reason by parents is not the same as bullying. Constant smacking without reason would be though.
I was bullied all the way through school. To this day, I still don't know why. I always tried to be nice to people and I've always got on with people who are willing to get on with me. I know the things the bullied said. The thing I didn't get was that there were other kids around who, say, had bad acne like I did, didn't have fashionable clothes (as I didn't), were clever and hard working as I was but, whereas I got picked on for all of those things and more, other kids with the same "problems" often seemed to be friends with the bullies.

Bullied kids DO NOT generally become bullies. Sometimes, it is necessary to fight back and sometimes, bullied kids will become (or appear to become) bullied because they feel there is no other solution to their problem. As for parent to child, that does happen. If a parent is a bully, a child may be because that is what they see. Either they think it's normal to be that way or it is their way of lashing out at someone else for their parents wrongdoings.

The best way to stop our children from becoming bullies is to begin at home. Teach them by example. If we show them how to behave, they will (usually) follow. I don't think we can do a lot to stop our children being bullied though. The only thing we can do is to give them confidence in themselves. Bullies tend to be cowards and pick on weaker people (although there are those who seem to like a challenge and will pick on anybody). If we give our children confidence in themselves to be themselves, they may be less likely to be bullied or, if they are, they will, hopefully, have the confidence to rise above it and to know what action to take (if any).

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Yes I have been bullied ALOT, by one eprson for the last 8 years. I have learned not to respond to her. I am lucky that my kids have been witness to my experiences and have seen first hand how it affected me and as a result are pretty sensitive to bullying and assist others who they see bullied.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/17/2011

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Nicole I know all too well bullies don't go away they just grow up. The resident manager I worked under when I worked in assisted living was a bully and she had a little lap dog too. She'd disreguard anything said during employee meetings then bring it up the next time and act as though it was her own idea. It got so bad no one wanted to speak up in meetings because she treated all of us like less than human.

Angela - posted on 08/17/2011

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I think if you are a victim you can take on the role of Bully I seen it time and time again the most abusive people were once victims themselves. I think it is a part of the problem and they need help and treatment too.

Julie - posted on 08/15/2011

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Yes I've been a victim of bullying and abuse. All my life. At school, at home, at church, from my now-ex husband and his low life family, friends and mistresses, from the first counsellor I went to for the PTSD from being abused by my parents and ex.

No I have not been a bully and whoever says people who are bullied become bullies, or tries to excuse bullies saying they were bullied themselves, is full of crap.

It's a pathetic excuse made by cowards. Plenty of victims don't turn into bullies. Some heal and become free of the cycle, most sadly take many years of being bullied over and over before they find a way to escape it all.

Same with asking does it bass from bully parent to bully child. Again it's a pathetic excuse made by cowards.

My parents are abusive bullies, but neither me nor my siblings have ever been bullies. My ex husband is a huge bully and has been all his life - but our daughter has not become a bully.

She was bullied when she was younger, mainly because she thought it was normal for her to be treated like that because her father treated her that way and the family court wouldn't protect her. But she is not a bully herself.

You help a kid first by teaching them that being bullied is wrong. You can't stop them being bullied if they don't see things as being hit, or their stuff stolen, or being excluded as bullying. And secondly, you teach them non aggressive ways of standing up for themselves - to report it to teachers, to you, to any adult who can protect them.

But the best way we can teach kids that bullying is wrong, to protect our kids from being bullied and to stop them becoming bullies, is to proactively do something about bullies we come across in life.

Some of the worst bullies I know are adults. I had one lady who used to go to my church who had no problem for years bullying many people - how my church reacted to it was exactly the wrong thing. Myself and others were just told to "turn the other cheek"- which is good in theory, but it only works if the church does something about the bully. If they turn a blind eye to the bully, it sets a disgusting example for new christians who are not strong in faith and non christians - it leaves them thinking churches are full of bullies - and sadly some churches are. Whether it be churches, schools, any organisation really, while it might be great to tell victims to not respond in kind, to accept it and move on, unless something is done about the bully, it just tears the organisation apart.

The same is true in family and friends - people like my backstabbing former sister in law who spent years bullying me in revenge for trying to stop my now exhusband from giving her our food money for her partner to buy drugs, knowing full well they'd pay "us" back in drugs for him, leaving me to go begging to get food for our daughter, and encouraging his drug habit, and in turn encouraging his violence and paranoia and the rest of it.

My ex was/is a coward. He bullies because people turn a blind eye, and some actively encourage him like one of his mistresses used to do. Watching his sister use emotional and verbal abuse to bully me into not talking about his violence, just encouraged him exponentially. Friends of his who deliberately turned a blind eye because they were too lazy to care, and far too lazy to act, he took that as accepting his violence which in turn encouraged him.

Many other people in our lives knew about the violence and just pretended it wasn't happening - what they refused to ever accept was their silence was the same as publicly announcing they were ok with his violence and directly encouraged it getting worse and worse.

EVERYONE needs to wake up to the fact that staying silent about bullying and abuse is the same as saying you're ok with it. "not taking sides" IS taking sides - and it's the side of the abuser.

Kids will NEVER learn bullying is wrong while they see adults turning a blind eye to adult bullies.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/12/2011

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I was only slapped very hard by my mom once. And that was across the face. I believe I was either 11 or 12 and I was mad at her and told her I didn't have to listen to her because she's not my real mom (I'm adopted). Well all I remember after that was my entire body flying back. At this time my mom and I were also the same height (she's 4'11) and well I never said anything like that again. But other than that I don't remember any of the spankings I received as a child.

Sherri - posted on 08/12/2011

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Yes Laura I was spanked and thankful for it. I love my parents no repercusion's from it. It did nothing to hurt my self esteem etc etc etc.

Angela - posted on 08/12/2011

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@ Laura I was hit, kicked, hair pulled and and switched all of it was called a spanking... and all of it was abuse in my book. I suffered from PTSD for years. It made me anti spank, I never ever have or will hit/spank my children.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/11/2011

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*hugs back* thanks Laura.

Well I do spank, but only as a last resort- like when my older daughter was about to touch the flame on my parents' gas stove after I'd told her not to. Because let's face it, my hand smacking her hand hurts a lot less than her hand touching gas flames. But I wouldn't do it to get her to behaive because that's just silly. My husband and I take away favourite toys or priveleges because that's what she understands or have her sit inside for a while or clean up her room after she misbehaives. A swat on the behind (with my hand) is more for if she's done something that could hurt her after we told her not to- like running into traffic. Then I explain why she got spanked or swatted. Besides my daughter hates having her portable dvd player taken away more than a spank. I go with what works.

Frances - posted on 08/11/2011

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I don't think spanking is abuse if it is not done in anger and if no marks are made on the child. Also, the child should know what they did or the spanking is pointless and counterproductive.

Merry - posted on 08/11/2011

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Hey ladies, were you also spanked by your patents?I'm in another thread talking about spanked and how it can feel like abuse to a kid. I'm getting alot of moms arguing that spanking is not harmful, and it's actually necessary for kids to behave.

I feel like kids are so emotionally sensitive, we might not see damage from spanking but what does itdo to their self esteem?



You ladies are inspirational.you never should have had to go through that,but you survived! Try to break the cycle and don't let your kids be bullied/abused.



((hugs)))

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/11/2011

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Nicole, definitely. I went off a bit on a neighbour's son who's the same age as my older daughter because he pushed another neighbour's son down on the ground. The other boy is two. And I also ask straight up if their parents forgot to teach them manners.

Deidre - posted on 08/11/2011

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Nicole, my heart goes out to you. Without even knowing you I know you are a beautiful person. And strong willed. There is absolutely nothing wrong with protecting your child from what you know too much about. Always remember you have a beautiful life and the most precious gift in the world, a child.

Nicole - posted on 08/11/2011

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@ megan D. OMG you too? i really feel in some way that that is why i get on other childrens cases. like the places places where there were teens in the chick fila play ground where i grabbed a manager after telling the kids they could not clearly read after walking past a sign that said children three and under only!!! and ill get angry momm in the pool when teens are splashing around and wont stop splashing my kid cause they were never taught any manners.. oh i go off. cause i wont stand for bullying i was relentlessly bullined and now my daughter who is vi and has albinsim so she looks completely different from the most of society and heaven help the person that bullies my kid cause they wioll wish they never had. im sorry it may make me a bully to them but im tired of always being the nice one and getting trampled on so if i have to step up to bat for my kid i will.



Edit: it does scar for life. i still cry and huddle up wihen it is brought up. i cried for hours after making my first post. i feel like the ugliest girl in the world cause its how i was made to feel . like there is not one thing about me that is likeable. days i get by and otehrs i feel like crap i suffer from self esteem issues to this day. is it as bad as it used to be. not as much cause i have my wonderful boyfriend but even he notices it from time to time and has never understood why i would be picked on. when i told him i was the schools punching bag he looked at me in shock like as if he couldnt believe me. i dont even know why...may it was my dad grabbing me off the marching field by the back of my neck dragging me off infront of the other 305 students during practice to yell at me for the sherrif being called on him for his stupid rampage on my boyfriend at his house over my first kiss. im sorry you cant just go on other peoples property ansd start verbally asulting minors and think their mom will let you get away wiht it. maybe it was cause my sister chimed in and fueled the bullying. or the fact atfet i left st judes all the kids that bullied me there transfered and then came to my new school where it all started all over again plus a few hundred people. needless to say i xfered after CPS stepped in and finally that is when the school believed me so i transfered yet again =/

Angela - posted on 08/11/2011

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One day I woke up and said I am not a victim anymore and refuse to let anyone victimize me. So far it has worked. But by going through it, it did make me an empathetic person. Also a big child advocate. So something came good of my pain. I try by best to be an example of a loving caring adult to children so they can see their are good people in the world that value them.

Deidre - posted on 08/10/2011

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I am smiling and giving hugs to everyone that just knows how it is and how it's always going to be. I have learned over the years not to be ashamed. The ones who should be ashamed are the ones responsible for the abuse. Never let the "Poor Me" Syndrome take over your life. Be inspiring and helpful and beautiful. Make it known, not for everyone, for yourself that you are strong from the scars, not disabled. You are confidant from the memory, not withdrawn. You are greatful everyday for the outcome and not regretful.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/10/2011

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I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing to say that at least we're not alone in this. It's terrible to have to read what we all went through because adults are too clueless or too damn stupid or too far in denial up their asses to do anything. And because some kids aren't just mean they're downright vicious.

I was just thinking of that stupid rhyme about how words can't hurt you. That's bull. Words can do just as much damage as physical assualt.

Angela - posted on 08/10/2011

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I think you make an excellent point Megan, why is is called bullying when it is in reality is is abuse and if I were to treat anyone like that as an adult to another adult I would probably go to jail.

I do think it leave scares for life, for me I can still feel like that lonely lost little girl at times. I was beat up by my entire class once in grade school, they pulled my hair so much I had bald spots all over my head. Also at another school I was usually ignored because I laid low as not to get beat up. I learned to do the same in my home. However on my last day of school thetr the teacher made a point of it and asked the class to say good bye to me. They all said good bye in class and snickered and started to laugh. I got really scared like oh no... As soon as the bell rang to go home they all followed me singing this song that was a rhyme to good bye Angela and were glad to see you go. They kept following me singing this and when I did not respond a boy decided to spit on me, that then was the fire to beat the hell out of me...everyone got their punch, kick in it was awful. I was only in the 4th grade btw. To this day I get scared if a large group is behind me.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/10/2011

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Deidre I agree with you. My husband was abused in Middle school when he was thinking about shooting a few people at school. He was dealing with his parents' divorce, teachers who didn't know how to teach him properly and of course kids. He had a plan and everything, but luckily he never went through with it. He doesn't know why, but he didn't.

But you're right, physics teachers that for every action there is a reaction and so does life. Taking the situation into your own hands doesn't always solve the problem. However I do wonder what would've happened if I'd've beaten the crap out of that girl who started a fight with me in grade 11.

Deidre - posted on 08/10/2011

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I will take the stand with you!!! We need more people making more noise about this and not hearing it casually on the news when a child takes there life because it this "abuse" or someone snaps and does something horrific. (Columbine) How many people passed judgement about how messed up Eric and Dylan were but did anyone REALLY question why they got the way they did and who was the cause that? For every action there is a reaction. I am TOTALLY not justifying their reaction, it was horrible and painfully sad. But wasn't it just that? A reaction?

Deidre - posted on 08/10/2011

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Thank you Krista. It is much appreciated when I get compliments. I tell my story for a lot of reasons but mainly to let the ones unaware of what the word "bully" means. I think it has become a very complacent word in today's society. My heart breaks when I hear stories of kids today being bullied on the computer and on the phone. It has reached every corner of our lives and we are almost powerless to stop it. I know that soon there will be a day when the words NO TOLERANCE will be a sign of safety for our children.

Deidre - posted on 08/10/2011

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It will be a great day when they can get a handle on the ugly world of bullying and what it can do to a child.

Krista - posted on 08/10/2011

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((((hugs))))) Deidre. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You seem like a very smart, articulate, and sensitive person, and it's a damn shame people were such jerks to you.

Deidre - posted on 08/10/2011

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I had a very rough and heartbreaking childhood. My Father was away for work 70% of the time leaving my Mother to become single Mom for 3 kids. They provided for all of us but as we got older things started to go very wrong. Things became very violent in our house and school was getting no better. I was an easy target because of my lack of confidence and it snowballed from there. It went from picking out every feature I had such as acne and an ear smaller than the other to my curly hair, typical kid stuff, to becoming more physical. Athletically I was a champ. I was top of my game in the province for figure skating and because of my height I got picked for most teams. But that was the only thing that was going for me. I just needed to be noticed. Because of my home situation I would look for attention through trying to make everyone in my school happy. I got caught up in some bad situations and people quickly turned into enemies. I used to hide in my closet so many days so I didn't have to face the torment of home and school. No one would help me. No teacher or parent. And I didn't have ANY friends. I was pushed and shoved and pinched and punched as I would walk from class to class. But the glares are what stuck with me. The looks of hate burned into me forever. Who knew a kid could have that much hate in them. The worst out of it all was I was attacked for telling on someone for stealing something from my house. They left their mark and threatened me. But to make matters worse, the rumors of me making it up spread faster and it never made it any easier. I has taken me so long and a lot of hard work to be able to be what I am today. I still have my set backs but I am so lucky I have married into an incredibly loving family and my husband is my rock. There are no words that can describe in full what he has done for me since the day we have met. I cry some nights thinking of how I am going to deal with the day when or if my little girl getting bullied. I dread to think about it.But hopefully by that time there will be something more secure in place in the system where it can't happen.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/08/2011

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Sherri, I don't have much experiance with Catholic schools because I was only there from grades 2-6 and I only had my daughter there in Kindergarten. But I experianced much worse in public schools than I did in a private or special school setting. Maybe our nuns were just so scary that no one wanted to act up as much. I'm not saying that bullying didn't happen. I would invite this one girl over to my house or I'd go over to her house over the weekend and then the Monday after that the girl would be a total bitch and manage to osticize me from the rest of the group of girls aside from one girl who didn't go along with everyone. It didn't work all the time but it worked most of the time.

I guess I just went through a lot more in public school. The Kindergarten teacher at my public school wouldn't let me play with some of the toys because she claimed I broke them. And when I was in grade 11 in US history the girls decided they didn't want me on their group when we were playing the teacher's version of Jeopardy to study for a unit exam. They said it was because I answered all the questions. So the teacher said ok and I was by myself. When I beat both teams the girls were mad at me again and my US History teacher said it was their fault for not wanting me on their team. That teacher, my English teachers and my science teachers were the only ones who actually did anything or acted like they would do something to prevent being bullied. The worst was still my math teacher.

But yeah I say scarier nuns at my Catholic school were the reason for less bullies- a lot of the ones I had were from back in the day when you could hit a kid with a ruler.

Sherri - posted on 08/08/2011

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Yes
I was more bullied in catholic school then I ever was in public. In private school kids slammed my hands between desk and chairs, slammed my head into walls, clawed me, stabbed me with thumb tacks.

I find in Private Catholic schools the bullying is so much more and prevalent then in public schools.

No I never bullied others.
No bullied kids do not become bullies. I also don't think it also comes from parents. Some kids will be bullies and some won't.

Angela - posted on 08/08/2011

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Thanks Megan, you are like me now I don't take any crap from anyone. But I am very empathic. I am glad my daughter survied it but when I read these stories I feel so sad.... but then I think look at us all, we survived and are great parents and well we are a success despite of all the pain. We ROCK!

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/08/2011

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Laura, my experiance at my first primary school was why I sent my daughter to a private catholic school because she would've been at the same school I went to.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/08/2011

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@ April, I tried telling a few teachers- which is how my math teacher got her brilliant idea. When my mom and I had a meeting with one of the school psychologists, my house principal and the head principal the head principal told my mom that all these students are popular and in sports and stuff and that I was the trouble maker and maybe trying to get attention because his school didn't have a bullying problem. Yes- you don't have a problem with bullying because there are fights pretty much every day and my mom takes off work for fun to tell your fat ass that her daughter is being harassed. My house principal was the only one who thought that there was a problem and they kept making me see the same damn school psychologist who went along with the math teacher about her dumb idea.

@ Angela- that really sucks I'm glad you and your daughter decided to do something about it and I'm glad she got through it.

My husband has ADHD, an auditory processing problem and dyslexia, but he wasn't diagnosed with any of his learning disabilities until he was trying to get into college because for most of the time he was in school his parents were going through a divorce so the school district in his area thought he was just acting out. Or that he was even more developmentally challenged and didn't give him any help. He told me about one time in grade 5 when all the kids were given a math work sheet with easy problems on one side and harder problems on the other side. He didn't hear all of the teacher's instructions and did the hard problems first then handed it back to his teacher who thought he wasn't as smart as the other students. She nearly fell out of her chair and then told him to just do the other problems.

I have seen my daughter bully a friend of her's or at the very least be very unkind to her. It was the last day of school this year and we were moving two days after that. She was being really mean to the girl while we were at the playground along with the girl's mom. I pulled my daughter aside and told her that her behaivor was unacceptable and she shouldn't treat other people like that. I made her appologize too. So far she hasn't done it again.

I think being bullied made me a lot more sensitive and maybe a bit more confrontational. A few years ago at a McDonald;s by my parent's house a group of 13 year old boys were tearing through the indoor playplace not paying attention to any of the smaller children. My daughter was 4 at the time and I went up to one of the boys and told him that he was being reckless and not paying attention to anyone else. And didn't his mom teach him any manners because if he knocked over my kid there would be issues. The kids left. I also told off a guy who cut in front of me at the grocer ystore. I guess I'm just making up for everything I went through in school.

Krista - posted on 08/08/2011

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I was fairly fortunate in that I've never been severely bullied. There were times when I'd be on the outs with some girls, but I'd just go and hang out with some other friends (none of my friends were in the same clique.)

I have never been the ringleader of bullying. But regrettably, I've witnessed bullying and not said anything.

On the bus home one day, my best friend's kid brother was being teased mercilessly (by his own cousin, no less). The poor kid was sitting there with tears rolling down his face. And I didn't say a goddamn thing. I regret that deeply, and wish I'd had the courage to tell the bully to knock it off.

April - posted on 08/08/2011

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@ Megan, isn't it amazing how much kids get away with in school? I can't (oh but i can!) believe a boy could try to stick a broomstick up your bum and get away with it! When I was in 6th grade, a boy tried to grab my vagina and called me the C word. The other kids laughed. No one told the teacher. I did, but she didn't do anything because it was my word against his and she didn't see a thing. My story is somewhere down below or on the previous page. I had big thing typed too and lost it to a COM glitch!

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/07/2011

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Grr stupid FB I have to repost what I typed! Pity my fingers. And I really hope you all like to read because I was definitely a victim of bullying and later on a victim of mental abuse.

I was bullied by a teacher in grade 1! A friggin' teacher! There was a kid kicking me under the table so I went and told her that he was kicking me. She took me over to the door between our classroom and the grade 2 class room and told me if I need to complain complain there. My mom says it started in Kindergarten as well (I was diagnosed with ADD at 6 and bi-polar at 10 so I did have behaivor issues as a child) because the kindergarten teacher wouldn't let me play with certain toys, but yeah school really sucked.

My parents took me out of that elementary school and sent me to a Catholic school from grades 2-6 and it wasn't too bad. There was obviously some mean spirited teasing, but it wasn't over the top. I had to be in a different school though for grades 7 &8 because of my bi-polar.

Being sent to a school for children with different behaivor problems wasn't all bad. There were people who tried to mediate fights before they got bad and so there wasn't much bullying at school that I noticed. It was worse in my neighbourhood.

Because not much is known about some mental disorders and I'm the type of person (even at that age) who likes to show that I'm intelligent I got called a retard because of going to that school and was hit, punched, teased and tormented by a few of the boys and some girls in my neighbourhood. And that continued through high school.

High school was possibly the worst 4 years of my life (my marriage was the worst nearly 3 years of my life, but more on that in a bit) I was teased, beat up, threatened, and everything else. In grade 10 my math teacher (who my sister in law still refers to as a crazy ass bitch because she and my brother had her too) got the brilliant idea along with the 2 school psychologists to get my class of 8 kids together and let them go around in a circle and say why they don't like me, why I annoy them (I answered too many questions in class uh hello, that's math class) and what I need to do differently. Then they got mad when I was upset and interrupted the same boy who the year after that tried to stick a broom stick up my bum while I was talking with a friend of mine! Grade 11 was fun too! Some moron still thought I was a retard who took my classes in the (non existant) school basement and had 2 lunch periods because I've always been a bit heavy set due to some meds I was on for behaivor modifications. I'm also adopted and quite proud of it, so I got told that my parents didn't want me. I got to shoot back that my parents chose me your parents were stuck with you. I got into a fight with a girl who was friends with the girl who was going out with the guy I used to go out with (Yeah keep that straight) who also along with a friend of mine's boyfriend started calling my house and harrassing me because my ex gave them the number. The cops got involved with the phone issues. The girl who started the fight with me was suspended. She bumped into me during her suspension while I was working at a local grocery store. Her mom said: Hey isn't that the girl who got you suspended? Why don't you fight her now (Proving that some bullies do come from jack ass parents) I wish she had because then she could've been arrested. Grades 11 and 12 I was harassed at work by a few co workers who also went to school with me. I ended up being fired because I had retaliated. Even though prior to that I had gone to my supervisor about the harassment and he told me that I was only hired because of my father (who is a department head at a different store, but who would've kicked his ass if he knew how bad it was) Before getting fired I was also harassed by this under (or should I say no) class girl at work. Security came out and told her if she didn't have anything to do at the store then she should leave or he'd have her arrested for loitering. She left.

My grades were horrid in high school because of what I went through and I contemplated killing myself a few times. Not that anyone would've cared- meaning the people who were tormenting me. But I couldn't do that to my parents (God writing this right now is making me start to cry I swear) So I graduated by the skin of my teeth and went to college for a year, but I didn't do very well.

I got married for the first time in 2002 and my first husband was and still is verbally and mentally abusive. He also allowed our roommate to be the same way towards me. He refused to allow me to take my Paxil because that does help me for my bi polar. When our roommmate called me a worthless lazy fat ass bitch in front of my now ex husband he didn't say anything and when I confronted him later he said I deserved it. When our roommate went after me when he was drunk, my ex let him stay even though I was obviously uncomfortable with him. He and his wife were both total asses during the original court proceedings. He's pissy now because I have full custody of our daughter who he only feigns interest in. And when I told him that I was moving from NY to BC he threw a fit, told me my now husband was going to leave me because I'm worthless and accused me of keeping our daughter from him. But I'm just glad that our daughter wants nothing to do with him.

As I said before bringing all of this up is still hard on me. Going through the harassment and abuse (Mental and verbal abuse are still abuse even though there's nothing to see. It still hurts and degrades the person) has made me stronger in some ways. But it's definitely made me more vulnerable in others. My husband knows this and he does his best to help me because he went through some anger issues and some crappy family stuff growing up.

I plan on keeping my kids from becomming bullies by nipping it in the bud before it starts. If I have to I'd tell them what I went through and ask if they'd like to put someone through that or go through it themselves. It's not fun, it's a living breathing personal hell that you never get over.

I believe I may have been a bully once when I was in grade 5 just to go with the crowd. I was mean to a girl named Signe just because everyone else was. And if she knows who this is and she ever reads it, I'm still really sorry about that.

I hope I haven't bored you all with that. I just tend to get it all out when I have a chance to talk about what I've been through.

Nicole - posted on 08/07/2011

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have been bullied and it was relentless. the girl i remember most was board line anorexic and she would call me criso though i was only 150 lbs my freshmen year.....and for my height that is target weight. she was liek barely 100 lbs yet because of her and a few others i was called blue piggy and criso among other things. i was picked on for even breathing. i was never mean to anyone yet i got picked on. i wore my hoodie as a coat every day to school and they said i like never changed my clothes ???? for wearign the same hoodie every day?? though i changed and showered everything else?? i dont get it. i was the punching bag of the school it was so bad i transferred. then i was only bullied by one other person because she was jealous i was a favorite of the art teachers. i could walk in any of their classes and stay and not be kicked out. if i had a study hall i was more them welcomed to go in pick up anything i wanted and work on it. though mostly i followed what ever project they were teaching. i was avg sized in hs wiht acne issue and quite nerdy. i aced all my sciences and my tech classes and can score in the top 5 of every freshmen on the midterms yet i constantly got beat into the ground. and sad part is i can remember all of my tormentors names. and i still hate them all and hope they rot cause none of them have changed. once a bully always a bully they never go away they just get older.

i never talked to much of any one and i will admit i was not innocent. by the time i got o HS i had had enough of it already i had been bully by the same people since 1st grade so i started lashing back my 1st year of HS. i was able to bring two of them to tears so they just left me alone from then on ( verbally never physcially when i got back at others i turned the tables on them basically) the worst culprits i was defenseless against. cause my sister had befriended them . they came to our home they knew my sister which fed into their cruelity and then my sister would deny their meanness when i would tell my mom to not let them over.

now a day i would not want to be in school facing what i did the dawn of youtube will forever torture these kids i say this cause it happened at my school a year after i had left.

i went to midview high the school that made cnn for all things for a teacher that "didnt notice" a child get beat up and it was fillmed then posted on the web. it was mediaized cause it was among the first of such torment and bad torment to be posted on the net. my friend i had to leave behind was offered laxitive as if it were a chocolate bar and she crapped her self all over in the lunch room. the kids were relentless. they would do anything to make you feel embarresed and torutured and they were never caught if you reported it they said just to stay away from them. there was many times i just wanted to die=/

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Laura that is awful, find that when let things get tome everything seems bad but when focus on the positives I am happy and more fulfilled. I have to work hard sometimes to see the positives though. So if you keep trying you can do it.

Stifler's - posted on 08/06/2011

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I think cyber bullying is in a whole other league. People are MUCH more confident on the net than in real life. Revenge of the nerds.

Ez - posted on 08/06/2011

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I have never been bullied, and I don't think I was ever a bully.

I was targeted for a couple of weeks by two boys when I was about 10. They were unfortunately too stupid to realise that the very thing they were picking on me about (being tall) was going to bring them undone. I was much bigger than them. They started trying to push me around down on the oval. I defended myself and slammed them both. They never bothered me again.

I agree with whoever said that bullies pick what they perceive to be an easy target. If a kid stands up for themselves physically, the bullies are very likely to back off.

Unfortunately, cyber-bullying is a whole other matter. Honestly, that scares me more than any schoolyard push and shove.

I don't know the answer, but I think there are some pretty obvious ways that things could be improved.

I think mobile phones should be banned in schools, and Internet safety and etiquette classes taught as part of the curriculum.

Police need to take a firmer stand with any physical assaults that take place in the schoolyard (I have heard stories of kids getting pushed to the ground and kicked, or their hair being set on fire and no charges being laid).

Kids need to be encouraged to confide in the adults around them, and the fear of shame or blame dispersed.

And parents need to stop letting young teenagers have free reign on the Internet!!! If they have a FB account, it needs to be monitored!! Inform them there will be random checks to ensure they are behaving appropriately and not being bullied themselves.

Rosie - posted on 08/06/2011

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this post makes me sad. i hate that so many people are tormented, it makes me so ill to think of it.
april mentioned character education, and i just kinda realized that my middle boys school does this. he has come home with 3 "character counts" awards this past school year, claiming vinnie "always uses polite language with adults and friends" makes me excited that they are trying so hard to praise character and how you treat other people around you. :)

Charlie - posted on 08/06/2011

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I think bullys tend to pick on the weakest person around they may have seen he was antisocial and though "great , easy target" although bullying can make you antisocial too .

That really is sad Emma , what is more sad is bullying isnt confined to those few hours a day at school ...now people can bully 24 hours a day not just personally but spread it worldwide over the net and through text , the amount of teens killing themselves over cyber bullying is out of control .

Stifler's - posted on 08/06/2011

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There was one kid in my school (in my sister's grade 2 years younger than me) and everyone on the bus bullied him. He used to try and bite people, stab them with compasses and spit at them so I can't remember which came first, him being antisocial or people reacting very harshly to him spitting. Anyway... he ended up killing an 8 year old girl. It really opened my eyes to how harmful bullying can really be. He needed help and it was fairly obvious that he didn't have anyone who gave a shit about him.

Charlie - posted on 08/06/2011

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Being the only "black" kid at my entire school I was bullied from kindergarden until around the start of highschool when I decided I wasnt going to put up with that shit anymore , once I put my foot down I was never bullied again although my mother likes to have digs at me although now I just laugh at her , I dont think she even knows she is doing it half the time.


I disagree its a right of passage , why normalise it and make it ok by putting it in the "right of passage " catagory ? seems odd to me bullying is serious , it kills .

I think self confidence and support is important for a child to see past the bullshit that is bullying I also think for a child to have the ability to empathise with the bully is important ....I mean how can you be hurt by someone who so clearly needs help ?

I think bullying can be a learned behaviour wether that is from the parents or their peers.

Stifler's - posted on 08/06/2011

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The people who "bullied" me were my "friends". In fact we all used to play the game of hide from the last person to get to school. So I deserved it since I did it to whoever was last to school on other days. It was still hurtful. Other than that I can't remember being bullied by anyone.

Merry - posted on 08/06/2011

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Toni, it's really great you love who you are now despite the hard times you went through! I wish I could say the same but while I wasn't ever bullied by kids I have been 'damaged' by first my mom dying and then my dad remarrying, moving us, and starting emotionally abusing me. I used to be an eternal optimist, always cheerful, always smiling, always saw the best in every person and every situation. I thought life was the most wonderful thing and I enjoyed every bit of it!
Now I see anger that I never had, a temper that flares up way more then before, I distrust most men and some women too that remind me of the new wife. I just see the darker side of life more.
I don't like that. And I'm hoping time and effort will help me heal back to the person I used to be.

April - posted on 08/06/2011

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Yes, I have been a victim. I was bullied in middle school from the ages of 10 to 12. The bullying was so bad that we sold our house and moved away. Plenty of horrible things happened, but the worst was when a young man asked if I had a cunt and proceeded to try to grab me between the legs. All the other kids laughed, not one person came to my defense.



In a lot of ways, having no one to stick up for me hurt a lot more than what that boy did. It happened in front of more than 20 11 year old students. There was no adult present in the classroom (bathroom break).



I think in order to prevent/curb bullying, it helps when kids have a substantial degree of empathy. Many kids need to learn empathy and that starts at home. Parents need to be their kid's first teacher in character education. As much as I hated the kids for what they did to me, I blame their parents even more. Where were they and what were they teaching their children?



Not every child is fortunate enough to be able to have a home education, so I think character education in schools is also very important. It should be a supplement to what they are already being taught by their parents. As parents, we help our kids learn their letters, numbers, and how to use the potty. We also need to help our kids learn how to think about others.





I have never been a bully myself . I know what it feels like and wouldn't wish that on anyone. Nevertheless, I never tried to get revenge because my parents taught me to be nice to everyone because you never know what is REALLY going on in their lives. They also taught me that sometimes you just have to be the bigger person.



I am teaching my son what my parents taught my sister and I. He has a little buddy that is always stealing toys from him or yelling in his face with a wagging finger. My son often yells back at him, but I always tell him to say he is sorry. His friend never says sorry even when Mom asks him to. The difference is I don't ask my son to be nice or say something nice. I expect him to. By the way , these boys are 2 and a half years old. :)

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Laura at the time it was awful but it is part of what makes me me now, if I could go back I wouldn't change it I like who I am now, if I changed my past that would change me. I know not everyone will feel the same though.

Corinne - posted on 08/06/2011

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I too was bullied. I got through years 1-6 fine, but when I moved up to high school I became a target. First off, my Dad insisted I went to either the grammar school which was an hours ride in the car with him (no way I was doing that as he beat me) or I could go to the school he had attended which had formerly been a grammar school. I choose the latter as had my older sister. According to the people in our town that made us snobs as the school was in an affluent area, so we got crap while we were at the bus stop. Then there was the ever tasteful uniform of brown and gold which got us kicked about as 'you can shit yourself and nobody would know'. Then when we got to school we were considered scum cause we lived in a 'poorer' town (bear in mind, though a total toss bag, my Dad is a proffessor and was loaded - just tight) so again, name calling and beatings for 'daring to better myself'. Also, the school bus was shared with another school so we'd get on, go there pick-up and get on our way. The last part of the journey was awful as my older sister always went to her boyfriends house after school. Nearly everyday for the last 15mins of the journey I would get my hair pulled, punched, slapped in the face, I even got spat on so bad once you couldn't tell my uniform was brown, all this because my school was 'better' than there's and 'what's the big idea, you think you're better than us, we live down the street' I hated it. Then we'd get off the bus and they'd blend in with the local kids as their uniforms were similar and I'd get crap all the way home. Strange to think now that one of the lads that beat on me and spat on me that day, 'fessed up to liking me and asked me out, 'er.... nope!'

Merry - posted on 08/06/2011

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Rebecca, I don't think it is a of passage, I wasn't ever bullied or teased. I hope to keep my kids from ever experiencing it either.
These stories are so sad! I'm so sorry you all went through that. :(

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I was bullied.
I started a new high school when i was 11. ( In australia) I had no friends and for the whole of high school i have only made one lasting friend. I was bullied by older kids which all started because of a dispute with our neighbours. It didn't end until i was in yr 12 and all those people had left.
One moment i remember was a girl in my yr. We were playing basketball and on the court she started getting rather violent with me. I'm not the type to physically fight nor am i the type to back down. I pissed her off because even though i was so scared of what she was doing not once did i react to her pushing me to the ground i just got up and kept playing. Even taking her on a few times to get the ball off her. This was the only time she ever tried to do this and i'm guessing it was because i showed no fear.
Much like Jenn she tried to befriend me on fb and i was like 'you have got to be joking'.

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