Have YOU ever been bullied?

Merry - posted on 08/04/2011 ( 66 moms have responded )

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Have you ever been a victim of bullying?
Have you ever been the bully?
How do you keep your kids from becoming bullies?
And how do you help a kid who is being bullied?
Do bullied kids become bullies? Does it pass from bully parent to bully child?

I never have been bullied, I am always very sensitive to others opinions of me so I'm sure it would have been a tragic experience if I had been teased or bullied. I'm very glad I haven't been bullied before.

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April - posted on 08/06/2011

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Yes, I have been a victim. I was bullied in middle school from the ages of 10 to 12. The bullying was so bad that we sold our house and moved away. Plenty of horrible things happened, but the worst was when a young man asked if I had a cunt and proceeded to try to grab me between the legs. All the other kids laughed, not one person came to my defense.



In a lot of ways, having no one to stick up for me hurt a lot more than what that boy did. It happened in front of more than 20 11 year old students. There was no adult present in the classroom (bathroom break).



I think in order to prevent/curb bullying, it helps when kids have a substantial degree of empathy. Many kids need to learn empathy and that starts at home. Parents need to be their kid's first teacher in character education. As much as I hated the kids for what they did to me, I blame their parents even more. Where were they and what were they teaching their children?



Not every child is fortunate enough to be able to have a home education, so I think character education in schools is also very important. It should be a supplement to what they are already being taught by their parents. As parents, we help our kids learn their letters, numbers, and how to use the potty. We also need to help our kids learn how to think about others.





I have never been a bully myself . I know what it feels like and wouldn't wish that on anyone. Nevertheless, I never tried to get revenge because my parents taught me to be nice to everyone because you never know what is REALLY going on in their lives. They also taught me that sometimes you just have to be the bigger person.



I am teaching my son what my parents taught my sister and I. He has a little buddy that is always stealing toys from him or yelling in his face with a wagging finger. My son often yells back at him, but I always tell him to say he is sorry. His friend never says sorry even when Mom asks him to. The difference is I don't ask my son to be nice or say something nice. I expect him to. By the way , these boys are 2 and a half years old. :)

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Laura at the time it was awful but it is part of what makes me me now, if I could go back I wouldn't change it I like who I am now, if I changed my past that would change me. I know not everyone will feel the same though.

Corinne - posted on 08/06/2011

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I too was bullied. I got through years 1-6 fine, but when I moved up to high school I became a target. First off, my Dad insisted I went to either the grammar school which was an hours ride in the car with him (no way I was doing that as he beat me) or I could go to the school he had attended which had formerly been a grammar school. I choose the latter as had my older sister. According to the people in our town that made us snobs as the school was in an affluent area, so we got crap while we were at the bus stop. Then there was the ever tasteful uniform of brown and gold which got us kicked about as 'you can shit yourself and nobody would know'. Then when we got to school we were considered scum cause we lived in a 'poorer' town (bear in mind, though a total toss bag, my Dad is a proffessor and was loaded - just tight) so again, name calling and beatings for 'daring to better myself'. Also, the school bus was shared with another school so we'd get on, go there pick-up and get on our way. The last part of the journey was awful as my older sister always went to her boyfriends house after school. Nearly everyday for the last 15mins of the journey I would get my hair pulled, punched, slapped in the face, I even got spat on so bad once you couldn't tell my uniform was brown, all this because my school was 'better' than there's and 'what's the big idea, you think you're better than us, we live down the street' I hated it. Then we'd get off the bus and they'd blend in with the local kids as their uniforms were similar and I'd get crap all the way home. Strange to think now that one of the lads that beat on me and spat on me that day, 'fessed up to liking me and asked me out, 'er.... nope!'

Merry - posted on 08/06/2011

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Rebecca, I don't think it is a of passage, I wasn't ever bullied or teased. I hope to keep my kids from ever experiencing it either.
These stories are so sad! I'm so sorry you all went through that. :(

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I was bullied.
I started a new high school when i was 11. ( In australia) I had no friends and for the whole of high school i have only made one lasting friend. I was bullied by older kids which all started because of a dispute with our neighbours. It didn't end until i was in yr 12 and all those people had left.
One moment i remember was a girl in my yr. We were playing basketball and on the court she started getting rather violent with me. I'm not the type to physically fight nor am i the type to back down. I pissed her off because even though i was so scared of what she was doing not once did i react to her pushing me to the ground i just got up and kept playing. Even taking her on a few times to get the ball off her. This was the only time she ever tried to do this and i'm guessing it was because i showed no fear.
Much like Jenn she tried to befriend me on fb and i was like 'you have got to be joking'.

Mrs. - posted on 08/05/2011

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Mostly just by my brother. It made me a bit harder as a kid, I think. Therefore, the other kids didn't really dare tease me, for the most part.

It seems a right of passage, it would be hard to escape either being a bully or being teased. It just doesn't seem how childhood works for most.

I'm open to the fact that maybe it isn't though..I just have my doubts.

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Yes I have been bullied. It was so bad that my parents moved to a different community to get me out of that school. It started in 5th grade. I was called a Witch. I was beaten daily. Had water thrown on me to see if I'd melt. People said I was putting curses on them. I was banned from 2 school dances in 7th grade 'for my protection' becuase I was constantly being assaulted. I remember one day a crowd of at least 20 people waited at my locked to start in on me and a teacher watching the whole thing.

I was a Christian at the time but apparently that didn't matter. I was suicidal. It was then that I began cutting. The school officials did little and what they did made it worse. Apparently they told the teachers to keep me after class so I wasn't in the halls with the others. One teacher forgot and to cover herself, told the principal that I disobeyed her. No one except my mother believed me. My parents did what they could but they were given no help. They were told I was bringing it on myself.

I lost a lot of faith in authority and knew then that I was on my own in the world.

I haven't forgotten it (clearly). I had some of those people attempt to friend me on FB. No way. NEVER. I have scars from cutting thanks to them. I can't forgive and I wont' forget.

Moving the other community and changing schools made a world of difference for me but the damage was done. I was so pathetically grateful when people were nice to me that it got me into some very bad situations and it's partly the reason I was sexually assualted.

When a boy told my son he was going to kill him in the 5th grade, I raised such a holy hell of a ruckus that they were a little taken aback. I wasn't going to stand by and let my child endure what I did. He's lucky. He makes friends with relative ease.

It's silly sometimes I think. How such acts shape our entire outlook on the world. ON the positive side, it made me extremely liberal towards other faiths which led me to my atheism and for that i'm happy. That's about the only positive I can think of. It's painful to remember so I won't say anymore.

Melissa - posted on 08/05/2011

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I was bullied in Junior High and never realized the effects it had on me untill now. I was actually beat up. The school had been warned about the group of bullies and several students even moved because of them. I remember sitting in the office because I was to afraid to eat my lunch in the lunch yard and over hearing teachers saying i was a big baby...can you believe that! One day I was jumped by a group of them and then I got punished at school for it. It was terrible. I have been very defensive and my anger comes out when I am in any way shape or form disrespected.....I believe it is a direct result of the bullying i experienced! I will try to teach my child to never bully and always have compassion for everyone, to defend the bullied in a non violent way, and to always communicate!

Lynn - posted on 08/05/2011

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I was bullied in my last year of high school. I moved to a new state and I found the change unsettling. I was bullied for being different, for coming from Canberra, for having a boyfriend, for not having a school uniform, for having an unusual surname. It was ugly. I tried to laugh it off but it was awful and these "kids" were 17 years old! Old enough to know better! Needless to say, I survived, I was stronger for it in the end, and I don't attend school reunions!

I have home educated my six children. They are all strong and confident in who they are and would never be victims or perpetrators.

I have seen some bullying parents in Irish dancing comps, soccer and karate. Often their children are either like them, or damaged little victims themselves. Sad. Both unhealthy options.

My foster daughter was 14 and subject to bullying at a local high school because she had learning disabilities. I encouraged her to leave on her 15th birthday and she has never looked back. She is happy and secure being home educated, safe at least and surrounded by people who love and encourage her. She is a different person now and she is almost 17.

Bullying is ugly. Children need to be protected and heard.

Lynn

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I was never bullied and I never was the bully either. I was one of the popular kids throughout school, but I hated kids who couldn't defend themselves from bullies getting beat up or name calling. I started helping them out by being there friend and taking interest in them and I would pump up their self esteem, when the other kids at school knew I was one of their friends they left them alone. I do the same with my kids, especially my oldest son who started kindergarten this year and I taught him to confident and If someone is bullying you don't be afraid to go to your teacher or principal.

It also when I went to school it seemed that teachers were more active and involved when a kid was being beat up or being called names a teacher would nip it in the bud. But it seems kids today have taken bullying to new levels which is scary to me, and it is appalling to me when I read stories about kids committing suicide because they were being bullied at school and you find out that school officials knew about it and failed to do anything about it.

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I was bullied right the way through junior school into senior school. In juniors the girls just called me names and excluded me from play - it was made worse by the fact I was in a mixed class so out of 30 children 12 of us were in the lower year (our year had too many children for the school) 6 girls and 6 boys. As we only played with children in our class this left me with 6 girls to play with (the boys didn't want to play with the girls ewwww and the older girls didn't want to play with us younger ones). Sofor 4 years I spent most playtimes and dinner times on my own, or I was being called names.

There was this one guy who thought it was funny to hit me and hurt me, until I hit him back, then he stopped and there were a couple of girls who tried to hit me too again I hit them back and they stopped sort of (one came to my house to beat me up but my neighbour threatened the police and she and her gang left and never returned (we became friends in seniors). The other girl kept on in seniors and eventually we had a fight (well she held onto my hair and I defended myself) and I never had any issues with her again.

Looking back there were several incidents of bullying towards me, I am inclined to think I was a bitch of a chold who wanted my way or no way so other kids didn't want to be my friend leaving me vunerable to bullies.

I never bullied anyone although I was quite nasty to a few friends/ not friends type people.

In my experience hitting back seems to have been the solution to my bullying but I wouldn't advocate for hitting back as it can make the situation much worse. I think teaching kids empathy is the key so they can put themselves in the other childs perspective.

Frances - posted on 08/04/2011

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I was bullied for ten years of public school. My vision in my right eye was permanently damaged because of a bully. I was beat on, hit with rocks and books, had my things broken, pushed down some steps, and told how stupid and ugly I was for years and years. I think I may have some aspergers and that caused me to be bullied.

Tara - posted on 08/04/2011

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I was bullied in grade 6 by a group of girls a year older than me. They started with just teasing me about my boobs. (cause I had some and they didn't) then they started to follow me home at the end of the day, taunting me, calling me a whore and a slut. (cause I had boobs and they didn't). They would throw stuff at me, always missing me, but frightening all the same. There were 5 or 6 of them and just me.
I didn't tell my parents cause these girls were "friends" of our neighbours daughter. I didn't want to cause trouble and didn't want to be teased anymore.
Then one day they told me they were going to beat me up after school. So I decided to just fight and be done with it. I had never fought with anyone ever but I was determined to stand my ground. So I went out to the side of the school where we were supposed to meet. They were all there along with a sizeable crowd of bystanders.

I put my bag down, pushed up my sleeves, tied my shoes, and stood back with me chest out and my head held high and said "Okay who's going to be first?" they all just stood there and looked at me.
So I got madder and said "WHO is going to be FIRST?! You all want to beat me up, so let's go, WHO IS FIRST?!" I screamed the last bit really loud. Dead silence. Two of the girls started crying and left the other 4 stood there talking and then said "We don't want to fight you. You're crazy" and they left me alone forever afterwards. Although I got called crazy more often than I had before but oh well...

I think bullying is different today than in the past. There is more emotional bullying, not so much physical. More mental anguish for kids than before.
The competitive mindset in school and in groups is not helping kids learn to be cooperative and empathetic.
These skills should be taught in grade school right along with reading and writing etc.

Elfrieda - posted on 08/04/2011

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I've been teased and have done lots of teasing myself, but I don't think that counts as bullying, because even though sometimes it got a little too mean, once the teaser realized it, they stopped right away. I think that's very different than bullying. (most of that was with my cousins, all 13 of them)



I once wrote a really mean anonymous note to one of my friends when we were 13. I still feel bad about it. She moved away before I got up the nerve to confess and apologize. :(

Other than that, I wasn't a bully. I wasn't bullied, either, except for a very short period of time.



In high school, for one semester there was a group of guys in one of my classes that for some reason started being really mean and scary to me, following me around the halls and saying some pretty nasty things. I mentioned it to my parents, trying not to make a big deal of it, and I guess it worked, because they didn't help me. I was embarrassed to say that I was afraid of them, and I certainly didn't want to be a "victim" of anything. I also told one of my friends, but what could she do? She went on the class trip with me so that I would have company, and that was actually a huge support. (I didn't have any friends in that class, which is why I made an easy target)



I was actually quite afraid that they would harm me, by rape or "accidentally" knocking something down onto me or running me over in the parking lot. It was a hard time, but suddenly over the Christmas break I realized that most of them were just hangers-on, and wouldn't actually hurt me, although I couldn't count on them stepping up to stop it, either. The leader was kind of evil, but I don't think he would instigate anything. The leader's friend seemed kind of disgusted with the leader, but wasn't saying anything to him out of loyalty, and I decided to appeal to him if ever I was trapped by them. The guy to be afraid of was the loser of the group, who would do anything to be accepted. Well, I knew what I had to do. I saw that he was the butt of most of their jokes when they weren't picking on me, and I turned it around on him. When he tried to grab my books, I snatched them out from under his fingers and slapped his hand onto the table with them. When he tried to insult me, I turned it around on him and was wittier than he was (it wasn't hard, he was pretty stupid). When he threatened me, I smirked at him in disbelief. It was pretty effective, and while they were laughing at him, I'd make my escape and the friend of the leader took that opportunity to steer the conversation to something else.



It's hard to know what to do. I wish I could have been more compassionate and taken the high road, but I think I did pretty well.



I think the best thing to do in a bullying situation is to remove the kid, bully or bullied, out of the group. Put them in a new school and train them how to behave to make new friends. My fear went away after only 2 weeks of not seeing my bullies, and I was able to deal with the situation myself after that. I think with younger kids the removal should be permanent. Send them to another school, or something like that. But that's only possible if you are the kid's parents.

Lady Heather - posted on 08/04/2011

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I was either bullied or totally ignored by about 99% of my grad class. It was not fun. I was absolutely never a bully. I figured if I kept being nice to everyone, eventually someone would like me. Pretty sad. I think my daughters turning into bullies would be my worst nightmare. I've started early, encouraging Freja to be nice to all other kids and include others in her play. She already shares with everyone at 2 years old so I think it's working so far.

Dealing with bullying is tough. A lot kids like me don't want to tell anyone what's going on because they are ashamed. I don't think my parents ever had any idea how hard a time I was having at school. For this reason schools and teachers need to be more proactive. When I had teachers that actually noticed what was happening, I had a good year. When I had teachers that didn't, I had a crappy year. Grade 8 in particular was a nightmare. My teacher was clearly the former popular girl and ignored me just as the other students did. My most hated thing is when teachers say "Okay, everybody get in groups of 3 for a project!" For kids like me, that's the worst kind of embarrassment. In PE I was always partnered with the teacher. Yeah. Maybe they think putting kids into groups with kids they don't know well will make them uncomfortable. But putting kids in groups with different people is actually pretty beneficial I think.

Of course if parents took a more proactive role in teaching their kids kindness BEFORE they actually start bullying, a lot of problems could be avoided altogether. And anti-bullying talks should be an ongoing part of any parenting scheme. Sometimes it seems like the parents of bullies don't even give a crap.

Rosie - posted on 08/04/2011

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yes i was bullied. i have alot of acne, so i was constantly made fun of for that. no physical bullying, i was just made to feel disgusting and ugly-like nobody would ever want to be with me. it affected my self esteem soooooo much. i cut myself, and i slept around after high school, looking for someone to want me, to think i was pretty.



my oldest has been bullied for his size. he's very short and very skinny. he's also very socially ackward. he's been kicked, had basketballs thrown at his face, and has been threatened to have his bed set on fire. he's going into junior high this year and i'm terrified. that's when all my bullying started. the school needs to be more involved to help stop this. they need to be more aware of what is going on around them. 3 people took their lives in my old school this school year. one of them did it IN the school. for a school with an average of 90 people per class, i'd say that's pretty shitty.

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