Helping a teen get an abortion?

Jacquelyn - posted on 07/03/2013 ( 41 moms have responded )

13

0

0

I'm in a sticky situation. My step-daughter just told me that her best friend is pregnant. Her friend is terrified to tell her parents because she's afriad that they'll make her have the baby, marry the dad and kick her out. As a trusted adult, they told me and asked if I would drive her to the abortion clinic to terminate the pregnancy.



I don't know if I should contact the girl's parents and let them know what's going on. I worry if I do that, I'll break my step-daughter's trust that we've spent years building. Having known the girl's parents for years, her fears are on point. They are super strict, conservative and callous. I disagree with how they would likely handle the situation and I think this girl deserves a second chance at life. She has a lot of potential and having a baby would change everything. I'm thinking of taking her to get it done. I wouldn't be happy if I'd known someone did this for my daughter but at the same time, I would have to take a hard look at myself and our relationship to determine the bigger issue of why she felt couldn't come to me in the first place. I don't know what else to do here.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Kelly - posted on 07/15/2013

38

0

3

I think those saying something to the effect of "she should have the baby because she needs to face the consequences of her actions" are kind of heartless. And probably more "pro-birth" than "pro-life".

As to the original question, I don't think this should be an issue of whether or not abortion is morally acceptable. This is about whether or not a friend's mother should transport a minor to a medical procedure without the knowledge or consent of the minor's parents.

This should depend on the laws in the OP's state. If abortion requires parental consent in your state, you should refuse to take the girl. Explain to both girls that while you sympathize and understand, you cannot break the law.

If abortion does not require parental consent, I would encourage the girl to talk to her parents and definitely make sure she is aware of all her options. At that point, if she decides that the best thing for her is abortion, then I think it's acceptable to take her. Bear in mind that parents who will kick a teenage mother out of the house on her own are likely the same parents who would kick a child out for having an abortion. Should you choose to take her to the clinic without informing her parents, you should be prepared to provide her with a place to live if they kick her out because of a situation that you enabled.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/11/2013

21,273

9

3058

She had sex, she felt grown up enough to do it, now she needs to deal with the responsibility, and so should the boyfriend.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/11/2013

21,273

9

3058

@ Emma : '' Am I really qualified to become spontaneous surrogate to any Teen who has a problem' .

Well put.

No, it is not your place to step in and aid this girl with an abortion, unless she is going to live under your roof and you become her legal guardian. I would encourage you to help her speak with her parents, or even be present for the discussion. It is not your place to bring her to the clinic.

Lauren - posted on 07/11/2013

131

6

5

Jacquelyn, I haven't read through all the posts because abortion is a hot-topic for me, and I can imagine what people have said for or against. My thoughts...there are not only physical potential results (just like with pregnancy) but also emotional. A huge majority of post-abortive women have severe emotional issues, need counseling and forever feel terrible about what they've been through. Science says a baby is alive...no matter how far along, and I'd be livid if someone took my child to get an abortion not only for her sake but for that child's...that'd be my grandchild. Additionally, by getting an abortion, you're telling this girl that it's a form of birth control. In my mind, you make that choice when you choose to have sex--we all know at that point that pregnancy can be a result. However, I don't agree with the girl being forced to get married.

My advice...tell the girl that you can't take her because of the many physical and emotional risks and because it's a living, growing life inside her. Then, tell her that her parents will need to know--and that you're willing to tell them with her (if you are). And then perhaps offer to either help her or take her to a pregnancy care clinic (not an abortion clinic) so she can get help and support. She should NOT have to marry the boy, but there are so many people and places that would help her throughout her pregnancy or through finding an adoptive family. If she wanted, she could even do an open adoption so she could know the baby as he/she grows.

I understand pregnancy has risks, but so does abortion, and abortion doesn't teach teenagers anything about the decision to have sex. And with a pregnancy, there is the great potential for a very happy result. With abortion, there will likely be emotional stress for the rest of all of your lives. Offer her support, love and help and direct her to those who really care about her and her baby--not just the $ she can provide to "get rid of it." And reinforce that there will be challenges, but that pregnancy is only temporary--abortion is permanent. My thoughts are with you and the girls!

Denikka - posted on 07/03/2013

2,160

5

749

Depending on where you are, because she's pregnant, she may be considered medically emancipated and doesn't require any permission from her parents in regards to whatever medical care she has during her pregnancy, including having an abortion.
This is ultimately HER choice and has nothing to do with her parents. I would probably take her and not tell her parents. It's her choice to involve them or not, and if she chooses not to, that's her decision and should be honored.

That being said, there can be family repercussions if they later find out. I would talk to her, make sure she's aware of ALL of the risks (of having the baby and either keeping or adopting out, of having an abortion, etc, and what it can mean for her, mean for her relationship with her family, etc) She needs to make an informed choice, so talk to her, share whatever knowledge and insight you have, but at the end of the day, it's still her choice, to have the abortion or not, and to tell her family or not.

41 Comments

View replies by

Kristi - posted on 08/22/2013

1,355

3

78

I just realized this post is from July 3rd. It sure would be interesting to know the actions and outcomes of this story. It's so frustrating when people ask for advice on here and never comment on anything again during or after their situation resolves itself.

Julia - posted on 08/22/2013

224

0

38

Clearly this issue is staying with me. Have you talked to your husband to see where he stands on this issue? Because if he is against you getting involved that should close the book on the issue. I think the fact that you are the friends step parent can't be taken lightly it makes you even more vulnerable to this blowing up on you. Really if I found out my child's step mother took one of her friends to get an abortion not only would I notify the parents but I would be in court adjusting my custody agreement regarding my own daughter and having firm written guidelines regarding her health and medical care. You aren't just risking possible ramifications with the friends family. You are really risking upheaval in your own. This is dangerous territory no matter where you stand on the abortion issue. The fact that you have already had trust issues with your step daughter could be an indication that the whole parent/ step parent issue was sensitive in your family at one time. If you want to be in a parental role you need to at like a parent not a friend. Frequently step parents fall into this trap but this could really end badly, not just for the girl who could have health and emotional ramifications but for your own family.

Julia - posted on 08/22/2013

224

0

38

Also by aiding and embedding in this kind of lie (and it is a lie of omission) what message are you sending to your own kids? That it is OK to lie to you under certain circumstances as determined by someone else parent? Abortion is a hot issue but take the abortion out and replace other things and reverse them by thinking about another parent over ridding you. What if someone took your kids to a concert that you disapproved of? Let your kid play a violent video game that you disapproved? Let your kids smoke pot at their house? Is that OK. Some people think pot just helps you relax and it's no big deal. Your just up tight for not letting them smoke. Bottom line if the tables were turned and the issue were different what would you think/feel?

Julia - posted on 08/22/2013

224

0

38

If I found out someone took my child to have an abortion they would be very sorry. Not only would I pursue any legal avenues available to me against said individual I would do anything else within my legal rights to ensure they regretted it. Also as the step mother you have quite a few other risks. While I don't know where your husband stands your step daughters mother may catch wind of it and that is a whole other can of worms to open. I would recommend you stay out of it, and yes I would tell the parents. Even a counselor or attorney has an obligation to break client privilege if they are told someone's life is in danger. Not only are you planning to participate in the murder of their grandchild. It doesn't matter you opinion on the matter if they believe it is murder and you participated it will be a huge issue. You are assisting their child who I assume is under age to get medical services that have true medical risks. You need to have a frank conversation with your step daughter about why it is most important that her friend be honest with her parents. Offer to support the young woman by going with her to talk to her parents, maybe start with just the mom if that is more comfortable. You are setting up yourself up for all types of issues if you take her to do this. If I found out that my child's step parent was involved in something like this it would not only be an issue in the family of the friend. It would be an issue within our own family that could end up in court. It is not for you to get involved, even if it were your step daughter let alone a friend.

Beth - posted on 08/20/2013

274

18

70

actually different states have different laws on abortion. So yes in some states you must THANKFULLY have parental notification and permission to preform this dangerous and deadly medical procedure,

Kristi - posted on 08/20/2013

1,355

3

78

Jacquelyn--

You are definitely in a tight spot. I'm afraid there's no easy way out for any of you. I went through something similar well over a decade ago with my then teenage about-to-be step-daughter and her best friend. No mom in the picture, the dad used oxy and drank. I didn't know him from Adam. I talked with the girls and shared my personal experience with them and agreed to take them to a clinic to get information on all her options only, no more. When we left, they both thanked me and the young girl had decided she wanted to keep her baby. The counselor had given her a list of resources for everything from bus passes to binky's and the people who would help her get them and support her emotionally through it all. She was scared but certain.

I asked how she thought things would go with her dad. I offered to break the news with her and kind of be a buffer. She and my SD said no, they would do it. Everything would be fine. My SD said he's a loser but he's alright. So, I dropped them off at my SD's grandma's house (that's where she lived) and it was hugs all around. I felt pretty good. I went on about my (not-so) merry way and that was that.

I wish I would have insisted I go along. I wish I would have followed through. Parents don't always react the way some might suspect. Going through with the abortion or carrying the baby to term, either way, your daughter's friend is going to need continual support and guidance. Imo, you can't leave her parents out, at the very least, not her mom. The girls are old enough to understand why you can't go behind their backs. But, if you go with her, you'll know what role she'll need you to play next based on the outcome of the "discussion." Just be honest. Stay honest. STAY INVOLVED with those girls for sure. Thoughts and prayers are with you.


Judy--

"It's legal to have an abortion she is too young to have a kid derail her life. It is not required to have parental consent."

Please point out to me where the OP states the age of this girl. I'd also like a link to documentation that states that this anonymous, minor does not need parental consent for an abortion where she lives.

"They can't sue you for driving her."

This is the United States of America, lady. Anyone can sue anyone for anything. It doesn't mean they'll win. But, if they've got the money and/or a reason, they can sure as heck try.

"She is you step kid."

Do you even know who the OP is saying wants the abortion?

"Shawn do you really think that a kid should be punished for making a mistake? This is a life changing decision. Are you even qualified to spout off"

Oh, where do I start with this one? Since when is having a baby "punishment?" Why would you even think of pregnancy as a punishment? Do you hate your kids or something?
Apparently, any idiot is qualified to spout off...you did and none of your remarks are legitimate. As for Shawnn, she's very well qualified to offer advice and she is entitled to her opinions, just as anyone else. And just for future reference, when a mom, such as Shawnn, has made 5 or 10 thousand comments on CoM's, it's usually an indication of experience, longevity and knowledge.

Beth - posted on 08/18/2013

274

18

70

Why does everyone think a baby is a punishment?
If she doesn't want to keep the baby she can carry it to term then she can give it up for adoption.
Abortion is not the answer.

Jen - posted on 08/06/2013

21

0

0

Talk to the girl and tell her that you will help her, but that first she needs to talk to her parents. Go with her for support if she wants, but she might be surprised at her parent's reaction. I thought mine would freak out, but they didn't, they supported me through everything, and helped me with carrying out all of my decisions. Her parent's might not react as badly as you think, but they need to have that chance, and so does she.

Judy - posted on 08/05/2013

8

0

0

Shawn do you really think that a kid should be punished for making a mistake? This is a life changing decision. Are you even qualified to spout off

Judy - posted on 08/05/2013

8

0

0

Yes help her if she is asking for your help. It's legal to have an abortion she is too young to have a kid derail her life. They can't sue you for driving her. She is you step kid. Maybe you should talk to your husband for his guidance too if you feel comfortable.

Chet - posted on 08/02/2013

2,093

0

587

For what it's worth, my mother-in-law was a middle school guidance counsellor. She said that parents never reacted the way that teenage daughters expected them to. I'm sure that some parents are angry, unsupportive, and force their daughters to do things they don't want to do, but that was never what MIL saw. The kids were always scared to tell, and the parents always cried and hugged their daughters. I think that many parents react differently than they expect when faced with the situation. It's one thing to spout off and say what you would do if your daughter came home pregnant, but when it really happens that's often a different story.

Chet - posted on 08/02/2013

2,093

0

587

I don't think I would drive her. She can take a cab. She doesn't need to go alone. She can take a friend with her.

Lacye - posted on 07/29/2013

889

0

221

While getting the abortion is her choice, I wouldn't feel comfortable taking her to have one. I also wouldn't tell the parents because to be honest, that is her responsibility.

Beth - posted on 07/26/2013

274

18

70

You cross the line if you do this.
I would loose it if you too my daughter for an abortion.
You would have a law suit on your hands.
You need to stay out of this one encourage her to tell her parents. That's it. You DO NOT help a child that is not yours get an abortion. You do NOT take the life of another's child and another's grandchild into your own hands. That is NOT your decision to make. She does not know what her parents will say. This is a medical procedure that should only be preformed with parental consent.

Kathy - posted on 07/22/2013

14

0

0

I say this...on a personal level i am totally against abortion but it is not my choice to make that decision for other people nor judge them. That being said, as a parent i would loose it if someone did this behind my back. My daughter has friends who come to me about sex issues or to lie to their parents but i don't. I want the truth and i am honest with other parents. We can be honest with kids and open with them but we are not their friends. We are their parents their guides in life. Unless their is some abuse or will be some abuse, encourage her to talk to them then offer her a safe haven afterwards. If she still wants one, then let her find other transportation you don't want to cross a line.

[deleted account]

This is a tough situation where no matter what you do you lose. I don't agree in forcing someone to have a baby as a way of owning up to their actions because to start a life with a baby already resenting them is no way to start. You also have to consider the financial and mental health problems, as well as barriers to future education, that the parents, especially the girl, will face if she keeps a baby at a young age. You really have to just decide which decision will allow you to sleep better at night.

Emma - posted on 07/11/2013

84

0

1

Im willing to make a bet, and a substantial one, that this thread will bring out the Pro Lifers and turn into an Abortion debate. there is a post below that is already going that way, not so much a post, but more an essay!! This is not even an abortion issue to be honest, as one poster rightly pointed out, this is a medical procedure that requires a legal guardian, the OP isn't one, being self appointed doesn't count!

I am baffled in this day and age, at the complete dichotomy of attitudes when it comes to other peoples children, for example, many are now too afraid too assist a child who has fallen down in the park, choosing instead to leave him/her there until the parents can get there, they will ignore child neglect in their neighborhoods, choosing instead to use at a subject for school gate gossip, and contriving a way to make themselves feel validated as 'good parents' in comparison, but when it comes to our Teenagers, they become FAIR GAME!!!!!! Oh yes, they are very quick and very delighted to hear all sorts of horror stories about how dreadful these Teens parents are, despite the fact that we are ALL dreadful in our teenagers eyes, do they feel they are somehow different?

To those interfering parents who think they can make moral, emotional and Parental calls on our Teenagers, I urge you to look back at the time when you ignore a childs neglect, failed to pick up the child that fell down, watched the depressed single mother on food stamps struggle in your community and ask yourself the question '' Am I really qualified to become spontaneous surrogate to any Teen who has a problem' .

Incidentally, as I typed this, my 15 year old came into the Study said something pretty rude regarding what he would describe as a serious lack of '' grazing food' in the fridge, and yes no doubt, he hates me!!!

Emma - posted on 07/11/2013

84

0

1

Hopefully by now she has gone home to her Mother, and you are getting on with your life with your daughter, and all the challenges that she will bring you as a teenager.

Haylee - posted on 07/11/2013

17

0

0

Wow these women make some awesome points! Jacquelyn, you really should think about the legal ramifications that could result from taking this girl to the abortion clinic. And yes, pregnancy/delivery can be scarring, heck, I had my daughter five months ago and I definitely haven't forgotten all the aches and pains etc. But that is not the issue here. She had sex, she got pregnant. That's what happens. She needs to face the consequences maturely, not go hiding behind her parents' back. Your relationship with your step-daughter means nothing compared to the fact that an actual human life is at stake. You shouldn't even be in this position! The girl needs to go to her parents.

Emma - posted on 07/09/2013

84

0

1

Think of what you would do if the situation was reversed and it was your daughter who sought help from another parent. It's not your relationship to make a judgement on, and teenagers tend to over embellish their relationships with parents, or 'over dramatize' to take the word of a confused young girl is naive at best,

Offer only this advice '' Go and talk to your mother or I will have to '' Do you have any idea what a vulnerable position you are putting yourself in? What if the termination has complications? What if the girls is injured, or has psychological damage afterwards? What if she dies? Are you prepared to shoulder part of that blame? I can tell you something, if that happenned and I found out that not only did you withhold this information from me , but you were also complicit in it , I would at best slap a lawsuit your way, or at worse, kill you.

Not your call, never will be.

Mary - posted on 07/09/2013

3,348

31

123

Again - not if it is a state where no parental consent is required. In those states, the teen is treated as an emancipated minor, and it would be treated no differently than transporting your (adult) neighbor for a colonoscopy. I'm not advocating for her to do this - I would need to actually know the family in question before I could decide this on my own. I do think it is reasonable to talk to this girl, and help her to obtain as much information as possible without involving her parents. I don't think that her concerns over her stepdaughter's reaction to whatever she decides to do should be a primary motivation here.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/09/2013

13,264

21

2015

Actually, Marie N, it's a medical procedure, so the OP isn't justified, nor does she have permission to transport a minor to a medical procedure unless the child is her legal responsibility.

The legalities of an adult transporting a minor child to a major medical appointment without also being that child's legal caregiver would trump anything else for me. The kid needs to speak to her parents. She was "adult" enough to have sex, she needs to be "adult" enough to face her parents, not take the chickenshit way out the back door to the abortion clinic.

Lana - posted on 07/09/2013

231

0

9

Motherhood should never be forced on anyone. As long as she is less than 12 weeks along I would take her to terminate. This should be her wake up call. Unprotected sex is life altering. I bet she won't do it again.

Mary - posted on 07/09/2013

3,348

31

123

Actually, Shawn, in the US, the laws vary from state to state. In a number of them, no parental involvement is required. In some, parental notification is required 24-48 hours prior to the procedure (but can be excused by a judge). There are a few that do require parental consent. I think the OP needs to review the laws in her particular area before she makes any type of decision. It should also be noted that in the cases of parental notification, the girl can still have an abortion, even if the parents are against it. In most states, pregnancy does make one an medically emancipated minor - and they are capable of making any and all decisions with regards to their own medical care, and that of their baby. I've never understood why a parent's consent or notification is necessary for an abortion, but 6 months later, if that girl is still pregnant, she can make any and all decisions independently, and no one is required to tell her parents jack about it.

As for Priscilla's statement that "Having an abortion can be extremely scaring physically, emotionally, and psychologically- it's not a minor thing. She could have complications and who knows what else.".....

Newsflash: Pregnancy and childbirth is also a MAJOR thing - physically, emotionally, and psychologically. There are numerous potential complications that can occur with pregnancy - up to, and including, death. As for long term effects...well, aside from the whole having-to-raise-the-baby thing, I know that my own body was changed irrevocably after childbirth - and I had absolutely zero complications, I desperately wanted my child, and I had an amazingly supportive spouse and family. Even women who chose to give a baby up for adoption have to deal with the emotional ramifications of that choice for the rest of their life. Please do no try to argue that an abortion is more likely to cause complications or a lifetime of emotional baggage than remaining pregnant will; that argument is simply laughable.

I think that the best that the OP can do is to find out what the laws of home truly are, and make sure that her step-daughter's friend is as educated as she can possibly be. I'm not sure that I would be willing to be the one that actually took her in for the procedure, but I would be willing to take teen in for an information-only, counseling appointment at a clinic. Not to encourage her one way or another, but to arm her with the facts to make her own choice, and to carry out that choice independent of me.

Haylee - posted on 07/08/2013

17

0

0

I'm sorry but I disagree with Kimberly. At 12 weeks, that child is ALIVE. It is NOT a matter of opinion as she says. That's just what people say to justify murdering an innocent baby. Science is not always right and has been proven wrong in the past, so just because SCIENCE says a baby is not alive then, it doesn't make it a fact. Like Shawnn said, she does need to accept responsibility of her actions. She CHOSE to have sex. No one forced her to do that. And no one knows how her parents will react. Neither can her parents force her to do anything. Ultimately it IS her decision, but it is just not your place to go behind her parent's back. If she does choose to get an abortion, she should be educated on the process thoroughly.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/08/2013

13,264

21

2015

Absolutely WOULD NOT do this. This child needs to (sorry to say it) grow up and accept responsibility for her actions.

She knew that her parents were strict, knew that she could become pregnant by having sex, and yet chose to both hide from her parents, and have sex.

Well, like it or not???? She made her choice. Most states would have to see parental consent, I would think, especially if she's under the age of 18...and do you really want to open that can of worms? If the child is a minor, and you do not have legal custody of her, nor the legal right to make a medical decision for her, you are opening yourself up to big trouble.

It's not breaking the trust of your step daughter to counsel her friend to seek a counselor and her parents in this situation. You could, however, be seen as a proactive parent who is encouraging an open relationship between parents and children.

Kimberly - posted on 07/08/2013

39

23

0

If you know that her parents would force her to keep the baby and marry the father, that definitely impacts her future, and coercion to keep a child is JUST as bad as coercion to have an abortion. I personally disagree with abortion, but ultimately the choice IS hers. Giving away a child that you've carried is devastatingly difficult, so difficult in fact that most women can't, even when they know they can't provide for the child they are keeping. I do wonder how far along she is. The majority of abortions in this country take place within the first 12 weeks. I have a child, she's 6 now, but at 12 weeks pregnant I didn't consider her one yet. I guess when a child is a child is subjective depending on ones point of view, because there is not consensus on that point. I tend to trust science because I can see it and look at the data. The data say that having an early abortion is actually safer than carrying a pregnancy to term. Pregnancy and childbirth complications are still the number one killer of women worldwide, although not in America. That pregnancy doesn't have a life yet, and won't know the difference, but she has a life, and she has a future. Right now. Already here. If she wants the abortion, you should try to get her to talk to her parents. I will say this about ultra strict parents in regard to pregnancy... Most teens I've known, when it comes to this kind of situation, are right as far as what their parents would do. She's 15, she doesn't need to be married, she needs to be in school. A child makes that much more difficult, especially if you don't have a good support network. Her parents do deserve to know, but if knowing means they coerce her into a different choice, then she's not making the choice, they are and that's not right either. You can't force her to talk to her parents, and ultimately when someone wants an abortion they will get one. If you don't take her she could find a much more dangerous way like throwing herself down stairs or taking drugs if she can't get anyone else to take her. And if those attempts dont work she then has to deal with a born baby with all types of potential issues.

Haylee - posted on 07/07/2013

17

0

0

I couldn't agree more with Priscilla! You wouldn't be breaking your step-daughter's trust by talking to her friend about her options and encouraging her to talk to her parents. Definitely don't go behind the parent's back! She is their child after all. There's a lot of teenagers who don't go to their parents about their problems, it doesn't mean that her parents are bad people or evil or won't show love towards her and her situation. If I were you I would avoid taking her without her parent's knowledge because it could really backfire on you.

Priscilla - posted on 07/07/2013

17

14

1

Definitely, definitely do not drive her to the abortion clinic. In this life or death situation, her parents need to know. Her parents are her parents no matter how strict they are. They love her more than anyone, most likely. They need to know. Don't overstep your boundary on this one. Kids often exaggerate how terrible their parents are a lot of times because they have a different method than other more laid back parents. I had strict parents, too. They deserve to know. Having an abortion can be extremely scaring physically, emotionally, and psychologically- it's not a minor thing. She could have complications and who knows what else. Don't take that chance. Explain this to your step-daughter.

Haylee - posted on 07/07/2013

17

0

0

I agree with this post in that she should definitely work towards her goals so that she can provide for a family one day. But I just have to speak up for that unborn baby who has no say and no voice. An abortion is taking away a life, taking that baby's chance to live a full and happy life. It's not the child's fault that her mother made a mistake and got pregnant. It's not just about the pregnant girl. She has a LIFE inside of her. A tiny little person that deserves a happy home and family. That baby shouldn't have to pay the price. This girl can have the baby, give it up for adoption, and still lead a successful and happy life. Killing an innocent baby is not okay just because you don't want your parents to react badly. PLEASE PLEASE think of this little child! They can both live and be happy, it doesn't have to be one or the other. Even so small, a baby IS a baby! Seeing my little one and holding her and kissing her and watching her play and laugh, I can't imagine how horrible it would be if she was never given the opportunity to exist. This child will one day play and laugh as well, if it's given the chance

Kimberly - posted on 07/07/2013

39

23

0

That IS a sticky situation. If you know her parents well enough to know their reaction would be harsh and punitive, and you know she has all the information she needs to make an informed choice, then I think you should take her. Ive never had an abortion, although I know women who have. The reaction is different for everyone, but most of the time if they have all the info and aren't being coerced into having the procedure but are having it because it is the right decision for them at the time, they don't necessarily suffer with that decision for their whole life. While they may find themselves wondering what could've been, that reaction occurs with any choice, whether abortion, adoption, or choosing to parent. Ultimately, she has to do what's right for her and not have her decision influenced by the way she feels others might treat her as a result of her choice. Just offer her support and someone to talk to about the situation, and make sure to tell her that you can't tell her what to do, only support her in her choice. Its a difficult decision to make and I wish you and her all the luck in the world. You're right, her life WOULD be completely changed with a child, and its very mature for her to understand that if she isn't prepared she has options. I found myself unexpectedly pregnant at 23. I thought I knew what parenting was, but you never really do until you are living it. Its so much more than diapers and formula, and a lot of first timers, particularly unplanned ones, don't truly don't understand what they are getting into. I know I didn't. If she has plans for the future, its important for her to work to attain them so that she can truly provide for a future family if she chooses to have one. Another thought, make sure she's aware of her birth control options she's so that she hopefully won't find herself in this position again, although nothing but abstinence is 100%. Knowing she's obviously experienced sex, that might be unrealistic, what with raging teenage hormones. if she's forgetful, might I suggest longer term options that would allow her to finish school first. I got a 5-year iud after my daughter, and although they used to not allow women with no children to get them, many drs are now considering it and it'd be worth looking into if she doesn't have any contraindications for it.

Haylee - posted on 07/07/2013

17

0

0

I myself disagree strongly with abortion and I think one day she will regret that decision. Perhaps you could suggest giving the baby up for adoption. After all, the child deserves a chance too don't you think? Her parents cant force her to do anything including keeping the baby after it's born. If I were you I would encourage her to speak with her parents... nothing good comes from lies

Jennifer - posted on 07/03/2013

70

0

36

How old is her friend? Is abortion legal where you are? I would just be concerned that her parents would find out you took her, and then not let her and your daughter be friends.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms