Here it goes again...

[deleted account] ( 17 moms have responded )

Why, oh WHY do some people absolutely INSIST upon coming into a debate forum and arguing? Debating is completely different from arguing!

Debating involves, among other things: facts, intelligent comments, and RESPECT FOR THE OPPOSING SIDE.

Arguning involves, among other things: bull-headedness, disregard for facts, and complete disrespect for people who think differently.

I am a member of debating communities to avoid arguments and instead debate important topics from the world around us. I come here fore intelligent conversation and to give my imput and point of view as well. I DO NOT appreciate attacking (which isn't allowed, but I see all the time), yelling (or the implication of yelling through text), and disregard for the feelings of others. I am seriously considering just leaving this community because of all the arguing (as apposed to debating) that I am seeing. Everything on here was great until recently...

If I wanted to listen to/read arguing I would just put my kids in the same room with one toy and listen to them have at it...

So, let me have it. Does anyone else notice this? Does anyone have any ideas of how to turn this back into an intelligent DEBATING forum? If there are no ideas, and no changes, then I am leaving. I am sick and tired of childish arguments in a place that I come to for some adult interaction...


Joanna - posted on 05/02/2010




I agree, but one thing I noticed is that on communities with pregnant women, there are always some topics that come with more arguments than others. I blame it on hormones and emotions running wild. I mean, I'm not the sharpest cookie, and most of the time all my decisions are made by my emotions (I've always been the most emotional person I know), so sometimes instead of logic I use my emotions to debate, a fault that's been pointed out to me numerous times (which is why there are some topics I won't even post on). But I agree in that the disrespect for others shouldn't be tolerated... I see a lot of general disrespect for others on CoM (not so much in this group though), and I hate it... I even see some "women" resort to name-calling, and just petty insults. Those are the days I usually just shut the computer off and try again tomorrow.

Christa - posted on 05/03/2010




I actually agree with Jo. I left for a long time because of what you are talking about Holly, but I just came back and I have to say so far things have been very benign. I hope it continues. :-)

Esther - posted on 05/03/2010




Holly - bear with us please. We have recently welcomed a lot of new members and we are very happy to have them as we think it just makes the community more interesting to have a wider range of perspectives on here. However, with that of course also come challenges. My sense is that things will balance out again soon enough though and the moderators and I are certainly trying very hard to keep things somewhat in check without curbing free speech. Debating Mums has always been a little different from most other communities on COMs. Those new members that fit into our community (in terms of their ability to debate in a civil manner) will hopefully stick around while others will move on.

Sara - posted on 05/02/2010




From a mods perspective, we really try to make this a community where people feel free to express themselves. We also don't rule with an "iron fist" so to speak. With so many in this community, and a recent influx of members, it's difficult to monitor all conversations all the time. That's why we really depend on our members to let us know when something bad is going down, by flagging or PMing one of us. I really hate to hear any member say that they feel this way about the community, so please, let us know when something is bothering you so that we may remedy it.

Kathy - posted on 05/02/2010




agreed. i am not sure that many people are educated in the "art of debate" anymore. and, i admit, i have been drawn into arguing versus debating from time to time. for anyone wanting to understand the essential differences between an argument and a debate, check out the slide show at:

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?? - posted on 05/03/2010




I'm going to chalk it up to interference ! There's a couple factors that have been eliminated from our interaction. Maybe it's time, growth and reflection on both our parts... who knows, miscommunication could have been the ultimate glitch. All I know is that we both seem to be a lil tamer, mellow and... there's been time to cool the flames !

But then again.. you've only been 'back' for a lil bit LOL this could just be the calm before the storm hahahahahahaha

For both our sakes, I hope it's not :) I like debating with you !

?? - posted on 05/03/2010




Isn't it a lil surreal how you and I are agreeing on quite a bit these days Christa...? It's like there was some sort of switch in the universe... *que dramatic music* :P

?? - posted on 05/03/2010




You know what's kinda funny... the past month or so... I've found DM to be so much more peaceful in the debates and less argumentative... Maybe it's cause I didn't post for a month? I looked in but didn't post and from what I can tell there is an overall more relaxed debate atmosphere than there was previously.

There are a few people who constantly stick out with their comments but overall, it's been pretty respectful from my view. Although the same people who seem to be in an outrage over someone else's attitude always seem to be taking posts out of context or adding some sort of outrage to it that *I* don't see.

Anyways, I just wanted to say I see the opposite that you do around here these days. There's a couple women who I think need to take a chill pill and stop takin shit personally but those people have also been like that since I noticed that they even exist, so to say anything seems pointless (since everyone else has said it before anyways) !

[deleted account]

Thanks Esther. I think I will stick around, but stay a little less active until things (and moods) even out again. I really do like this community and the adult interaction it gives me.

C. - posted on 05/02/2010




One thing that at least one other person stated on here already.. You are going to get a lot of people that rule things by emotion. And like that person, I am one of them as well. And you will also get people that try to put their input on something that they have experience with and just want to get that knowledge/experience out there, and people will come attack them thinking that the person just wanted to start an argument and that's just not always the case.

Sometimes you just have to ignore the ones that are acting immature.. And we all do that at least one time or another, so you can't just blame it on a few people. We're all guilty, just not always at the same time.

Dana - posted on 05/02/2010




Ha, Sara, I was just coming here to basically say the same thing. lol
I just want to add that we moderators have really tried in the past few months to find that perfect balance. We know we're not perfect but it would help if anyone who had problems sent us PM's so we could address specific issues.

[deleted account]

Honestly, I have been a part of a lot of very good debates on here. It's just been in the last couple of months that a select few have used arguing instead of debating, which in turn hurts other people's feelngs and makes them act in ways that aren't normal for them. It's a sad thing to see since I used to love this community so much... It has gotten to the point that I won't continue reading or even bother posting in some threads because I am just sick of the arguing...

Carolee - posted on 05/02/2010




I really liked that, Kathy! I do agree, Holly. There are way too many people who insist on forcing their ideas on others without a hint of respect for anybody else's point of view. On the other hand, there are also people who see an attack where there isn't one.

It's difficult to forsee how your (general public) comments are going to come across to each individual as you're typing. Unfortunately, we don't have the usual cues like tone of voice and physical gestures to help this process.

I'm sorry that you feel this way, Holly. I've noticed that it tends to go through phases of "debating" and "arguing"... especially with certain topics. I hope you have had some positive interaction on this forum, though...

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