How can I help teach my stepsons even the basic "life stuff" when I only see them two days a week, and their stay at home mom who has them 5 days a week won't give them the time of day?

User - posted on 04/07/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have two lovely young stepsons, age 8 and 10, and my husband and I get them on Friday afternoon, and take them home to their mom on Sunday nights. I am feeling so frustrated because their stay at home mom doesn't do anything with them but make their meals and lay around. I'm not just being mean about her because she is my husband's ex ... and I NEVER say anything negative in front of the boys, but this is just getting ridiculous. 1. She will not go through their backpacks (I find school work and papers from months back -- even an old rotten apple) to take care of their school work. We ask the boys to make sure to bring them every weekend so we can make sure they are staying up on their school work, but this is very inconsistent. 2. She is a stay at home mom, living off of alimony and child support, and she always has nice and expensive clothes, and the boys have little. 3. The other month, when they would come home to use, they were filthy and smelled to the high heavens. Evidentially, she didn't get their shower fixed for a month (so we were told); I wonder how she was bathing? There are plenty of ways to clean yourself with a broken shower-head. 4. She will not lift a finger to help the boys with homework or projects. My 10 year old had a huge assignment they knew about for several weeks, and we found out 1 1/2 days before. When we went to go see his presentation, he was very ill-prepared, and compared to the other children, I felt embarrassed for him as he tried pathetically to do his part. I gave him a big hug and told him how proud I was. With my own children, I would have spent time with them letting them practice in front of me, helped them be successful... The sad thing is, when I spoke with him the following weekend, he thought he did great and was completely unaware how bad it was and how unprepared he was compared to the others. I am not exadurating. Even worse, this is how both of the boys react to everything their mom does (or does not do). They are completely unaware about how lacking in their care she is. 5. She doesn't cut their nails, teach them to brush their teeth, basic table manners, how to use utensils (cannot use a knife to cut their food). 6. The list could go on and on. My husband works most of the time, and when he is home with the kids it is great, but I feel like it is all up to me. But how can I do this just on the weekends? It doesn't stick. She undoes it over the week. She is a sloth. We would love to get full custody of the kids. I would be willing to quit my job to raise them if needed. But she looks golden on paper -- even a Foster Mom. Can you believe it? And yes, she is as bad and worse as I am making her out to be. She has 9 older kids that have told me countless stories about her, and they are all consistant...and none want to have anything to do with her because of what she has done. Oh, I could go on ... but I won't. Some advise please???

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Cutemommy - posted on 04/22/2015

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You and your husband can file for more custody. The child thought he did great because you told him he did sometimes it is good to be honest in a sweet way instead of false praise. They also don't notice their mom lacking because they do not know any better. Nine kids not including the kids from you husband sounds like an overwhelming amount of kids, do they have adequate living space. Do their teachers announce concerns when you go to see the kid's presentations and things? There is a chance the teachers are concerned about living conditions.

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