How do you disconnect from your child's ex boyfriend?

Robbi - posted on 01/07/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My daughter became involved with a young man in her last year of school , making me wonder if she would do well in her exams having this distraction. As it turned out she did very well and got into the university of her choice in the city. When looking for accommodation they announced they where moving in together ,, Hmmm warning signals flashing ...this young man was from the country and worked away a month at a time. I knew my daughter would be ok as she would be working and studying. anyway to cut a long story short , he found it difficult to assimilate into city life, not knowing what to do when he was home from work for a month , lots of time on his hands, my daughter was very busy , tensions rose to breaking point......then snapped, relationship over.:( such a waste, as an experienced adult,I could see how to fix a lot that was wrong, but it was hard to give advice when emotions were high. Six months on he is back home and settled straight away into country life and she embraced city living with vigour. They have both had new love dalliances . My daughter has come home for the first time during break and is finding it specially difficult to relax as she knows he is about town with his new girl and moving in her circle of friends. It is hard in a small community to avoid contact with him and his family, sometimes I find myself nervously looking out for them or looking for his car in order to avoid meeting. Oh and get this she tells me that despite initiating the break, she has never stopped loving him.....every time I offer words of advice/ support , I am rebuffed. He is a great young man and I would love for them to reconcile but , hey, It's not my life and I have to keep reminding myself of this. They are both young early 20's.....c'est la vie

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/08/2013

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Let her have time to grieve. First loves are so hard to get over. Once she really finds her footing in her new life (which I am sure she has, but meaning really moving on) she will be able to approach the situation differently. She may always look out for his car for a chance meeting, and that may be good for the both of them. But right now, just be there to listen to her. Try your best to stop giving advice. She just needs an ear, not another voice giving opinions and solutions. If they end up back together, great. If not, she will find someone new, and love her life differently. It is really hard to see your ex for the first time after a break up....even the second time is difficult. Really, any chance of running into an ex can be uncomfortable and exciting at the same time.

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