How far for college?

Tah - posted on 08/16/2010 ( 18 moms have responded )

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ok so i have a couple of smarty pants nephews going to college....lots of scholorships etc...well one was accepted to cal berkley amongst others...but my sister and brother-in-law wouldnt let him go because of the distance....so now he's at Virginia union(..good school also..they came and stayed the weekend with me so they would be close for his first day today) for engineering...but..i know alot of moms who are having their children go in-state or start at community not for money but because the parents aren't ready to let go..so how far are you willing to let your children go for college?..if they were accepted to a great school far away..would you let them go?...

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Krista - posted on 08/16/2010

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Tell you what, Loureen...your kids can go to college near me, and mine will go to college near you. That way, we can keep an eye on each others' kids, AND we can visit each other and have a glass of wine! :)

Krista - posted on 08/16/2010

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I want my kids to see the world and to consider the entire planet as a possibility. I would hate for them to restrict their options based on a fear of upsetting me.



Besides, hopefully they'll go somewhere really cool, and then I can go visit!



Edited to add: I stayed close to home because I knew it would upset my mom if I went really far. If I could do it all over again (but still wind up with my existing husband and child)? I would have gone to school in France, I think.

Jodi - posted on 08/16/2010

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I would personally prefer my kids stay home during university because it is less expensive. I live in a city where the kids will have the option of 3 universities (as well as another tertiary institution), so unless they are wanting to enter a course which is not an option here, then I would certainly encourage them to stay home. But it has nothing to do with my unwillingness to let go, everything to do with economics. However, if they decided they wanted to go elsewhere and live away from home, when they did have the option to stay home, then they can pay for their own living expenses. If they don't have a choice, I will help support them.

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I was happy living in my own apartment 30 minutes from my parents' home. I had a scholarship that covered tuition, so my parents were able to help me with rent. I had a job that covered living expenses. It was a great opportunity for me to live the college life while learning how to take care of myself and budget my money.

As far as my own children go, one is only 2 and the other is not yet born. Only time will tell what will happen. We plan to have enough saved for them to go to the state university. We will guide our children in their decision for college based on scholarships, personality, family circumstances, etc.

Mary - posted on 08/16/2010

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It will really depend on the person she has become when the time comes...but as someone who went out of state for 4 years, I do want that experience of living away from home for her. I don't deny that I will probably have a hard time with it in the beginning, but I think having to intermittently live apart from your nuclear family is a great stepping stone to complete independence. Now, exactly how far away she can go may be determined by finances...getting her back and forth to a college across the country is a whole lot more expensive than being able to drive her and all of her crap 2 or 3 hours away. It would also severely limit her ability to come home for a weekend if she was homesick, or there was some event with friends or family that she didn't want to miss. I only went an hour away for just that reason, but that wasn't all that important to my sister, who even did a semester abroad.

It really will come down to her personality, and our financial resources when that time comes.

LaCi - posted on 08/16/2010

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My parents didn't want me to go away to college, so now I want my son to go as far away as he can and enjoy the total college experience.

Lindsay - posted on 08/16/2010

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We have savings funds set up for the kids that will go towards their college funds. They will be free to choose whatever school they want to attend with the knowledge that the rest of the bill is up to them. It's cheaper to stay in-state so that may effect their decision. The only advice I will be giving is to study study study and get involved in extra-cirriculars/sports to try to get as much scholarship money as they can. I will support whatever decision they make.

Stifler's - posted on 08/16/2010

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I did external study and got a job too lol I didn't just move to bludge off him.

Stifler's - posted on 08/16/2010

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Yes! My sister moved 300km away the year after school to go to uni. I moved 600km away for my boyfriends job, they had no say and wished us good luck. Unless you pay, you don't have a say.

Sharon - posted on 08/16/2010

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My oldest still needs direction from the adults in his life - I'm willing to bet that when he gets to college -he'll still need that pointing. We won't let him go very far.

My younger son - does excellently on his own - He can go anywhere he wants to.

My daughter - hard to say. She's only 7 and she could go any direction as she gets older - but right now I'm inclined to say I'd want her to stay nearby because so much can go wrong for college girls. But there are many many years to go yet and things could change.

Rosie - posted on 08/16/2010

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as much as i will hate it if they go far away they are adults, i can't stop them.

Jocelyn - posted on 08/16/2010

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If my kids are accepted to the school of their choice, and money is no issue, then they can go where ever it is they want to. Of course I will miss them like crazy, but it is their life. I want them to get a chance to live it according to them.

Amie - posted on 08/16/2010

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You know I'll never understand this attitude of "letting" your grown child go. They will anyway if they want to badly enough. Though some children are really cowed by their parents, I feel for those kids.

My cousin left when she was 17 for Uni. I was 17 when I left home, still in HS (I was also pregnant). Our parents were there for us but didn't force us to go where they wanted us to go. They gave us suggestions, talked to us about their concerns but stood behind us and our decisions.

I don't plan on swaying my children's decision in anyway. Their dream, is their dream they can go to the ends of the earth if that's what it takes to fulfill it. My husband on the other hand, does not like the idea (especially of our 3 girls) leaving home. I know it's a reality I will have to accept, especially if I do not want to cause some serious waves with my children. I have confidence in the way I am raising them, so letting go and trusting they will make the right decisions will be easier. I won't like it but it will be easier.

Tah - posted on 08/16/2010

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yes..thats how i feel...the only reason they probaly allowed him to come this far is because we live here and an hour away from the HBCU he is attending..they actually wanted him to stay in PA and attend La Salle, Temple or Penn state..i mean he got into any place he put his name on the application..lol...but he convinced them to allow them to come here..as a matter of fact his older brother wanted to fo to school down here but they told him he couldnt come here until his brother(the one that just moved on campus today) was out of high school so they could come together..so now his 22 year old brother was allowed to move to va because they knew he was going to this school..so they are keeping them a little close to the vest i think...but to my surprise..it's more than just them...i am working with people and in class with people who are doing the same thing..if my son gets into berkley..he's going...

ME - posted on 08/16/2010

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If my children are paying for it themselves, or they have scholarships, then it will be their choice...no matter how much I might want it to be about me...their education choices are theirs alone to make!

Charlie - posted on 08/16/2010

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Yes ,

By the time they are old enough to go to university they will be adults and i think its important for people to establish independence away from home it gives them a chance to grow as an adult , it would be nice to have them near but the reality is where i live the nearest uni is 6 hours away which is how far i moved away at 18 and it also made my mother and i form a stronger relationship .

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