How involved are we????

Tah - posted on 12/03/2010 ( 24 moms have responded )

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So i was watching a show and the guest was saying we need to be more involved in our parents finances, we need to know whats coming in and going out, investments, what retirement will look like, (or does for those that are already retired)...they touched on the fact that their generation is all about keeping quiet and not talking about money. I totally agree because my parent's could work for the FBI for the amount of information they give you. They seem to do fine, but we never know, so for either christmas or their anniversary every year we put together and give them money from all of us to do what they need to do..or just want to do.

We have tried to have this conversation with them and they will have no parts of it, so we just do what we can, this generation is at high risk for scams and predators..so my questions are this.



Do you discuss this with your parents?



How involved are you with their finances?



Do you agree with being involved with their finances?



Do they let you in?

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[deleted account]

See, I think it is our business. Who is going to pay for their long term care or get them through retirement if they haven't prepared for it? We will. I'm not suggesting by any means, that you ride their tail about every purchase, bill, etc. How they spend their money and what they invest in is their business. But I believe it's smart to know how their retirement, long term care, and funeral expenses will be funded. Money is the LAST thing I want to stress over in any of those situations. I'm sure my parents feel the same way. And I would hope that all parents feel that way. That's why we pay for life insurance, we want our daughter to be okay if something happens. Who wants to leave a legacy of debt?

Charlie - posted on 12/03/2010

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Do you discuss this with your parents?

Yes I do discuss it with my parents .
How involved are you with their finances?
Very involved , there is a lot of investments that need watching and my mother is not really to cluey about it .
Do you agree with being involved with their finances?
Absolutely especially if it is at risk of being mishandled ( and taken advantage of ) by others ( and it has in the past which is why she needs someone she can trust .
Do they let you in?
Yes she lets me in , she asks for advice .

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24 Comments

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Ez - posted on 12/04/2010

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I know only the basics of my parents's financial situations (divorced and both remarried) and that suits me at this point. Shit, my Dad and step-mother bought another house (they own 5) and I didn't even know about it for months lol. Seriously though, my Dad is a banker so I have total faith in his ability to plan for their retirement. My Mum is the most organised person on the face of the plant, so I do know when she's planning on retiring (few more years away yet) but that's about it.

I would never dream of getting involved in their financial affairs unless or until they seemed incapable of doing it for themselves.

Sarah - posted on 12/04/2010

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If I tried to give my parents financial advice or discuss money with them, they would laugh in face!! I'm not very financially minded at all, so I'm the last person they would discuss it with.



My Mum is all set up as her husband has a fair bit of money etc.



My Dad is pretty well organised, he's told me he has a will and stuff, but that my sister will be the executor! lol!



My parents are in their 60's (just) but I don't worry about them scammed or anything, they know what they're doing. I'm more likely to get scammed than them! hahahaha!

Lady Heather - posted on 12/04/2010

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I wouldn't say I'm involved in it, but I'm aware of their general situations. My dad doesn't share specifics, but his basic plan is to leave absolutely nothing for us but enough to cover funeral costs in the end. Ha. He's doing just fine so I don't really worry about him.

My mum...well...she's going to live in my basement one day I think. She married a guy with tons of debt due to a previous divorce and the two of them are just clueless. Perfect for each other in every other way but not in the financials. The nice thing about my mum is that she's very open with me about this stuff. Right now she is in the process of looking for a duplex to split with my grandparents, so I know that they are working together now. I think it will be really easy to have those sorts of discussions with her when need be. But yeah, we are definitely going to be building an in-law suite at some point.

I think it's good to have more openness in this area. It's not just about when people die - what if they need more care as they age? That was the whole deal with my grandparents. My mum decided she wanted to create a plan with them to keep them living independently as long as possible. So amalgamating their property but keeping a little bit of independence from each other seemed a good way to go. I guess it's good to keep in mind that one day your parents won't be able to take care of everything or perhaps even themselves. It's important to know what you're working with at that point. Could be some nasty surprises otherwise.

Stifler's - posted on 12/03/2010

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No. They are able minded still, they're only 50. My MIL is very irresponsible with money but I refuse to be involved as it will just come back to us footing the bill like it always does. No I don't agree with it. They're old, it's their own responsibility until I'm their POA. My parents tell me what they're up to buying cattle and doing this and that. My MIL rings up to ask for $50 and I say what for and she says groceries when she is actually buying scratchies and wine. Then tells me we should buy her a car or a lap top or a tv and actually feels entitled to ask for these things. Hence why I don't talk to her.

Lacye - posted on 12/03/2010

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The one and only time I ever asked my dad about his finances, he told me to "Shut up and get the hell out of my face. Kids don't need to know about their parents' money."
My mother on the other hand, my parents broke up when I was a small child, if I asked her about her finances, she would probably tell me. And she would ask me for help if she needed it.
I don't agree with getting involved unless they get to a point where they can't take care of themselves and need some one to take care of them. Then I would get involved.

C. - posted on 12/03/2010

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I do discuss it with my mom a little bit..



If she offers to share, I'll listen- but I won't just sit there and bombard her about something that's really her business and not mine. She's pretty keen on smelling a scam when it comes around and always avoids it. She's a smart cookie.



I do to an extent. I think if you're just talking about it and suggesting things, it's fine- but practically hovering like they're a child is going a bit too far- they're grown-ups and have lived a long time!



Yep. Don't really have anything more to say on that one, but yes, she does.

Tah - posted on 12/03/2010

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@Sara, maybe that is it. I know when i was younger, they took out a second mortgage to get the house remodeled and the people who were supposed to do it were scammers, took forever, didn't do what was asked and came when they wanted and for how long they wanted. I remember having to step over lumber for way to long..the best part was the vanity they put in the bathroom..my parent's tried to sue, but i don't think they were too successful, I imagine they are close to paying that off now. They don't own a car. They refuse to get another one. We gave them money to buy one and they paid bills. So now we just give them money or what we want them to have. They figure the buses run ever 5 minutes(no lie or embellishment) and they live exactly one block from one bus stop and 3 blocks from another, and if they are feeling cheeky they meet up downtown at my moms job..go for lunch, then catch a trolley and walk home fifteen minutes. SO, i am fixing my husband's honda and even if they just let the car sit their all week and only use it for fun..so be it, it will make me feel better.



My parents are in their early 60's and my oldest sister's are in their early 40's. They got married at 19 and 20 and had 4 babies back to back and in between took in my 3 cousins, waited 8 years..then had me...3 years..brother..3 years...baby sister. Like i said, i know they make good mone. Not as much as when my dad used to travel for his old job to train computer guys for te company, but good money none the less. I beleive he was vested their anyway after 20 years.He also makes money preaching, but he is the associate senior pastor, so it's not salary. My dad is really smart, but you can never be to sure, I work in skilled care, and rehab. I have patients in their early 40's car accident...heart attacks...strokes....etc. Who ever thinks you will be that age and need care. I totally get what the lady in the t.v show was saying. It makes sense to me.

[deleted account]

My parents finances are none of my business. Why would it be unless they were incompetent? While I do tell my mom that she shouldn't be financially supporting my brother (37) as much as she does.... it's her money and her business. She now helps me out some too.... well, as much as I'll let her. I only allow it for gifts (like my birthday) and when I'm desperate w/ no other choice. If my ex were to pay child support.... I would no longer accept that kind of help from my mom (since I don't accept near as much help from her as what my ex is court ordered to pay).

[deleted account]

Well I wouldn't be TOO worried about it if my mom's dad hadn't needed 10 years of in-home care. And her mom was 3 years in a nursing home. Apart from the emotional aspects of this, it was difficult to see how they struggle with paying for it all. Plus my mom is pre-diabetic...her mom was a diabetic also. Kind of scary to think about. I want the financial part to at least be taken care of!

[deleted account]

Haha! My mom told me she's not opposed to a nursing home. She thinks it might be fun.... I couldn't stop laughing at her. I asked, "how come you wouldn't wanna come live with us?".....she never did answer! Hmmmm?

[deleted account]

It's a tough thing to discuss with your parents because of the "powdered butt syndrome." Once someone has powdered your butt they have a hard time taking advice from you. Or so I've been told.

Anyway, both my parents and in-laws are in good shape. My dad retired from a state job and has amazing retirement and health benefits. My mom will retire from her teaching job in 6-ish years and will also receive great benefits. This, on top of the fact that they have a large, growing savings account, and the fact that they have no bills (house, car, etc. paid for) makes me feel okay about how they will survive the next 30 some odd years.

ONE thing I've tried to talk them into with no success is some sort of long term care insurance in case one of them needs an in-house care taker or ends up in a nursing home. They think they have time to get this, but once you turn 60 the premiums on this insurance skyrocket if you don't already have it, so I'd rather they get it now.

I don't know much about the details of my in-laws finances, but like my parents, everything is paid off. They have savings. In about 10 years my FIL will retire with benefits. My SIL discusses these things with them. Better from her than me, so I trust her that they are okay.

~Jennifer - posted on 12/03/2010

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My only involvement with my parent's (just my dad, mom passed in May) finances is depleting his savings account.
Shit's been rough around here b/c of the recession, so I've been borrowing.....A LOT.
Thank goodness for the National Bank of Dad.
(love you, Dad!)

Petra - posted on 12/03/2010

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My parents are hard-core NDP-loving hippies who have both had long government careers. They've got solid pensions and RRSPs coming out of their butts. They lecture me constantly about saving for retirement. I have no concerns about their security, and am fully confident that they would never fall for BS scams. They're too cautious.

Rosie - posted on 12/03/2010

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my parents don't really discuss much with me much about their finances. i don't really care i guess, as long as they aren't in dyer (sp?) need of help.
i know that my dad's truck payment pisses my mom off, and my mothers ability to be dropped by insurance companies for to many accidents pisses my dad off. but they always seem to have enough money. my mom is pretty frugal, she's a tightass basically.
i do know they have a lot of credit card debt. like $20,000. probably because of my dad and his ability to not be frugal. he has to have the best of everything when he does buy something.
meh, i guess i'll care more once they get a little older, they're in their 50's, maybe in a decade or something.

Amie - posted on 12/03/2010

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I'm 28, both just turned 48.

We're a family of young breeders. =P LOL

Amie - posted on 12/03/2010

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I guess this depends on the age of the poster and their parents?



My parents are in their late 40's. I know about all their finances. I have records of where everything is and what is going in and out. I have this so I know what to expect when they do die or need me to take over.



My in laws have done this with me as well (they're in their mid mid 50's). I think I know more than their own children honestly. My husband and his sister just don't seem to care to know.



My mom was the one that held the reigns of my grandma's finances as she got older. My dad did the same for his mom.



On my in laws side, they do not know much, if anything, about their mom's incomes (dad's have passed on). They are secretive with it. It's like they figure they'll get whacked off if we knew how much they had exactly. I just hope they have all the proper paperwork for when they do die so a bunch of unexpected things don't pop up.

La - posted on 12/03/2010

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My mother doesn't honestly discuss her finances with me. She always says how she "doesn't have money" then she drops a few hundred like it's nothing. She must have money stashed and it bothers me that she is a compulsive shopper and borderline hoarder. She buys endless crap that is a waste of money. I have told her this in the past but she gets defensive so I stay out of it now. I really wish she would have at least done something useful with her money like set up small accounts for her grandkids but she continues to squander it on crap. It's not my money though so I guess I don't have a say. When she dies I don't look forward to going through all her horror movie figurines and straight to DVD movie collection.

Tah - posted on 12/03/2010

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The wills and all that yes, they have it, we do know that, esp since my daddy(i love he..lol) had triple bypass a couple years ago. He used to work with computers at a very good company but his health began to fail and he had to work closer to home, he still works with computers, it's just at a hospital now instead of traveling to jersey every day for work. I also know they have some investments, and right now my mom is deciding whether or not to retire because her job with the city is changing as with her whole department and she has been there about 25 years, and the school board prior, but when i ask financial questions regarding that, i'm told not to worry, if she had 2 nickels or 2 million she would tell me that, because i am willing to help them out if need be, but they just won't say.

Sara - posted on 12/03/2010

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My parents and my in-laws have chosen executors for their estates and have wills in place. I think that every family needs to have at least THAT much figured out, someone that can make decisions for them in the event they can't make it for themselves or if they die...

[deleted account]

We are semi-involved with my parents finances. We have invested money with them and because of our family business I do have some knowledge of their financial situation. I do not, however, have any say in anything that does not directly affect me. My dad is a pretty smart guy and I trust that he'll take care of my mom and the rest of us as well.

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