How long is too long with extended Breast Feeding??

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/19/2011 ( 119 moms have responded )

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This is yet another BFing thread....the other thread is about the law of BFing in public, now I want to hear when it is considered to long....public or private.

I have said it before, I am uncomfortable with the thought of a child over 4 being BF. I have no problem admitting this. I just don't know what age I feel it should stop all together.

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Johnny - posted on 05/19/2011

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Walking, talking, etc. are all so different between each kid. I know normal kids whose first steps range from 6 months of age to 18 months of age. That is a whole year different. By the age of 2, you would not have been able to tell the difference between them.

Talking is also so different. My daughter said her first clear word at 8 months and has always been very verbal. My cousin (who is now a lawyer) did not start talking until she was 4 years old.

Using these sort of developmental cues as reasons to stop nursing is so arbitrary. And they are in no way connected to a child's want or need to breastfeed. A 6 month old who is walking is obviously still requiring the nutrition of breastmilk whereas an 18 month old who isn't walking is technically less in need of the same.

Even age is a poor tell for whether kids need to nurse or not. That is the beauty of self-weaning, they can decide when they themselves are ready.

I also tend to think that the mother's needs should also be considered. If a woman is DONE nursing, that needs to be respected as well. It is a relationship and needs to be mutually beneficial and desired between both parties.

People outside of it should really generally mind their own business.

[deleted account]

My brother and I both nursed til somewhere between 2 and 3.... and we're 37 and 34 now, so.... born when formula was quite the 'thing' to feed your kid. ;)

No, I can't define 'need' for you. Sorry, I realize that's kind of a cop out. Obviously I'm not talking that he would've physically died w/out it at that age, but it was most certainly an emotional need. It still is at times... just not as often. You just KNOW when it's your own kid. Kind of how you can tell which 'boo boos' need hugs, kisses, and snuggles... and which 'boo boos' can be brushed off w/ a 'you're fine. go play.' kind of response.

Tara - posted on 05/20/2011

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@Cynthia,
By your logic a child who knows how to walk should never be carried again. Or a child who can open the fridge should be forever allowed to get his own snacks. Or a child who can swim without water wings doesn't require supervision in the water.
Just because a child has the fine motor skills required to unbutton a blouse does not automatically make them ready to wean from the breast. Not sure where that logic comes from.

Isobel - posted on 05/19/2011

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I feel like it's our job as parents to prepare our children as best we can for the society they are going to live in.

Breastfeeding long enough for them to remember it is NOT preparing them for THIS society. Sorry, it's just not.

The risk of lingering mental issues and ostracization is too much for me when you start talking about anybody over 5.

Personally 3 would probably be my absolute top level but...it's not my choice so I don't think anybody should be forced to stop either.

Sylvia - posted on 05/20/2011

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I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that many of us know kids who have nursed quite a bit longer than we know about. Why do I say that? Well, DD knows a lot of people who have no idea (and had no idea at the time) that she nursed well past her fourth birthday. Sure, some people knew, and I have no problem admitting it now if it comes up in conversation, but were we out there nursing in public when she was four and a half, like you would be with a baby? No. It wasn't a secret, but there was no need for the whole world to know about it.

Extended nursing is largely invisible in North America. Kids who nurse longer than our society considers "normal" are not by definition messed up or abnormal. In fact, I'd go one step further: among kids who nurse longer than "normal" and who are messed up, the messed-up-ness is due to other factors -- the nursing is incidental. The only time we hear about an older child nursing is, guess when? When there's something wrong with the child, or the mom, or the family, and part of the media narrative is "OMG that child is STILL BREASTFEEDING!!!!11!!!1!!"

I can about guarantee that you would not be able to pick my kid out of an identity parade as the one who nursed practically until Senior Kindergarten. (Especially not if she was in the identity parade with her two older cousins who both did the same ;^).)

I don't personally think I would be comfortable nursing a six-year-old. But then, when DD was an infant, I couldn't picture myself nursing a walking, talking toddler. (I wasn't squicked out or anything; I just couldn't picture it.) Yet when we got there ... it was normal. Nursing her the day after her first birthday was exactly like nursing her the day before it. As for other people's nursing relationships? Not. My. Business. Nursing should continue as long as both partners want it to continue. End of story.

I think the thing that most people who haven't done it don't really grok is that nursing an older child is in many ways not anything like nursing an infant. When I say my DD nursed until she was four and a half (ish), I mean she nursed for maybe five minutes at a time, once a day or even less. A four-year-old can understand and accept "later" and "after dinner" and "only at bedtime" and "Mommy doesn't feel like it right now". You can reason and negotiate with a four-year-old. Four-year-olds have other interests.

I guess I just don't understand why it's an issue for people that someone else's child spends a couple of minutes a day nursing in the privacy of their own home o_O

119 Comments

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Momof1 - posted on 05/22/2011

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I personally don't think I could go past two breastfeeding, but I would have zero problem pumping the milk for my child. I think that up to age 4 ish is fine, as well. I don't have any problem with the drinking of breast milk, since it is so healthy (although I never tasted mine, LOL.) However, unless the child was pretty old and they didn't want to breastfeed but the mom was making them, I wouldn't judge.

So my opinion is that I probably wouldn't breastfeed past two, but I don't see why others should stop at age 2. It is still beneficial.

Sarah - posted on 05/22/2011

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Call me selfish, but I'd like to have my boobies back to myself no later than age 2. I'd feel most comfortable weaning anywhere between age 1-2 years. But, that's just ME. But, honestly though, I guess I just don't see the point in anyone BF past age 3.

Nicole - posted on 05/22/2011

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And I don't know about the rest of you, but if my husband (a grown man) can suck on my boobs like a child, my toddler shouldn't be shunned for doing so just because my husband and I can easily distort the natural function of my breasts for our own sexual gratification. TMI, I know, but it is what it is and I can easily distinguish the difference between the two.

Nicole - posted on 05/22/2011

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Meh... If your child can't go away to college because you (and your boobs) can't stay in the dorm with them, you may have breastfed for too long...

Stifler's - posted on 05/22/2011

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My kid is 16 months and gave up bottles, dummies, soft spout sippies and was never breastfed and he's the clingiest most attention seeking turd in the world lol

Sunny - posted on 05/22/2011

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Maybe i should add too that i was unable to feed my son due to medical conditions, and didnt even get to give him his first bottle feed! So i have no idea about what the joys of breast feeding and that bond must be like. Who knows maybe i would still be feeding my now 4 year old. (but i doubt it, ive seen that kid eat a steak! lol joking :D )

Sunny - posted on 05/22/2011

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Ok well to clear some things up, im in Australia, Victoria. I know heaps of people who feed over a year. (myself and partner were both breast feed till the age of 3) Its common here. In my room there are 5 3and4 year olds still breast feed, i know this because their mothers feed them in the room in front of myself the other staff and children before leaving for the morning/day. and i had never seen any problem with it until now, with these children. I said i was generalizing from the children i have worked with, but the parents of these children seem to, for lack of a better word 'babby' them, in all aspects of their lives and it is showing. From seeing that, it now makes me feel uncomfortable to see someone feeding a child of 4 years. And yep the majority of the pre kinders can read and write (stuff like thier names and ages ect) Im not saying that people shouldn't have extended breast feeding if its something that makes mum and bub happy but for some of these kids i think it can be more of a problem than the beautiful, connecting, nurturing experience its meant to be. Thats all i meant that i never had a problem, id never even seen it in public until now and yep all day im fighting with kids to stop them trying to get into my top, maybe because i have massive boobs and i do get called mum as well, i think its strage, but it is the only experience i have had with extended feeding. I hope i didnt offended anyone, just stating why it now makes me uncomfortable.

Candice - posted on 05/21/2011

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@ Jenn I knew Game of Thrones was quality! Must watch... lol
I'm still nursing my 3 year old, I'll get back to you when it gets weird! Really hoping to wean soonish since she annoying nurses a lot. Like drive by boobing and hanging upside down over my shoulder.

Merry - posted on 05/21/2011

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In real life I only know of five people who breastfed past two years, three of them are my lll leaders kids, one is a lll members son and the other one is a girl at my church. So if I never went to lll that would be only one kid I know whose b-fed past two. It's sad.
Oh and I guess I'll throw in that erics been using open topped cups since about 15 months and he has been using a fork well since before his first birthday, in fact he refused to eat his birthday came until we gave him a fork! He's used a spoon well since about 20 months and is now mastering a knife at 2 years old. So, idk I really don't think bfding has anything to do with utensil use. And erics even still bfing 7-8 times a day.....I would t call him clingy, more just affectionate and emotional and attached to me. On the other hand, even though I've only left him with grandma about 7 times so far, every time I do it's as simple and painless as me saying mommy is going bye, you play with Nana, and he smiles waves gives me a hug and says bye mama!
Makes me sad :( lol but he is for sure not clingy to the point of being a problem if he is this ok with me leaving him!

Sylvia - posted on 05/21/2011

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Yeah, I'm with the others in thinking that Sunny's account sounds ... slightly implausible. And even if her description of the behaviour is straight-up accurate, I'd be willing to bet that the kids in question have issues that are causing said behaviour -- issues unrelated to nursing. That is NOT typical behaviour of the nursing preschooler.

@Sherri -- I'll take your word for it, but you know that lots of people nurse for a long time even after going back to work, right? :)

[deleted account]

I have to agree w/ the other ladies that have posted after Sunny (well, of course I do...lol). Except for the fact that my son IS clingy, but that is part of his make up and I have a feeling he'd be JUST as clingy if we'd never breastfed. He's never clung to another woman's breast or even tried to touch/see it. He knows that Mommy is the only one that gives him 'baboo' and has for a VERY long time.

Maybe the kids you are coming across WEREN'T breastfed.... or maybe their parents just don't know how to teach them proper manners/boundaries....

I will also add.... in my entire life, other than my son, I have only ever seen TWO nursing toddlers. One quit at 2 and one was 4.... but both of them were 6+ years ago.....

Nicole - posted on 05/21/2011

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Yeah Sunny, I'm sorry, but I have to go with the other comments on this one. I am finding your comment confusing. For a couple of reasons.



One, where is this daycare you work at?!? Wow! Because with the percentage of women who breastfeed here in the states dropping dramatically by the time the child is at 6 months, I'd like to know where SO many women are breastfeeding until ages 3 or 4. I'd like to move there! ;o) In my area, and all across the US, many daycare providers are so surprised when they have even one or two children still being breastfed just within their infancy (first year), I am shocked that you have seen so many still being breastfed at 3 and 4 to be able to make a blanket opinion about all children breastfed at this age.



Second, I can't possibly see how a child that is 3 or 4 will not know the difference between their mother and a daycare worker. My 19 month old never tries to get his "ninny" from another woman. As a matter of fact, he does just fine while being cared for by other people and they find him to be a "joy" and everyone wants to take him home with them. I just laugh and say "eventually, he'll miss the 'ninny' and you'll be bringing him back home." LOL



And lastly, as I implied above, my child is not the least bit clingy and is very loving. If he is sick or doesn't feel well, he is VERY attached to me, but I would expect ANY child to want their primary caregiver when they are not feeling well. Breastfed or not. Not only that, but he, at 19 months, is very capable with a cup, eating with a fork (the knife we are still working on) and eats anything that you put in front of him. He is very well-adjusted.



Also, these are 3 and 4 year old children that can read and write?! Awesome! I thought my kids were just advanced or something, because all of my kids' schools (I have 3 who are school-aged) were shocked that they could read and write when they entered kindergarten and I've witnessed many 5 year olds who can't read and write. Maybe breastfeeding DOES make one smarter??? ;o)

Merry - posted on 05/21/2011

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Eric has pointed to his grandmas boob and matter of factly stated. 'nice boobm' and patted it. But he never has done anything further! And he hasn't even noticed other women's breasts, idk, maybe those kids aren't breastfed, maybe they just have bad manners.

Minnie - posted on 05/21/2011

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Yeah, you probably shouldn't be generalizing. My 2 1/2 year old can read and write, has used a glass cup since 10 months old and is just fine and dandy with a fork and knife.

She has NEVER asked to nurse from anyone else or tried to. My mother frequently watches her, and so does my husband's cousin. If we're out for a few hours she'll say "where's nanas?" and they tell her that she can have them when I come back. "OK" is her response and that's the end of it.

Jenn - posted on 05/21/2011

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I find it odd that a child of 3 or 4 who is breastfed would not know the difference between their own mother and some daycare worker and that they would be trying to get at your tit for a drink. How do you know that they are breastfed? Did the mother tell you? Or are you just assuming, and perhaps these kids just have no couth?

Sunny - posted on 05/20/2011

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See I'm torn on this. I use to always think do whatever feels right for each person and kid and it never use to bother me but now im working in a childcare center and there are children 3 and 4 who are still breast feed and i really don't like fighting with them when they put their hands down my top, pull my top down, try and stick their heads in my boobs, and these are kids who can read and write ect. I dont know, now working with children every day, of all ages i can see a huge difference in those who have extended breast feeding. They are much more clingy, cry lot more, are not as capable using cups, knives and forks and have trouble going to sleep without the comfort of the boob and mother attached to it. Of cause thats just generalizing and not all kids are like that but it is something that is very noticeable. As i said only now does it make me feel uncomfortable. My son is 4 and honestly I just think who can possibly be stuffed doing that lol he is like 20 kgs and has a full set of teeth, there id no way he is coming anywhere near my beautiful boobs now lol

Jenn - posted on 05/20/2011

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LOL - I just realized I put the "wet the bed" in there and clearly that is not a comfort thing - I was just thinking it's something that a lot of kids do that they don't talk about.

Jenn - posted on 05/20/2011

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Sheesh - I can't believe all of the "ick" and "ugh" and "gross" comments from some people. It's one thing to say it's not for you, or even that you think it should be stopped at a certain age - but is it really necessary to throw in the phrases of disgust? Anyway, as far as kids getting teased or whatever, I just don't see being an issue. I'm sure lots of kids do things for comfort that their friends don't know about because they just don't think to talk about it or feel the need to talk about it. How many older kids suck a thumb or finger? Or have a blankie? Or sleep in their parents bed? Or are scared of the dark and have a nightlight? Or wet the bed? Or sleep with a teddy bear? There's all kinds of things that people do that is nobody else's business, and there's nothing wrong with it.

Merry - posted on 05/20/2011

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Sometimes it just crushes erics heart if I say no. Sometimes he is fine with waiting. But I can tell if it hurt his feelings for me to refuse. I can't imagine making him feel rejected just because we are in public, that said, most times in public he is more then ok with me saying not now. Only like if we are pushing nap back or if he is scared of something like the drs, then it's an emotional 'need' but it's less common these days, he's growing up so fast!

Johnny - posted on 05/20/2011

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Sherri, I've been wanting to ask you for a while...do you have psychic powers? Cause that would be way cool!

Sherri - posted on 05/20/2011

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I don't think anybody has a problem when it is done in the privacy of their homes, it is when it is taken into public that people typically have issues.

Also I am willing to bet zero kids that I ever knew BF longer than a year. Remember almost all parents returned full time to work and where I lived I actually can't recall any parents not bottle feeding. BF'ing in of at self was pretty much not heard of growing up and rare even as an adult among all of my close family and friends those who did nobody went past I believe 8mo's.

Isobel - posted on 05/20/2011

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Can you define "needed" for me? cause my daughter still had bottles at that age (I know, another debate) and they were a great comfort to her...but I can't say she ever NEEDED one when it wasn't nap or bed time.

Truth be known, she didn't NEED one ever...I was just not willing to put in the effort to calm her another way during those times.

[deleted account]

Well.... just like you won't see my 3 year old nursing unless you are in my home.... you won't see him using a sippy cup unless we are home either.



At 2 he still needed (yes, I can say need... I actually KNOW my kid) to nurse in public on occasion, but that need disappeared by about 2.5.. Now he just WANTS to nurse more, but I put it off cuz I've discerned when it is and isn't a need.



Oh, and don't worry.... I don't own shirts w/ buttons, so it's all good. ;)

Jackie - posted on 05/20/2011

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Holy shiz! I had no idea that even sippy cups are up for debate. I guess the saying that EVERYTHING is up for debate is true...

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/20/2011

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I am fine with sippy cups. They don't spill easy out in public...for me that is great. At home, my kids learned how to drink from a regular cup at about 10 months. But I like sippy cups when you are out and about. I see no problem with that. It is better than them spilling a cup on the floor.

Tara - posted on 05/20/2011

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lol@Sherri are you implying that you would like to be self-righteous and opinionated about sippy cups? lol j/k. but that can certainly be another debate.



edited to add: I don't like seeing older babies with sippy cups either. Riley is almost 18 months and has a boob or a real cup. No sippies here.

Sherri - posted on 05/20/2011

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Tara actually I would be fine with it being a debate about stinkin sippy cups. I hate seeing older kids with sippy cups. Personally drives me nuts!! Unless it is medical reason parents use them way to long IMO.

Stifler's - posted on 05/20/2011

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I think whenever you're ready/they're ready. I couldn't breastfeed Logan (stopped at 3 weeks) and my brother only fed til 9 months and refused to breastfeed anymore and went to a sippy cup and most of my friends bottle fed after 4 months so I don't have that much experience with "extended" breastfeeding. I would be like HMMM if I saw a school age kid (preschool and up) breastfeeding. But um it's not like I'm going to be one of THOSE people who thinks it's their right to say something to the person. I don't really see the point past 3 or 4 though.

Tara - posted on 05/20/2011

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Well... I'm not sure about everyone else, as extended breastfeeding is a personal choice. However I nursed all my kids till about 2.5 years old, I am still nursing Riley at 18 months, as a matter of fact he is nursing right now as I type this, and he doesn't look disgusting or gross or perverted. He looks like a happy, snuggling toddler who is getting his morning drink after just waking up from a long sleep.
I don't have a problem with someone who wants to nurse until 3 or 4 or more, it's none of my business what they do with their breasts.
But when people say "that's disgusting" "that's gross" etc. I get a little heated. I don't see how anyone nursing a 4 year old is anyone else's business at all.
Why is it only nursing that illicit these kinds of polarized opinions?
What if the debate were "How long should your baby be swaddled"
Or
"How long should you snuggle your baby?"
Or.
"How long should you let your child drink from a sippy cup?"
etc. etc. if those were the topics of debate, no one would become so opinionated and self-righteous.
So why does it seem that everyone else should have a say in how long a woman breastfeeds her child?
Personally I have had people attack me for nursing the mere 2.5 years that I did. When I know of two moms who are still nursing a 5 and 6 year old respectively. No I wouldn't do it personally but do I find them perverted? No, do I find them gross? No. Do I find it offensive? No.
Do I give a rats ass what they do with their boobies? NOPE.
I nurse until my kids show signs of not caring about the boob, then I stop offering it and somewhere between 2 and 2.5 they just stop asking for it... and voila... they are weaned.

Merry - posted on 05/20/2011

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I'm actually really surprised there seems to be so many saying 2-3 years.... I guess the who recommendation might help on that one. Pretty cool imo

Cynthia - posted on 05/20/2011

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i agree with shannin. i took my sons bottle at 1 and i'll stop bf at 1 too. but when the kid can unbutton your shirt is a good way to know it is time to give him a cup.

Kelly - posted on 05/19/2011

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I breastfed my son til 6 weeks and then had to stop because he was a chubba guts and I couldnt keep up with him. I would've liked to have gone on til atleast 6mths... But after they get teeth I can't imagine sticking anything in their mouths. Those teeth are sharp. Each to there own though, once upon a time, breastfeedig until 2 or 3 was normal. I don't know that I could BF a child who would stop in the middle to ask me something. It'd just be weird.

Mel - posted on 05/19/2011

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I cant see your name the person who posted 3 posts back I think as long as someone gives it a decent shot, not just put thier kid straight on formula they are doing ok as a parent, thats my views And I do thnk there is such a thing as too long, parents have to make a cut off point , thats what being a parent is about.

Sherri - posted on 05/19/2011

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Rebecca I agree whole heartedly with you, great insight. I have to admit sadly I am one of those people. Although not proud of it it is the truth.

Mrs. - posted on 05/19/2011

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Nope I don't think it is other mothers who are the big prob here, it is society as a whole that is not cool with it past an age where the kid no longer looks like a baby. Like it or not, that is where it is at right now.

User - posted on 05/19/2011

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Im sorry but as a mother who couldnt physically bf her first child but is bound and determined to this time around....this thread makes me nervous. Everyone here says its my choice when to stop, but it seems if I dont bf long enough Im a bad mom but if I feed too long Im a bad mom. I think women need to stop being so negative towards each other on this topic. I personally would not feel comfortable past 1....according to how they are developmentally. I couldnt handle them walking and bfing. Women just need to chill out and let other women make the choices they are going to make!

Nikki - posted on 05/19/2011

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I find it interesting that this subject bothers so many people. Personally I couldn't see myself bf past the age of 2 but I have no problems with other mothers choosing to bf until the child chooses to wean. I think it is sad that there is such a stigma against it, maybe if as mother's we were not so judgemental for others choices this would not be such an issue.

Tah - posted on 05/19/2011

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I would say 12-18 months is fine. I must say,i sometimes wonder who the extended breastfeeding is for, mom or baby. Now, before anyone stats me to death and buries me under articles, I've read about it, quite alot actually, but that's just what I am comfortable with. I look at rylan who just last week sat at the dinner table and started slapping himself, when I said rylan..what are you doing, he responded "these potatoes make me slap myself"...lol..I just can't imagine taking him on my lap and letting him, who just said that, wash them down with breast milk. But again..just me.

Sherri - posted on 05/19/2011

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My personal feeling is 3 yrs after that most are in school. Although personally I never would have gone past 6mo's.

Tah - posted on 05/19/2011

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Yes Jenny, I love that show and your husband would have found me on the floor because I definitely passed out..."I want to see the bad man fly"...lol

Bonnie - posted on 05/19/2011

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I think it is a personal decision and everyone's comfort level is different. For me, I think stopping at 2 years is a good age. Although, I went to nearly a year and found my son too heavy at that point.

[deleted account]

You know.... I actually used to feel very similar. When my girls were 2 I had a friend who was breastfeeding and co-sleeping w/ her 2 year old son. I didn't get it and I flat out thought it was wrong. Now that I AM the woman co-sleeping and breastfeeding a 3 year old.... I'm really surprised my friend never slapped me. She was WAY more tolerant of my intolerance than I am now. ;)

Mel - posted on 05/19/2011

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Konni - thats what my husband says to me all the time our daughter is 3 and even when she was 2 he said really could you imagine Brianna breast feeding at this age its so wrong, I said no I coudlnt but really I didnt breast feed her past 2 weeks so I guess I cant say that! Seem natural with my 10 month old. I cannot imagine ever having to look at a 3, 4, 5 yr old breast feeding. Yuk

Konni - posted on 05/19/2011

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This is just my opinion but I wouldn't breast feed past 1 year. I just don't feel comfortable seeing older children breast feeding, I am aware that it is natural & all the rest but I can't see anything natural about a 4 year old who goes to school, having to drink from their mothers breast. Are there any benifets of breast feeding a child at this age? I only breast feed my first daughter for a few weeks as I couldn't produce enough milk, but I didn't feel I lost any 'bonding' time with either of my children. My youngest is 3 & I really couldn't imagine her coming up and drinking from my breast, it just wouldn't feel right. I saw a big boy around the age of 5 breast feeding in the city the other day, he was bigger than my 5 year old, it just didn't look right.

[deleted account]

Me personally, not past one year. I managed to bf my twins for 7 months before drying up. From my personal experiences of knowing women who have breastfed well past one year their children seem to have worse separation anxiety than the ones that were 'cut off', so to speak, at one year or younger.

Mrs. - posted on 05/19/2011

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I know I take all my parenting cues from shows on HBO. Especially Mildred Pierce, I'm totally on the Mildred Pierce parenting plan. Perhaps then, I will get to bang Guy Pierce.

Jenn - posted on 05/19/2011

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Do you watch King of Thrones on HBO? Last week a woman was BFing what was probably an 8 year old...while sitting on her throne. My husband just about fell off the couch! It was obviously fake but confirmed for me that there is definitely an age limit to BFing!

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