How long would you want your other half to wait before they found someone else?

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 01/07/2011 ( 17 moms have responded )

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Today on the Talk show “The Talk”
The were Speaking about how long would you want your spouse or partner to wait before they moved on finding another mate after you passed away and you all had kids?

So… How soon is to soon?
Would you have any guidelines as far as the type of women they pick?
If you didnt have kids together would it matter how long they waited?

17 Comments

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Sherri - posted on 01/09/2011

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I have 3 kids Loureen they need time to grieve. So I am not saying he couldn't date but I wouldn't want him to remarry for about 2yrs, this would give the kids time enough to grieve for me, time to meet and be comfortable with her and hopefully accept her.

I have been in this situation. I lost my father at 14. My mom remarried when I was 17.

Becky - posted on 01/08/2011

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It wouldn't matter. In fact, if the kids were little, the sooner, the better. I want them to have a mommy. (and that makes me cry!) As for what type of woman - well, I'd hope she was somewhat similar to me. It'd be a little insulting if he was to chose someone who was the polar opposite to me, although, I guess since I'd be dead, I wouldn't know or care! But I think if she had a similar parenting style to mine it would make the transition easier on the boys. And she'd better love them like they're her own!

Charlie - posted on 01/08/2011

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Even he met someone and fell in love Sherri ? ( doesn't mean he doesn't love you of course )

Stifler's - posted on 01/08/2011

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I would want him to move on ASAP. But I don't want him introducing thousands of women to my kids as their new mum only to break up and them to never see her again. That's not a healthy way for kids to grow up

Nicole - posted on 01/07/2011

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I think it would need to be at a time and in a way that was sensitive to the kids. I might not be around to care but they would. If he had to date someone sooner than they were ready for, I would expect him not to have them around the kids



No kids not think about?

I don't care

Sal - posted on 01/07/2011

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we had this conversation recently as we were driving home from a funeral of a 34 yr old who had passed after a long cancer battle and left a wife of 32 and a 3yr old daughter, and we both think that it would be different in a sudden death to terminal ilness where the greif and mourning starts before the actual death so it would appear that pepole in this situation seem to be abe to move forward quicker than people who lose a partner to an accident or suddenly, i l also think in the sudden death situations you maynot have the opportunity to have that disscusion with your partner so it maybe a longer period where you are still wondering what they want and feel you should do. I am a firm beliver that when the time is right and you meet the right person you know, it might be 6 months or 10 years but you will feel right, i am also sure that getting a new partner because you think the kids need a mum or dad isn;t always best for you, the parent they have remaining is the most important thing to them and to have a happy parent, married or otherwise is what they need, i know my kids have great aunts and uncles to help fill such a role. my brother is also married to a young widow with a child and i know she waited around 2-3 years before she was ready to start again, and that seems reasonable i think...

Lacye - posted on 01/07/2011

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My bf and I had a huge disagreement on that one! I told him that I want him to be happy and I want Lily to have a positive role model. He said that I am to never date, marry or have sex ever again. I told him he was shit ass crazy. As for how long, at least let me get buried and cold in the ground. LOL

Jenn - posted on 01/07/2011

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Brian said 2 years. I said I'd want him to find someone sooner than that because he needs someone to take care of him and the kids. He disagreed and said that he could do it on his own. :)

Bonnie - posted on 01/07/2011

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To me it doesn't matter how long. I know my husband loves me more than anything. I wouldn't want him to be lonely because he felt guilty about moving on. I would just want him to find someone who will be there for him as I am and want to treat our children as if they are her own. I would just want him and my children to be happy.

Shauna - posted on 01/07/2011

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Me and my husband talks about this all the time. He says, he would never re-marry. He married me for life, and if i die, he still is my husband and would stay single at that point. ME on the other hand would most likely move on *and ive told him this* I wouldnt go out searching... but im sure i would get lonely and it would happen.

Joanna - posted on 01/07/2011

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All I care is that it's a good role model for our daughters, and she's a good person. Id hope he would respect our daughters though and not introduce her until they are comfortable with me being gone and have had time to understand and adjust.

Johnny - posted on 01/07/2011

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I've got to agree with Laci & Loureen. I want him to be happy, and for my kids to be well cared for. I trust him to choose well, and I know he would be very focused on our daughter's best interests. I certainly would not want him to hold on too much, but get on and enjoy life, thus showing my daughter how to do it too. If that woman doesn't treat him & my daughter well, I'm sure my family, my husband's family, and all our friends will make her life a living hell for me.

One of my childhood friends lost his mother when he was 11. His father did not move on for almost 20 years. He never had another relationship, at least not thus far. And it took him years to sell her car, though it did not run well and way longer to sell the giant house of theirs that he was moping around alone in. I know his kids pushed him for years to free himself, knowing that was what their mother would have wanted. Watching him be miserable made the whole thing harder on them.

Charlie - posted on 01/07/2011

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It doesn't matter to me if he falls in love three months after or three years after it doesn't change the fact he loved me while I was alive and probably won't stop him still loving me in his heart .



I want him to be happy , I trust him to pick someone trustworthy and good , I trust he will find a wonderful woman who will treat my children right and care for them as her own ( Oh my god I am actually crying ) otherwise I will haunt the crap outta her haha .

LaCi - posted on 01/07/2011

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Well, since I'm dead, I don't really care.

I completely trust my boyfriend to not allow someone around our son unless they truly are a good person. I don't care how long he waits before he moves on. In fact, the sooner the better. I'd hate to think of him moping around and lonely.

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