How much do you consider your kids to be yours.

Tara - posted on 01/23/2011 ( 15 moms have responded )

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Do you feel as a parent your children are yours and so you can make decisions for them that go beyond those necessary for overall health and wellness and safety?

For instance,
Should a parent still pick out a child's clothing on a day to day basis once that child is old enough to pick their own?

Should a parent have the right to have their child circumcised?

Should a parent have a right to pierce their child's ears?

Should a parent have the right to tell their child what to believe in?

Should a parent have a right to invade a child's privacy without just cause?

Do you feel you must make most decisions for you kids, or do you parent in a way that keeps them safe and on the right track but allows them to control more of their own lives?

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Jodi - posted on 01/23/2011

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Seriously, though, my children don't belong to me. It is merely my job and responsibility to raise them. But their life is their own. They have every right to be able to make most of these decisions themselves unless it is in their best interests not to allow that (i.e. medical reasons, etc).



However, I will say I DO sometimes interfere with what my kids choose to wear. There is a time and place, and they eventually learn what is appropriate and what isn't. For instance, wearing one of her party dresses to play around in the park and the sandpit isn't ok. My son wearing the track pants with the hole in the knee really isn't ok for going out to dinner (but I keep those around, because track pants with holes in knees is so much the norm around here I figure they can get some more wear out of them). I wouldn't say that is controlling them or owning them though. It's just teaching them basic common sense.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 01/23/2011

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They are their own person….and morally I don’t have the right to alter any part of them…or make them do things, but by law I have the right to do what I want with them up until the age of 17-18yers of age (unless im endangering their lives)

Its half and half for me…on one hand I see MY sons as MINE….on the other hand they are THEIR own person….its about finding the balance….and I have found the balance with my oldest son.

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Jodi - posted on 01/23/2011

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When they're fighting and being a general pain in the arse (like now after 5 weeks of school holidays), they are their fathers' children, I TOTALLY disown them :D

Jenn - posted on 01/23/2011

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It's my job to love, care for, and protect my children to the best of my ability. The purpose of parenting isn't to raise great kids, but to raise great adults - that's the end result. I want my kids to be independent and responsible and fully able to make their own decisions in life. I did not circumcise my son, I will not pierce their ears, I let them pick out their own clothes, I let them have their own space - all of the same things that I enjoy for myself and my own body.

Meghan - posted on 01/23/2011

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This is tricky. It is my responsibility to protect and guide Joshua...but he is his own person...and I certainly don't know everything. I don't even want him to think that I do. I try to humanize myself in his eyes. If I don't know the answer I will tell him and we figure it out together. As long as he is safe and happy I have done my job.
As far as major issues like you layed out...pffft. Do people do those things cause they have the "right" to or is it because they feel they are doing what is best for their kid? Circumcision...I don't have male parts so I don't know what is best for him, if I had a girl I would get her ears pierced cause I think it is cute (yes I know, I am one of those moms, runs for cover), religion- I think that spirituality and faith are very personal I would never force him to believe in anything just because I do. *shrug* One day he is going to be out of my house :( and I have to make sure that he can stand on his own two feet confidently, and know that mommy will be there if he falls...nothing else I can do.

Stifler's - posted on 01/23/2011

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It's my responsibility to teach my child how to live. Who else is going to do it. I 'think it's fun to shop so when the kids are old enough they can pic their own clothes and what they want to wear. Circumcision and ear piercing I don't do but if people feel it's culturally acceptable, whatever. If I had a religion my kid would be coming to church. They can make of that what they will but they'll be coming to Church. (i don't have a religion just hypothectically). No I don't have the right to invade their privacy. I can't stand parents who search their kids drawers and want to know what their text messages say and what they're doing every second on the computer.

LaCi - posted on 01/23/2011

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1. I'll let my son pick out his clothes, of course school requires uniform when that age comes. But he can wear what he wants elsewhere.

2,3. No, unless it is medically necessary, as with any other surgery, with piercings as well I suppose, although I find that much less serious.

4. No, I don't think forcing beliefs is right. Guidance is fine. I don't even care if parents require they go to church or whatever, but demanding complete compliance is wrong, and unrealistic.

5. Without just cause? no. "Just cause" is the problem there. What someone else would deem *just cause* is very different than what I would. For things like, reading diaries or something, I don't think there is any cause *just* enough.

Charlie - posted on 01/23/2011

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My children are part of me , they come from me but I do not own them .

NO I do not have the right to physically alter their body without consent .
YES I will let them pick their clothes when they so choose to , the clothing you wear is a major form of self expression plus kids look adorable in their mismatched outfits .
NO I will not force my beliefs on them they are free to choose for themselves .

I do NOT have the right to invade their privacy without good reason .

My children are their own individuals , It is my job to love , nurture and protect them and keep them healthy until they are old enough to venture out on their own .

Joanna - posted on 01/23/2011

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I made them, they are mine, until they are at an age when they want to become their own person. My 3 year old is getting there now, and it's sad, but also amazing, to see her do things for herself... Brush her teeth, put her shoes on, pour her milk, etc. I let her do things herself now unless she asks for help.

But in regards to altering their body for cosmetic purposes? Heck no. If it's for health, then it's my respOnsibility to make those decisions. Like my 3 month old might need surgery to correct a defect in her kidney. Regardless of if she's 1 or 13, I will make that decision to have the surgery for her.

Becky - posted on 01/23/2011

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I don't feel that my children are mine. They're on loan to me, a gift that was given to me, and I have a responsibility to take good care of them, to keep them safe, both physicaly and emotionally, and to guide them and raise them to be responsible, caring, productive adults. At this age, yes, I do make most of their decisions for them, because they're still too young to make many decisions for themselves- wisely, at least. I guess I could let Cole make the decision of what he's going to eat, for example, but then he'd eat nothing but chocolate and fruit snacks!
As for the questions -
No, I don't feel we should continue to pick out their clothing once they're old enough to do so on their own. Like Krista said though, I will still have final say if their clothing is wildly inappropriate or they're going to freeze to death in it.
Circumcision and piercing, hmmm, I'm not sure where I stand on parents having the right to do that. I wouldn't, unless medically necessary -circ, that is, I don't see piercings ever being medically necessary! But as for taking away other parents' rights to do so, I'm not sure.
I have the right to teach my children what we believe and to encourage them to develop their own belief system. I don't have the right - or the ability really - to force them to believe anything.
No, I shouldn't invade their privacy without just cause. You'd better believe I'm going to if I think I need to to protect them though!

[deleted account]

Should a parent still pick out a child's clothing on a day to day basis once that child is old enough to pick their own?
NO
Should a parent have the right to have their child circumcised?
NO
Should a parent have a right to pierce their child's ears?
NO
Should a parent have the right to tell their child what to believe in?
NO, though they do have the right to guide them.
Should a parent have a right to invade a child's privacy without just cause?
NO
Do you feel you must make most decisions for you kids, or do you parent in a way that keeps them safe and on the right track but allows them to control more of their own lives? WE PARENT IN A WAY THAT LETS OUR KIDS MAKE THEIR OWN CHOICES BUT STILL BE SAFE AND ON THE RIGHT TRACK. THEY HAVE RULES AND SUCH THEY MUST FOLLOW AND EXPECTATIONS FROM US, THEIR PARENTS.

Krista - posted on 01/23/2011

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I believe that I have a responsibility to keep my child safe and healthy. So sometimes I have to overrule his bodily autonomy in order to be able to do so. And that's fine -- it's part of that responsibility.



However, I have no intention of abusing that right/responsibility and ignoring the fact that my son IS a separate entity from myself.



I will not pick out his clothing, but I WILL make sure that what he does pick is appropriate for the weather and the event.



I refuse to circumcise or pierce.



I will try to instill values in my child: kindness, respect, integrity, honesty, intellectual curiousity, selflessness. But as far as religious faith goes, I will not tell him what to believe. When it comes to his spiritual journey, he must choose his own road. I am simply the tourist bureau for that journey, providing all the brochures and guidebooks and information, and am available to answer any questions.



Does a parent have the right to invade a child's privacy without just cause? Technically, yes. But it's a really shitty thing to do and there is NO easier way to destroy your child's trust in you. So why do it'?

Nicole - posted on 01/23/2011

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I think my children are my...responsibility. I have say over those big decisions in their lives, whether they like it or not. Should a parent have the right to have their child circumcised?
Yes, though it isn't something I would do
Should a parent have a right to pierce their child's ears?
Yes, though it isn't something I would do

Should a parent have the right to tell their child what to believe in?
They can tell them, even insist they engage in family religious rituals up until a certain age. The child will believe what the child will believe.
Should a parent have a right to invade a child's privacy without just cause?
Yes, though it isn't something I would do
As long as a parent is legally responsible for a child, and providing for them, they have a right/responsibility to know what's going on in their child's life

Isobel - posted on 01/23/2011

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I don't think they belong to me at all...it's my job to protect them and to help guide and teach them as much as I can to prepare them for the world.

I don't have the right to change who they are. I don't have the right to permanently change their bodies for no good reason. They have the right to privacy as long as it doesn't interfere with my job to keep them safe.

I agonized over vaccinations. I did it in the end because I believe it was a part of keeping them safe, but it was really hard for me to get passed whether it was my decision to make.

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