How old is too old to sleep with Mommy?

Marianne - posted on 12/21/2011 ( 26 moms have responded )

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My son is 6 and still likes to sleep in my bed (I'm a single mom, so there is no one else in the bed). I don't mind him sleeping with me, but some of the comments and looks I get from others when they hear he still sleeps in bed w/ me make me wonder if I'm making the right choice. He can spend the night w/ Grandma and Grandpa just fine, he has no problems going camping w/ Grandpa and the cub scouts, he can play independently and goes to school just fine, so I don't feel it's giving him any seperation anxiety, or dependency issues. And besides, there will come a time soon enough I'm sure when I will be "Mom" not "Mommy" and I won't be the coolest person ever, so I kind of enjoy the extra snuggly time we get, because I know it won't last forever. Just wondering how other real life moms feel on the topic???

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[deleted account]

My son will be 7 in February and still likes to snuggle in with us. I honestly don't care WHERE he sleeps. And I hate sounding like a broken record here on CoM for those who have read this from me in the past, but my motto is "Pick a bed, any bed and sleep in it." My son does not and never has slept throughout the night. He's always waking up. Sometimes we wake up and he's just there in our bed, in between us. Sometimes my husband brings him back to his bed and they fall asleep in my son's room. The point is, I don't care where anyone sleeps since we all need sleep! And if this arrangement works for YOU, then it doesn't matter what others say. Trust me, I hear this from my family as well. My sonis just as independent as you described yours, with the exception that he needs to feel safe at night. I'm hs mother, why should I NOT make him feel safe? And of course there will be a time where he could care less about snugglnig in with us, so I might as well enjoy it while it lasts.

Jamie - posted on 12/26/2011

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I slept with my parents until I was 8. I don't remember the transition being hard or traumatic...it was just an easy segue into my own bedroom.

I don't think it is weird at all...a lot of people believe in "the family bed" until both parties are ready to move on.

A lot of countries practice sleeping in one bed until the child reaches puberty, for a lot of reasons (sometimes it is a space saver)....it isn't damaging.

Some researches suggest it aids in raising self-confident children.

If it is working for you guys then don't worry about what other people think. People need to mind their own business. there is a lot of ignorance in judgements about things like that because we live in such an oversexualized society.

I sleep with our 3.5 year old. My husband is ready for him to have his own bed soon. My sister started moving her children into their own beds around 3.5-4 and for about a year they would wake up and crawl in their bed at some point at night. We know this will happen with out son and we're fine with it. I think my husband just wants his bed back for at least half the night.

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Corvetta - posted on 10/11/2012

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I DONT THINK HES TO OLD MY BABY GIRL IS 13 AND FFROM TIME TO TIME HER OVERGROWN BEHIND IS ALWAYS DRAGGING IN MY ROOM AFTER I FALL ASLEEP.LOL LONG AS WHEN THE TIME COMES THE CHILD KNOWS WHEN YOU DO DECIDE TO HAVE COMPANY HE DONT MIND SLEEPING IN HIS ROOM.

IM A SINGLE PARENT AS WELL AND I LOVE MY BABIES COMPANY EVEN MY 15 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER..LOL

GOD BLESS!

Michelina - posted on 10/10/2012

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My husband co slept with his single mother until he was 10 when his brother was born than he was kicked out. I have been around since my husband was 16 and tino was 6. I was not raised co sleeping ii had a bad dream or was sick I would sleep with my parents but I was back in bed the next day. I always said I would not go to bed with my kids and I haven't other than sick or bad dream nights. Once a month we have a slumber party, my 3 kids are under 5 but Itold my husband I would not follow in his moms foot steps. I love my mother in law but I do not agree with her parenting skills. Tino (brother in law) never had to do anything for himself. She wiped him until he was 10, he slept with her until he was 14,I taught him how to clean up after himself wash himself, cut his own toe nails use a toaster pour his own drink and make his own food in a microwave at 12 years old because I had enough. He became a rude disrespectful child, who barely goes to school because it's not enforced and one that had no sense of being independent. I know I'm going off topic but my mother in law always wanted him in her bed because she needs to be needed and it's not healthy at that point.now back to this. If your sleeping with your child because it's what your kid needs for themselves rather than you being selfish, let it go. They will grow out of it. With my own kids we have a set night time routine,after baths its time for bed. Story time, kisses, for my oldest she can watch tv until the timer shuts it off. We used bedtime bucks/ stars which worked great. They sometimes sneak in on the weekends in the morning which is great. But never do they go to bed with me. Just keep positive attitudes and encourage your kid to make the right choice

Michelle - posted on 12/26/2011

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I recommend getting him out of your bed asap! My parents let me sleep in their bed til I was 11 and it made it really hard to sleep in my own room. It was like a security blanket. I would actually get sick to my stomach if I tried to stay in my own room.

Melissa - posted on 12/26/2011

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my son will be 6 in January and he still sleeps in my bed. I have tried everything under the stars to get him to sleep in his own bed. He slept in my room until 2 years old because of spacing issues in a crib. Then he got his own room. My daughter was born when he was 4 1/2 and then he got this amazing room decorated for him! My daughters room was then decorated but she was in my room for 3 or 4 months while all the decorating happened. Once she was in her room, he started coming to my room periodically. Now it's almost regular even though she is never in my room and she is 16 months now! I have tried sticker charts santa presents, special times with mom, oh right now we are on mommy made monster spray! It is watered down linen spray in a dollar store spray bottle!

[deleted account]

I'm right with you Deb. Mine is 15 and I'm still allowed to hug/kiss him in public. He'll even hold my hand. He doesn't care what people think. I'm his Momma and that's no one's business but ours.

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I don't know. My son never really slept with me until he was 12. Then he would bug me a few times from 13-15. I tell him he's too grown but I think he's just dealing with not being a kid anymore but not being an adult.

Aleks - posted on 12/23/2011

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My 6yo son still sleeps with me part time. I think its mainly because his younger sister is still there with me (still breastfeeding, including at night, with no end in sight). I believe that he will happily stay in his room in his bed if his sister were in her bed in another room as well.... But that is my family situation.
Honestly, like others have said... its ok.

Janice - posted on 12/22/2011

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If it works for you then go with it. My two year-old currently thinks our bed is a playground so instead of snuggling when she gets up too early we are jumped on. We co-slept until she was 10 months and while I'm glad she isn't in there all night, both hubby and I miss the weekend sleep-in snuggling.

[deleted account]

I don't see any problem with it whatsoever. One of my almost 4 YO twins spends at least some time in our bed every night. He has frequent nightmares and just sleeps better if he is in our bed. At first, we used to take him back to his bed, but we found that EVERYONE slept better if we just let him fall back to sleep in our bed. His brother often crawls into bed with us in the morning and sleeps for another 30 minutes or so. Those early morning snuggles are the best part of the day IMHO.

Minnie - posted on 12/21/2011

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Wall to wall bed: We've got a king with a twin shoved up next to it. So a giant bed!

Merry - posted on 12/21/2011

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I'd say 12 or 13 is too old in my mind.
6 is totally fine in my opinion.
Enjoy this time before he starts growing into a man who needs 'privacy'

[deleted account]

@ Lisa ~ What's a wall to wall bed? I tried looking it up but all it brought up are those beds that fold up into the wall. If it's what it sounds like (a bed that literally goes from one wall to another) then I WANT ONE!!! LOL



To the OP, I agree with the general concensus here. It's whatever works for you and your son. The rest of the world can stick it as far as I'm concerned. My son is only 4 and I get that look from people from time to time as well. Lately though, we're working on getting him to sleep in his bed because he's potty training and going to sleep in just big boy underwear (no pullup) and I don't want that mess in MY bed lol He still ends up there though. There are lots of reasons I like bed sharing. One is that I enjoy the closeness and so does my son. Another is that I know eventually he'll be at a point where snuggling with me just isn't cool so I'm enjoying it while it lasts! Also, my husband works nights so it's just me and the boy most of the time. If anything (fire, etc) were to happen, I like knowing that he's RIGHT THERE and I won't have to go searching for him all the way on the other side of the house.



I also like Sharon CF's idea of, "Pick a bed and sleep in it." As long as everyone's well rested, then what does it matter where they get the rest? There are other cultures around the world who sleep with their parents until their teens and it's not considered wierd.



ETA: I'm jealous of you girls whose kids still call them Mommy! I've been "Mom" to my son for about the last 6 months :( Every now and then, when he's hurt or upset, that's when I'm Mommy.

Brianna - posted on 12/21/2011

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my daughter only slept in my room mostly in her own bassinett for the first 3 months. Honestly my hubby snores soo loud it would wake her up lol. so moving her to her own room was the best thing for her. I dont think there is a problem with kids sleeping in there parents but i dont think id want them to sleep with me everynight. My daughter thinks its such a treat when she gets to sleep with my hubby and me (usually if she wakes up early on his days off we bring her into bed with us).

Bonnie - posted on 12/21/2011

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I think it depends on the family and what they are comfortable with and that is all that matters. Both our boys sleep in their own beds, but they are 3 and 5 years old so they still tend to wake up here and there. We do our best to redirect them back to their room. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. When they may have a bad dream or are sick they often come into our bed. It doesn't bother us. As long as they are getting sleep and my husband and I aren't spending half the night getting them to, I don't really care.

Becky - posted on 12/21/2011

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If you're both comfortable with it and getting a decent sleep that way, then I don't see anything wrong with it. There will come a time when he is no longer comfortable with it and he'll let you know that when the time comes.
My 2 sleep in their own beds most nights (they're 2 and 3) but once in awhile, they wake up in the middle of the night and end up in our bed, and that's fine. Well, not so fine when they both end up in there at the same time, just because it gets pretty crowded! But like Sylvia said, some nights they just need those cuddles. Why deny them that?
I used to crawl into bed with my parents when I was scared until I was probably 10 or 11, I think!

Sylvia - posted on 12/21/2011

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I don't see a problem. If you were *making* him sleep with you when he felt he'd outgrown it, that would be different, but clearly that's not the case. And clearly the fact that he sleeps next to you is not affecting his life or his development in any negative way.

My DD, who's 9, surprised DH and me by climbing into bed between us around 4:00 this morning. It's been a while since she did that -- she started transitioning to her own bed when she was around 4 and a half, and these days she sleeps on her own at least 90% of the time. I was prepared to send her back to her room if she was disruptive, but she just snuggled down and went back to sleep. DH and I figure, if she needs to snuggle, she needs to snuggle, and goodness knows we don't get as much snuggling as we used to during the day -- goodbye kisses are apparently embarrassing now LOL.

My parents split up when I was 10 and my brother was 6, and we both certainly crawled in with my mom (and each other) from time to time, even though neither of us ever co-slept full time.

Nothing wrong with it. Enjoy the snuggles while you can ;)

Minnie - posted on 12/21/2011

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Already replied to your other post...

It's fine as long as everyone is OK with it. We have a wall-to-wall bed in our bedroom and everyone switches around where he or she sleeps at night. We have a 5 1/2 year old and a three year old.

Where everyone gets the best sleep is the best place to sleep, including all smashed together in one bed. There is NOTHING wrong with that. Families can enjoy sleeping together too.

Celeste - posted on 12/21/2011

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My 5 year old twin boys start out in their own bed but end up in my bed around 3am or so. They'll sleep til 7am or so. I don't mind at all!

[deleted account]

I am still 'mommy' to my 12 year old. He has no issue at all letting people know that he's a mamma's boy. He sat on the couch with me the other night and looked up and said, "I love you mommy... and I will always be a mama's boy." right before he fell asleep resting his head on my arm. My years filled with these moments are running out, FAST!! I will take as much as I can get with him right now, in the blink of an eye, it's gone.

[deleted account]

My son is only 3.75 right now, but he's in my bed every night. He has his OWN bed (but not room), but no matter how much I want him to stay in his own bed... while we're both asleep he ends up in mine. I'm 'ok' w/ it as long as he doesn't roll into me. ;)

Since we only have a 2 bedroom place.... I have no idea if/when he will ever have his own room and I have no clue how I'm going to deal w/ it when he's old enough to WANT his own room. His sisters won't be 18 til he's almost 12, so.... ?

Barbara - posted on 12/21/2011

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The last time I crawled in bed with my mom was while visiting home in my 20's! Sometimes it's nice to cozy up and chat with mom, no matter how old you are. I'm a girl, however, and I'm sure my brothers haven't done anything like that since they were children. I would think that your son will give it up when he's ready. I'm sure that by the time he's hitting that dividing line between childhood and puberty he'll be all about having some privacy! You'll still be the coolest person ever, just with a little more personal space.

[deleted account]

You know what, I used to be SO against this. My best friend and my cousin both have kids within a month of age from my own son. They both got that look you're talking about, from me!!

Then, when he was 8, I divorced his step-dad and it was really hard on both of us. I am not even sure how it happened, but he ended up crawling in bed with me all the time, eventually it became the norm. And I finally got it, like my ah-ha moment. He will always be my baby and I will always be his mommy. And if he's hurting, or having nightmares or feeling insecure, I could give a damn what anyone else thinks, I am his safety net. So, we should only be able to snuggle up when we are awake in front of the tv? That makes no sense.

He crawls in bed with me a lot less now, almost never (he's 12), so now we do 'sleepovers' instead where we make ridiculous makeshift beds on the living room floor and stay up late watching tv until we both crash. I love it and we still get the time together without it being weird because he's older now.

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