How to get help for someone when they dont think they need it??

Sal - posted on 09/25/2011 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I think my hubby is depressed (he's a cop) but can't see that maybe getting some help is a good idea,he can't see why he should get help just because he is making me unhappy.... He has just had 3 weeks off and done nothing sat around the house and done nothing.... He has no hobbies no friends to visit and doesn't seem to think that is odd. Any suggestions would be great

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Kate CP - posted on 09/25/2011

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Bottom line, you can't make him do something he doesn't want to do unless you think he is a danger to himself or others. You can talk to him and tell him you're worried about him but saying stuff like "Your attitude is making me unhappy" won't help. Things like "I'm worried about you. You seem tired all the time. Is there anything I can do to help?" are much more productive statements to make.

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Sal - posted on 09/25/2011

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And it is very out of character his statement was if I'm unhappy j can leave and I agree that maybe I am a little stressed or depressed at the moment I have sought help months ago the dr said she thought I was ok. But stressed to much and I am exploring getting my merina out but that us not going to make him happy or make life more pleasant at home .

Sal - posted on 09/25/2011

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He is miserable not sitting home enjoying it but being miserable bitching picking yelling he sleeps all the time but is alwYs tired as he sleeps poorly makes excuses not to co stuff but if talking to others he says how busy he has been gardening or what ever (he mowed once and waters I. Fucking do the garden) and not by choice by necessity

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I have 6 weeks off for summer break and half the time I love bumming around the house too! Other than no hobbies or no friends (that you know of) what other signs do you think he's depressed? Perhaps he does have friends at work that he simply choses to not associate with outside of work. It seems to be bothering you more than him. Maybe start a journal or somethign to document his behaviors, and then see if this is really depression or just a stagnant liefstyle.

Kate CP - posted on 09/25/2011

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Unless this is affecting his sleep (too much or too little sleep), his normal behavior patterns, and he's having abnormal thoughts I don't think it's really depression.

Amanda - posted on 09/25/2011

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Confused look. How do you know hes depressed? If my hubby had 3 weeks off he would spend it just the way your husband did, and hes a perfectly happy person. My husband also has no hobbies (unless being a pack rat is one), he doesnt visit any friends, or make an effort to have friends. I dont find your husbands behaviour odd at all. Maybe hes just going through a anti social time of his life. I also agree with your husband, he shouldnt go get "help" if he is making you unhappy, maybe its you who actually needs the help, if what he does or doesnt do effects you so much.

Lady - posted on 09/25/2011

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If he thinks he is fine and everything is normal then there is not much you can do. Have you asked him if he is happy with the way things are? Just be there for him but also take care of yourself - be there if he wants to talk but try not to let it get you down too - you need to stay healthy in order to be able to help him.

JuLeah - posted on 09/25/2011

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You can't make someone get help if they don't think they need help

You can live your life, not get sucked in, do your thing ... maybe by example he will follow, but there are no words you can say

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