how to say no and be polite

Sal - posted on 05/22/2011 ( 16 moms have responded )




ok everyone a little question here,
my teen son has a new girlfriend, (this isn't an issue it is nice) the thing is her family are a bit churchy, again no issue, but they want us to go to church with them......we aren;t the sunday worship type of family, and if i were to go to church on the odd sunday it isn't their church i would attend, we are angilcan and they are a modern church, blue cross, a type of hillsongish thing, my son goes to a youth group at the church, mostly as they have a great music gear they have asked him to play guitar on sundays which i am ok with, and might go to watch him play but i don;t know why he parents of this girl want us to go for a start, i find that weird (2 of the people i am quiet good friends with is a ministers wives and they never have asked if i would like to attend church with them and one is anglican), and how is the best waythanks but no thanks,


Sharon - posted on 05/22/2011




They want you to go because ...

1. its their job to recruit for new $$ for their church.
2. they are hoping to bring you into their circle of friends
3. they desperately want to save your soul.

My reply..

I'm sorry, I'm not a fan of churches. I believe in God & his son and worship quietly at home in my own way. But thank you for the invite.

If they press for information.... it depends on how christianly I feel. I might hit them with the truth. "I have yet to attend a church where some group of back biting bitches wasn't in charge, at least nominally, making other members lives a misery."

Or the kind christian reply...

"That would be gossiping and I do try to refrain from self indulgent gossipping but thank you for your concern."


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[deleted account]

Simple and sweet;

"Thank you for the invitation but we have our own beliefs and our own church in which we attend." If they persist then reply with; "I am sorry I must not have been clear the first time. We really don't have the same belief system you do and we ask that you respect us our own beliefs as we respect you yours."

JuLeah - posted on 05/23/2011




Saying No, when you mean No, is the polite thing to do. It is an act of unkindness to lie, or do something you don't want becuase you don't want to speak your truth.
What they do with you 'no' is up to them and you have no control over that.

[deleted account]

Maybe they just like you and since they love their church so much they want to share it w/ you......

Just tell them 'No thank you. We aren't interested.' or something.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/23/2011




If they keep pushing...I would not worry about being polite...obviously if they keep talking about it, they don't worry about being rude themselves.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/23/2011




Just becouse the kids are dating, doesn't mean the parents have to. Maybe invite them out to a family dinner to get them off of your case...tell them to meet AFTER church...LOL.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/23/2011




Obviously they are trying to recruit you into their church...BLEH! That is lame. I would just say something like "thank you, but we already belong to a church that we enjoy. If you are interested, you are more than welcome to join us also. But for now, no thank you."

I despise when people try to convert you, or make you feel like you need to come to their church.

Tara - posted on 05/23/2011




I would also just tell them politely no thank you. If they ask why I would simply state (if this is indeed the truth) "We are Anglican and have our own relationship with God and Jesus, but thank you very much and we are so glad that our son is finding new ways to appreciate God."
And leave it at that, I also like what Sharon said about "Gossip"
I have found using Biblical teachings when dealing with Religious Zealots works wonderfully.

Ez - posted on 05/23/2011




I don't blame you for being freaked out. Especially considering the kids have only been going out for a week!!! It certainly sounds like they are trying to save/convert you.

I would just tell them no thanks, that you aren't comfortable meeting at church but would like to try and arrange it for another time. Don't lie, because they will just keep asking.

Stifler's - posted on 05/22/2011




I would just lie and say you go to your own church on Sundays. Or invite them over for dinner or drinks instead because you're "busy" on Sundays.

Jane - posted on 05/22/2011




Actually, I do see church as a social event. That is why churches have coffee time and so on, so everyone can chat and exchange prayer requests. However, since you are of a different denomination, simply say "I am sorry. We are committed to another church. However, our son enjoys your church and certainly may continue to attend." Then leave it at that.

Yes, they probably do want to "save" you, but realistically, no one can "save" someone else. It is a private matter between a person and whatever entity or entities they may believe in. And you don't have to tell them that you don't actually attend church on Sunday. Just leave it at "we're busy" basically.

Amber - posted on 05/22/2011




I would assume they're asking because they want to try and "save" you now before their daughter and your son get serious :) Your pastor wive friends don't have a personal family member at stake. Which is a bit silly since they are only 15.

I would just politely say "no thanks, I worship in my own way". Christian's are supposed to be tolerant. If you need to remind them of that...well, then remind them.

Sal - posted on 05/22/2011




i just find it odd, i don;t see church as a socail event ...(and think that people who soley socialise with church events and people are well odd) i'd love a coffee or a picnic it is the church factor that has me thinking.... and they are 15 and dating for a week.....isn't that a little pushy or rushed or presumptious or something...

Sneaky - posted on 05/22/2011




I would just say no. If they asked me why I would just say it was against my religion. End of story, I am uncomfortable answering anymore personal question. And I would NOT apologize for that.

April - posted on 05/22/2011




nothing is more impolite than lying. i'd just tell her family the truth. I would just say I am not a church person and leave it at that. I've actually been in your shoes before and I didn't have the guts to say no thanks. I ended up being super uncomfortable at the service and spent the entire time regretting going. It is nice that you want to spare this family's feelings, but what about you?

Mel - posted on 05/22/2011




I would just say thanks I believe in God but I dont go to church, its not my thing thanks for the offer though.

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