How would you react to your child being gay?

Kimberly - posted on 10/16/2010 ( 76 moms have responded )

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Wouldn't make a difference in the world to me.

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Jodi - posted on 10/17/2010

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" I certainly wouldn't reject her. I wouldn't want her to bring her SO into my home but I'm just uncomfortable in that kind of environment."

That, right there, is a total contradiction. You do realise, don't you, that by not allowing her SO in your home, you are also rejecting her? How would you feel if your SO wasn't allowed in the home of your parents? Or maybe you just don't see that as a big deal anyway, regardless of sexuality.

[deleted account]

That whole making out with other girls at parties for boys' attention has a lot to do with the whole male fantasy thing. I mean, we all know that a big male fantasy is the 2 girl deal. They even express this in normal television programming... so you would almost have to live under a rock not to know.

Some girls are just really touchy feely though. What is kind of surprising is how as kids we go around kissing boys and girls (I'm not talking about pashing, just kisses), even mum and dad get kisses... then somewhere along the line we stop kissing those we are not sexually attracted to. Why? There are countries where this change does not happen, so why does it happen in the "developed" world?

JuLeah - posted on 10/16/2010

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Wow, I love this. I am lesbian, and could tell you (mine and friends) coming out stories ... how the parents reacted. Some were supportive and some ....
Well, I just say, I am thrilled to read this, because I promise you ... some of your kids are gay and it does my heart good to know they won't face the pain many of us did. I thank you!!!!

[deleted account]

Oh sorry.... I had been reading through the posts and someone mentioned they would be okay with a child being gay, as they would be okay with them going into politics, the military, etc. I would be perfectly okay with a gay child, but would not be okay with a child wanting to go into the military. Did that clear things up a bit? Two very different responses to two very different things.



LOL I have been called 'nutso' before, so maybe I do have a split personality?

Petra - posted on 10/17/2010

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Jaime - you preach acceptance, but wouldn't want your child's significant other in your home if they happened to be of the same gender. Do you invite your many gay friends over or will you only socialize with them outside of the home? Do your gay friends know that you don't agree with what they're doing? You claim you don't judge, but its something you don't like and wouldn't want in your home.

Its not the same as choosing a different religion from the one you practice. Homosexuality isn't exactly a "practice" - its just another facet of who you are and not something that can be brought about through parenting. If there is nothing wrong with it, why would it be such a shock to you if your child were gay? Why wouldn't you like it?

I'm very curious about your many contradictions. You feel that the downside of homosexuality is the hatred expressed towards the gay community, yet your attitude isn't exactly one of open acceptance.

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LaCi - posted on 10/21/2010

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I may even be kind of relieved that teenage pregnancy is likely something I would never have to deal with ;)

[deleted account]

Is it? I didn't know that. I'd love to go to Tonga one day... and stand on the date line just so I can jump back and forth between the future and the past. LOL



Yeah, and all the Islanders are even more friendly after a couple bottles of their beloved tequila! ;-) (It's always about the grog, isn't it? ROFL) My husband works with a lot of Islanders (mostly from the Cooks) and we just love being part of that family.

Charlie - posted on 10/20/2010

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hey Tonga is called the friendly islands for a reason ;)

I think we Pacific Islanders are pretty darn friendly !

[deleted account]

Loureen, Tongan!! If you think about it, we're all Pacific Islanders (Samoan, Tongan, Kiwi, Australian, etc). We just like to spread the love around. :-) It is far more common here than it is somewhere like the states, so it must be cultural in a way.

Tania - posted on 10/20/2010

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All I have to say about this subject is this.....take a look at that little person playing, sleeping, giving you hugs and kisses. Think about how much you love that baby. Now do you really think you could love them any less if they are gay?
My answer is NO!!!!

[deleted account]

We're kissers in my family too. My two best friends as well. I think I'd probably cry if I saw one of them and they didn't give me a giant hug and kiss. The same goes for my brothers and I've never thought there was anything wierd about it. I don't think a lot of Americans are like that though, at least not from what I notice. I don't see many other families greeting each other with much more than a wave or hugs.



Edited to add: giant HUG, not giant kiss lol Y'all know what I mean, I hope lol

Jenn - posted on 10/20/2010

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It wouldn't bother me and I would accept their partner into our lives - so long as they treated my child with respect. That would be the same if they were straight - if your boyfriend/girlfriend is a jerk then they're a jerk plain and simple.

Charlie - posted on 10/19/2010

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She is Tongan but reguardless of what happens there in Tonga where it is common my friends are Aussies and all kiss to greet even when we just met up a day ago :D

[deleted account]

Okay, Loureen, you know I'm going to have to ask. What is your mother's culture? French? Or Kiwi? :-) You're right though, now that I think about it. In Australia I do see more of the kissing greetings, usually on the cheek but it's still a kiss. I did it just this last weekend when an old friend of mine came to visit and we hadn't seen each other in about 10 years. She's pregnant, so definitely nothing sexual in that one!

Charlie - posted on 10/19/2010

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"What is kind of surprising is how as kids we go around kissing boys and girls (I'm not talking about pashing, just kisses), even mum and dad get kisses... then somewhere along the line we stop kissing those we are not sexually attracted to. Why? There are countries where this change does not happen, so why does it happen in the "developed" world?"

I find that really odd too Donna my mothers culture greet each other with kisses male and female on the cheek some on the lips ( not a pash ) hey i kiss my friends when i greet them male or female too , i still kiss my mum on the lips to say hi and some of my closest grilfriends there is nothing sexual about it !

[deleted account]

When I was at school there were two girls who I always thought were either lesbian or bisexual...probably because they boh tried kissing me on several occasions, usually on the cheek though. Maybe they were just very touchy feely people...but being straight it did make me feel a bit uncomfortable!

Krista - posted on 10/19/2010

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Well exactly. If they were 100% straight, the very idea of kissing another girl would be totally unappealing to them.

[deleted account]

Oddly enough Bonnie, there are many teenage girls who will make out at parties for the attention from boys. But who's really to say that they didn't actually like it or want to do that before? Maybe they are really just bisexual. *shrug*

Bonnie - posted on 10/19/2010

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Someone mentioned earlier that they remember in highschool that people would say they are gay so that they could fit in with a clique or whatever. I think that is totally ridiculous that people would think they need to lie about something like that in order to fit in. Usually it is the other way around. They were obviously lying about it because if you are gay you are gay. A person can't change you are born that way. It just takes until you are older to realise it.

[deleted account]

@Gabrielle - LOL that sounds exactly like a conversation my mom started with me when my little brother was about 2. Then when my little brother was older, she had a similar conversation with him. She really wanted at least one gay child, and all she got was me and my brother lol. I told her maybe her first grandchild will end up gay because I keep having dreams that I'm having a little boy, and he's always got the rainbow bow on. lol

Gabrielle - posted on 10/19/2010

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I dont have a son. I have a daughter and to be honest i would prefer her to be lesbian. This would stop me from worrying about her coming home at 15 saying that she is pregnant. x

Becky - posted on 10/18/2010

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No fuss here - it would just be the way it goes and that is it.....Like letting the wind blow or the leaves turn colors in the fall - that would be my child's nature and choice in life and not mine to dictate.

Sara - posted on 10/18/2010

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It would make no difference to me, either. I would venture to guess that I'd know before they told me anyway.

Jessica - posted on 10/18/2010

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I'd most likly say " Cool! When did you realize you were? Do you have anyone special in your life? You do? Cool, would love to meet them sometime!" Because honestly, I could care less what my daughter sexual preferences turn out to be, love is love and I support that! :)

[deleted account]

Have you considered that those friends from high school are bisexual? More and more studies are showing that humanities sexuality can be quite fluid, especially in women. As for those people who are gay and try to live a straight life, I don't think it's all about them thinking it's morally wrong or unnatural, more like they're afraid of people turning on them and abusing them for their sexuality.

My best friend is gay and was in a horribly abusive relationship. I was terrified that any day I was going to get a call that he had been found beaten to death in his apartment. I was honest and upfront with him about my fears, and not once has he ever thought that I had a problem with his sexuality. I've been honest about all of his relationships, some boyfriends of his I loved, others I was leery about, and even in high school he knew it was because I cared, not because I had a problem with him being gay. Teenagers may take a lot of things wrong, but they're not stupid, they're not to be underestimated.

You're right though, many people say they would be fine with it, but when it came down to it, they may not be. You never really know how you're going to react until you're in that situation. Most of us though, have a general idea of how we would react. My mother is bisexual, I have tons of friends who are gay, so I think I really wouldn't have a problem with it. Like I said before though, I would be concerned about the bullying, yes I realize that many children are bullied, gay/straight/purple whatever, bullying worries me.

Jane - posted on 10/18/2010

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Wouldn't matter to me but I'm not unrealistic to think that I wouldn't be afraid for my child being there is still so much hate in the world with regards to homosexuals. I would be scared for them but I would support, love and protect them through all of it! I haven't read comments because I do NOT want to hear anyone say they would feel differently about their child...that would just piss me off and make me sick to my stomach. So, I'm commenting and leaving the conversation.

Dana - posted on 10/18/2010

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Well I hope none of your kids turn out to be gay if you can't even recognize that not agreeing with it, is rejecting her.

[deleted account]

In response to some replies to my post, I don't see how my accepting my daughter's homosexuality but not agreeing with it is rejecting her. As for having her SO or any gay person in my home, I don't like company regardless of sexuality. I don't even like my parents coming over. This is my sanctuary and people visiting sometimes feels like an invasion. Especially when friends of friends decide to follow my friend to my doorstep and barge in just because our mutual friend is there. That burns me like nothing else.

I only invite really close friends over. Otherwise, we meet somewhere else, like at the movies or a restaurant.

I think what I was trying to say, though, is that I wouldn't want her to come out by bringing her SO over. If she did so and I had prior knowledge of her SO coming then I might be more at ease. I wouldn't want my daughter to not let me have a chance to react somehow.

As for it being like religion or a practice, some people, especially high schoolers, choose to be homosexual because for some reason that's "all the rage" and is "sticking it to the man." And don't say it's not, because I had plenty of friends who claimed they were gay or bisexual in high school to fit in with a certain group and are no longer that way now. As far as I was concerned, they were big posers just trying to get into some clique. But quite a few of them have dropped the facade now that they're out of high school and college.

I also know of some homosexuals who refuse to be that way and try to live their lives as a heterosexual. They eventually give in, but for the most part they despise the acts and see them as unnatural or morally wrong.

I honestly don't care, do what you will behind closed doors. I don't want to be involved with anyone's sex life but mine, and mine will be behind closed doors too.

But I seriously think this is a situation in which you just have to go through it before you know how you'll react. A child's decision or realization about his or her homosexuality can be a huge turning point in his or her life.

I could even go into how if your child were to be homosexual and his/her partner was bad to him/her and you mentioned it, your child could very well take offense to it because you may be saying, to them, that you disagree with their choice in partner because he/she is gay. I'm still young and I know how both my brother and I have acted. We, like many teenagers, take things the wrong way quite often, especially when we feel strongly about something. It happens all the time with kids, and it's very stressful on both parents and children. And you know it's true.

But this is a strong subject where only the majority's opinion is okay and if one person differs it becomes a huge political debate. As I dislike politics, I probably shouldn't even have said anything in the first place, especially since personal experiences don't matter in political debates. But anyhoo...

[deleted account]

I wouldn't mind at all. Whatever orientation my son is, whatever he wants to look like, I will love him just as much. I second Paige; as long as they are happy, healthy and practicing safe sex, I have no issues.

[deleted account]

If they were happy, healthy and having safe sex, I really wouldn't care. Same goes for a straight child. Though, to be honest, I'd be a little worried about the bullying.

[deleted account]

Carol, the only reason you got it was because you're an only child too! LOL Sorry, couldn't resist. We are used to talking to ourselves a lot, so I think I must have just been having one of those moments. Bhahaha... sorry... wrong thread. I am nuts!



Do you use self tan stuff?? I haven't used it in years because the idea of being like a giant Oompa Loompa doesn't appeal to me. Are they better now, or do you still turn orange?

Johnny - posted on 10/17/2010

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Well Donna, I got it the first time, but mostly because I could hear the exact same thing coming out of my husband's mouth. He'd rather have a flamingly gay son that one in the military. I have no issue with either, but I'd be worried about the gay son stealing my self-tanner.

[deleted account]

LOL It doesn't really surprise me. I sometimes go off on tangents, and I was typing as I thought.... the military thing just stuck in my head, so that's what came out! (no pun intended)

Jodi - posted on 10/17/2010

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I must admit, Donna, your post confused me too, but now you've cleared it up for me :)

Jenni - posted on 10/17/2010

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Wouldn't care. I consider myself to be bisexual so it would be hypocrocy for it to bother me. The only thing, I guess, that would sorta worry me is grandchildren but they could always adopt. :)

Dana - posted on 10/17/2010

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Donna, maybe I'm reading this wrong but, that doesn't make a lick of sense to me....
It's like it's a post from a split personality.

[deleted account]

Okay, I'd have a BIG problem with it. I would talk until blue in the face to try to make him change his mind. The idea of having a son in the MILITARY churns my stomach and I can almost taste the bile in my mouth.



My reaction if one of my boys came and told me he was gay? "That's nice, dear. Did you want some of this chocolate? If you ever decide to participate in the Mardi Gras, you better let me know because I want to come too!" There would be nothing to react to in my eyes. I don't care who my boys choose to love, but what I would care about is if that chosen partner ill-treated my son. I'd snap his neck like a twig. And I'll damn well let them know it too!

Charlie - posted on 10/17/2010

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Wouldnt bother me in the slightest , they are still my children , as long as they are happy im happy :D

C. - posted on 10/17/2010

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I wouldn't care. I'd still love my son if he told me he was gay. It's not something that I feel is morally right.. BUT, I cannot make that choice for my son (or any other children we end up having).



AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAnd.. Throw me to the wolves... NOW.

[deleted account]

Well I know many gay people, so I think I would be totally okay with it. I mean it would be a shock, but I wouldn't have a freak-out or anything. Being gay doesn't change the person on the inside.

[deleted account]

One of my best friends in high school died because one of his sisters, the closest member of his family to him, screamed in his face about how disgusted she was with him. This was the one person he felt like he could talk to about anything, and she rejected him so horribly. He would still be alive today, I believe, if it weren't for her. He had a hole in his heart, but they would have been able to find a doctor to fix it within the six months he was given.

He died August 7, 2007 in the hospital. Two of his brothers and a different sister had found him in his room, the floor flooded by the bathtub water and blood. He was lying on his back in a pool of his own blood on the bed. His arms had multiple slash wounds from wrist to elbow, he had self-inflicted bruises all over his face, and he had broken his own fingers in the drawer of his dresser. He was going to drown himself in the bathtub, then, but passed out on the bed while the tub overflowed. He had a lot of blood loss but you know what did him in?

A bacterial infection in one of the cuts on his left arm. It formed the night before he died and went straight to his already weakened heart. He spent a week in the hospital and would have gotten better had it not been for the infection. He also would have been fourteen in November.

I can't stand people who hate homosexuality. It's not hurting them at all and they don't understand what's going on, what they do when they say such evil things to these poor teenagers who are just trying to grow up. They need their family to love and accept them regardless of their choices. To me, it's the same as choosing a religion that is different from mine, or a significant other that I don't entirely like. It's not my decision or my right to say my son or daughter are wrong for who they want to be with, and I have no right to judge them for their decisions.

[deleted account]

I think, after I got over the initial shock, I would be accepting if my daughter was gay. I wouldn't like it, and I would probably wonder if I did anything to bring this about (or if my mother did, seeing as how she doesn't even admit whether she's male or female even though she OBVIOUSLY had me and my brother) but for the most part I wouldn't bully my daughter or anything for it. I certainly wouldn't reject her. I wouldn't want her to bring her SO into my home but I'm just uncomfortable in that kind of environment. I have a lot of gay and bisexual friends and we get along fine, but I have also had what I'd call bad encounters and I just...I dunno. I will encourage my daughter to be a free spirit and to be accepting of everyone. But just because you accept something doesn't mean you agree with it or practice it. I wouldn't want my daughter to be gay because of all the hatred that is presented toward homosexuality. She would have a hard life and I would hate to find my daughter with cuts on her arms or worse, dead, because some asshole from school picked on her for being gay. It is not a lifestyle I would want for my daughter, and I hope I don't offend anyone for feeling this way.

Lesley - posted on 10/17/2010

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I would have no problem with it. All I want is my daughter to live a happy healthy life! My heart breaks for the kids that are and their parents don't accept them.

[deleted account]

It wouldnt upset me a mothers love is endless and unconditional, but inside a small piece of my heart would break because i know what there possible up against from others for being gay/lesbian...that would be the hardest part for me.People in this world can be so cruel and evil at times.

Dana - posted on 10/17/2010

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Ugh, another story that breaks my heart. I just can NOT fathom how anyone could treat their child that way...

Jessica - posted on 10/17/2010

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I agree with others- it would not be a problem for me at all, and no question at all about loving him! I hope to raise my children to feel they can trust us and be open with us about things like that. I would give them whatever support they needed, as I know that lifestyle is not always easy.

My brother is gay. He's 18 months younger than me and growing up we were very close. He "came out" in his early teens. My parents were divorced and at the time, my dad was married to my step mom, his now ex-wife. She was a complete religious whacko and a bitch, and I fully blame her for splitting our family apart like she did. She pretty much always detested my brother for being gay- did not even try to treat him the same as my sister and I. She thought he was evil, it was a sin, he was going to hell etc. She influenced my dad and though he was never as rigid as she was about it, he ended up being very unsupportive of my brother in that way too. He still loves him, but I think he was and still is a bit disappointed in him and it's always shown. We lived primarily with my dad- but it got so bad for my brother at the house that he moved out to live with my mom for the remainder of high school. After that I didn't talk to him as much and we still are not close today.

My mom on the other hand, has always fully accepted my brother for who he is and has always supported him. She has set the precedent on how I would treat my children if they are gay.

[deleted account]

We were actually just talking about this the other day, my husband and I. Neither of us cares if he's gay, straight or what race he dates. We just want him happy.

Petra - posted on 10/17/2010

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Not an issue in the least. A lot of people couple this statement with the proviso that they wouldn't wish it on them or that they'd be surprised, but I can honestly say that sexual orientation is a non-issue to my partner and I. I would be disappointed if my son turned out to be a mean kid, or I'd be a little sad if he ends up on the low side if the intelligence spectrum. I would want things to be different for him if either of these were the case, but gay? I won't treat him any differently or want anything to be different for him or wish I could make life easier because it simply doesn't matter.

Sharon - posted on 10/16/2010

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Well, it wouldn't stop me from loving my child.

But I don't want that for them.

Tah - posted on 10/16/2010

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i honestly don't know...and with everything i believe and 2 glasses of moscato and a friend on the brink, i have to think about it. I do know i love my children...and nothing that i could think of could change that...

Johnny - posted on 10/16/2010

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I'm hoping that if my daughter (or any future child) is gay, they won't even need to "come out" because we will raise them in an environment where they always know that anything is okay. I will just make sure to offer them any support needed to deal with the world outside our doors.

My husband always jokes that he hopes our daughter is a lesbian because then he knows what little boys are thinking. I've pointed out that it isn't as if girls aren't thinking the same thing, but he doesn't believe me.

One of my close childhood friends had a terrible coming out experience. His mother knew, and then she passed away from cancer. He was really messed up, got into drugs, and his friends helped get him clean. He told us, and it was fine. But then he told his father, who kicked him out of the house, at 14. He stayed with my family for 2 weeks, and then with his mom's sisters for 6 months. His dad took a long time to talk to him again. During that time, he attempted suicide twice. His father and him actually did eventually reconcile, and amazingly they are now very close. Him and his boyfriend actually lived with his dad for a while. But the pain he went through was terrible, and it never needed to happen.

Dana - posted on 10/16/2010

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That sucks, Jodi. My mother's brother is gay and now as an adult it disgusts me to hear what my dad has to say about gay people. I always wonder if my dad was a total ass to him for it and being a child I just never noticed. My father also had a gay brother, he died in the 80's from AIDS but, my dad still to this day will say such negative things about his own brother, it makes me sick.

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