Husband just found out he has a child from previous relationship

Andrea - posted on 01/28/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My husband just found out jn his ex lied about having to get an abortion for"Medical" reasons and actually kept the baby. He's now almost 4 years old, we are about to have our first child together, I have 2 from a previous relationship. We heard rumors a couple months back that she had the baby, found her on FB, and it's true. He looks happy. Neither of us is sure what to do, we're about to start our family. He says that he won't put me through that, and I know it may seem selfish but I don't want all the problems that will come along with them being in each others lives. What do we do?

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Kristi - posted on 01/28/2013

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If the shoe were on the other foot, so to speak and let's say my husband and dr told me my baby died during child birth and somehow managed to get away with my "dead" baby, only for me to find out he/she was in fact alive 4 years later...

You better believe my attorney and I will be in court the very next day filing whatever charges and motions we can against you. How could you not want your own child, especially after getting the miracle of a second chance?

How do you know what kind of problems will come with them? (one of "them" is your husband's flesh and blood) It has been 4 years. People can change a lot in 4 years. I'm curious as to what exactly he'd be putting you through? Why do your children deserve a father and not this little boy? As for "He looks happy." Who the hell puts pictures or comments up on FB about how shitty their kid's life is or how he is now asking why doesn't he have a daddy like his other friends do. That's just ignorant.

I can understand that this is bad timing considering you're pregnant and all the stresses and changes that come with having an infant in the house. But it isn't like your kids brought home a new puppy that you now have to potty train, obiedence train, clean up after, etc. This is your baby's half brother who deserves the love and support of his father just as much as his sibling and quite frankly, he deserves it from you, too. After all, your 2 previous children are loved by your husband, are they not? Nobody likes bumps in the road. This is no ordinary bump. This is a life altering bump. We are women. For the most part, we are designed to multitask and hold up well under pressure. You will be fine. Your husband needs to man up and figure out if he is going to be a real daddy or just a dollar amount at the end of the day.

One other thing did strike my mind and it isn't very pleasant. Is there a valid reason his ex lied about the abortion and has stayed away this long, not even asking for child support? Most women are all about getting their baby daddy to pay up even if he walks out. It is obvious she is hiding from him...why?

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Tracey - posted on 01/29/2013

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Why do you assume there will be nothing but problems by being involved with the child?

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