I don't even know what to think...

April - posted on 03/11/2011 ( 13 moms have responded )

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My husband told me a story that blew my mind yesterday. I couldn't believe it. I didn't even know it could happen and that scares me :(

My husbands relatives live near us (all his cousin's are younger than him). He has a 4 year old male cousin, let's call him "Tom". Apparently some of my husbands cousins were watching porn in the room while the younger children were playing outside. Without the older boys knowing it, Tom was watching the porn through the window.

The older boys got caught by the my husbands aunts and uncles and told off. This was all a few weeks ago.

Yesterday, Tom decided to try out what he saw on the porn video with a little girl, his neighbor. Remember Tom is four years old. He apparently pulled down her underwear and told the little girl not to tell her mother then proceeded to do whatever he must of seen.

When he got home he told his mother that his "pee pee" had gotten hard. When his mother asked him to explain himself, he confessed what he did with his neighbor.

I don't even know what to think. I didn't know things like that could even happen at such a young age. Has anybody heard a story or experienced something similar? I have a 6 month old son and Lord help him if he ever did that! I'm worried about all the bad influences around.

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Nikki - posted on 03/11/2011

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Yes the parents should be informed but I could understand why the boy's parents may not want to.

I know it can be shocking when you have not experienced this kind of thing, but in reality most of the time it is harmless experimentation. I have lost track of the times I have has to deal with 4-5 years olds playing with each other at work. One thing to remember they are not doing it because they are being sexual they are exploring. It's important to deal with this kind of situation carefully, you need them to know it's not appropriate to touch other or to be touched but you don't want to go so far as to punish them and give them a complex about sexual behaviours.

I think a lot of the time parents fear that if their child is participating in this kind of behaviour there must be something going on, is someone touching them, where did they learn this. That's why it's important to know exactly what they are doing, if the children are just looking touching, playing it's usually normal, if they are participating in behaviours that they are clearly too young to understand and acts they should have never seen before that when you need to raise the red flags.

Alyssa - posted on 03/11/2011

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um, yeah! They should know. I mean it sounds like your husbands family only knows what happened by what the little boy said he did, but they should still know that there was an incident.
Maybe they could say something like. "Tom" has been saying some rather sexual things latey after accidently being exposed to porn, so maybe all families involved can properly supervise them together until Tom understands what is appropriate and what isnt.

Alyssa - posted on 03/11/2011

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oh, ok they were teenagers...now I understand!

I don't blame you for having concerns. I think it is up to the parents to educte the boy about what is appropriate, but in the meantime i would be in the same room when they play together.

Nikki - posted on 03/11/2011

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Experimenting with each other from a young age is generally normal, not however when it is fuelled by watching porn. Very inappropriate. It's not just boys either April girls like to explore themselves and others as well while it is normal it obviously is a situation that needs to be clearly discussed with your child.

Minnie - posted on 03/11/2011

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My daughter is five years old. As a four year old, I could never picture her telling another child to 'not tell her mother' about something they were doing together. Hmmm...maybe she's just too innocent, but she's never been concerned about hiding any sort of thing. She still runs around the house completely nudie and is unaware that she needs to be sneaky and conspire with another child, all the while knowing she's doing something wrong.

It's second-hand information.

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April - posted on 03/11/2011

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My daughter is only two and my son is 6 months at the moment. So i'm teaching my daughter what is okay and what's not.

Maybe i'm just irritated because a part of me just HATES the way my husbands relatives raise their kids. I feel bad for the little boy and the little girl involved.

Which reminds me. I asked my husband if his relatives will inform the little girls parents about what happened and he said "probably not". I definitely think they should know. What's everyone else's opinion?

April - posted on 03/11/2011

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Wow, Teresa. That's what i'm afraid of. Where do little boys learn all of this? It's scary :/

April - posted on 03/11/2011

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That's the thing, the boys who were watching porn are cousins but they're teenagers so...hormones? ugh. The little boy was playing outside and was spying on them through the window so he saw what they were watching.

I'm afraid to let the little boy near my daughter as bad as that seems.

Alyssa - posted on 03/11/2011

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WHAT?? "perform sex acts" !!!! OMG is all I can say. I hope the EMTREMELY rare occasion is supervised by you?

I don't think the little boy was doing anything wrong. The adults need their apendages cut off for putting on porn while the kids were around. Why do people do that anyway? I can't understand the whole "lets sit around and watch porn together" unless it's a couple. Thats weird, gross, and kind of incestuos if they were all cousins.

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My ex used to 'perform sex acts' w/ little girls while fully clothed.... starting at 5. Yeah, I'm really glad my kids aren't exposed to his family except on EXTREMELY rare occasion.....

April - posted on 03/11/2011

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I don't quite understand it actually. It makes me mad that my husbands relatives would be so careless with their kids. What 4 year old boy goes off on his own and has the chance to do something like that? It blows my mind.

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lol To think there are people out there that think I am nuts for not allowing co-ed sleepovers, parties, and unsupervised play dates. go figure.

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Unfortunately, stories like this are all too common. Children re-enact what they see. He may have picked up that those behaviors were taboo by the reaction of your husband's aunts and uncles, which may explain why he told the little girl not to tell.

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