I dont think i love him anymore....

[deleted account] ( 42 moms have responded )

Hello Ladies. Im just needing to vent and get some advice.



Currently i feel as if I am at a crossroads in my life. Ive been with my guy for 2 years and we have a 9 month old daughter (unplanned blessing).



We used to have a really good relationship and then one day we had this intense argument where things got really out of hand. My guy says this is the point in the relationship where things got kind of ruined for him. He's already tried to break up with me like 5 times and i kno that may make me seem a little pathetic but i always take him back. Since that one big fight, all our other big fights just get out of hand!



Things are said that should never be said and things are done that should never be done. It just really saddens me because i dont know how we got to this point. Recently we just had a big fight and before that it seemed like things were on the right track.



During the last fight he would say things like he's only with me cuz i "beg him to stay". Because i cry he decides not to follow thru on leaving me. He wrote me a letter saying how "our relationship was unhealthy, that we werent meant to be together. How i was in denial thinking everything was fine and that he hadnt loved me for awhile" After some time he apologized and said " he hates me so much but he loves me so much"



Well that happened like two weeks ago everything has been alright between us no fights but something is different. I dont know if its me just finally really opening my eyes to how things have been, or if maybe after this last fight ive had enough. Im confused about my feelings for him. These last couple weeks it seems like we've been distant from each other. And every time i seek some companion from him he always lets me down. During this time of confusion is when i need him the most and yet when i try to get close to him it just seems like i am bothering him which doesnt help anything. He seems to always be in a bad mood. from the time he wakes up to the time he goes to bed! And its aimed towards me i wont even see him for the whole day yet im frustrating him!



Ive fought for him to stay with me and for our little family so many times but this time im not sure if i really want to stay with someone who doesnt love me. I know he doesnt love me i can feel it and i can see it. Before my love for him was enough reason for me to stay so if im not feeling it anymore then the relationship is done. And it really hurts me that im not something for him to fight for.



This is why im trying to take my time to think things thru cuz once its done its done and i dont want to make the wrong decision just because we are in a little funk right now.



Also i have always been so faithful to him never having eyes for anyone else. And lately ive been realizing that i notice other guys. I wonder if i could have a better relationship with someone else or is this as good as it gets. And that makes me feel so guilty i dont want to be thinking things like this!



Plus to top it off he doesnt really help me with the baby. Dont get me wrong he loves her to death but i feel like she bugs him sometimes that me and her just get in his way. I work at nights and ill come home and shell have a full pamper wont be in her pjs just in the clothes she wore that day and just some other things.



Also he proposed to me last year but with all the break ups its more of a facade then anything else we tell people we are married to save face but in all honesty we're hardly a couple. Last night he didnt even sleep in the bed with me.



I dont know anymore. I really dont want to end something just to move back with my parents and start all over. Ill feel like such a failure and like i really let down my baby. Its just so much stress and pressure. me and him just got a house and i love that we are moving up which is also why i dont want to leave everything that me and my daughter have.



So what do you think? To stay or to leave??

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Amanda - posted on 04/22/2011

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Biggest parenting mistake.....

Staying in a broken relationship for the children. Children do know when their parents are in broken relationships. The biggest dishonour you can do to your children is teach them that bad relationships are ok. Show yourselves and your children more respect than that.

Tara - posted on 04/23/2011

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I will add my own story too.
I was married for 10 years, after the first 5 or so I knew that things were not as peachy keen as I had hoped they would be.
It wasn't that we argued, all couples do that. It was that he treated me like I was below him, he never laid a hand on me but he used his voice and his body language to intimidate me when he was mad. He yelled down at m, he called me names, he told me I was a bad mother, he told me my kids would grow up to hate me. He wanted June Cleaver and he got Naomi Klein.
I always knew it was wrong for him to treat me the way he did, especially when the kids were within ear shot or worse when they were present in the room. I asked him to stop because I didn't want the kids growing up thinking this was a normal relationship. Well to him, it was normal and it was ok as long as we made up. He figured it was good for them to see discontent and then harmony after.
Bullshit.
When my oldest daughter turned 8 her dad got really mad at me the night of her birthday after family had left. I had been upset cause he got drunk on his daughters birthday. He freaked out and called me so many names, threw a bowl of fruit across the room, broke his cell phone and threatened to drive to a friends (while shitfaced drunk in my car) I hid the keys and went upstairs to where the kids were. I over heard my oldest son talking to the girls "It's okay, mom will calm down soon, if she didn't say something to dad then we would all be watching a movie right now. Stop crying it's no big deal"
I was APPALLED I couldn't believe what was coming out of my 14 year old mouth.
It was then and there I made the choice to stop trying to be some martyr to my kids because of some sick ideology that says I'm a failure if I leave the father of my kids, I chose that day to get out and it took me almost 9 months but I did it. And from that day on, we had separate rooms and I did a lot of stuff away from home with the kids.
We tried to co-habitate but that did not work at all, he was still a big dick who thought he could control everything about me.
It does nothing for your childs emotional intelligence to stay within a relationship where neither parent is happy and where there is abuse or mental or emotional suffering, all it will do is lead to a feeling that this is a normal relationship and that is what she will seek later in life.
Just my story to add to Jennifers

Sneaky - posted on 04/22/2011

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I agree with everything every one else said!

I would just like to add a question for you to think about: Do you want your beautiful baby girl to grow up watching her mummy get treated badly in a relationship? Do you think that she might grow up and find a man that treats her badly because that is what she saw her mum do for all those years and thinks it is normal?

I am not saying you should leave - but you can not stay if he doesn't treat you right and does not love you - YOU are the one who is going to teach you daughter how she should be treated by men. And YOU deserve much better.

((Hugs))

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 04/22/2011

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Sometimes the best things you need to do for yourself and child are the scariest. Some people are meant to last and some come together for a brief moment.

I know how you feel as well,. 7years ago I left my first sons father, and at the time it was scary and I just knew I would regret leaving, braking up our little family.
But within a year of leaving him, I could see that I could make it on my own with out needing him near/around. and now 7years later, it was the best thing for ME and my son.

I look at it like this, because I was always asking WHY WHY WHY did I have to waist 3years of my life with this guy! Who treated me horrible…the only thing I could think of was MY son. With out being with his father I would not have my little man.

You were blessed with a baby girl, and there is someone for you and her that will treat you better and appreciate you and love you both to pieces.

Amanda - posted on 04/22/2011

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You arent a failure, you are just young and Im going to assume your boyfriend is around your age also. Relationship, playing house, and having children at 21 is a lot of pressure on anyone (I would know at your age I owned my first home, was in a 5 year relationship *that i swore I would make it work to "save face" to everyone, and was working on child number two), it took until 24 for me to realize it was all a big joke. I had no one to save face from, and no one to please but myself and my children. I had the very same relationship as you, fighting (which got out of control), sleeping in different beds, no help from him. The best thing I ever did in my life is to realize I was holding on to something that DIDNT exsist, and left with my children. Im not going to lie it was hard at first, but now at 33 I know the only mistake I ever made was not getting out of that relationship even sooner. Im not saying breaking up is right for you, but you do need to sit down and figure out what you want out of life, and does this inculde the fighting, and all the feelings you are feeling.



Real relationships do not break up 5 times, real relationships, each person respects eachother, even in a disagreement (no matter how much you wanna snap). Relationships each person puts 100% in not 50%.

42 Comments

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Tah - posted on 04/25/2011

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He has told you how he feels....I can tell you honey..that is not as good as it gets. When men tell you how they feel..listen..it will be hard at first, but it gets easier and better.

Tia Melissa - posted on 04/25/2011

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Haven't read the other posts yet...

I'm sorry that you are in so much pain and dealing with a relationship that's rocky. It sounds so unstable in that you don't have the peace of knowing he's there for the long haul. I've BTDT and it's horrible compared to having someone who is 110% committed to being part of a family. I've done the single mom thing too and though it's hard, it can be done. What you have is certainly NOT as good as it gets from your descriptions. I don't know what type of support you would have from family in working nights, child care, your states laws on child support/palimony, etc. but if you have it, please explore the possibilities beyond your boyfriend. There ARE good men out there and you're NOT failing her if you choose to show her that it's better to be single and healthy healthy and place her around strong, positive male role models (your dad, uncles, brothers, etc) than to stay where things can go off at anytime or where he's going to put his needs before his family's needs. One thing I've heard is how so-and-so's dad wasn't ever there for them and how it messed them up in their marriages/relationships. In contrast, a father who has died or isn't there at all seems to do less damage than a bad one. At least you can replace absentee males with family, friends and church members for good influences.

I really don't like the description that you feel like he sees you guys as being in his way. You're not married to the man and honestly, I've always been one for a ring before moving in and making a home. Whatever you decide, you have to take care of yourself and your baby. If you go back home, my advice is - don't start dating for at least a year. You need the time to heal yourself and concentrate on your little girl. Hope this helps... Be praying for you.

Kristina - posted on 04/25/2011

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been there. i left my daughter's father when she was 3 months old (she's now 21 months). we were engaged also, but the distance between us, the fighting & verbally abusive relationship wasn't worth it. i was always upset and crying--that's when you gotta get to the point of realization...you have a daughter to take care of. you can not be using all your time and energy trying to make your significant other happy. this little girl is growing at such a fast paced rate and learning more and more every day. she deserves both of her parents full attention, and it's hard to give them the attention they crave when you're depressed or your mind is preoccupied with relationship issues. do what's best for you and your daughter and distance yourself from the situation. it's hard, and scary to think of being a single parent, but it's totally do-able. and doing the right things now make you a stronger person for all to come. good luck!

Constance - posted on 04/25/2011

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The choice is truelly yours, but what I can say with certainy is guys are guys. No matter what BS he feeds you later, guys hardly ever say things they don't mean. If he is telling you he stays because you start crying that is exactly what he means. I know this is a very hard decision exspecially when thee is a baby involved, you still have to do what is right for you and your baby. Remember you can't change a guy no matter how hard you try. If you really want to make it work then you need to sit down with him very peaceful and no anger. Both of you need to put all the cards on the table. Both of you need to be completely honest and don't judge the other for how you feel. Open up completely and when you are done on both sides then you will know if you want the relationship. If it isn't what you want it is ok it doesn't make you a failure. You have a right to be happy even when there is a baby involved.

Lacye - posted on 04/25/2011

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Your relationship sounds a lot like the one my parents had. You need to leave. It is not good for you or your baby. You aren't letting her down, you are picking up the pieces and moving on. It will be much easier on her if you leave now rather than later. You do not have a healthy relationship. You two are not communicating at all with each other and you are just making each other more miserable. I'm sorry to be blunt but it's the truth. I hope everything gets better for you whether you stay with him or not.

Kathy - posted on 04/25/2011

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Go to counseling by yourself. When I was getting divorced, it really helped me. I gained so much confidence and counslor helped me see I was not a failure. Do this , and then make your decision, don't rush. And personally I get strength from God. He is always with you, and can help you !

Casey - posted on 04/25/2011

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Honestly it sounds as though it's already over, you should not have to beg someone to stay in a relationship with you if his not inlove anymore then accept it and move on and find someone else who really does want to be with you.
Don't look at it as though your little family is falling apart look at it like a fresh new exciting start for all of you.
If it is isn't working now then it is only going to get worse done the track, I think you really need to walk away now before things get any worse between you both cause lets face it you need to still be able to get along for your childs sake so don't sit there and make each other more and more miserable and get to the point where you can't stand to be around each other.

Robyn - posted on 04/24/2011

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HONEY FIGHTING IS NEVER GOOD IT TRAUMATIZES THA KIDS IN THA END KIDS DONT KNOW THE FYNE LYNE BETWEEN LOVE AND HATE THER INNOCENT.. IF UR CONSTANTLY FIGHTING U SHUD WALK AWAY IT IS NOT HEALTHY FOR THE KIDS I HAVE 6 WONDERFULL CHILDREN 22 TO 8 YRS OLD AND THEY HATED TO SEE MOMMY AND DADDY FYTE SO WE SEPERATED AND I GET ALONG WITH THER DAD MUCH BETTER BEING SEPERATED WER THA BEST OF FRIENDS I WUD LEAVE AND MOVE ON NO ONE DESREVES TO BE UNHAPPY AND THA KIDS DEFINATLEY DESERVE A BETTER LIFE HOPE THYS HELPS LOVE..

Sweta - posted on 04/23/2011

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Maria, sorry to hear about your situation. Big hugs to you and your lil one. You are NOT a failure. My advise, give him some space before you confornt him. Infact, take some time off yourself as well. A couple of weeks, just go read books with your little one, go do things with her alone and just be at peace with yourself. This will make your guy get some space as well and he will realize that you are not in his face all the time. He will hopefully start thinking straight and then both you guys will be in better position to talk to eachother. for now, stay out of his way and keep him out of your way. My husband and I also get all worked up during our fights and the best thing we do to eachother then is give space to eachother. it really works. Hopefully this works for you guys as well. best of luck and may you guys be happy :)

Mrs. - posted on 04/23/2011

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Only you, and only you, can know when you are done. When you have done all you can do, for you to make it work - you'll know.

Facts are the only one you gotta get right with is you. Go get counselling - they'll tell you the same thing.

If he doesn't want to join you...forget it. You progress, maybe he'll follow. Stranger things have happened.

Tshanna Ele - posted on 04/23/2011

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I dont think its a matter of leaving or staying. Sometimes its that you need to decide what you want. Obviously you love the guy. But if you aren't happy together, you need to think about your daughter's future with you guys fighting all the time.

Then you need to think about what would happen with her if you split. Joint custody? Does he want any? child support? Take my advice on this one: no matter how "civil" the break up is, DO IT IN COURT AND HAVE AN AGREEMENT.

Try counceling. If you both aren't willing to do that, then it needs to end. Maybe you need time apart. There are a lot of options... just try and leave the little one out of it as much as possible :)

Donna - posted on 04/23/2011

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wow thats tough. my hubby and i have gone through all that too. it seems like maybe you 2 just need to take a week apart from each other then decide from there

April - posted on 04/23/2011

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I think you should leave. It is what your gut seems to be telling you. Also, telling you that he is leaving with you and then deciding to stay around is abusive. he is messing with your mind and your heart. it's not fair to you or your daughter, who by the way, doesn't seem like she has that great of a father in her life. Yeah, he is there and he loves her but he doesn't seem to be the kind of father that would do anything for his child. I find it kind of disturbing that he would leave the same diaper on her all day. It's like he is physically there, but not really there for her. I think you should start all over. It is scary but trying something different is often scary!

Tracey - posted on 04/23/2011

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Quick test to see if you love him. The 2 of you are walking down a road when a speeding car comes round the corner, would you push him out of the way and take the impact instead of him?

Elfrieda - posted on 04/23/2011

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It sounds like you have your head on straight, you're just in a really tough situation.

I wanted to share my story a little bit. After my husband and I had been married for 3 years and we'd had ups and downs and come through it stronger, suddenly it was like he just stopped liking me. He didn't want to come home from work, he didn't want to hug me, and it felt like I was just in his way and that he felt like I was a nuisance, just as you described. This was something that he needed to work out on his own, because we had just moved to a smaller place and he's someone who really needs his personal space, but after a month or two I just opened up and cried and let him know how I felt.



The difference was that he was committed to our marriage. He wasn't going to leave just because the "feeling" had gone, and that talk sort of opened up his eyes to the fact that he was behaving selfishly. (I certainly wasn't perfect, either.) He started treating me kindly, and somehow the feelings just came back. It was a rotten 3 months, but now we've been married 7 years and have a baby and we feel really happy and blessed.



I just wanted to share so that you might see that feelings do come and go (and come and go and then come again!), but if both people aren't committed to each other, it's not enough for one person (you) to try to be committed enough for the both of you. I think going to counselling by yourself even if he won't go with you is a great idea. I wish you all the best. Be brave and do the right thing for your little girl.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/23/2011

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I do not envy the position you are in, but it sounds clear to me, that you already know what to do. Staying with him is not making you happy, therefore you are not going to be the best mommy you can be. Starting over is always hard, but starting fresh can give you a new perspective of things.

My sister has stayed in the same miserable marriage for 8 years....and it was bad. He is emotionally and mentally very aggressively abusive. It has broken her. I have been helping her get out of it, and she has finally kicked his ass out. My heart goes out to you, but be strong and do what is right for you and your kid. You can always get another home.

Sara - posted on 04/23/2011

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It's really hard to tell you what you should do. My husband and I have been together for 7 years, and in that time I would say that the love we have for eachother has changed. It's not always that all-consuming can't-get-enough-of-this-person kind of love. Love evolves, it changes through time. It's not always going to exciting or convenient, but when you make it through a rough patch and work things out, then it helps to deepen the relationship and the love you share. But, I think all of this depends on whether or not you're with the right person to begin with. I was in a relationship for 4 years before I met my husband, and he was absolutely the wrong person for me. I always knew it, and I eventually ended things, and it was the best decision I ever made. I think only you and your man can judge whether or not you are right for eachother. If you really feel you are, then you need to try and work through this time, and hopefully you'll come out stronger at the end. If not, then it may be best to just end it so that you can both move on and find someone who is right for you. It's not easy, and I'm sorry you're going through this. Good luck.

Jenni - posted on 04/23/2011

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I just wanted to add- I've been in two long term relationships before my SO now. Although we didn't have any children which does make it a lot different. But I'll share my experiences:

My first relationship was 4 years and we were engaged for a year. I have a habit of beating a dead horse and stuck it out longer than I should of to make it work. He cheated on me. We broke up. But I struggled to move on. So I convinced him to get back together with me even though in retrospect it was clear he was trying to move on. I swallowed my pride and guilted him into getting back together. It only lasted another 3 months. It took that 3 months for me to completely fall out of love with him. I couldn't get past his transgression and I couldn't love a man who didn't love me back. "It" was no longer there for us and I couldn't see myself ever loving him the way I did before the break up. So I broke up with him and left. He cried and begged me to stay.... but the damage was already done. I couldn't go back to the way things were, I couldn't see myself ever falling back in love with him. That's how I knew it was truly over.



My next relationship was with this controlliing, smothering jerk for 5 years. Looking back, I think I could have done with out the last 3-4 years of the relationship. I don't think I was in love him because of the way he treated me for after a year of us being together. But the co-dependency kept me there. I look back on it now and wonder how much more I could have done with those 3-4 years and how I viewed them as wasted years of my life. It caused me to resent him even more, and myself for 'sticking it out'. Trying to get back the feelings I once had for him. They never came... it took me at least 3 years to realize that.



This is just my own personal experience and everyone is different. I imagine some people may be able to fall back in love. I'm just not one of them. I don't think councelling would of helped us and looking back... I'm glad it didn't. I'm happy I'm not with either of them. Ick. I've done better for myself and I've found a better father for my children than they ever would have been. I know that makes it a little different than your situation. I didn't have the commitment of children in those relationships. But in all honestly, even if I did... it would have been inevitable that I would have left them eventually. I just wouldn't have been happy and I couldn't have faked it for the next 20 years.

Tehara - posted on 04/22/2011

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As hard as it is if the friction is affecting your little one then the relationship is not worth it. Mine was the same we are also 21 an 23 but have 3 children together the olddest being 4 then 2 then 6weeks. I left him 2days after our sons 4th birthday it was just getting to much an the fact that the 4yr old was asking me why I wasn't happy any more an why did mummys an daddys fight, it was then that it hit me that he could hear us an noticed the holes in the walls ect an that was the last straw.
Don't stay with someone because you think it is best for your baby because its not, they can sense how you both feel then grow up thinking thats what relationships are ment to be like.
Take care of yourself and your little girl good luck for whatever you an your partner decide to do

Bonnie - posted on 04/22/2011

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Maria, i'm sorry to hear what you are going through. This makes me sad. Please don't just stay with him for the sake of your daughter. It's not worth it. It will likely just end up feeling like you are living with an acquaintance in the end and you deserve better than that.

Talk with him. Let him know how you are truly feeling. Maybe this will allow both of you to be honest with one another and he will truly realize that you are meant to be and how much he does love you. Sometimes when a man sees how easy it is for a woman to keep taking him back he just keeps playing her because he knows what the outcome will be. If you put your foot down and be strong, let him know that this time it is a take it or leave it situation and that is all.

Mel - posted on 04/22/2011

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and Im in a similar boat to you my marriage is broken but I stick with it because of my girls. Sometimes its hard pretending like everythings good when its not and I can imagine u are going thru alot right now. I dont think I will be able to up and leave for a long time since we have 2 girls together. WIth the counselling hes like my hubby Ive told him he needs counselling but he just ignores me. Im glad your mum is suportive. Mine is to:) We're lucky in that way

[deleted account]

Maria, I really hope things work out for you but I'm just throwing this out there. Do whatever you can do to avoid getting pregnant until you know exactly what your future will be. I know it sounds like a no-brainer but if you do go the single mom route, doing it with 1 child is hard enough. I sincerely wish you the best.

[deleted account]

I'm sure this has already been said but couples counseling would be an excellent idea here before you make any big decisions. If you do decide to leave, make sure you are legally protected and also that you make sure he has full, liberal access to his child. I'm sure you would, you sound like a good person but you do sound very depressed. Even if he won't attend couples counseling, going on your own certainly couldn't hurt.

[deleted account]

Thank you ladies. It was hard for me to keep a dry eye reading all of your posts. But thank you for all of the advice and support.



To AMANDA: I completely agree that relationships dont break up 5 times. Its childish and unnecessary. I remember seeing other couples that would do that and never understood it and swore i would never be one of them. I know me and him agreed that we wouldnt do that either. Throwing around the threat of "breaking up" just because we're mad or something. We always said that we would only discuss a break up if we really meant it and we really intended on ending it. And now here we are. . . I always try to make it seem like it doesnt really count, it wasnt "really" a break up cuz we never actually seperated living quarters and the talk of breaking up wouldnt last for anymore than a couple days and then everything would be fine.



Counseling for the two of us is out of the question, before any of this happened he told me how he would never do counseling ever. when we were doing our required marriage counseling he didnt even want to do that!! Which is why we stopped and hence why all the other wedding plans stopped. It sucks going into my closet seeing my wedding dress that ill probably never wear...



I have a really close relationship with my mom and i have really close friends that i talk to but its just gotten to the point where i dont like telling them anymore. I dont like telling my mom cuz altho theyve ( my parents) accepted him into the family i know she is starting to get negative feelings toward him. She's told me " mija i dont want you to be with somebody who doesnt love you" and its hard to hear the truth from her cuz i know she is right. But i just tell her that Bella ( my daughter) is worth giving the relationship between me and her dad as many chances as i can. So i dont really talk to her about things.



And i dont talk to my friends cuz i feel foolish. One day were not together the next day we are. I know it gets tiring hearing all of the ups and downs it gets tiring and annoying to me!



When he leaves for work i have to beg him to hug and kiss me before he goes which sucks and leaves me feeling bad.



Ugh. . . Anyways i tried talking to him yesterday and he wasnt having it. So hopefully today will be different. Even tho counseling is out of the question for us as a couple i think ill look into. I think it would really help me out. Oh yea im 21 and he is 23 ( 24 on may 26th) and we have a 8 month old ( 9 months on the 24).



when i think about it all this is what i see: We've been thru so much but gotten thru all of it. When i was pregnant he was so good to me. He used to be so caring and loving. He is a really good dad. Up until recently i was so set on having another child with him and he seemed to be all for it too. He's just so back and forth. Have you ladies ever heard the song HOT N COLD by KATY PERRY ? that describes him ( and us) perfectly.



It used to be that us being so different brought us together. Now it seems that us being so different is what causes every argument.



Thanks again for the help. Ill keep everyone posted...

Tonya - posted on 04/22/2011

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I know what you are going through girl i did it myself about a year ago and yes it is hard, i have a 2 year old girl and like you i had the same fight with myself should i stay and try to work it out with or should i just leave? well i desided to leave, i felt like a failure to m daughter but i also could see that it was the best thing for her no more fighting in front of her no more seeing mommy cry. So here is what i say take ti or leave it but i say leave yeah i know you will feel like a failure but you have to think of what is better for the two of you (you and your daughter), it will be hard at first trust me when i say that! but you will get though it. i hope i helped

Tonya - posted on 04/22/2011

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I know what you are going through girl i did it myself about a year ago and yes it is hard, i have a 2 year old girl and like you i had the same fight with myself should i stay and try to work it out with or should i just leave? well i desided to leave, i felt like a failure to m daughter but i also could see that it was the best thing for her no more fighting in front of her no more seeing mommy cry. So here is what i say take ti or leave it but i say leave yeah i know you will feel like a failure but you have to think of what is better for the two of you (you and your daughter), it will be hard at first trust me when i say that! but you will get though it. i hope i helped

LaCi - posted on 04/22/2011

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You could try counseling. Or just a nice communication class and it might help. I think only you know when it's appropriate to keep trying or best to cut your losses.

I do think it's better to let a relationship end (especially when there are kids involved) before it gets to the point that a break up leads to eternal hatred between the two parties.

Sharon - posted on 04/22/2011

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You are only postponing the inevitable and prolonging your misery and his. There is nothing wrong with wondering if you could build a better quality relationship with someone else. There is no doubt in my mind at all that you can. It doesn't mean that either you or your boyfriend are not good people, but just not the right fit for one another. No relationship can flourish without love. You will find it.

Try to build a healthy relationship as co-parents of this little girl.

Hope this help.

Tracey - posted on 04/22/2011

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Can you get counselling or someone unbiased to help you talk things through?

[deleted account]

Yes i agree and forgot to say that in my post..have the life talk first..so you know where you both stand and what you both want.Make your decision from there. ♥

[deleted account]

{{{HUGS}}} I agree with the others. It's time for the 2 of you to have an honest, open discussion about the future of your relationship. While your daughter is small now, the older she gets, she will sense difficulties shoudl the 2 of you stay together for the sake of the child. Couples therapy/counseling has worked wonders fo rseveral peopel I know. Even if you have to go alone to a counselor or pastor. You 2 have a child together and that will always connect you to him. But forcing a relationship may make your guy resentful and it will get to a point he won't wan tto come home. The bickeringfighting always has a tendancy to turn violent. All it takes is one of yo getting to that breaking point and something gets brokens, smashed, flown across the room. A trial separation could work and prove beneficial too. Or, a separation could make YOU into an even stronger woman! At this point, surround yourself with supportive an dloving friends and family. Someone to turn to. Someone that you trust. In the event you do seperate, consider how you will support you & your daughter. Start filling out job applications and seeking child care providers. Update your resume or begin on-line classes. Start your own checking accoutn and keep your own finances. One of the biggest mistakes is when a SAHM suddenyl finds herself in the "provider" role. it's hard work! We are here for you! I had a CoM send me her resume about a month ago and I reviewed it, so I am more than happy to do the same for you in this tough job market. I truly hope it does work out between you & your daughter's father :-)

Tara - posted on 04/22/2011

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oh Maria, I'm so sorry you have to go through this right now. I agree with Iris, it's time for a life talk. It's time for both of you to discuss what your future holds for your family.
It seems that you are both in a funk.
When people fight and say or do things they don't really mean to say or do it still hurts.
I would suggest you write him a letter and tell him that you feel that it's important to make some decisions, if that means a trial separation, or some counselling or both etc. you both need to make some decisions about your life and your relationship.
Hard decisions are what make us better at making decisions.
Strife is what makes us grow as people.
The ability to overcome life's hurdles will make you both stronger people and stronger parents no matter what the outcome of your relationship.
Good Luck Maria, and we're all here for you.

[deleted account]

You can only answer that.Do what you feel.Do not be afriad of change, you can do it.Many feel they can't but you can.If you are not happy nor your man.Its time for a change.It could be for the best for all involved.Best of luck.Sorry you have to go through this but be strong.

Jenni - posted on 04/22/2011

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Oh Maria, I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. *Big Hugs*
You are not a failure. It's clear you are trying your hardest to make it work. Some things are just beyond our control and we just have to roll with the punches. I agree with the other ladies, you both need to have a serious chat and assess your relationship. Decide if you are both willing to seek councelling. Find the strength and courage in yourself to work past these hard times whatever the outcome may be. Cry if you need to and let out the pain and find comfort in family and friends. I wish you and yours all the best and I hope you will find happiness no matter how things work out.

Mel - posted on 04/22/2011

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sometimes when things are tough, you look at other people and you look for something and you can fall blindly for someone whose a complete asshole because of the problems your having in your current relationship, and sometimes you think you have feelings or love for someone else when you dont. I dont have alot of advice but it sounds like youve tried and its not working. My parents tried so many times broke up heaps even when mum was pregnant with my brother but hen they had to end it after 19 years of marriage. Can I jst say though sometimes people say things they dont mean in fights its hard to know what people really mean. When I fight with my husband I fight hardbecause I am a hard bitch and when he hurts me, I hurt back the best ways I know how, but it sounds like for you things are so confusing to how he feels. I dont really know anymore then that but I hope you make a decison that works for you

Nikki - posted on 04/22/2011

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Your not a failure. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's not a nice situation to be in, and I understand your desire to want to stay together for your child. But you need to be happy, your daughter deserves to have parents that are happy. I agree with Iris that you need to have a big talk and see if you are both headed in the same direction. I would also seek some professional counselling.

I also understand why you don't want to leave your house, but you need to be happy, this is the rest of your life ahead of you; make sure you are with someone who makes you happy.

Iris - posted on 04/22/2011

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It breaks my heart reading this, (((hugs))). I think you need to sit down and have an honest talk about where both of you stand in the relationship to get a clear view of it. Get out the why and the how you've gotten to this point and if you are willing to take a break, keep on trying, or if this is it. You have a baby together and you're both obligated to her to figure this out as adults, without the yelling. That's all the advice I can give you, but I wish you the best of luck.

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