I'm judging you!!!!!!!

Sara - posted on 01/03/2011 ( 23 moms have responded )

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I started reading this and I literally couldn't stop laughing.... What have YOU felt most judged about as a parent?


Lesson Eight: I'm Judging You

Becoming a parent subjects you to a whirlwind of new and strange emotions and can leave you feeling more vulnerable than you have ever been in your life. It is at this exact moment that you will find yourself set upon by strangers intent on telling you exactly how terrible you are as a parent. You might think that you’ll easily brush these criticisms off as you are now a grown-up who understands that you are master of your own destiny and that peer pressure is something you overcame in high school, but then you’ll find yourself in tears because someone said your child will be a drug addict because you got an epidural, or that you should be forcibly sterilized because you put your kid on a leash.

That last one there? Not a joke. Totally happened to me. I was walking to the park with my daughter and she was wearing her halter and a woman rolled her eyes in disgust and whispered, “Some people shouldn’t be allowed to have children” to her friend. Then I turned to her and said “SOME PEOPLE have children who have a hereditary condition that makes their elbows prone to dislocation at the slightest tug and if they hold their child’s’ hand and the kid falls then their elbows get dislocated and then SOME PEOPLE have to take their child to the doctor to watch the doctor put their tiny, screaming child’s elbow back in the socket. Maybe SOME PEOPLE SHOULD MIND THEIR OWN DAMN BUSINESS AND STOP BEING SO FUCKING JUDGEMENTAL OR I WILL STAB SOME PEOPLE IN THE FACE WITH MY KNITTING NEEDLES.”

That’s exactly what I said. Hours later. In my own head. I would never have said that out loud. Mostly because I don’t even own knitting needles. And also because I was still so unsure of my parenting decisions that I couldn’t defend them out loud. Which is sad because I was a great parent. And I still am. Not perfect. Not flawless. Not faultless. But great. And unless your children are currently locked in the bathroom while you go on a two-day bender I suspect you are too.

As long as you are a parent you will be judged and will be given unwanted advice. There will always be someone there to criticize you, but the good thing is that there is also someone there to criticize them. It’s a vicious cycle of blame and guilt and the best way to remove yourself from it is to realize that whatever decision you make for your family is the right one for you.

The circle of shame as overheard at a park:

“I can’t believe that you drank coke during pregnancy. I only drank warm milk. Your baby will probably have ADD.”

“You drank store-bought milk? That’s loaded with antibiotics and steroids. Your baby is like a tiny Incredible Hulk. I only drank milk from my own personal cow.”

“You drank raw milk during a mad-cow epidemic. How terribly irresponsible. I drank only purified bottled water from artesian wells.”

“Bottled water? Fabulous. So you’re the reason why my child will inherit a world filled with overflowing trash dumps. Way to shit on Mother Nature, asshole. I drank tap water from one, reusable cup. I even brought it with me to the hospital during labor.”

“You had your baby in a hospital? How cold and meaningless for you. I had my baby at home and my other children helped with the birth and then my husband cooked the placenta for us to eat.”

“So you forced your family to become cannibals. How wonderful for them. We planted our placenta with a sapling in the park to celebrate life.”

“You disposed of medical waste in the park. OUR PARK? Are you fucking kidding me? My kid is playing under a placenta tree? You don’t keep the placenta. You throw it away.”

“You threw away your placenta?! WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY ABOUT THE OVERFLOWING LANDFILLS? Why aren’t you composting? It’s like you’re TRYING to destroy the earth.”

“Well, maybe I am. Maybe me and 'my hulk baby' are trying to destroy the world using only store-bought milk and my placenta.”

“Oh my God, you are totally over-reacting. I blame all that store-bought milk in your system.”

“YOU WOULDN’T LIKE ME WHEN I’M ANGRY.”

“Oh, is that a TV reference? We don’t own a TV. It’s not good for children.”

“Children? With current overpopulation issues you still decided to have children? We have limited resources and your decision is just plain selfish. I’m keeping my IUD, thankyouverymuch.

“YOUR IUD IS MAKING THE BABY JESUS CRY.”

“YOUR ANTIQUATED RELIGIOUS VIEWS ARE TEACHING MY CHILDREN INTOLERANCE.”

“YOUR CANNIBAL BABY JUST BIT MY BABY BECAUSE YOU TAUGHT IT TO HAVE A TASTE FOR HUMAN BLOOD.”

“TERRY, DON’T BITE THE HULK BABY. IT’S FULL OF STEROIDS AND RAGE.”

“I WILL KILL EVERYONE.”



And that’s why I don’t go on mommy-&-me play-dates anymore.

PS. I tried to cover all my bases but if I didn’t manage to offend you with this post please leave me a comment and I will try very hard to rectify that next week.

23 Comments

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/04/2011

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Thank you Katherine, I think I only knew it as CIO or Ferber method

Katherine - posted on 01/03/2011

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We actually had a thread on that a while back.....
I totally agree with you. I know they're trying to be "nice" but what's the matter with these people??

[deleted account]

OH i get judged all the time on my parenting skills. Strangers always trying to give her food, its a big issue if i dont want her taking candy from strangers???WTF

Sherri - posted on 01/03/2011

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Honestly the most judged or questioning of my parenting skills has never really been in public it has been on this site.

This may be the funniest thing I have ever read and how sadly true it really is.

Caitlin - posted on 01/03/2011

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I think i'm one of those moms who just doesn't give a damn what other people think about how I raise my kids. They can bugger off as far as i'm concerned, that being said that was bloody hillarious!

Katherine - posted on 01/03/2011

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Bottled water? Fabulous. So you’re the reason why my child will inherit a world filled with overflowing trash dumps. Way to shit on Mother Nature, asshole. I drank tap water from one, reusable cup. I even brought it with me to the hospital during labor.”


Awesome.

Bridget - posted on 01/03/2011

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that is sooo well said!!! and so true and hilarious. thanks so much i needed that i always feel like people are judging me and i guess they always will but i know im a good mom and thats all that counts :)

Amanda - posted on 01/03/2011

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Haha this is why people are able to have their own opinons on things! I know I've taken a few things said to heart, but only to help myself be a better parent! And some people I agree need to just mind their own damn business!!! I often look at people who give me dirty looks for having so many kids so young, and smile! Cuz I don't really give a flying F what they think! Cuz i'm almost positive that they aren't the ones having to walk through my shoes daily now are they?? To each their own...whatever floats your boat! And I agree this post just made my day! :)

Katherine - posted on 01/03/2011

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You haven't seen them Dana? I posted 3 or 4 of them. They are hilarious!

[deleted account]

Ok, so my mom has, on a few rare occasions, suggested that I'm too strict with Roxanne's schedule but I never really felt judged.

Oh, ok....I got one....my mother-in-law, and I'm sure a shitload of other people that I don't care about judge me for allowing Roxanne a soother at bedtime. Pfft!

Dana - posted on 01/03/2011

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Some people have given me the "look" for breastfeeding Ethan past one...I think that's about it for me.

[deleted account]

Is it strange that I've never felt judged? Or maybe it's that I just don't give a fuck what anyone else thinks of me? I dunno.....lemme think about this because I can't think of anything right now!

Sara - posted on 01/03/2011

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I guess so, Dana!

I would say I get judged for sleep training and formula feeding...

Katherine - posted on 01/03/2011

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No problem, she is wickedly funny. I could read this one over and over.
Co-sleeping, I get judged for that a lot.
It's like MOFO, YOU don't have to get up with them every 45min, I DO.
If you don't want to co-sleep good for you but I am and no one is going to change that so bite me.

Shauna - posted on 01/03/2011

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I recently quit my job i was a "preschool teacher" my son went to the childcare on site. The first week my son tried table foods i walked in his class to check on him his teachers didnt cut a single thing up and one child was choking ... they claimed we will start cutting their food up.... i walked in another day and they still werent and my son puked all over b/c of gagging on un cut food. So i started bringing in his own food from home! that was cut to the way i thought was sizable for a just starting to eat table foods baby! ... MY manager called a meeting saying "your fucking ridiculous shauna" .. your overprotective .... i never cut my childrens food and they are still alive and kicking.... It really really hurt my feeelings and i feel as a childcare provider and my boss she was out of line! -------- Out the door right now to go to court b/c same boss held my entire last paycheck!

Tara - posted on 01/03/2011

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lol, i love her, katherine has been posting her lessons for a week now, and we all love it!!

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