"I'm More Infertile Than You"

[deleted account] ( 7 moms have responded )

This was a weird blog that I came across and I wish I could find the link for it. It was actually a link from a message board forum.

There was a woman posting her struggles to conceive that spanned a few years. But once she did conceive, she continued a successful pregnancy and 2 more children. Some of the comments were actually rude and hurtful, IMO. Some women commented that "I'm more infertile than you " becasue of .

Now, I did consider myself infertile for 3+ years in which I was able to conceive, but suffered 3 early pregnancy miscarriages. (I think I had 5 pregnancy losses total). I tried an IUI on one of those miscarriages, and then it was time for to look at other options. I wasn't willing to do IVF. But I also know several women who really went way down the infertility roller coaster to the point of donor egg/sperm and for years. I know women who had triple the number of pregnancy losses than I had. But I would never be rude or claim "I'm more infertile than you" because once the fertility doc discovered the problem, it was an easy fix. I don't ever dwell on those early miscarriages and do not think of them as babies in the least. I also know I had a minor issue when all was said and done.
So do you think this is a valid claim? "I'm more infertile than you?" It sounds so competative in a sick way.

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Mary - posted on 05/26/2011

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WTF? That's just bizarre, and really rather self-centered. As someone who did go through years of infertility, I'm really perplexed by that attitude. I always feel a bit of solidarity with anyone who has had to go down that road, whether it be one procedure followed by success, or ten without.



I had 3 IUI's, and 5 IVF's. None of them resulted in pregnancy. It was the most difficult period of my life. However, it is what it is, and it is OVER. I would never try to minimize the heartache of anyone who didn't go through as long a period of unsuccessful attempts as I did. That's just...catty and cruel. And, ffs, who the hell in their right mind wants to own that "Queen of Infertility" crown?

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Mel - posted on 05/26/2011

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thats horrible, especially on a topic like that. People who try and compare themselves to others and make everyone think they are worse off then other people are so low. Honestly I dont have major issues with fertility, I havent had to go IVF or anything like that but it does take me generally a few years to conceive which isnt a problem for me because im young, but when people ake a few months or a year to conceieve I would never go and be nasty about it, Ive seen friends stressed over not falling pregnant as soon as they get off the pill, I just give them some helpful hints that have helped me over time. People would never know it took us a few yrs with each baby because Im a 22 year old mother of 2, but it did so we just dont use any kind of contraceptives until we are done having the kids we want. We dont dwell on it because it may not be as quick as other but we can conceive, so we're greatful and it also gives us more of a shock and nice surprise when it does happen :) When I had my first I had to have phsyio trying to get healed up and they examined me and said "Im surprised you conceived at all" That comment kind of gutted me for some reason even though Id just had a baby a few months before I wanted more babies. I wouldnt judge anyone for anything theres people who stress about less time then it took us and there people who pay ALOT of money to go through fertility treatements either way we're all blessed to have kids eventually, its actually amazing the amount of peopole you meet who are told they will never have kids and go though yrs of depression for it to then happen naturally, or for the problem to be fixed so easily. But competing and making such comments to other mums on this issue, so wrong on so many levels. I cant imagine trying to make people feel bad because they havent suffered as much you, WTH. Self centred people who like it all to be about them

Amber - posted on 05/26/2011

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Sometimes I think that people would argue over whose leg hair is longest, whose mustache is thicker, or whose bunions look the worst...just because they want to one-up each other. Everybody wants to be the biggest victim....if somebody is feeling bad for you, then people fear they can't feel bad for anybody else.

Pity me too...over here...my life sucks too, pay attention to me damn it :)

Lady Heather - posted on 05/26/2011

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Some people seem to define themselves by their troubles and if they aren't the best at being troubled then their self-definition gets all effed up. Pretty sick to make other people feel like they haven't struggled enough. Weirdos.

Tania - posted on 05/26/2011

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Isn't it just crazy what some women will compete over.

I found this with quite a bit of preemie forums I read. I find some women actually compete over who's preemie was sicker or in the hospital longer or who weighed less.

Its discusting.

No one should minimize anothers struggles. Also why would you want your struggles to be "better" than someone elses.

Ez - posted on 05/26/2011

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Nothing irks me more than women dismissing other women's feelings, especially when it's in some bizarre competition to one up each other. Craziness.

[deleted account]

Mary, I was wondering how you would respond. And once again, your reply is with grace and tact. I know you have shared your emotional infertility roller roaster with us. While I could never compare the issues I had versus the issues you had, I also feel the same sense of compassion and solidarity in the quest for a baby.

"who the hell in their right mind wants to own that "Queen of Infertility" crown? "

Exactly!!

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