I'm pregnant again. Unplanned. How do I tell my husband?

Meghan - posted on 10/28/2010 ( 19 moms have responded )




I posted this in young moms. But I so respect a lot of opinions here on debating moms. Can I have some advice? Anything?

Our first baby was completely unexpected and a total whoops... I was 6 months pregnant when we got married. He is the most incredible little boy. When he turned 2, I wanted another child. But my husband was dead set against it. He only wanted 1. Eventually he granted my wish after I pretty much had to threaten to leave. I didn't feel that it was right to deny our oldest a sibling just because we were too lazy (basically). During that pregnancy he was a little put off by it. There wasn't really any excitement. He didn't participate that much. He says now that he feels badly about it.
My husband is an amazing father. I don't know any man that loves his children more. Even though he didn't want another child, he still loves him as much as he does our first. He loves me too. There is no doubt in my mind that my husband loves me truly and fully. It's pretty incredible.
That being said. I just found out this morning I'm pregnant. My husband was talking this past year about "getting clipped". I kept putting it off because I wasn't ready to close that chapter of our life yet. It was only recently that I was considering to go for it. I told my husband that I felt I was lucky to have 2 children and that it wouldn't be fair of me to ask for a 3rd. So for his birthday in December I was going to give him a permission slip for a vasectomy. How do I tell this amazing man that I'm pregnant again?
He handles the finances in our house (he has everything automated). So I know that is a concern for him. He also worries about child care. Right now his mom watches our boys for us while we're at work. But she's 67 (he's only 27) so how much longer is that going to be possible and would it be fair of us to ask her to watch another one, much less a newborn? My brain and my emotions are going all over the place with this. I'm not sure really what I'm feeling. Hell, I'm still nursing our youngest at night, he's 1.
So I need help please. I am going to tell my wonderful husband that we are pregnant, soon, probably tonight, but HOW do I do it?


Carolee - posted on 10/28/2010




Hand him the positive pregnancy test and a "voucher" for a vasectamy and watch his reaction (since you were going to give him the "okay" anyways),

Sara - posted on 10/28/2010




I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to ask us for our input. So let me start off by saying CONGRATULATIONS. I dont' have to tell you that all babies, no matter the circumstance, are wonderful. :)

I think you just need to sit him down and tell him exactly what you've told us. Plain and simple. Don't put it off, that will only make it worse, but just make sure you tell him how much you appreciate him and love him and just lay it out there. Let us know what happens. Good luck!

Becky - posted on 10/28/2010




I think you just tell him. Tell him you didn't plan for this and weren't trying for it behind his back. But honestly, you guys have 2 children together. He knows how it happens, and it takes 2. So it would not be fair of him to blame you for getting pregnant again. If finanaces are his main worry, maybe sit down, either beforehand, or together, and figure out ways you can make this work.

JuLeah - posted on 10/28/2010




You and your husband are a team, or you are not. You did not get pregnant all by your self. He could have gotten clipped, but opted not to. YOu are in this together.

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Becky - posted on 10/29/2010




That's great! I'm glad he took it so well! Congratulations on the new baby to be! Wishing you a happy, healthy pregnancy!

Krista - posted on 10/29/2010





Now go get him snipped, 'cause you get pregnant easily, my friend!

Meghan - posted on 10/29/2010




Well it turns outs that I didn't have a thing to worry about. In fact he was kind of offended that I was so nervous about it. He reaction was basically " well, OK. I guess we'll have 3 kids then." We did talk a little bit about names and things like that. But he seems OK with the whole thing. Whew.

Meghan - posted on 10/28/2010




I really like the voucher with the positive pregnancy test. So funny. A lot of the problem is that we were using protection. Every single time. My husband was really worried (ironically) about getting me pregnant. I guess we are one of those 3% Although he did say a couple months ago that if it was a guarantee that we could have a girl he would have another child. Here's hoping its a girl with his brain and my good looks. Kidding. At the moment my husband is working on his computer, (he randomly works from home for his job). I'm on my laptop waiting for him to get done. I left work early because I have to be up early for a big test and I figured this conversation will take some time. When I came home he asked me how my day was, when I told him it was pretty stressful he asked me why. I have refused to tell him unless he cuddles with me on the couch. So just waiting for him to finish and I will break the news. I'm so nervous. Deep breathing. It's not working. Thank you guys so much for the support. I really needed it today. I'll keep you posted on his reaction.

Cassie - posted on 10/28/2010




When I told my husband about our second (she was an "oops" baby; I was breastfeeding and on birth control), I was really nervous that he would be upset. I had my first walk into the room wearing a big sister t-shirt (she had just turned 1 at the time). He looked at her, read the shirt, then asked if it was true. While it was completely unexpected and a shock, he was really happy. I think it softened the shock by having Kiera kind of break the news. It was also adorable. It is how we told the rest of our families as well. :)

Congratulations and good luck.

Serena - posted on 10/28/2010




I was in your same boat about a year ago. We literally just had our second son and planned on not having anymore. My husband actually had an appointment to get a vasectomy (which wouldn't have mattered anyway they can take up to 6 months to get rid of whats already in there...just a little tidbit of info). I had one period and then skipped the next one. I took a test and wouldn't you know it, we were pregnant. I read the pregnancy test instructions 80 times before admitting this might be for real.
I just sucked it up and told him cause like the other women have said we are a team. He actually was the first to admit that he wasn't as careful as he might have thought. Your husband is probably not going to throw a party or anything but he will get used to the idea and by the time the baby is born, he will be happy.
I always try to remember that everything happens for a reason. I know that I finally got my girl :)

Johnny - posted on 10/28/2010




Congratulations! It is great news.

I agree with Kimberly. If he wasn't using protection, and hadn't gotten himself snipped, he really can't be upset with you. He may be and has every right to be stressed up and upset about the situation, that is understandable if finances are tight. But as others have said, if you are a team, he'll work through it with you.

I had to stop taking birth control because of health problems. I've always been the one in our relationship to take that responsibility. But I can't do it, and besides, I'd love to have another. I made it clear to my hubby that if he doesn't want a baby right now, he's got to take action to prevent it. I will be happy if I get pregnant, and if he isn't careful and it happens, he'd better be over the moon too.

Jackie - posted on 10/28/2010




Leave this up on your computer when he gets home and let him read it....

Kimberly - posted on 10/28/2010





Just throw it out there- if he wasn't wrappin that rascal, he couldn't have been that dead set against it. He has two kids already and obviously must know how they got here.

Yeah, and butter him up with love and praise first. :D

Rosie - posted on 10/28/2010




just tell him. i understand it's scary, but you just have to get it out and tell him. if he reacts badly that's on him. if you guys were taking all the proper precautions then i don't see why he would have a reason to get mad, disapointed, overwhelmed, yes, but mad? nah!! hope all goes well with your family!

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