I really need some advice.

Kathy - posted on 03/09/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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A little background first, I am a 39 y/o woman who is a stepmom to 3 boys, age 29, 28 and 25, i am a mother to 2 girls, ages 18 and 5, and legal guardian of my 15 y/o niece for the past 11 yrs. I just found out that i was a stepgrandmother to a great little girl. this is where my issues begin. the baby girl was 8 months old when we found out through DNA my oldest stepson was the father. My SS is 29 and disabled by tuberous sclerosis. he is plagued by many development issue and suffers from seizures. my gd suffers too. she doesnt roll over, crawl and just began sitting up, she is currently 11 months old. she has a lazy eye and is severely crossed eyed, she doesnt use her hands properly. i have tried to get the mom to take her to a pediatrician to check these things out. the other night when i was keeping her, she woke up screaming and her body was rigid. it truly scared me and i feel like she may suffer from seizures also. i was able to get the mom to take to her the doctor and i was with her. the doctor was very concerned referred us to a pediatrician. now she has applied for tanf and has to go through some classes and doesnt want to take the baby to the pediatrician or do the mri cause she doesnt have time. here is where the main issue begins. she is 23 y/o has 2 kids and has never worked, doesnt have a stable home (she goes from home to home) dates a guy who has lost his own children and has drug issues, has no patience with the children nor can she control her temper. i am so concerned that it has kept me up at night. her mom cant take the kids because she is on parole. i know in my heart that my gd will not have a good life or have what she needs staying with the mom and i know that my ss wont be able to care for this baby. i am so tore, i really dont want to take care of another child, i dont want to alienate her either to where i cant see my gb, but i just dont know what to do or who to turn to. i am a person who has come to a point where i understand that everyone parents different and every child is different, i can handle most things and just go with a flow. BUT this i just cant sit by and watch. I so need some advice. Calling CPS on her might be an issue but having seen what my niece had to live through before they would even intervene, i dont want it take that long. i have thought about getting her to sign power of attorney or medical power of attorney over so i can take child to doctor. i have also thought about trying to getting and attorney to take custody. i am so conflicted by this.

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Kathy - posted on 03/10/2013

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I have talked with her mother about it. her mom wants me to try to care for the baby. i agreed to. The gd's mother refusing to give up custody voluntarily but she wants me to keep her 2-3 days a week and sometimes more. when i get her on each visit, she has a stuffy nose, sneezing and coughing. after she leaves she is cleared up and sleeping through the night. i have an attorney friend i will call on monday to see what she says. My dream of being a grandmother was not about raising kids it was about spoiling them and then going them going home.

i am not sure about my ss taking custody, but that will be something we consider.

thanks for the advice and any more advice or examples of this situation and outcomes would be great.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/10/2013

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Also, what about the father attempting to gain custody? I know he may have some disabilities, but perhaps he can petition.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/10/2013

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This is a tricky situation. If I was in your position, I would want to do what was in the best interest of the baby. Whatever that means. If it would mean me fighting for custody, I would do it. My best advice is speak to a family lawyer and see what options you have. I would also try talking with her frankly and find out what her long term intentions are, and maybe explain that the medical needs for the baby are just going to increase and possibly be fatal if she does not address them. This is a human life, not a toy. Also talk with her mother, I know she is on parole, but maybe she agrees with you and will help? not really sure what your relationship is with her. Best of luck.

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