Im sooo torn, Dont know what to do????

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 01/07/2011 ( 31 moms have responded )

4,455

6

402

my almost 8 year old son is a wrestler… he’s been doing it for almost 4months now, and he is REALLY good…Im not just saying that because he’s my son…LOL
He is number 1# in our district, he is thee top wrestler in his weight class…. At this time he has 14 wins and 2 loses

My problem is…he doesn’t want to continue to do it any longer, he was on a winning streak…he won 9 matches in a row before he finally got hurt…not too bad, but bad enough that now he has this fear…and it can make him super nervous and petrified…(he loves practice, he likes his team mates…it just the actual match part) its also hard for him to be vicious continuously and you have to be when you step out on that mat.

So do I make him finish the season…(He would have 4more matches to do) or do I take him out..???

Keep in mind he is the top contender (if he was not as good i would not keep him in)…
Would you pull your child out of a team sport if they were one of the best?, and the team counted on he or she to help with scoring points…or would you have them finish the season?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Johnny - posted on 01/07/2011

8,686

26

322

For me it wouldn't matter if they are the best or the worst, if they do not want to do it, whatever the reason, I would not absolutely force them. Regardless of their skill level, I would try to discuss it with them and offer reassurance to encourage them not to give up. But when it comes down to brass tacks, I would let them make the final call. Nicole's suggestion is a good one, perhaps he can practice a similar sport or follow workouts that would keep him trained and prepared if he becomes ready to go back to it.

Whatever you choose, it is a hard thing to deal with. So good luck :)

Desiree - posted on 01/08/2011

910

17

13

Don't force him or he will end up hating it altogether. Keeping your child in a team because he is the best or because other people rely on him to win is not good reason, But I do agree that he should at least see out the season. Try reasoning with him that he should see out the season because it is the right thing to do, after that he can do something else, but if he is so nervous he won't be doing either himself or the team any good. Maybe you should have a word with his coach on the matter.

Sal - posted on 01/07/2011

1,816

16

34

my opinion is that he should at least train with the squad for the rest of the season and go along and support his team mates at matches,(even if he was terriblle i would make him train and support) and just see how it goes, my son isn't even a tiny bit sporty but is a great team player, and team sport and sport in general is about far more than winning or being the best it is about learing team work, being a good sprt and general health and fitness, and it is a shame to let him drop out if he had talent and had enjoyed it previously, all kids must learn to be good losers as well as great winners, Maybe his ego or confidence has been battered if he had had such a great winning streak then got beaten, i get what you mean about he having to keep up being vicious but i kind of feel he had no problem when he was winning, and just let him know that if everytime someone lost they dropped out he would have had no one to compete against and beat....if he still doesn't want to next year let it go.

Jodi - posted on 01/07/2011

3,562

36

3907

I don't think this should be an issue of whether he is the best on the team or not. It has always been my stance with my kids that if they COMMIT to a sport, they have to see it out until the end of the season. For instance, my son plays basketball, and he decided about 6 weeks ago that he doesn't want to play any more, he wants to play football. However, because he has registered for the full season, he must fulfill his commitment. To me, this is not about the team, this is about his sense of responsibility and commitment.



Years ago, my son did piano lessons. One day, when he was about 7, he came to me and told me he didn't want to do it anymore. I was okay with that. BUT I told him he had to finish the term (which is what we had committed to with the teacher). It really is a lesson in commitment. In real life, we can't just walk away from things because we choose to - we, as adults make commitments and the right thing to do is follow through with them. I see it as no different for our children.



However, IF it is likely he could get seriously injured, that is a different matter. Times like that are not times to teach a kid a lesson in commitment.

Jenny - posted on 01/07/2011

4,426

16

129

How well he is doing in the ranking should have no bearing on if he stays or not. I see one side as teaching him to finish something he started and not give up on their team. I see another side of weighing the risk of competing. Then I see this "its also hard for him to be vicious continuously " and the decision makes itself, take him out.

31 Comments

View replies by

[deleted account]

In our family we require our children to continue and finish any job that they start. Be it their martial arts, or just helping set the table. (in your case wrestling) We believe that if children are allowed to just start and stop whatever they are doing because they are done with it or want to move on is not a life long habit we want them to have. By making him finish the season you are teaching him to finish what he starts as well as making him think better the next time he wants to start something at all. I would explain why you are making him finish the season and just remind him it is only so much longer. He can deal with it and we believe it will be better for him in the long run.

JuLeah - posted on 01/18/2011

3,133

38

694

To quit a sport you are not fond of is fine. Not mid season, as you let your team mates down. And, not out of fear. It is okay to be afraid, but don't let that stop you from doing what you want to need to do. His fear can moviate him to learn more moves, work harder. He has learned the power of reaching out and asking for help. Good job mom, Your son has learned many good lessons here.

Isobel - posted on 01/18/2011

9,849

0

286

For every Venus and Serena, there is a girl with an eating disorder or a boy who has committed suicide...I don't know if it's a risk I'd be willing to take.

Krista - posted on 01/18/2011

4,111

52

265

Why would you MAKE him do something he didn't want to do? Just make sure that he knows that just because he was hurt once, doesn't mean he'll be hurt again. And that when you're really good at something, you should give it your all.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 01/18/2011

4,455

6

402

His Coach did talk to him….and that is what made him want to finish…but you can defiantly tell his tenacity is pretty much ALL gone (unless at practice)



I think of Venus and Serena Williams…they are some of The Best tennis players in the world….and im sure at one time or another they wanted to quit…but their dad didn’t let them, what if he had…would they be where they are now?….so I think to myself…if I let him quit when he wants to…maybe he will miss out on his destiny of being a pro wrestler…LOL……This is why I was torn and not exactly sure what to do in the beginning…I know if its meant to be he will pick wrestling up later on down the road

Jessica - posted on 01/18/2011

95

8

5

Ive never had a child on the wrestling team, but have you and your son had a talk with the coach, maybe he knows how to boost his confidence in a "teamly" manner. Otherwise you do what your concience tells you..usually that voice is right, and you know what is best for your child

~Jennifer - posted on 01/18/2011

4,164

61

369

It's probably the fact that he's familiar with th wrestling style of the teammates he practices with, but doesn't know what to expect when he's not familiar with the style of his opponent in competition.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 01/18/2011

4,455

6

402

What was making him want to quit…was not being comfortable and confident on the mat any longer. He did not sustain an injury, but he got hurt pretty bad and that scared him.
He went up against a kid, who knew what he was doing and my son still beat him, but he got hurt.
But he has since decided to finish out the season, and it’s almost over. If it were up to him he would only go to practice….LOL

He has a buddy on his team that out weighs him by almost 15lbs…his buddy is a BIG 7 year old, and in wrestling practice they have “Live” wrestling….where its like the real deal….except you going against your team mate.

My son will beat him 8 times out of 10 every time…….and yet you give him a kid from a different team who is only 5lbs heavier then him and nerves over take him…im confused about that….

Jessica - posted on 01/18/2011

95

8

5

Imo..id at least encourage him finish up the season, then boast to him how he did great and finished it, rather than quitting. This hopefully will build his self esteem, and help teach him not to quit everything he tries. On that same note does he have an injury? and what is making him want to quit?

Sharon - posted on 01/08/2011

11,585

12

1315

He made a commitment. If he doesn't want to tourney - then maybe he & his coach can work something out.

But he is part of a team and he owes his teammates his support and his participation.

I was a horse back competitor. We say (and lots of other people say..) "when you fall off, get back on the horse."

My kids have been hurt trick riding skateboards, bikes, tree climbing, gymnastics.... etc. They're all still doing it all. My oldest is the only one who has broken a bone though. But they've all got scars, lol.

If he were my son, he'd have to finish the season.

Bonnie - posted on 01/08/2011

4,813

22

262

Try to encourage him to stay keep on doing it. If that doesn't work than I would take him out. I understand that he is good at it and that is probably the toughest part, but the last thing you would want is for him to be upset or feel forced into staying. Good luck whatever happens.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 01/08/2011

4,455

6

402

So today I spoke with his coach who ended up speaking with my son….a good, much needed pep talk!

The Coach told me that he has seen many kids say they want to quit, but end up coming back when in middle school and/or High School. He said that my son should finish out the season, and that he along with a select others will get more one on one with the other assistant coaches, He said my son will get more confident when he knows more moves, and understands what he needs to do better, (like I said my son has only been doing this for almost 4months, he is going up against kids that have been doing it since they were 5, and so he has been winning by doing some moves, but also by his sheer strength, he is a very strong, muscled boy) anyway I brought it to the Coaches attention that because his confidence was shattered and his fear to bad it hinders him on the mat…Long story short my son will finish out the season, and after if he doesn’t want to any more then he will not. I would never make him stay in wrestling permanently, I was just torn if I should make him finish the season or not.



I really appreciate ALL of your opinions, I truly do, Thanks

JuLeah - posted on 01/08/2011

3,133

38

694

If you fall off a horse, you get back on. Not just in sports, but in life. We fall down, we get hurt, we face our fears and we don't quit.

Charlie - posted on 01/08/2011

11,203

111

409

I would see if he could finish the season but if he was still adamant that he didn't want to do it I would push no further , he will only resent it if he is forced .

[deleted account]

I would never pressure a child to do something they don't want to when its suppose to be recreational.

[deleted account]

I would have him finish the season, but allow him to quit after that if he wants.

I used to be a dancer and my mom (who used to be a pro ballerina) put me on pointe when I was 16 years old (that's when my feet were developmentally ready - she's really big on not starting point befpre 14 at the absolute earliest and she actually pays a foot doctor to check out the dancers' feet before she allows them to go en pointe). I was doing really great, then halfway through the dance year I fell and twisted my ankle (not in pointe class, in lyrical ballet). Nothing bad - I had to sit out of all my dance classes for a month and wear a brace on it for a month after that, but that was it - but it took its toll nonetheless. My ankle was all better, but I was never comfortable in my pointe shoes again (because that was when the most pressure was on my ankles). I stuck it out for the rest of that year and all the next year (mostly doing barre work and never being in the recital dance the calss did), but after that I was done with pointe (I continued to dance until I was 20 - that's when I moved to be with my hubby). I know my mom was sad that I never became the great pointe dancer she wanted me to be, but the emotional toll that small injury took as way larger than the physical one and she understood that.

Saying all that, I completely understand where your son is coming from in being scared. However, I am glad I stuck it out for a while because on the same hand you can't teach him to give up when something's hard (either physically or emotionally).

Becky - posted on 01/08/2011

2,892

44

93

That is a tough one, but I think I'd lean towards making - or at least really strongly encouraging him, to finish out the season. My feeling is that if he no longer wants to compete because of fear after getting hurt, if you let him quit because of that fear, you run the risk of feeding into it and letting the fear cripple him in the future. That whole, "get back up on the horse" thing, KWIM? Not that you should discount his fear either, but if you give it too much weight, it is going to grow instead of decrease. I agree with the others about teaching him committment as well. But, if he still doesn't want to continue after this season is over, I'd let him move on.



Editted to add - if it's so bad that you're having to drag him kicking and screaming to matches, I wouldn't go that far in making him finish the season.

Rosie - posted on 01/08/2011

8,657

30

321

if my kid didn't want to, i would NOT force my child. i would just give him more time and see if he wants to do it next year, after some gentle encouragement of course.

maybe i'm a bit biased but when forced to perform i shut down as a child, and still kindof do. it doesn't go well for me, i panic.

[deleted account]

He would finish the season if he were my kid.... team sport or not, but especially w/ a team sport. Then it would be his choice to continue or not.



If he is afraid... I wouldn't necessarily make him compete, but he would be participating in practice and be at the matches to support his team.

Mother - posted on 01/08/2011

1,627

79

30

I would encourage him to stick with it, especially if there is only 4 matches left.. That yes you understand but he is part of a TEAM. Its a commitment. I wouldn't FORCE him but I wouldn't let him out without some coaching. This is a tough decision and I don't envy you.

Isobel - posted on 01/08/2011

9,849

0

286

I would encourage him to at least finish the season...all sports come with some risk...I know it's scary but...if you are good at something you can't let a little risk scare you out of the final destination! (kinda like life)

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 01/08/2011

4,455

6

402

That is a concern of mine…I have been told that he will get use to going hard on the mat, he is capable of it, he just doesn’t like it. He wants to play football next…uh, that is a rough sport with contact and you have to be tough…

Jenny - posted on 01/07/2011

4,426

16

129

"its also hard for him to be vicious continuously and you have to be when you step out on that mat. "

What about this part? Is this a concern for you?

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 01/07/2011

4,455

6

402

I appreciate your insights ladies :-0)

We travel a minimum of 1hr away and max 2 1/2hrs each match and that is every Saturday… We leave the house around 6-630am and don’t get home until 4-5pm in the evening (The matches are pretty much an all day event), so if our son didn’t have a least some talent we would not devote so much time and travel and $$$$ for this…

I do think he should finish what he started, but I was just torn because I want to pull him out, but on the other hand I know he should not just quit….

We will see

Veronica - posted on 01/07/2011

1,539

61

94

I agree with the other ladies -- and this is a tough decision. yes, he should be taught commitment, and to not quit. But on the other hand, the part about having to be vicious -- is hard too. Maybe see if there is a different emotion he can put in there - maybe just being energetic, positive and confident about his abilities, and that it is ok to lose or fail the match. Help him learn different emotions to put into his wrestling.

I feel he should finish the season. If he wants to stop after that - then i would personally be cool with that. And I understand his fear with pain -- but maybe talk to him about these fears that are so real to him - and see what you can do to help him ease them, and surpass the fears. He may or may not get hurt again - but he needs to (edited to add the rest of my post! hahaha) learn how to overcome fear.

I was terrified to give birth, cause of the pain -- but i put it through my head that I CAN do this - and it helped me focus better and get through it. Now, obviously this has nothing to do with wrestling - but i just wanted to use an example of how i dealt with my fear.



Anyways, im in a novel mode these days -- so i will stop here -- talk to him about all the options, about his feelings - talk to your (husband?) and see what the best thing is for him.



Take care Ebony - I hope you find what you need to do :)

Nicole - posted on 01/07/2011

736

6

98

That is a hard one. Yes, I think I would let him drop boxing, but I would put him in a sport that, should be choose to return to boxing later, would keep him in shape. Are there other sports that interest him? gymnastics? marital arts? dance?

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms