Interesting facebook post...

Kelina - posted on 12/29/2011 ( 24 moms have responded )

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So this is the post copied and pasted "I'm pretty sure my neighbour accross the hall, puts their baby out in the hall everytime it cries. Talk about bad parents. I want to go move it, so when they come out they think its gone, that'll teach them. Idiots." Now this turned into a full blown argument between me an a few other people(none of whom have kids btw) When I tried to make the point that simply because it's a bad parenting decision they don't know the people, or the full situation and shouldn't judge until they do. I also pointed out that post partum depression and post partum psychosis can also lead to bad decisions but that doesn't mean they're bad parents it means they need help(after I got blasted and told I was an idiot). I also did point out that it probably is bad parenting but just because they see something they don't like, or would consider bad parenting that they don't know that it is and shouldn't judge it as so until they know the full situation. I may also have told them that instead of bitching about it on facebook maybe they should do something about it as they could be helping in more ways than one. What do you think did I miss the mark? and what do you think of what they said?

*if you see this post somewhere else please tell me. I tried posting it earlier but can't find it now.

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Ez - posted on 12/31/2011

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If I knew for a fact that someone had left a crying baby unattended in the hallway, you can be sure I certainly would judge them. And call the cops in a heartbeat. I don't care what struggles someone is going through. That is never ok. And I would feel perfectly justified in labelling that person a screw up for doing that.

Maggie - posted on 12/30/2011

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how old is the baby? Has the nieghbor tried talking to the parents when the baby isn't crying? Has the neighbor tried talking to the parents when the baby IS crying? Has the nieghbor called the police? Just sitting around complaining about a poor baby crying in the hall isn't going to solve anything!!
I don't think there is any situation where leaving a crying baby in the hall outside your house is not bad parenting. If you need a break from the crying baby then put it in the crib (safe) and Mom go in the hallway. Maybe the neighbor should try to go out and comfort the poor baby or go check on the mom to see if she's ok.
Either way the baby should not be left alone like that.

Johnny - posted on 01/02/2012

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LOL sorry. Crazy day.



Anyway, what I was trying to say is that a bad decision or a bad choice does not make you a bad person. Making the wrong decision, which this clearly is, does not mean that the person making the choice is inherently a bad person. She might be an excellent mother in general, and in better circumstances she may not have made this choice. But the fact remains that she is placing her child at risk. As a parent, you simply do not have the right to do that regardless of your problems. Your child, particularly an infant, is completely and utterly dependent on you. They don't get choices. No matter how hard it is, we have the responsibility to battle through our fears, phobias, and issues to at least keep them safe, fed, clothed and with shelter. To do any less is not okay no matter what the problem you are having.



If your scenario were the truth, she is absolutely expected to suck it up, leave her home and do the right thing for her child. If she can not keep the child safe because of her own issues, she needs to give it to someone who can. Like I said, she has to make the choice to keep that child safe, because they can not do for themselves.



I do not generally judge people for being bad parents. Although I do judge them for making choices that effect their child's health and safety. But when I see a kid screaming in the line up at Walmart, I just feel bad for the parents. To me that is not some sort of reflection of their parenting necessarily. How do I know what proceeded that scene? They are not harming their child, the kid is just being difficult. We all have bad days, and you know what, we all make bad decisions. But we have to be okay with recognizing that and taking the steps to do better next time, even if it's hard.

[deleted account]

Why is he only "pretty sure"? Has he never actually seen the baby alone in the hallway? If it sounds like that, why not open the door and check instead of posting on Facebook?

Johnny - posted on 01/01/2012

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It is bad parenting. There is no justification for that sort of behavior. Nothing a parent is going through gives them the right to endanger their child ever. There are people and places to call for help. Depending on the situation, I might do anything from trying to talk to the mom to calling the cops. There are some behaviors that must be judged for the well-being of our children. There are times when being judgmental is a good thing. I find all this "don't judge" bullshit to be a bit immature and silly. It seems sort of the same as all that "no snitching" crap people pull. If you do bad shit, you deserve to be called on it.

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Sylvia - posted on 01/03/2012

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Yes, one bad parenting choice (even several!) =/= bad parent.

It's hard to be a parent these days. Not because parenting has itself gotten harder, but because there's this new expectation that either you're Teh Best Parentz Evar or you're Bad Parents. Which is just hooey.

Kelina - posted on 01/02/2012

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Thanks Johnny that's a much better way of putting it and what I feel exactly. I don't agree at all with putting the child in the hallway and that was something I made clear in each of my posts on facebook but I guess I didn't make clear here. What really got to me was that he labeled them bad parents for something he didn't even know if it was happening, or what would have led to it. I'm not sure he's ever even seen the parents or the child. HEnce the full blown argument, mostly with the people that automatically agreed with him. It was the judgement that this person/people are bad parents because of a bad choice ESPECIALLY when he doesn't even know if it's happening! Lol, when we lived in an apartment we could hear the people below us arguing until 3 am, the people above us snored, and i think the people beside us had wild and crazy monkey sex at least 4 times a week. And it all sounded like they were right in our apartment! So it really got my back up that he'd label them that way when he knew nothing about the people or the situation.

Johnny - posted on 01/02/2012

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The action is.bad parenting. That does not make her a "bad parent" . Must go more later.

Sylvia - posted on 01/02/2012

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I think I'd just go out there and try to comfort the baby. Believe me, I know how hard it is to have a baby who cries all. the. time. But my sympathies are with the baby in this situation.

Kelina - posted on 01/02/2012

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I'm also going to add I'm not trying to be a smartass or anything like that, I know that sometimes my posts can come off that way. Problems with not talking face to face :) I guess it just breaks my heart that people would label another person a bad parent without knowing the whole situation. Or to be honest in most cases without even knowing part of the situation. Or the parents name. Or the childs name. to me it's like judging that someone is a bad parent because their child is screaming in the store and they're doing nothing about it(most definitely had that happen today in the walmart checkout :))

Kelina - posted on 01/02/2012

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I absolutely advocate calling protective services-provided the child's actually out in the ahll and not just sitting by the door on time out. Since you've answered my post though I'd like to pose another question-ok two. One would you label her a bad parent for doing so? and two, if she can't express her need for help in this way, how else could she do it if she can't bring herself to leave her home and has no phone?

Johnny - posted on 01/02/2012

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Still not okay. However, wouldn't that make the choice of calling child protection a good one? If the I had found the scenario you provided when I worked as a social worker, I would have found this mother services and support systems to help her. Respite care, Mother Goose, Nobody's Perfect, Infant Drop-ins, public health nurse connection, I could go on and on. Unless the mother was otherwise not caring for the child or injuring the child, it would be very unlikely that the child would be removed. Child Protection is intended to support parents to function better, I'm not sure why calling them would be a bad thing in this circumstance. But I still have a serious problem with this choice. It is a bad choice. There is no good reason to leave a baby out in a hallway. At all. Ever.

Kelina - posted on 01/02/2012

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oh I absolutely told them to do something about it. But I'd like to put something else out there for you to consider. Now imagine that on the other side of that door is a mom new to town. she doesn't know anyone, doesn't have any support system, here or where she came from, was forced to move because of money and is deeply depressed. she doesn't know that help is available, where to go to ask for it, and may not be comfortable asking for help from a stranger anyways. So during the day, when it gets to be too much, she puts her baby outside the door, sits on the other side and cries right along with her baby, because she feels like she's not a good enough parent, feels like her baby deserves better than her, and she knows somethings wrong but doesn't know how to do anything about it. And while she sits there listening to her baby she's praying to no one that someone will notice and reach out to her, or get her the help that she needs.

Krista - posted on 01/02/2012

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I do agree with this phrase of your post, though: "I may also have told them that instead of bitching about it on facebook maybe they should do something about it as they could be helping in more ways than one"

Bitching about it on Facebook accomplishes nothing. If they ARE indeed doing that, then that family seriously needs help and intervention. And unfortunately, when you actually approach people and inform them that they're endangering their kid, they tend to only get defensive, and nothing changes. That's why so many of us advocated calling the cops or CPS. Because people tend to be more likely to change their ways if it comes from a place of authority.

Kelina - posted on 01/01/2012

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I suppose this is just something that people can't seem to see my point of view on. Thank you everyone for your responses.

Nikki - posted on 12/31/2011

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Yeah I would be judgemental, that is BAD parenting, they are putting their baby at risk. I would call police asap.

Becky - posted on 12/30/2011

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Well gee, if he's never even seen the baby actually out in the hallway, then he just sounds like a grump who is annoyed by the sound of a crying baby!
If they really do put the baby out there though, then I totally agree with Krista.

[deleted account]

I agree moving the child is proving only to the person who does it that their some sort of big guy/woman "i will show them" type of mentality.Its not about that at all.Its about whats best for the child.I would confront the situation and if i saw it happen again,or anything else that was a cause for concern i would bring in another source professionally to deal with the issue.

I agree its ever okay to leave your child unattended like that.Ever.It is 100% bad parenting,very poor judgement.You are willing putting your child in danger like Krista said.Thats that okay to me anyway.

Krista - posted on 12/30/2011

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That's a hell of a lot more than a bad parenting decision, though. There are bad parenting decisions, and then there are decisions that consist of willfully endangering your child. And leaving your baby unattended in the hallway? I think that falls pretty squarely in the latter category.

I definitely wouldn't MOVE the baby -- that's nuts. But I would absolutely be calling CPS. Those parents need some serious intervention and parenting classes.

[deleted account]

I agree Jen, their the idiot if they do that.Although its not okay every to leave a child unattended and i would be very quick to see what was the problem.I would offer my help and not my judgement however the interest of that child would be my biggest concern.

Kelina - posted on 12/30/2011

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My point was that they shouldn't judge f they don't know them. Which from further conversation it would seem they didn't. One bad parenting decision does not a bad parent make. He also didn't state how old the child was. I do agree considering it seems to happen a lot that it's bad parenting, it just got to me that 1-he doesn't know these people and has judged them as bad parents when he has no kids and has never been there. 2-he was bitching about it on facebook instead of actually doing soemthing about it. and 3-he never said he's actually seen the baby in the hallway. And knowing apartments as I do they could easily just have the baby near the door or close to his side of the apartment. Hell they could even be walking the floor with baby, yet he's labeled them bad parents. There are circumstances where I could see ONCE putting baby in the hallway on their own as more of a nondecision, or a sign of something more.

[deleted account]

If that idiot moves the kid, even for a short period of tiem to teach them a lesson, she may find herself in jail pretty darn quickly and justifiably.

Becky - posted on 12/30/2011

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Well, if I saw a crying baby in the hallway, I'd probably call Children's Services! Unless I knew the parents a bit and then I would ask them if maybe I could watch the baby for a bit for them.
I can understand the original poster's feelings. It is bad parenting. You should never leave your child alone in a public space where anyone could walk by and take them!

[deleted account]

There's no way that sticking your baby out in the hall while it's crying isn't a bad parenting decision, but I do agree that the parents may need help instead of just complaining.

And moving the baby? Yeah, then he/she might really end up missing and then how would the idiot feel.

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