Interesting thought-agree or disagree?

Kelina - posted on 02/27/2012 ( 15 moms have responded )

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So on facebook this morning, i posted what wonderful children I have. They always think they're right lol. Which of course meant I got parenting advice but I thought the greatest piece was I pick the battles not my kids. So I was wondering what you thought. Is it possible for us to choose which battles we want to fight with our kids and still always do whats right for them? Or what needs to be done? Honestly I really don't think so. I would love to pick all my battles and have my kids be perfect the rest of the time. Sooooooooo never going to happen. My son likes to start a fight about whether or not to take his socks off-not that he has a choice :)

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Yes, I think as parents we are the ones who pick the battles. If it is something that doesn't matter, why battle?

Take my kid for instance--he HATES to wear a shirt at night. I've invested hundreds in cute PJ sets just to have him toss the top half aside and stroll around in just bottoms.

I have two choices: To battle or not to battle!

1) I can try with all my might to force him to wear the shirt. This would involve a battle of wills until I forcefully get the shirt on him, then I would have to stand over his bed all night to make sure he doesn't take it off. I could also inflict some kind of punishment for taking the shirt off too, if I liked.

2) I can let him sleep topless, and if he gets cold, he will put the shirt on himself. There is really no consequence.



Why bother with the battle? No one wins--you end up stressed out and frustrated, and your kid ends up stressed out and frustrated, and one of you will end up defeated.



More often than not, I can let him do things his way--like in the instance of your kid not wanting to take his socks off. J refused to take his off once as well, so I let him wear them. When he got into the shower, he discovered he did not like the feel of soggy socks, so he took them off. If your kid likes the soggy socks, you can say, "well, you can wear them, but they will destroy the carpet, so you must remain on the tile." and eventually he will get bored with the bathroom and take them off, and you have completely avoided the battle.





Now, in the area of something that matters, say wearing flip-flops to school (which is against our dress code), I'd have to choose to battle because the consequences of not battling would be too great (being sent home from school).

**Jackie** - posted on 02/27/2012

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I think it only goes so far. When I have my niece and she throws a fit because she wants to wear overalls and rain boots or something weird to the grocery store, I let her. I'm not fighting with her for an hour when our trip will take 10 minutes AND I have a 15 month old who is all set to go...Then again...she's not mine lol

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 02/27/2012

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Well first of all my kids are perfect because they are my clones and I'm perfect so there neener neener.



Ok back to reality. I have to pick and choose my battles with my daughters (yes even the baby- I tried really hard to make her read those parenting books about how much sleep to get and she doesn't understand) whether it's when to change earrings or how long to have a ban from the computer for being nasty to her sister or bullying someone at school.

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Sal - posted on 02/28/2012

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yep....i have taken this approach now i have 3 kids, if i didn't i'd never stop fighting disaplining (someone spell check me) my life would be a misery...the battles i have wavered on....(just today..lol)

my daughter won't wear shoes most of the time....big deal my feet aren't cold so long as she does when i need her to (cafes, church school)

my teen son has taken to peircing himself, ear lip eyebrow etc...i hate it but he is in school working hard (for him anyway) it'll come out when he needs to take it out,

and my other daughter cant tie her laces, i cant get her to even try....it really takes me 30 seconds to do it or 20 mins fighting trying to make her then still do it myself, she will learn, i don't know a 10 year old who cant so i guess she will get it soon enough.....

Stifler's - posted on 02/27/2012

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If Ithrew my kids toys out he wouldn't care. It's like talking to a brick wall. and if he has no toys then i wuld never be able to put up with him

Kelina - posted on 02/27/2012

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Lol so funny story we've been taking a different approach with my son with making him pick up his toys. If he doesn't pick them up they go in the garbage. So last night and tonight he's decided to be a little smart aleck and put his own toys int he garbage can. I think maybe it's time for a new approach. When he wants the toys tomorrow I plan to make him take all his toys out of the garbage bags(yup bags-2 of them. Don't worry they were clean) and put them away before he's allowed to play. I think there's certain battles you can pick like what clothes to wear for the most part or what shoes he's going to wear. WHY he wants to wear the shoes that are 3 sizes too big and hurt his feet is beyond me. but there's also battles that I don't really feel I have a choice in like whether or not he's getting his teeth brushed. Luckily he's not bad for this but my friends kids are. Then again this has been running around in my head all day and I guess technically everything you do is a choice. Really doesn't feel like it though when it's the choice between possibly accidentally hurting your kid, listening to them cry for 20 minutes while you cook or ruining their supper. I've totally given up trying to keep her from climbing. Swear she's half monkey and it doesn't matter how many times she falls and hurts herself she's right back at it 30 seconds later. Luckily she can't get up on the couch yet, i'm in trouble when she can lol. She so gets that from her dad though :) But back to my thoughts I suppose doing whats right for your kids is a choice technically, and choosing to do whats right for them is picking your battles but it doesn't feel much like it. Feels more like I've been suckered into sounding like my mother.

Stifler's - posted on 02/27/2012

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I think you do have to pick your battles with kids. If it doesn't really matter why bother.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/27/2012

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I totally believe we can pick our battles. I mean is it REALLY important that your son HAS to take off his socks?? (just using that as an example from your op) Not really...he will survive with stinky feet.



Sometimes it is hard though, when they don't listen and you just want them to. Sometimes it becomes the most important thing in that moment that they abide by what you are saying. But later on, it is easy to see how silly it was, or unnecessary to have that argument (any argument) aside from the really important stuff.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 02/27/2012

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I tried the same thing Meme, but I figure if she doesn't want to worry about how her clothes look (and take after her step dad) then I can't force her to do anything other than put her clothes away. Thankfully she does that.



We got her to finally put the cap back on her toothpaste by reminding her that the cat jumps up on the bathroom sink for a drink and his bum gets on the tube.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 02/27/2012

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Yes I believe we can at times pick our battles. It all depends of course what those battles are. If it is something that can harm them, hurt them or grow things on their toes, then no, that is not a battle that can be overlooked. ;)



However, if it is what they are going to wear, or whether they are willing to comb their hair or sometimes even wash their face. Whatever, it isn't worth it. Not if it is going to cause a big stink. If they don't want to eat right now, well let keep it for later and that's what they get when they are hungry.



One fight I tried to win is having my 13.5 year old put her folded clothes into her dresser folded. I mean, she receives them folded when we do the laundry. I tried and tried, made her take everything out and redo. It didn't matter, it was not going to happen. I decided as long as no clean clothes were on her floor and all dirty clothes were in her hamper, I don't care if the clean ones are shoved in her dresser. She has to wear them wrinkled not me. Or she will not fold her socks together, so I stopped helping and just throw them all as singles once washed in a pile and give them to her like that.... she just throws them in her drawer and wears odd socks everyday. Oh well, whatever floats her boat I say.... ;)



For me anyway, there are certain things I have learnt to let go and just shake my head and walk away. Just those little things that really don't matter in the end anyhow.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 02/27/2012

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No Kelina, they just get worse. My older one is 7. She has had fits where in the middle of walking to or from the grocery store she'll decide she doesn't like what my husband told her and flops herself down in the middle of the sidewalk (reguardless of the old people from the retirement apartments trying to get by in their walkers) and will sit there until DH nudges her with his foot a few times and tells her to start moving. I'm waiting for her to do it at my MIL's since there are no sidewalks in her village, but there is a dock and a lake fed by glacial ice.



This morning at 7:30 my daughter announced she wanted soup for lunch. I told her she was having left over pizza (because it has peppers on it and I can't eat it because I could actually kill DH by kissing him afterwards and she'd wanted it last night) She said, 'Ok, but can you take the olives off for me' I told her no, you're 7 you can take care of your own olives. That worked!

Kelina - posted on 02/27/2012

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lol maybe it's just my kids then. My son had a fight with me after I posted this about what to eat for lunch. He wanted ham and cheese-I was MAKING ham and cheese. He was still fighting with me. Because apparently despite the fact ti was miraculously ham and cheese when it got put on his plate it wasn't ham and cheese in the packages. or on the counter. Or on the cutting board. I agree there are some battles we choose like whether or not to make them wear pj's or shirts at night(or anything at night lol) but some are just battles we have to have whether we like it or not. Like the fact my son has been wanting to wear his sandals all winter-in the snow. Or wanting to wear socks to bed which the doctor has told us he can't because his feet get too sweaty and wind up growing things. I guess I just don't see these as battles I can choose. I like my sons toes. I especially like them when I don't have to rub cream on them. I love my daughter dearly. but she's still not allowed to put her feet on the table. And If I put her down on the floor then it's a fight about her not getting to eat. Maybe it's because my kids are still 1 and 3. Maybe they'll grow out of it. Maybe?

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 02/27/2012

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My older daughter sometimes gets overheated at night when she has her winter jammies on (She shares a room with her baby sister so we have the room at 22C and that can get warm when you wear winter jammies) and we deal with that by making her put her clothes on first on school days and making her just put her jammies on when she comes out for breakfast on weekends and school holidays.

Elfrieda - posted on 02/27/2012

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I think it is true, to a certain extent. For example, if my son really wants to take his socks off, I let him. Sure, his feet might get cold, but I'll try to put them on again later. It's not really important. Same with dinnertime. If he really doesn't want to eat, he can leave the table. He can have that food later.



I'm not overly concerned with everything going exactly how I planned it, so it doesn't bother me to have little variations. No socks? Meh. Wants to watch his 10 minutes of tv in the morning instead of after his nap? Okay. Doesn't want to use a fork or plate and dumps his food onto the table and eats it with his hands? Fine.



This might make me sound wishy-washy, but actually I'm stricter than many of the parents I know. I just don't care about the small things. I save up my energy for things like being gentle to the cat and to people, not running in the parking lot, obeying me or his dad when we tell him to do something, etc.

Mother - posted on 02/27/2012

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We might not be able to pick all the battles....but we are certainly able to pick what battles to make an example of. My daughter is older so that might make a difference. She already knows my stance on most issues. So, she knows if she comments on something she already knows I have issues with....it COULD be a battle. Usually just a look...and me saying, do you really want to go there is enough to remind her. LOLOLOL

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