Is it a sign of weakness to stay in a difficult marriage?

Hannah - posted on 01/23/2012 ( 9 moms have responded )

105

7

13

Most people agree it takes strength to stay true to your values, if this includes marriage being for life. But what about when the marriage is causing your children to develop problems e.g. when one partner is abusive or agressive to the children?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

[deleted account]

It is never a sign of weakness to do anything you strongly believe in, whether it be staying in a marriage, or getting out of it. Both options take a ton of strength, commitment, and determination.

Vicki - posted on 01/24/2012

1,150

0

166

It must take great strength to leave an abusive situation but on the flipside I wouldn't say it's a weakness to stay. It seems too close to blaming the woman if we say that when it's the abuser at fault he (or she as the case may be) is the weak one, not the victim.

Stifler's - posted on 01/24/2012

15,141

154

604

I don't believe in the whole "standing by your man" thing when they cheat on you or abuse you. Have some self respect and set a good example for your children. You wouldn't want their partners to treat them that way or them treat their partner like shit so why are you reinforcing that it's okay.

Krista - posted on 01/23/2012

12,562

16

847

I agree with Kelly. If someone stays in a bad marriage due to fear (fear of being alone, fear of change) or due to apathy, then I would consider that to be weak. But if they stay due to their own personal convictions...well, I might not agree with their choice, but I wouldn't consider their choice to be made from a place of weakness.

Lady Heather - posted on 01/23/2012

2,448

17

91

Most people who stay in an unhappy marriage do have a reason for it I think. My mum stayed for years and years before finally leaving. And I think she only left in the end because she knew her kids were okay with it. She had the idea that it was best for us to stay together so that's what she did. That's not weak to me. She put herself through years of being miserable to try to make her kids happy. Unnecessary perhaps, but not weak.

9 Comments

View replies by

Deidre - posted on 02/11/2012

258

45

92

I may be late to this conversation, but I couldn't just over look it.Every Marriage is difficult. Period. What I have learned is that there is NO excuse for ABUSE. And more than that, it is imperative to be the one who PROTECTS your children from harm. We women are capable of enduring years and years of abuse by our spouse. But we make that choice for ourselves. If and when your children are concerned I believe a woman needs to choose her Children over the Man.

[deleted account]

sometimes it takes a lot of strength to leave a difficult marriage, too. abusive marriages especially, when the abused spouse is afraid that the other will hurt them or the kids if there are any if they leave.

Jennifer - posted on 01/24/2012

714

1

28

I think if the abuse is severe enough, it is wrong. But probably not 'weakness'. I had to get out of a relationship due to possible harm to my kids. If they were not in the picture, I'd have stayed, even though it was very hard on me. It took strength, either way.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms