Is it ok for your child to date outside there race??

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 08/17/2010 ( 50 moms have responded )

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Is it ok to condition/steer our children’s dating preferences based on race….??
Why or why not

For some it is one of the hardest things to think of (there child dating) now lets throw in the fact that they are going to bring home someone of a different race…..for the fist time in your family…..
I have a 7year old son, who is black, and he is attracted to white girls…. and yes I say attracted. My son is around a multitude of race of people so I know that his attraction is genuine.
I have no problem with whom he chooses to date (at the age of 30),,LOL
When I go to make my judgment of whoever the girl is it will be based on her character….
My sister and I argue all the time, because she says she wont let her son date a white person (like she can stop him) her reason is she just don’t like them for her son!

I do know of people who are not “Racist” but don’t want there son/daughter to date outside there race. That Is a contradiction to me…….

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Barbara - posted on 08/17/2010

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By that kind of reasoning she should also have a problem with black men, or whatever race her then boyfriend was.

Jane - posted on 08/17/2010

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My criteria for my daughter and son (20 and 17 respectively) is to find a kind, gentle, honest, hardworking person to share their life with. I could give a rats ass what color that persons skin is. "Nough said :)

Jocelyn - posted on 08/17/2010

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As long as my kids are dating humans, who aren't bitches/douche bags, then we're all good.

And I agree that not letting your kids date outside your race is very raciest. That reminds me of the whole racial purity shit.

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Becky - posted on 08/23/2010

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Race/skin color makes absolutely no difference to me. It would not bother me at all if my children were to date or marry someone of another race. My sister is married to a Haitian - and their daughter is just about the cutest thing ever! And my brother-in-law's sister is married to a Mexican. So it's definitely accepted and normal in our family.
My bigger concern would be significant differences in culture, religion, or socio-economic status. I would never tell my child they could not date someone because of those things, because it's not up to me to dictate who they can/can't date, but I would worry. Before you all think I'm secretly racist of something, let me clarify. I spent a year in Niger, West Africa - one of the poorest countries in the world. While there, I dated a Nigerien. He was a nice guy, treated me well, but in the end, the relationship didn't work out. It had nothing to do with his skin color (in fact, I would've loved to have a mixed-race baby! ;) But, I had a university education, he couldn't read. I owned my own house here in Canada and had a job that paid me a good salary. He lived in a one room hut and worked as a night guard for World Vision. (admittedly, not a bad job.) Our cultures and lifestyles were very different. I wasn't prepared to give up what I would have to give up to stay in Niger and marry him, and he would've really, really struggled living in Canada. Plus, we communicated in French, which was not the first language for either of us, so communication was rough sometimes. So, if one of my children was to start dating say, a recent immigrant from a culture very different from ours or was to go overseas and meet someone there, like I said, I wouldn't say they couldn't date them, but I would urge them to give some serious thought to their relationship.

Tana - posted on 08/19/2010

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When my son's are old enough to date, I could really care less of the color of their skin. Race has nothing to do with personality, character, morals etc. I only care that they find a nice person who treats them right.

Pamela - posted on 08/18/2010

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All I care about is whoever my sons bring home, are they decent, responsible people - and I agree with you, Ebony, are they of good character. Race is not a factor as far as I'm concerned. Whoever my sons love, I will love and welcome into my home as my own. Even if they're blue Nargonians from Pluto.

I think your observation about folks not wanting a son/daughter to marry or date outside their race - while maintaining that they are "not racist" is just a more subtle form of racism designed to make them feel better about themselves; to reassure themselves that they indeed are not racists. It's couched as a protective stance - "I'm not racist, I wouldn't mind but other people are racist, they would mind and I don't want my children to experience the trouble they would experience were they to marry outside their race". But of course, they're still racist. It wouldn't matter otherwise, would it?

Besides, from a more scientific standpoint, interracial dating and marriage strengthens the genetic pool - it makes us stronger as a species and so therefore, from a scientific/ genetic standpoint, it would be a good thing. Going for that "pure" race thing is a recipe for disaster.

Johnny - posted on 08/17/2010

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It isn't even a consideration. I dated outside my race, so has my husband, and I doubt it would even be comment worthy if our daughter did. In fact, given the ethnic mix where we live, I'd actually find it a bit odd if she did only date/marry a white person. That would be seriously limiting.

Charlie - posted on 08/17/2010

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Is this really still an issue .

Im in a mixed race relationship im dark my fiance is Caucasian we have ever faced any one with a problem with it , it never really occurs to me we are "different" , my parents were in a similar relationship.

I have no right to tell anyone including my sons who to love .

Sorry but saying a person cannot date a certain race IS racist , its discrimination against the color of their skin .

[deleted account]

Actually Dana, that thought didn't enter my mind when I answered the question. You already know I feel that way though BECAUSE of the potential problems it can cause in a relationship. Nothing more. :)

Tah - posted on 08/17/2010

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nope...not outside the race..inside the race or around the race..no dating...period....

Jessica - posted on 08/17/2010

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"As some of you have said you cant make your child like/love who they do, and/or have no control in who they date, would it still be that same way if they are under your roof…teens???"

Oh, for some reason teens were the age I had in mind when i read this question. But race still doesn't matter, no matter his age.

Jenny - posted on 08/17/2010

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I believe that will be true Jocelyn. Until we run out of oil and can't travel as much of course.

While my city is still pretty Caucasion my daughter has a wide variety of races in her class. It doesn't phase anyone in the class and, so long as the parents don't bring any backwards views in, it likely never will. Our kid's generation is very multicultural. I think adults should just stay out of it and let racism fade away into oblivion.

Jocelyn - posted on 08/17/2010

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In 10 generations or so we're all going to be a medium shade of beige anyways :P

Stifler's - posted on 08/17/2010

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It wouldn't matter what age they were. They have the freedom to be attracted to and date whoever they like, regardless of race or gender.

Rosie - posted on 08/17/2010

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nope race doesn't matter no matter what age, no matter what race no matter what at all for me. the only thing that matters to me is that my sons are treated with respect, and that they treat their women (or men i guess) with respect as well. i simply don't care. sure they might encounter situations that people of the same race wouldn't, but why should that stop anyone. if you really care about someone that stuff won't matter in the long run. to me thats' like saying gay people shouldn't marry or have kids cause problems will arise. their kids might get made fun of or be "confused". as long as there is love and respect it will overcome any intolerance.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 08/17/2010

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As some of you have said you cant make your child like/love who they do, and/or have no control in who they date, would it still be that same way if they are under your roof…teens???

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 08/17/2010

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Im sure as you all know kids start “hanging out” around 13, 14, 15 and the standard time that most parents give the ok to date is around those times or 16, 17…
Would it still be ok…if your teen-age daughter/son brought home someone of a different race….
I know this girl who is black and at 18 (a legal adult) but still a “Teen”, knows her father will flip if she brings home and Asian guy…and that is who she is mainly attracted to…..
I asked her if she was older in her 20, 30’s would he still flip, and she said yes, but to him I would be an adult….and so what could he really do or say? (and yes she still lives with her parents)

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 08/17/2010

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Unfortunately it is a question in this day and age….I know of a few people (aside from my sister) who would prefer there children to stay with in there race…and so they do try to steer them in the direction that they want them to go, because….
-problems arise when dating outside your race (true)
-wanting to keep the race (what ever that is) “pure”

Amazingly all the women on here don’t care, they will judge based on character, but we are only a pinch compared to the people who do care…and yeah to each there own, but as some have said. (we are ALL people, we all bleed….

Jenny - posted on 08/17/2010

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Of course it's ok for my children to date whatever race or mix of races they'd wish. Why is this even a question is this day and age?

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 08/17/2010

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I will add that she is fine with him dating any other race……she too finds babies who are mixed beautiful… (like my 4month old) but the tape she seen 8years ago left a bad taste in her mouth.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 08/17/2010

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Its a long story….so I will try to sum it up.
My sister found a sex tape 8years ago with her then boyfriend, he and a white women were getting it on…she found it in there closet in his shoe box…the idiot had the nerve to make the tape at there home while she was away on vaca with her friends….(And no she didn’t leave his dumb ass…she was dumb and in love…)
Its stupid and ignorant on her part, she will be friends, she will be corrigible…but that’s it. Like I said we argue about this (and many other things)

[deleted account]

My daughters have my full blessing to date who the want as long as there treated with the up most respect and kindness and i hope the give the same..race has nothing to do with it but how there treated by the person the choose to date is..i dated outside my race and i found no problem doing so.

Charlene - posted on 08/17/2010

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I don't care who Gracie dates when she is older, as long as it is someone kind, giving and someone who treats her well.

Barbara - posted on 08/17/2010

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The only thing that might be scary about dating outside your race is if they disappear into a different culture and you never get to see them anymore. Not race, culture.
My husband's older brother moved to Japan and married a Japanese woman. They had one son, and then he (the brother) unfortunately passed away four years ago. The mother of his son is great and has been living here in the states for the past three years so their son can get to know his American family, but next year they will be moving back to Japan so he can start school. As he's like the only living continuance of our departed brother/son/nephew/uncle, this will be hard for the family for sure. I mean, he wouldn't be who he is if he weren't Japanese, but it will be hard for the family to have to go to Japan if they want to see him.
It is pretty cool that our children and children's children will have relatives in a totally different country, and of a totally different race, though.

Jaime - posted on 08/17/2010

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I am with everyone else on this matter. I also agree that it's quite the contradiction to claim you're not racist but to be wholly against the idea of your child marrying outside your race. I'm the same for religion too since I saw that come into this (hehe Dana). Religion makes no difference to me because I don't have the right to tell my son who or what to believe in. If he become Buddhist and claims a life of chastity so be it...if he wants to become Christian or Jewish or Muslim or what have you...his choice. I was baptized Christian but I am an atheist now. I won't promote any religion, race or orientation to my son...I will teach him about diversity and let him decide.

Jenni - posted on 08/17/2010

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I would care what race/culture/ethenticy/gender my children choose to date. As long as they are treated good and are happy that's all that matters.

Amie - posted on 08/17/2010

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I agree that's a contradiction Ebony. It makes no sense to me. =S

I have no issue which race my children may, or may not, date when the time comes. If the guy/girl is a dirt bag, they're a dirt bag.. race is the last thing I'm worried about.

Hannah - posted on 08/17/2010

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Nope, don't care either. In fact, I have dated a couple black men and secretly wish I had had a baby with them. SO... If I can get my mixed baby through my kids, I will be one happy mama!

Katherine - posted on 08/17/2010

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That whole I'm not racist, but I don't want my son/daughter dating outside their race is BS, IMO. They are sooo racist. I don't care, I have dated outside my race and I hope my daughters see other people as people and not a race issue. I agree with Sharon, mixed babies of any race are exoctic and beautiful.

[deleted account]

But religion does, right Teresa? *giggles* I know that what you're thinking....perhaps we should start another debate!??

Rosie - posted on 08/17/2010

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i don't give a shit either, as long as she treats my boys right!!! and i also don't care if they have children together either. some people freak out at the thought of that, boggles my mind...

Caitlin - posted on 08/17/2010

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We all agree? Wow.. again! same here, I dont' care who my daughter dates as long as he treats her right.

Stifler's - posted on 08/17/2010

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I agree with the people who said this is racist too. It's totally racist to have issues with your kid dating other races, if she wasn't racist she wouldn't care.

[deleted account]

How is that not racist?

I agree with the others.....I don't care who Roxanne brings home or marries, as long as he/she treats her well. Character is far more important than the color of their skin.

Jessica - posted on 08/17/2010

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"
I do know of people who are not “Racist” but don’t want there son/daughter to date outside there race. That Is a contradiction to me……."

Your right, that is a contradiction. Whoever my son decides to bring home to meet me and his dad is his choice. I will not get involved other to guide and comfort. Obviously I will make a judgement on these girls but I will keep it to myself, it will not be my place to get involved (aside from health and safety issues that is).

[deleted account]

I want my son to be happy. If that means he is dating a girl/ boy from another race I am more than happy with that - I just hope that whoever he chooses are a good person and treat him properly.

As for the none racist people you know who claim they would not want their child to date outside their race I would be pointing out to them that they ARE RACIST!

Jessica - posted on 08/17/2010

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"I do know of people who are not “Racist” but don’t want there son/daughter to date outside there race. That Is a contradiction to me……."

^^ ITA with this, I don't see how anyone could justify that not being racist. I also don't care (though, he's 14 months so we have a while ;) ) I just hope she's a nice girl and has good character. My sister's boyfriend is hispanic (from Nicaragua)... though he's a dick, unrelatedly. But they just had a baby and he's really cute lol.

Sharon - posted on 08/17/2010

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As long as the person has class, tact and is a GOOD person - i don't care what race they are.

I do kind of hope my boys marry asian women - just because I think mixed asian babies are soooo cute!!!

Amber-Dawn - posted on 08/17/2010

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Nope, don't care. So long as her boy/girlfriend treats her properly, and is respectful then I don't mind who she dates. After I die. She's not allowed to date in my lifetime.

Stifler's - posted on 08/17/2010

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I think mixed race people are very attractive. If my son wanted to date someone of another race I'd be happy as long as they were a nice person.

Krista - posted on 08/17/2010

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I couldn't care less what race of individual my son ends up with. And I agree with you that it is a bit of a contradiction to say "I'm not racist", but to not want your kid to date outside of his race.

Jodi - posted on 08/17/2010

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Doesn't bother me in the least. Heck, I have one brother married outside race, another one marrying into a Jewish family (we are Christian) and another who is gay. Happiness is the most important thing, and as long as a person makes my children happy, why should I care?

LaCi - posted on 08/17/2010

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I don't care. I just hope he brings home a nice girl so we don't end up on parental control someday ;)

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