Judging a book by the cover

Tara - posted on 11/08/2011 ( 39 moms have responded )

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So as an off shoot to the mom dress code thread, do you make assumptions about people based on how they are dressed?

Do you have opinions about what is acceptable to wear out in public for instance to the grocery store, picking up children from school, out for dinner etc.

Steve is a roofer among other things, he wears old ripped jeans to work over his flannel pj bottoms, about 4 shirts layered on top of each other and all have paint or drywall mud or something on them. His shoes are his work boots, worn, torn and dirty as hell.

To some he looks like a guy who doesn't have a warm place to sleep at night with all those layers!! He will get groceries like that, pick up kids from skating or swimming etc. but if we were meeting for dinner, he would make sure he brought a change of clothes.

What would you think if you saw a guy dressed like that standing in line to buy a bag of milk?

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Sherri - posted on 11/09/2011

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Depends on the outfit I would judge a lot of men just as much as I would a woman depending on the outfit.

Rosie - posted on 11/08/2011

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i'm not too judgemental. i'm one of "those" moms who you'll occasionally see in pajama bottoms. they're comfy, and i actually change out of my jeans and put those on instead some days, lol.
but if i see someone EVERYDAY in pajama bottoms, i'll judge. there's a woman two doors down from me, and i have NEVER in 4 years seen the woman wear anything other than a t shirt and pajama bottoms. never, not once. i judge her as a lazy ass. she also doesn't have a job, has multiple kids by multiple partners, and she chain smokes like mad, always asking my other neighbor for money for smokes. i'm sure it's the combo of all of that that has cemented my opinion of her, but the pj bottoms don't help.

if i saw a guy dressed like you describe (which i do several times a day in my line of work. i work at a home improvement store, i see it almost every other guest, lol) i would think they are just getting off work.

Krista - posted on 11/08/2011

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I wouldn't judge a man dressed like that -- I'm used to seeing trades guys out and about, running errands. The only way in which I might make assumptions about someone, would be if they smelled of filth or urine, or if they were acting unstable.

Hope - posted on 11/08/2011

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I would see a man who has been working his butt off all day and this has the time and the heart to stop at the shops for his family and pick his kids up from school.

Sal - posted on 11/09/2011

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Women are judged differently for sure. Maybe because they are not as likely to work in the physical and messy Job but if I saw a woman dresses in work gear like the op described I should assume she was doing a job the same as the guy, here loads of mums work on family properties and do run to the shops school or where ever dresses in dirty jeans polo tops and work boots,

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[deleted account]

If I saw a guy dressed like that I'd think he was crazy.... only cuz he'd be ROASTING here. ;)

I don't much care what people wear as long as body parts are covered. I don't care for anything w/ crude sayings or pictures and I think overly fancy stuff is just a waste of money, but.... whatever. If you smell like cigarettes (even slightly) I will be as far away from you as humanly possible and if you reek of BO or perfume... I'll try not to stand too close. What you're wearing will most likely not phase me at all.

I'm the mom who is always in jeans shorts (unless it's 'winter' and a bit chilly... then I might be in jeans), a t-shirt, and slippers (or flip flops)... pretty much 365 days/year.

Chelsey - posted on 11/09/2011

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About the only time I've worn pjs out in public is the 2 times I've had to rush one of my kids to the ER (wasn't to worried about how I looked at those times). As for people wearing torn/oily/dirty clothes well I see them all the time. We live in an area where working on the oil rigs is one of the most common jobs. Hell my husband is a mechanic and after work he looks like crap. Usually if the girls and I meet him for supper after work he takes a change of clothes but if he forgets and I forget to grab some then he's gonna look like a slob at the restaurant (we don't live in town either). I just figure oh well doesn't really matter anyways.

September - posted on 11/09/2011

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I have judged in the past but it's something I've worked hard at changing. If you don't know the person, you don't know their story. Plus being judgmental imo is a reflection of character. Honestly I could care less how one is dressed.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/09/2011

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I'm wondering if men are judged differently from women on how they dress. If the OP had asked if someone saw a woman dressed the way her husband is dressed picking up say her husband's dry cleaning or a jug of milk would your reaction be different?

Jeannette - posted on 11/09/2011

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Tara, with the example you provided, I would think the guy is just off work or on a break. Men here who work in the oil field, auto shops, construction, and the like often don't have uniforms and will wear clothes they don't mind getting stained and torn.

Amanda - posted on 11/09/2011

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I am judged all the time for my clothing but the other way around. I am judged by mothers, children, and family members. Just the other day a neighbours kid asked me why I am always at the school in heels. I explained to her that those are the type of shoes I enjoy wearing. My sister inlaw always comments on my clothing when she visits. Asks me what I am all dressed up for (btw in my opinion I am not dressed up), but since she wears sweats all the time I guess my nice top and jeans or black pants, is dressed up. So judgement goes both ways. She has even had the balls to ask me why a stay at home mother needs nice clothing HAHAHA.



Btw I do judge mothers, who show up to the school daily in Pjs. I would also judge this man if he showed up to a resturant dressed like that, but never in a grocery store, thats just silly.

Sarah - posted on 11/09/2011

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In your example I would just think that he was still in his work clothes.

I guess I do judge people by their clothes at times, but at the end of the day, it's none of my business and if people are confident in what they're wearing then they won't care anyway.

I've worn some strange things in my time, but people staring or judging me didn't phase me (in fact, that was probably the whole point of wearing it!).

The pyjamas to collect kids from school thing, I just think it sets a bad example. I don't really care what someone dresses in, but I think they should bother to get dressed in the first place!

Amanda - posted on 11/09/2011

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He's getting milk/picking up his kids on his way home from work.

If I saw someone dropping their kids off in their pj's I'd probably just think they were running late, BUT if I saw someone in the middle of the day doing their shopping in their pj's my initial thought would be they were a slob

Stifler's - posted on 11/08/2011

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he was going to work. work clothes indicate that you're on your lunch break or on your way home from work. people here go to the pub in their work clothes on the way home so they don't get nagged by the mrs. and told they can't go out. i've never seen anyone out and about in their pajamas.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/08/2011

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Nope I need to go braless at home except during daylight hours. It makes up to the twins for all the times I strapped them into a sport bra to go to the gym or do cross country jumping.

Sherri - posted on 11/08/2011

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Oh definitely a bra 24/7 I even sleep with it on. I am too big to go without a bra.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/08/2011

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My mom's 58 and her's are great! Mine are awful and I'm 30. Of course my mom never had kids, my brother and I are adopted.

And Sal I get snippy because I've spent my entire life being judged by people who hardly know me and some members of my family because I have learning disabilities. It's not a poor me thing, but I get very defensive.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/08/2011

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Oh HELL no on the bra at home....my puppies need to BREATH!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/08/2011

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What I have learned in life is, looks can be deceiving. It can be a hard lesson to learn for some. But an important lesson at that.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/08/2011

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I'm not a great dresser, but I've only ventured out in PJ bottoms 5 times in my 30 years not counting Halloween. I even wear a bra at home when I'm not going anywhere which can be a pain in the ass when you breastfeed.

Sal - posted on 11/08/2011

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to be honest meg you'd proabally be the lady with the buffalo bill coat then.....not the pj lady at all. and i'd be the one in the ballet shoes (most mums here where riding boots or gum boots) and as for being judgemntal you are doing a pretty slendid job yourself you wouldn;t know me if you tripped over me in the street, i didn;t judge you for your pjs, i purly said that if a mum came everyday in pjs that might be a discription i would use, the same as the nurse the red hair, you seem to have your back up a fair bit, maybe you are upset that people might be thinking things about you you don;t like

..ohh and just for the sake of getting petty and show just how fucking perfect i must seem, never have my kids been late becasue i choose to get dressed like you i am a very dedicated mum, and as such i get up in time to shower, get dressed have breakfast and take my kids to school on time, and i have managed that with sleepless nights, sick babies, sick self, hubby on call 24-7 and not home to help, we clearly have our lives structured very differently which is perfect, it ia what makes the world the wonderful place it is.....

[deleted account]

Actually, if I saw a guy dressed like that picking up milk or picking up his kids, I'd probably think it was hot lol There's nothing wrong with being a hard working man (or woman) in this world. And hey, I'd rather be behind a man dressed like that than the snobby lady I was behind yesterday with her 47,000 coupons who could have let me go ahead of her with my ONE ITEM but shot me the stink-eye instead. :D

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/08/2011

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Sal, I'm usually the mom in the jeans and either the Buffalo Bills jacket or the green pea coat this time of year when I'm not Abby's mommy or Mrs Regnier. Thankfully the moms at my daughter's school aren't pompous judgemental harpies and no one gave it a second thought. Most moms here wear yoga pants or jeans.



I had a choice to make, get dressed which takes a few minutes for me and make my child late for school because of what's considered the social norm or make sure my child is on time for class. Sorry, but my children come first. Not what someone with absolutely no bearing on my personal life may think.



It must be nice to be so perfect that you can sit around and pass judgement on total strangers. That's all I can say.

Hope - posted on 11/08/2011

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This morning I woke up and we had no milk or bread in the house which meant an early morning trip to the corner shop but before I stepped out my front door I put on a bra, put on a pair of pants and pair of sandles I also managed to brush my hair, was I wear the most flashy clothes no but they were clothes, they were not my pj's and how long did it take me to do this? 1 minute.

Sal - posted on 11/08/2011

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i have been dropping kids to school for 11 years never once in my pjs......it is just not my cup of tea, but be sure you would be known as the mum in her pjs, if someone asked who little billy belonged to and i didnt know your name a basic descripition might include how you dressed, oh i think his mum is a nurse she comes in uniform, of you know her she works at NAB oh she has the long red hair, that mum who often comes in her pjs....

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/08/2011

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I make myself out to be a busy mom because I'm a busy mom. If I'm dropping my kid off at school in my flannel PJ bottoms or out in public at all you all can bet I'm wearing deoderant and a bra. But you should also know I probably woke up last minute and had to drive her to schoo.

Sal - posted on 11/08/2011

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If I saw him I. Buying milk I'd assume he'd run out if milk if I saw him in a bar at 6pm I'd think guy just finished work if I could smell him before I saw him than thats a hole other story..... if a saw him in a nice restraint with him wife I'd think he didn't care a whole lot about her to go out with her like that.... People do judge you on how you present your self often if is the only thing they know about you maybe once you get to know someone you can look past the first impression but often they is all there is to go on, the guy buying milk mum at the bus stop someone at the dr surgery they aren't long meetings and people will often remember small things like thats the chick who goes to school drop off in her pjs or the 40 yr old who looks likes she borrows her daughters skirts or that guy who didnt change before taking his wife out, we shouldn't do it but we do and I honestly think anyone who denies it is proballly not bring totally honest...
You wouldn't put a dog on a book about carrots so why make yourself out to be something you arent

Hope - posted on 11/08/2011

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I personally think it is human nature to judge others by there appearance. Is it right to do so? No. But that does not mean we don't. I know people have judged me in the past because of the way of have dressed, has that made me change who I am? No. I see that the clothing we wear is expressing to the world who we are. I am an easy going person, so I wear jeans and a t shirt most days and hardly ever wear make up. Some people have perceived that as me not feeling of worth. How we dress is a our personal choice and with that comes other peoples perceptions, we need to be grown up enough to except that and move on.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/08/2011

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If I saw a mom in the grocery store in her PJs, it would depend on the time of day what my judgement would be. Early in the morning or late at night she just realized they're out of milk or something for breakfast and decided to get it. Or she works over nights and got home before someone told her they needed something. Later in the day I usually figure someone was busy.

My mom told me don't assume because when you do you make an ass out of u and me.

[deleted account]

I do make assumptions about people based on what they are wearing because I consider our fashion a means of self expression, a way to make a statement about ourselves.

Then I read the rest of your post :P

If I saw your husband in line, I would assume he went more for comfort and function than style, and that he probably had a physically demanding, outdoor job, but honestly, I wouldn't think that much of him or his outfit. I tend to make more assumptions about the people who make an effort to stand out through fashion simply because that is what I think they want me to do.

When I dress a certain way, I want people to notice and make assumptions about me, other days, i just don't care and throw on a T & jeans. I wouldn't bother to dress up if I didn't want the outfit to make people think a certain thing about me......sorry, I'm getting sleepy, I hope that makes sense the way I want it to and I don't sound like a jerk.

Becky - posted on 11/08/2011

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I don't usually notice what others are wearing, unless it's extreme. In your husband's case, I would probably just assume he worked manual labor and was just getting off work, because my husband has worked in a similar job - installing heating systems and working out in the cold like that. Now, if I saw a mom in the grocery store in her pyjama bottoms or a really slutty outfit, yes, I probably would judge her a bit. But wearing clothes that aren't the height of fashion or baby spit up on her shoulder, no. My clothes aren't all that fashionable all the time!

Lady Heather - posted on 11/08/2011

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I would probably think that guy didn't have time to get changed after work before he stopped for milk. That's what my step dad looks like when he comes home from work too.

Around here most people don't really strive to be the height of fashion. My husband's boss is the richest guy in town and he looks kind of like a bum even when he's dressed up. So I guess I don't think much of that because that's just how it is here. Most of the jobs are industrial and the people are pretty casual.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/08/2011

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I used to be a grocery cashier and have seen plenty of people dressed like your husband in line. You can usually tell by smell what the person's story is.

People would probably step across the street to avoid my FIL as well because he works for Kohler in one of their factories here in BC. He wears old flannel shirts and jeans with various stains on them as well and dirty work boots. His hair is long, and he smells like cigarette smoke because he's a chain smoker. But he's one of the nicest most straight forward people I know.

Lacye - posted on 11/08/2011

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I would try not to judge but sometimes it just comes out. If I saw the person you were talking about, I would look at more than his clothing before I made my decision.

Sherri - posted on 11/08/2011

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I would think he was a hard working man.

Yes I have opinions about what is acceptable to wear out in public and I do judge people by their appearance for sure.

Caitlin - posted on 11/08/2011

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Don't rally care what a person is wearing unless it's incredibly trampy or smells like feces/urine.. No excuse for those things IMO.. I used to work in costruction, so I get the layers thing, I looked pretty pathetic at the end of a big workday too, and wouldn't like to be judged for it. I'm not very judgemental overall though.

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