Just a rant

Shelley - posted on 07/29/2010 ( 15 moms have responded )

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Today a few friends and myself took our kids to a family friendly restaurant with play equiptment. We were enjoying a lovely coffee and chat while watching our kids.
During the course of the morning a mother was having trouble with her toddler any way this kid had an epic tantrum like all over the floor screaming ect but she chose to do it at our table including under my chair, under my table ect we had a six week old baby in a pram asleep. The mother said oh i just ignore her when she does that and went and sat at her table.

Whilst i applaude the ignor technique.
1) Is it acceptable that this kid is allowed to do it in my personal space.
2) What should i have said to this mother of the year?

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Jessica - posted on 07/30/2010

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Sharon- that's such a sad story. I've seen that a lot while out at places too... sadly, the first place that comes to mind is Walmart. Really bratty and ill-behaved kids, but what REALLY stands out are the parents who do NOTHING but scream and bitch at them. Its obvious to see where the kids get the behavior when the parents do nothing but yell.

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Sharon - posted on 07/30/2010

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HEY!!! Today I saw a GOOD MOM! HOLY HELL.

Seriously - I was just WAITING, like a tiger waiting for its meal, for some skank ass, rotten mom so I could use one of those lines I posted up there? and I didn't get one!

Instead I got a great mom. Her toddler took off so she went off and scooped him up. She said "I see you don't want to follow the rules so you have to ride in the cart." The water works started and a lot of "NO mommy! I don' wana ride! put down! I walk!" "No you didn't follow the rules. You have two options, ride in the cart or we can go home." Then the screaming started. her husband was with her and I heard him offer to take the toddler out to the car while she finished shopping, but they were there to shop for him (the dad) so she said she would go out to the car.

I finished hanging the clothes and headed back for the stock room. On my way back I saw her, poor thing, trying to wrestle with the toddler and push the cart. I wondered why she didn't just abandon the cart until I looked inside at the infant (probably a newborn) in the baby carrier in the bottom. The toddler was thrashing all over and had a scratch running down the side of his face (I'm guessing he threw himself against some shelving or did it to himself) she had a big red mark on the side of her face. She was having such a hard time, I wish I could have ditched the clothes rack to help her out but I can't. Its against our rules because kids are morons and will try to hang off the bars and it'll tip and we'll be liable. So i hustled past her put up the rack and hurried back out but our security guy was already helping her out.

I was done for the day, clocked out and headed outside and into the WAILS of a forlorn and pissed off toddler. Poor kid, poor mom. Thankfully the hubby found what he was looking for and was out soon. I figured she was just waiting outside for the hubby but my manager thought that maybe she couldn't get the baby and the toddler across the parkinglot by herself easily.

[deleted account]

It is NOT acceptable to let your child have a tantrum underneath somebody elses table and chair. I use the ignore the tantrum technique but never when it affects strangers - MOVE the child either outside, to the corner or take them home!

I would have told the mother that while she just ignores her child it was likely to disturb my newborn and I was NOT happy with that so she needs to move her child elsewhere where she can continue to ignore her. If she did not move her I would get a member of staff to ask the lady to leave due to the complete lack of regard she showed for me and my family.

Sharon that poor kid - I hate moms like that!

Danielle - posted on 07/30/2010

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1.) No.

2.) "I agree with ignoring temper tantrums but she's going to scare my infant." And if she still ignored her I'd tell the kid to knock it off. I don't believe in parenting someone else's child but if you're going to disrupt my child's life than I'll say what I want.

Sharon - posted on 07/30/2010

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OHHH!! That reminds me!!! When my oldest threw a tempertantrum at costco - I was heavily pregnant and I could NOT lift his 3 yr old ass off the floor. I tried EVERYTHING to talk him out of his fit, threatened him, nothing worked. My mom had been shopping WAY ahead of us and had no idea the screaming kid was mine. I was overheating and breathless and finally just sat on a stack of ricebags and watched him. If I had seen ANYONE I had EVER met in my life, lol I would have begged for help but instead a stranger asked if he could help. I was SOOOO Grateful!!! He carefully picked my son up off the floor and held him up at eye level and talked quietly but firmly to him. It was AWESOME! I used that technique later on him and it continued to work. But he never had that kind of full blown fit again. And it didn't work at all on my younger boy, lol all I got out of that was a kick to the chin and a punch in the eye while he flailed about.

Stifler's - posted on 07/30/2010

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LOL. I would have whooped them if it was my kid to be honest. I'm not into naughty corners and not addressing bad behaviour.

Louise - posted on 07/30/2010

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If the mother did nothing I think I would of said hey kid shush theres a sleeping baby here. This would not of stopped the crying but it would of got the child to move. Sometimes an outside influence snaps children out of a full on tantrum. The mother was wrong to do this I would of died of embarassment and moved my child out of the way to continue their paddy.

Barbara - posted on 07/30/2010

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You could've mentioned the sleeping baby nearby, but at the same time I feel like if you're in a public place so you kind of have to deal with the public. Who knows why she didn't move the kid. Maybe she's tried that before and feels it makes it worse.
I must admit I do my share of judging other moms who I see out and about, and I'm sure they do so to me as well. I have a two and a half year old and a three month old. There's only so much you can do when you are out by yourself with little ones. I can only hope that when things are at their worst, someone is feeling a bit of compassion for the difficulties that come with raising small children, and not just getting annoyed about the momentary inconvenience of witnessing a temper tantrum. Most kids have them, you know.

Sharon - posted on 07/30/2010

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I see this SEVERAL times a day at work. Yesterday I saw a woman literally drag a kid into the toy section and say, "Ok make this quick, we took to long and now we have to go, so you have like A MINUTE to pick out a toy. Come on, You're getting your toy, hurry up."

She spit all that out in a few seconds. I was hanging clothes and I snuck a peek at them between the racks. The kid was eyeballing all the shiney stuff on the shelf and grabbed a large toy. He was turning the box over, trying to figure out what it was.

She says "ok thats what you want, lets get it, come on put it in the cart, lets go, hurry up, I have to get going, I took to long shopping."

The kid put the toy back on the shelf and grabbed something else. Turned the box around and over, looking at the display on the back, then put it back.

The woman says "can't you make up your mind? HURRY UP, I said we have to go."

The kid is getting a panicked look on his face. THere are so many options and our toy aisle is not laid out well and the shelves are a hodge podge of items. Its not like we have Legos here, puzzles there, sports stuff here. Its just all mixed in. We try to keep "girl" toys", "boy toys" and baby toys seperate but in a sinlge aisle way - it isn't easy.

They were in that aisle for less than 3 minutes. I know because it takes me 5 to hang a double rack of clothes.

Finally the snaps "Ok thats it, we're leaving, get a toy or get nothing." OMG this poor kid was just panicked - he had to be like 4 yrs old. He wanted A toy but what toy? And the "mother" was no help at all. I've been there, before, in a rush to go and the kid is dragging his heels. But damn, I try to help my kid out.

She finally dragged him away with the kid SCREAMING "no mama!! I want a toy!!" And her yelling back "I said to hurry up!"

The kid screamed & wailed all the way through the store. She was absolutely bitchy towards the kid. I wish I could have stepped in but I was in a rush to get the school clothes out and I was running out of time.

That isn't the only thing thats happened in my store and its not even the worse. I think its worse when the parents give the kid a toy to play with while they're in the cart or sitting in the toy aisle and then put it away when they're ready to go. OMG the screaming that generates. Who in their right mind thinks that is ok to do to a kid??

MORE parents let their kid scream their bloody fucking heads off for their entire shopping trip, than the one who take their kids outside.

When it happens - I get our security guy to offer to call an ambulance because the kid looks like it is in distress and we can't afford to have something happen to a kid in our store.

Maybe I'll use that pierced eardrum thing as an excuse to ask people to leave the store.

Stifler's - posted on 07/30/2010

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I don't applaud the ignore technique, especially if it's disrupting other peoples morning tea! How rude! You should have told the manager or something and he would have came out and told her to shut her kid up because she was disturbing the other customers who paid good money to have coffee in peace.

[deleted account]

I actually had my daughter throw one of those tantrums the other day while i was shopping.
I was with my parents and my mum wanted to shop for clothes so i told my 4 yr old that we were going to do the food shopping while my mother did her own shopping. My daughter plain refused to move and started screaming "I want Nanny". I took her hand and we went to the grocery store ( all in the same complex) She persisited and when i say that i mean she started to scream louder and louder and wasn't listening to me, I smacked her on the hand when she pinched me and then i asked my dad to take her to the car ( i would have done it but i had the newborn and the 2yr old) on the way out to the car she started to kick pinch and punch my father. I was GOBSMACKED she has never acted like that in her life and she is 4. At that moment i felt like a monumental failure as a mother.
When we ( mum and i) had finished shopping i talked to her about what she had done and why she had done it.
Removing her worked, she has been rather well behaved since.
But in reply to the Question. I think that mother was very rude to leave her child to throw that tantrum where it affected other people. I would have said something to that mother, Just not to sure what.

Jessica - posted on 07/29/2010

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I agree, ignoring those kinds of behaviors is great, but if you're in a public place and its obviously affecting other people, you should take the child aside somewhere. Taking her home might have been the best bet. My brother and I used to act up in restaurants when we were little all the time (so I'm told) until my parents simply started packing up and leaving when we did it- no threatening, no getting angry- we simply left. It didn't take us long to start being well behaved ;)

Sharon - posted on 07/29/2010

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I did it similar Jodi - but we were out with family and I couldn't just leave since we carpooled. I did, however, let him scream and rant outside behind the restaurant. i got a lot of sympathetic looks from the staff as they came out to see what the yelling was about.



He was yelling up a storm and I was sitting on a parking curb looking bored and maybe a little anxious, lol.

Jodi - posted on 07/29/2010

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I agree that this is highly inappropriate. I do the ignore thing too, but not if we are in a public place and it is affecting others, I think that is rude. I'd have told her that too.



If that were my child I would have picked him up (without looking him in the eye or acknowledging him), taken him out to the car, strapped him in and taken him straight home and unceremoniously put him in the time out corner. I've done that before.....ONCE. My son never pulled the tantrum in public ever again.

Sharon - posted on 07/29/2010

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1. No it is not acceptable.

2. I would have said (Or I hope I would have) "Ignoring tantrums really does work but my kids and this baby and myself, are trying to have a good time and your child is ruining it. I think its best you take her outside and ignore her. The screaming is putting me on edge and I haven't taken my medication today and I forgot to leave my .45 at home." Then I'd rummage around in my purse. If nothing else I'd call the restaurant - from my seat! to complain about the puling monstrosity who was ruining my relaxing PAID FOR time in their establishment.

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