Just for fun George Carlin

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

~Jennifer - posted on 06/20/2010

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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

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Jaime - posted on 06/17/2010

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Hells ya Lisa...he's one of the best comedians of all time...he's no longer living of course as many of the greats are not.

*Lisa* - posted on 06/17/2010

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Woah. No idea who George Carlin is but sounds like he has some really interesting things to say! hehe

~Jennifer - posted on 06/17/2010

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"Did you ever notice that most of the women who are against abortion are the ones you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place?"
(opening line of 'Carlin @ Carnegie')

Jaime - posted on 06/17/2010

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Where to begin....

"Religion easily has the best bullshit story of all time. Think about it. Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money."


“Atheism is a non-prophet organization”

"Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established."

"Electricity is really just organized lightning."

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?"

"I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it."

"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."

"Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that."

"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."

"The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept."

"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."

"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"

"When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?"

"You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar."



"I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood."

"If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him."

"Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did."

Just a few of my favourites from dear old George!

Iris - posted on 06/17/2010

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"Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it."
“If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter”
“Religion is just mind control”
Sooo many good ones.

Sarah - posted on 06/17/2010

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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.

Sarah - posted on 06/17/2010

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Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

Tanya - posted on 06/17/2010

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Think of the average person. Now think about how half of the people are even stupider than that

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