kids, sex and protection.

Tara - posted on 07/15/2010 ( 15 moms have responded )

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As the parent of two teen boys I know how I will answer this but I was wondering what everyone else thought.

If you were aware or suspecting your child (boy or girl) were having sex or might be having sex in the future, would you purchase condoms or other protection and give them to your children with some words of advice, would you even show your son or daughter how a condom should be put on (using a cucumber or something obviously!!) or would you just hope they were able to get some from somewhere and hope they will figure it out as they go? Or just hope against hope that they won't have sex at all.

Tara

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[deleted account]

My son has a book that I purchased years ago - but only gave to hiim when he was 10. I didn't just hand it to him and say,"Here ya go." We sat and read it together. We also have regular talks.

At 13, he has his first girlfriend but all they are allowed to do is walk to and back from school together. They are absolutely not allowed to be alone together. My son has not at this point even held her hand while walking or hugged because "he's not ready." It's an attitude I strongly encourage. He also tells me everything that goes on. He does not tell his father these things.

In fact, his father was concerned that my son hadn't held hands yet. ??? But then he's always been backwards in his attitudes towards sex and the genders. (We are no longer married)

So, I just read the OP to my son. He would want me to show him how condoms are put on. He just informed me that his book really doesn't show this. BUT (LOL) he said it would really be embarrassing and we must NEVER SPEAK OF IT AFTERWARDS "until i'm old and 90 and don't care what anyone else thinks!" I also asked him if he would come to me when he felt ready to have sex and he needed condoms to keep both himself and his lady protected. He thought about it and said yes, he would come to me but he thankfully added that he was NOT anywhere near ready.for that

So what I would do though is when he came to me and if I felt he was not ready yet, I would talk to him first and really ascertain if he was ready and why he felt he was ready then before marriage. Realistically, I know he may not wait so then I would absolutely want to keep him safe and his girlfriend safe. I also would not want to be a grandmother anytime soon.

Jessica - posted on 07/15/2010

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I will talk with my children when I think it is age appropriate, I don't trust the school system with something so important. I will not however provide the condoms. I will teach my children that abstinence is the only sure fire way of not having a woops. Now just because I believe it is possible for a teenager to abstain from sex doesn't mean I don't believe they shouldn't be educated about birthcontrol, it just means I won't be providing it.

I would like for my children's first time to be on their wedding night but I'm not that naive. I planned on waiting until I was married and that didn't happen but at least I was 19. I want my kids to know there is more to a relationship than sex and those hot and bothered feelings fade, it's what's there after that that matters.

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Danielle - posted on 07/22/2010

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I think I would "have the talk" and then explain that if he required condoms he could come to me for them or if he was uncomfortable with talking about that with me I would name off some men in the family he could turn to for that reason. I don't think I would go as far as showing him how to put it on using produce, lol. I figure, my mom sat me down when I had my first serious boyfriend. We talked about sex, pregnancy, and diseases. She then asked if I felt I should be on the birth control pill...even though I wasn't having sex at that point I decided to go on it and I think it gave her a lot of peace of mind.

[deleted account]

I'd duct tape their legs together and lock them in their room. gqtm...

Seriously though... I plan to have a thorough discussion about protection long before they ever have a chance to be alone w/ anyone of the opposite sex. My 8.5 year olds are already aware that sex (though we haven't officially discussed WHAT sex is...) was designed for marriage (my beliefs) and that waiting is best, but not everyone chooses what is best.

I HOPE and PRAY that they wait, but they will be well informed if they don't.

Hannah - posted on 07/15/2010

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I feel the same way as most of you woman do. My mom was so against birth control and only thought it would condone the behavior. Well, whether she condoned it or not, I still had sex. I am just flat out lucky that I didn't end up getting pregnant. I will absolutely give my son condoms and put my daughter on birth control. Because whether I want my kids to have sex or not doesn't mean they won't.

Rosie - posted on 07/15/2010

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definitely buy them and show them. however this will be done before i suspect anything, and along with a talk about abstinence as well. i'm not oblivious to the fact that my boys are probably going to have sex while a teen, i did it, why wouldn't they? i would rather my kids be protected than come home with HIV or a baby.:)

Andrea - posted on 07/15/2010

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Yes My sister inlaw and brother have been together since they were in 7th grade. When she was about 13 or 14 her mom told her if she going to have sex to come to her and tell her she take her and get her birth control no questioned asked. When she did decide she was going to have sex she told her mom and her mom did as she said she would. I think it smarter than ignoring the fact that your kids are going to have sex. Not all but most. If a teen want to have sex they will find away to do so no matter what you say. I rather my kids be equipped with what they need to be to be safe from STD and a unwanted pregnancy. I will talk to my kids about STD, Pregnancy, and that it better to wait. Also inform them that if they feel they need to have sex I rather them be safe about it. I would take my daughter and get her on birth control and supply her with condoms. I would supply my son's with them to. I would rather my kids come to me telling me that they are having sex, than them coming to me and tell me that they pregnant, got someone pregnant or someone might have a STD and they need tested. The younger they better if they now there is a open line of communicate about sex from the time they are little then it will be easier for them to talk to about it. I couldn't even imagine my mom's reaction if I told her I was have sex and i won't want my kids to feel they can't come to me.

Caitlin - posted on 07/15/2010

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I will even have a box of condoms in my house for my daughter. I think as a young woman (when she will be one) she should know and be empowered as well. My kids are going to hate how much I talk to them about sex, I don't trust the schools to do it all.

[deleted account]

When my boys are older I plan on having condoms in the bathroom where they are available to them or their friends if need be... I will have a talk with my sons about sex, condom use, etc. If they ask me how to put them on I would let them know...however i kind of figured they'd get that talk @ school like Sharon said...but I did plan on discussing with them condoms, their importance, and what not. I also figured if I saw them disappearing I would have another talk... ;)

LaCi - posted on 07/15/2010

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I'll tell him everything, show him how to use it, and keep a fully stocked supply in a drawer so there would be absolutely no fear of having to tell mom you need a box of condoms, he won't even need to ask for it, it will just be there.

[deleted account]

I would purchase the condoms, talk with him and show him how to use protection properly. there is no taboo in my house when it comes to sex. I want my children to be able to ask questions and protect themselves from unwanted pregnancies and STDs.

[deleted account]

I plan to have an ongoing conversation with my son throughout his childhood about sex and the consequences and benefits of it. I hope that by the time he is 14 or so, he will know not to have sex before he is financially suited to care for the child he might bring into this world. Condoms break and birth control pills fail--a lot more often than the statistics on the box say they do according to a lot of the surveys in this group.

He is 5 yrs old right now and he knows that the best time to have a child is after graduating college. I have not gone into the details of sex yet, but he knows that a child comes about when two people decide to make one. When he is older, I will explain what the two people do to make a child.

If, when he is older, I suspect that he is having sex against my wishes, I will ask him and talk to him frankly about how stupid it is to risk his future for 20 minutes with a girl. I will probably become a little more strict with his schedule, but if I don't KNOW he is having sex, that would be unfair and probably cause him to rebel. I really don't know if I would buy him condoms or not. I really hate to go there b/c to me that is like saying "you shouldn't have sex, but if you choose to disobey, here are some condoms so you have less of a chance of screwing up your education." Ideally, if he listens and uses common sense, he won't need the condoms....but apparently that is a long shot.

ME - posted on 07/15/2010

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My children are still babies...but after growing up with parents who avoided any mention of sex, I know how dangerous that can be...I plan to have the talk with my kids by the age of 12 or 13, with more age appropriate info coming earlier...I hope to be a Grandma some day, but not 10 years from now...

Krista - posted on 07/15/2010

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Well, of COURSE I'm going to suspect my son of having sex in the future. That's just a given. The question is when it will happen. And I intend for my son to know about STDs, pregnancy, condom use, love, relationships, respect for his partner, and all of that good stuff well before I start suspecting him of actually doing the deed.

Sharon - posted on 07/15/2010

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I don't suspect my 14 yr old of having sex. His days are so busy - and the houses he visits are always staffed with adults - it really just can happen unless he's doing it in a closet at school or meeting chicks during our grocery store visits and boffing them in the bathroom while he's suposed to be getting a starbucks drink.

But we've had the talk already. I haven't done the cucumber thing because he's seen that at the school sex ed class.

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