Kids Vs. Marriage

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 05/17/2011 ( 21 moms have responded )

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What is the stronger bond between couples?
Kids or Marriage

In your opinion why…

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Jenn - posted on 05/18/2011

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Do you mean the bond between you and your kids or do you mean does marriage bond you to your partner more than your kids bond you? If you mean the latter, I'm going to disagree with most of you and say marriage. I have a child with my ex, and trust me, there is nothing there that would be called a "bond". Do I have to sometimes communicate with him? Sure. Bet we do NOT have a bond. As for things with my current partner, we are not legally married, but our relationship together is what bonds us - not our kids. Obviously that adds another aspect to our relationship, but it isn't what keeps us together. So no, kids are not the bigger bond with us - if you took the kids away, we would still be together.

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I'm not sure if I'm reading the question right, but if you are asking weather children or marriage make a romantic/spousal type relationship stronger, I would have to say marriage--Not necessarily LEGAL marriage, but the love, bond, commitment, that goes into a chosen relationship.

You can have a kid with a man you barely know during a one night stand--having that kid together is not going to make the two of you fall in love for life. Likewise, having a kid together is not going to insure that two people who are in love, or think they are, will stay in love forever.

If you have a deep love, understanding, commitment, and bonds in a relationship, the relationship will be strong with or without a kid in it.

I guess basically, I'm saying having a kid together does not mean you are more in love, or more bonded than a couple who does not have a kid. Likewise, having a marriage certificate does not mean you are more in love, or more bonded than a couple who does not have one--it is the commitment between the people in a relationship that creates strength, not the addition of certificates or children.

Amie - posted on 05/18/2011

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I agree with Jenn Morris. If we didn't have kids my husband and I would still be together. Our relationship is about us, we chose to be together, our kids have nothing to do with that aspect of it. My ex and I are in no way bonded together still. We are friendly for our kids sake but that is it. While I may have to put up with him, it does not mean I like it or would choose to stay that way if I could change it. There's a difference between a bond and a forced relationship.

My husband and I have a bond, it is why we chose to get married.
My ex and I have kids, it's why we have a forced relationship and continue to talk.

Joanna - posted on 05/18/2011

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Having kids has kind of torn my husband and I apart, to be honest. The daily battles with children stresses us to our breaking point, and we take it out on each other. I think marriage - if you have a strong marriage first and foremost, then having kids together would be great. But if, like in my case, kids come first, sometimes, the bond isn't so strong yet.

Bonnie - posted on 05/18/2011

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For my husband and I, I think it is marriage. We would still be together if we didn't have kids. We would still love eachother if we didn't have kids. We would still have a bond if we didn't have kids, as we did before them. I think kids just add to it.

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Tah - posted on 05/19/2011

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Geez heather your not very supportive if that's all it takes to get you mad....lol

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I think marriage. My husband and I were married for nearly 12 years before we had our son. Through miscarriages, cancer, moving abroad -- nothing changes between us, though our life changes.

Lady Heather - posted on 05/18/2011

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Definitely kids. Every time I get cranky with the husband, I think back to the moment our daughter was born and I know I can't be mad at that man. Well, unless he goes on a murderous rampage or something. I could get mad at that.

Jenn - posted on 05/18/2011

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Kids...absolutely nothing breaks that bond, no matter how hard the child or even parent may try (sadly, some do try),

Jenni - posted on 05/18/2011

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I say children 100%. Marriage is technically just a piece of paper to cement your relationship. I would take great offence to someone saying my relationship with my SO is less important than theirs because they are married, had a ceremony and signed some legal documents.

If you are married without kids... you can divorce and never see that person again.
If you have kids together... you will be in your SO's life.... for life. You will both be mutually important roles in your children's lives and in a sense you will ALWAYS be a family. Unless of course, one of the parents is a complete douche.
A marriage can disolve. The mutual bond with our children does not.

Tara - posted on 05/18/2011

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I say children. My ex and I had a bond, it broke, but we have children and our bonds to those children will never be broken.
The bond I have with Steve would be there with or without kids, and we're not legally married.
Our love binds us, but my love for my kids is completely without conditions. My love for Steve comes with conditions. Like monogamy, trust, respect, honesty etc.
Although I expect similar qualities in my children, I would still be their mom even if they never displayed any of them.

[deleted account]

Kids for sure.

It Is the strongest bond you will ever have/experience in your life..:-)No doubt about it.

Bondlets - posted on 05/18/2011

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I love my husband but it didn't happen right way. His personality (OK, and his looks, too lol) and how we worked as a couple led to being in love. There have also been times when I have been able to imagine life without my husband (divorce). It's sad but it still happens.

However, I love my babies before they are born. I don't care what they look like or what their personalities are, I love them with an unconditional, lay-down-my-life love. No matter what my kids do I have never imagined life without them and the very thought makes my heart ache.

So I vote for the bond between kids over marriage.

Jodi - posted on 05/18/2011

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Having a child from a marriage that broke down when he was only 2, I can honestly say children. You don't divorce your children. These days, I can have nothing to do with my ex, but my son is still very much my responsibility, and will always have my love. The bond with a child never dies.

Stifler's - posted on 05/18/2011

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Kids. You can always get divorced... but if you have kids together they will always be in your life. Neither Damo or I was actually nervous about the wedding for this factor I think. He's like were you nervous and I was like yeah... St Johns aisle is the longest in town but not about the actual saying vows bit... we have a kid already. He's like yeah you will get everything anyway hahaha even if we're not married.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 05/17/2011

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I agree with you Kelly!

Some people say if your not married but have kids with your partner “Your playing house”
And that statement does not make sense to me, when having children together is far more serious then getting married…

Getting Married is a BIG thing, but when compared to having kids..in MY opinion it pales in comparison

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