kitchen and the bedroom

Tah - posted on 08/05/2010 ( 19 moms have responded )

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So my husband said that a woman's place is the kitchen and the bedroom, he said that since our kitchen is directly under our bedroom he's gonna install a pole so that i can slide down cook and then climb back up for ahem.."the other"..lol...now yes he was joking...but i have talked to some people...men and women alike who feel this way..they think it should be like th good old day when the men worked and the women ran the house..."barefoot and pregnant unless i buy her some shoes" is what one guy said...smh..so what do you ladies think?...good ole days or times are a changing..

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[deleted account]

That isn't my exact mindset, but I desperately miss the days where I 'only' had to be a housewife and a stay-at-home mom. I'm not really 'domesticated' enough to be a GOOD housewife, but I'm not interested in doing anything else either.....

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Joanna - posted on 08/06/2010

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My dad was always the cook, because he got off work at 5 and my mom worked until 5:30, and then worked 2-3 nights a week from 6-10 at another job. My mom cooked on the weekends when my dad was doing boyscout stuff or practicing with his band. So I never saw that as a gender role, to me, it was whoever is available to cook will cook. When I first met my husband, I didn't know how to cook, and he cooked most of the time. But when I became a stay at home mom I did most of the cooking, but if I had an unusually long day he had no problem cooking when he got home from work.

Now the bedroom, well, that's another story. I'll get back to you when I find out where the hell my libido went.

September - posted on 08/06/2010

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Times are a changing or at least that's the way things work in my home. I would have never married my husband if that's the way he felt about things. To be honest my husband does the cleaning of the kitchen more often than I do although I must take all the credit for the cooking since he's lost in that department! I love to cook so I'm cool with that! My husband is wonderful when it comes to house hold chores and in no way feels that the home is the woman’s to take care of...just one of the many reasons I love him so dearly! As far as the bedroom goes I’m a bit confused with that part of your post…cause in our home we both run the show in the bedroom! :)

Caitlin - posted on 08/06/2010

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I'd love to be able to do that! Sadly, it's more rare these days to have the option, with cost of living one income isn't always enough. When my maternity leave is done, I have to go back to work, because we can't afford for me to stay at home with the kids. If I had the choice, i'd do it in a second though, as long as the kids are home, once they are in school, i'd be getting myself a career of course.

I think if men think it's an absolute requirement, they are asses, but if it is the womans choice, then great! I knwo most the mom's I knwo would rather be at home with their kids!

Tara - posted on 08/06/2010

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I don't have a problem with a sahm choosing to do most of the house hold chores etc. but I do not believe it is "woman's work" I also do not believe that any husband should expect his wife to take on those duties just because he is the husband, she is the wife.
So it's not the act of doing those things if that is what works in your home, it is the attitude of entitlement and submissiveness that I take issue with.
:)

Lucy - posted on 08/06/2010

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It's all about choice, in in my book.

I love to cook, I love to have sex, and I am a SAHM just now, so some might see me as the old fashioned ideal of the opening post I guess! But the point is, there is more to me than that, and that suits my husband just fine. He has told me before when I have shown him threads that bring up this topic on COMs (particularly on the SAHM community) that if that was all he wanted out of a partner he could just get a cook and a prostitute!

We have a partnership, which means neither member of the partnership has restrictions on what they are "allowed" to do, and I don't think that could be achieved if the relationship was so unequal.

If you mention "the good old days" to my elderly step Gran, she will say "more like the BAD old days" and tell you off for not appreciating the freedom we women have today!

Charlie - posted on 08/06/2010

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I love cooking and sex and i never wear shoes LOL

but i do it by choice .

Johnny - posted on 08/06/2010

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Should women have to be in in limited to the bedroom & kitchen? Hell no! But personally, I love to have ___ and cook. As long as I was able to go out in my garden and for the occasional walk to the library, I'd probably be happy. But if it was imposed on me, I'd probably go nuts! I'm with Joanna, eating & sleeping sounds good :))

Isobel - posted on 08/05/2010

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awesome...he can make all the money, and clean the rest of the house, AND take care of the kids when they are not in the kitchen or the bedroom (sounds like a super deal to me :D)

Charlene - posted on 08/05/2010

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UGH.. Iris, I am with you on that one. It is not babysitting when it is YOUR kid!!! :@
/rant.

Iris - posted on 08/05/2010

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Well, if we had a pole down to the kitchen, my husband would be using it more than me (lol! The image in my head is priceless, hairy legs and all..). He loves to cook but I do it when I need to, I clean up after dinner. We take turns putting the little one in bed. As a SAHM, I take care of the laundry and keep the house clean, take the girls back and forth to school and appointments. I'd say it's pretty much even in my household.
And my husband don't "babysits" his kids, nothing bothers me more than hearing women say that hubby is home "babysitting".

Becky - posted on 08/05/2010

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Ha, I love being barefoot too! It bugs my husband because he says I'm going to wreck our hardwood floors. So I guess he would rather I be in socked feet and pregnant in the kitchen! LOL!
No seriously. We do take on more traditional roles, but it's because it's what we want, not because it's the way either of feel it needs to be. I have always wanted to be a SAHM and we can afford for me to be one, so I am. If I wanted to work, my husband wouldn't stop me. I do take on the majority of the childcare and housework because I'm at home, but my husband helps out when I need him to - or even when I don't. Like you Sara, I could hardly walk into the kitchen without gagging when I was pregnant, so he did the vast majority of the cooking then. I do a lot more now, but he still cooks at least once or twice a week. Especially in the summer, because he is the barbequer. (I'm not even sure I know how to turn it on!)

[deleted account]

I think one of the great things about the feminist movement was that it gave women choices. But my choice is to stay home. Honestly, I'm happy tending to babies and cooking. And I live in Louisiana so I'm barefoot most of the time anyway...we all are, don't you know? Seriously, if I go somewhere, I put on flip flops. I have real shoes for the 2 months of the year it's too cold for flip flops.

I guess it's time to stop rambling and get back to the question! In our household, yes I do most of the cleaning and cooking. But my husband is more than willing to pitch in if I need help. Since becoming pregnant, I cannot stand to be around raw food. Also, certain cooked food makes me gag. Basically I can't be around food. So he's taken care of dinner and will load the dishwasher. And he's NEVER complained if the house is messy, though he does say how nice the house is when it is cleaned. If the attitude was that a woman's place is the kitchen and bedroom, I'm sure he wouldn't be as willing to help out.

For us, me being at home is best for the family. His work schedule is absurd, so we'd never see each other if I worked. We can make it comfortably on one income, so, why not? We are happy.

But being barefoot and pregnant and in the kitchen certainly isn't for everyone, and that's cool. =)

Charlene - posted on 08/05/2010

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Ugh.. some of my IL's are of this mindset and I am sure it just kills some of them that I am not this way.

Supper for hubby and I gets cooked if I feel like it. If it's too hot, I ain't makin' nothin'. The house gets cleaned when I have time to do it. (I should note, it's never dirty, I always make sure it's clean, but it's not always tidy).
Laundry? Ehn.. As long as we have clean clothes, I'm in no rush to get it done.

And if hubby has a problem with any of it, I tell him that he can clean, cook or do laundry any time he wants. ;)

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