Lady Beards

Katherine - posted on 06/16/2011 ( 16 moms have responded )

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This is so hilarious I just had to share. And it's so true!!! I HATE hair on my face *blushes* I DO wax and shave. What else can a girl do?



A few weeks ago I noticed an inch long grey hair growing out of my chin. Perhaps the very reason my husband likes to have sex blindfolded recently (here I thought he was being kinky). Of course, I'm kidding, and not about the grey hair. So I plucked it. But it grew back. So I plucked it again, but this time I took my magnifying mirror and posted myself up next to a window during the daytime. Brightest light you've ever seen.

What was revealed is the thing no woman wants to see. I have a lady beard. It's mostly flesh-colored, which makes me think of a very undesirable reality star, and yes, there are a few grey sprouts along with some jet black Italian fur that I terrifyingly never noticed before.

I have a beard! I told my husband.

I know, he said.

WHAT?

He KNEW? And he still loves me? How did I manage to not see the carpet that adorned my face? Surely it didn't sprout overnight. Perhaps this is a new mom thing with my hormones all out of wack and my eyelashes disappearing and instead the hair is showing up on my cheeks and chin? I mean, I love me some muttonchops, but only on men and people who don't wear lipstick.

I must get rid of this hair, I thought! But tweezing was not an option. Too much, too fine. Wax? No way Jose Feliciano! Hmmm what about threading -- I do love it for my eyebrows when I want to be tortured. I'm already tortured by HAVING THE HAIR. It's a cruel hormonal joke along with the adult acne. Why, goddesses of the Mother Earth, why?

Then I heard about no! no! Hair ($270) -- a pretty pink gadget that looks like a vibrator but nothing you would want to be anywhere near your lady nub. Instead, it's supposed to zap away your overgrown and multi-colored peach fuzz without pain and reduces the regrowth of your hair and its density by up to 94 percent. Lookout Cousin It!

I needed to try it out. For the sake of banishing lady beards (and lady lip ticklers) everywhere. And no! no! sent me their product so I can see if it would help me feel more, ahem, feminine again.

I read the directions, read them again, and let's just say I think I know where the name of the product came from because the first time I tried out the no! no! I was screaming NO! NO! NO! NO! Yes, it scared me. For no good reason except for I am the kind of person easily scared when spiders are near and when things that are supposed to burn the hair off your face are touching my skin. But! This is the beauty of this product -- it singes that unsightly hair so you can be muttonchop free. Mustachioed ladies? This is for you, too. But fuzzy bunnies, the no! no! is a no-no for nipple hairs or anything past the bikini line. Oh hell no! But for removing your feminine facial fuzz, it's perfection! Check out their video.

http://thestir.cafemom.com/beauty_style/...

16 Comments

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Melissa - posted on 06/16/2011

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i worked with someone who had dark facial hair and it looked almost like a beard. A lot of women can have it because of hormone problems like Polycystic ovarian syndrome/ endometriosis. PCOS is what the lady i worked with had, i have it too, but i only have a few dark hairs that i pluck and only have to do it about 1-2 months and then everything else is very light on my face that you can only see it up close and that's only if you are really looking for it right now. However as i grow older i fear it will get darker. It's a pain in the butt having things wrong with hormones!

Amanda - posted on 06/16/2011

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I dont normally go nuts over an informerical item, but I WANT ONE, not for my facial hair, I can pluck my 3 witch hairs. But for legs and pits would be awesome!! I hate shaving in the shower! Shower time for me is suppose to be mommy time to relax and enjoy myself, not worry if I got all my leg hair or not.

Rosie - posted on 06/16/2011

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i dont' have facial hair praise jesus!! my bestie does though, and it kinda amuses me. she doesn't shave her pits or her legs, yet facial hair for her is this mythical beast that MUST be slayed, lol. oh well, we all have our problems. :)

Dorota - posted on 06/16/2011

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wow, I couldn't do it either... I mean I go for a few days in between shaving.... more so in the winter.... but to let the hair grow grow.... couldn't do it LOL

Katherine - posted on 06/16/2011

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Wow, I just couldn't do that, although it's very empowering as a woman.

Vicki - posted on 06/16/2011

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Ooga booga women with hair! I can't believe the fear surrounding this, and the industry. I do tweezer my chin hairs sometimes, when I can be bothered. Occasionally, say if I'm wearing an evening dress for a special occasion, I'll shave my pits, otherwise it's a la natural on this body. It's actually quite liberating going through a summer not caring about whether your legs and armpits are hairy or not.

I recently watched a documentary which explored society's definition of 'normal'. It discussed people getting cosmetic surgery and other things to look more 'normal' and interviewed a range of people who would be considered outside the norm. This included extreme tattooing/piercing and a woman who ignored her chin hairs and managed to grow a full beard! She was beautiful, relaxed and very comfortable in her own skin (and hair!). The people outside of 'normal' seemed much happier and content with themselves then those who poked, preened, sliced, diced and waxed themselves into the perfectly normal idea of body image.

But what would I know, I'm hairy with dreadlocks lol.

Dorota - posted on 06/16/2011

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aha, sorry Katherine I went to the link and I realized this wasn't your story, guess I missed that the first time I read it..... but thnx for answering anyway :) So I edited my post but you answered way too fast LOL

Dorota - posted on 06/16/2011

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I have them too! Started getting them after my first pregnancy! Damn hormones LOL. I just started getting them threaded about once a month - It all started when I went to get my eyebrows threaded and the threading lady said "should we do your chin too?" I was like.... WHAT??? didn't realize how much there was until then LOL snuck up on me :(

Katherine - posted on 06/16/2011

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I've never used it, this was from cafemom. She was just a blogger who posted it. I would like to try it though.

Jenni - posted on 06/16/2011

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LOL! I have a freak chin hair! I got it when I was pregnant with my first. I keep pluckin that sucker but it's a stubborn one. Meah, no biggie... not going to pay a small fortune on laser surgery over it... it only takes a second to pluck it out.

Katherine - posted on 06/16/2011

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When I was a resident aid, we had to shave the women. Their hair was as thick as the men's!!!!!

Krista - posted on 06/16/2011

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I can't bear facial hair on women. I see older ladies with rampaging chin hairs, and think, "if I ever have that, I would hope that my kids would love me enough to point it out to me so that I can go to the aesthetician and get it taken care of!!!"

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